I also splurged on my Liebherr frig... how quickly i forget once the money is spent. But I don't regret it for a second. Maybe a little embarrassed that I spent that much on a frig but that's about it. The 2K is a stretch and out of the realm of understanding for DH. I mean he just has no knowledge of what these things cost and would never understand how it could cost that much for a home that's basic. It's not at all about resale, cause anyone who would ever look at this home in this community would most likely have no clue what Monsoon Wave soapstone is. So this would be 100% totally for me. DH loves the sample we have and loves the described function of it (practical man); but if I choose to go for it; won't know the actual cost either. I feel a little guilty about that too. I wouldn't outright lie, but I know the conversation would go something just like this, "how much did it end up costing"..."right around what we discussed"... (I had told him counters should run between 5-6K).

I know I've given thousands to family to help them out of difficult situations. Family money is almost always gone once it's gone. If I had that extra 20K it would be a no brainer.

"I love most the functionality of it"

I know this is tough for you and I sympathize. I'm going to be tough too. The functionality isn't affected by the color and the wild veining - you're spending money for a look. (I'm not judging, just saying).

Does the end effect of possessing your dream cause you to need to keep teaching for x years or postpone more vacations to visit the children or other bad side effects? If not, you should plan on getting it - even if its in the future a bit.

You can put on cheap, laminate tops and wait until next year with small prayers about the specific rock still being available... It will look more affordable as the rest of the purchases recede into the past.

What you wrote sounds like it might be in the stress and guilt causing zone. In this economy, its reality based to worry about spending down to the last penny and then having something unknown go wrong. It's also hard to know what to do without a real magic eight-ball.

You can put on a nice, hard soapstone now, getting the same functionality but a different look. You'll be happy about it in about 3 months, that's about how long it will take to get over not being willing to afford the look you liked best and love the look you bought.

Or, fall in love with carrara. Almost the same functionality, a lot more patina and in our location, a lot less expensive.

Being the lady of the $100-$300/sq ft tile, I'm pretty much willing to guarantee the time frame it takes to get over it. We could have afforded the tile, but it would have caused stress using up all of the cushion and then some on a decorative effect. It turned out we needed all of the cushion bucks for other things, so NOW we feel that we made the best decision.

That's what I want for you - that 6 months out, you feel you did the right thing.

I am very, very happy with our kitchen and the way it's turning out (altho, I admit to the odd wish here and there that the p.o.c. range blows its board or I find a bluestar on craigslist - ha!).

"So this would be 100% totally for me. DH loves the sample we have and loves the described function of it (practical man); but if I choose to go for it; won't know the actual cost either. I feel a little guilty about that too..."

I could have written this word for word for some of the items I purchased for my kitchen except DH doesn't usually ask me how much I paid for those items (he jokes that my Modern Aire hood cost more than his first car--LOL.) I know on his own he would never have purchased many of these items, but he said in the end it was my money I was using to purchase with and will admit he loves the end result as much as I do.

My kitchen is my oasis and the only thing I regret and would do different was purchasing the fancy microwave that ended up in the pantry. From following your journey through your posts, I say go for it!

I've lurked and read and enjoyed all your posts about your kitchen planning and the victories over what has been done so far. I can feel through the internet how much you love that soapstone and how you would truly appreciate the beauty and the feel of the countertop. From what you said above it sounds like it would be a stretch but wouldn't leave you out in the cold with no way to pay bills. You might have to be patient for some other purchases but just picture your kitchen if you went with a different choice. Would you always wonder what it would have been like? Would you have a pang in your heart each time you touched a different countertop? If so, then I say go for it. Don't think of it as selfish, think of it as something you will love and enjoy. Think of all the good things you have done, loaning money to family, teaching kids every day and being a role model. Sounds to me like you deserve those counters.

I'm a classic waffler. Have to agree completely with everything Bmorepanic said, too. That's how it would work for me. I'd get over the look if I still had the function. But will it be that way for you, and will you really give up something important to have it? Those answers still make the difference for me...If the answers are 'no,' then I still say 'go ahead.' If you feel guilty about not telling DH, that's a sign, though...Tell him. Maybe he'll support your buying it and you'll feel better. Maybe you'll figure out it's not quite worth that much and feel better. Secrets are no good for your inner health.

Honestly- You should go for it.. I have read several of your threads with you talking so adoringly of this soapstone! You will regret not getting it and in the scheme of things $2000 is only $84/month over the next 2 years vs. the rest of your life loving your kitchen! When we did our kitchen I really wanted Typhoon Bordeaux in my entire kitchen, but it was the same magic number $2000 over budget. We were building the house and $2000 over in every detail was adding up so we had to cut the TB everywhere but the island. In the scheme of things I REALLY regret not doing the TB everywhere-- Every day I look at my kitchen and although I do really like it a lot I know I would have LOVED IT! Always a regret I will have..

If you aren't starving and feel that the $2000 will not make or break your future, I say do what makes your heart go pitter patter!

In answer to some questions without getting too too personal. It's money set aside for this remodel. My retirement is minimal through teaching unless I teach till I'm 70. That is never going to happen. My real retirement will be from teh sale of my home with has good equity even in a down market. I'm two months out from renting my home out which will net me anywhere from $600-$800 monthly clear after every and all expense. DH's home,the one we're remodeling will be paid off in 4 years... free and clear. I will live there rent free 'cept for the cable bill and my own insurance expenses. This means I can finally sock away my salary (which I have never been able to do since I raised my two boys on my own... college, first cars, help with first apartments...etc) for as long as I choose to work. 2K doesn't not impact any of my long term decisions. It's not enough money too. It's not enough to cover expenses should I get sick... that's what I pay extra for on short term and long term disability. Once in the other house, DH can carry all the homes bills. Our goal is to be debt free in 4-5 years at which time I may or may not retire. Just depends on life.

Bmore is right... function is part but so is the look. I just LOVE the look. I'm sure I could find something else I love but I don't know that it possess all the qualities cummulatively that bring me to this. I mean...look at this puppy! They sent me digital pics today:

geez... now I'm rationalizing.

I'm not trying to sway you either way, because I really don't have an answer here, but just remember, that what goes on your counters will be 25" deep(30" if you're pulling out the cabs). So when you're looking at a whole big slab right now and loving all the movement, you won't get the same exact effect on the counters. Not saying that once on the counters it will be better or worse....just different.

"I am so taken with it". "My overpowering heart". "It doesn't put me into debt". "I just love the look".
With these quotes from you I say get it. If it were me I would do it because I know I would regret "settling".
You are right that is one magnificent stone!!!!

I know mahlgold... but isnt' it true that most of the time I spend in that kitchen will be me looking down at the counters as I'm cooking/prepping/cleaning? I don't mean it sarcastically... I really mean don't we spend most of our time doing that? I never broke it down that way.

Soapstone can take overhang eating/drinking can't it?

Elyse, I'm sorry to be blunt, but do you have any title to DH's house? Joint tenants with rights of survivorship or something? From a financial point of view, it only makes sense if the counters will continue to be yours if (Heaven forefend!!!) something happens. You can take your Liebherr with you. :)

Your love of this stone, combined with its general practicality (though the not so hard part isn't so good) is a good reason to wait for new furniture. You said it would be months, which sounds like you wouldn't be all that seriously out of pocket. $2K is a heady chunk of change. Can you find a dollar a day, $7 a week, for five and a half years? Just to live with that soapstone? Imagine yourself taking a ten dollar bill out of your wallet every week for four years and putting it into a locked piggy bank which you know you won't be getting to smash. Is that worth the tradeoff?

I think getting what you really really really want is worth it. You have the money. Waiting for new furniture isn't a hardship and furniture wears out a lot more quickly than a kitchen counter. But not if you might have to give it up, and not if it hurts to write the check.

We have to work out specifics... in terms of X dollars being due back to me if something were to happen before a certain period of time. I am suppose to be able to stay in the house and we will probably get married when I stop working and after I sell my house.

It will only be months to replace the money... and Monsoon IS a harder stone which is part of it's appeal.

Either way... I think I'm gonna sleep on it.

remodelfla --

I have not totally followed your remodel progress so I apologize if this won't work -- do you have an island that you can jutput the Monsoon Wave soapstone and then for the perimeter/other countertops use a less expensive soapstone?

I am not in the same financial position as you, so you can take this with a grain of salt. I *really* want quartz countertops. When I broke it down like plllog did, so much $ out of my pocket every week, for so many years, it put it into perspective for me. I have two young kids at home and to put that kind of money into countertops I just could not justify. So, I am willing to compromise and am looking into just doing quartz on the island.

What Plllog said. (Be sure there are legal protections so you don't get screwed, and I don't necessarily mean by your guy!)

Assuming you've taken care of that business which I'm sure you have, I think you need to have a sit down with your DH and talk it through with him. That's what you have him for.

I say get the soapstone. With the stunner countertops you could get inexpensive understated backsplash and save a lot of money. Somewhere down the road you could change it out if you wanted. For the patio I would look into Craig's list - great bargains and save some more. You may even find something on CL for the den too. All of this may make up the $2k. I say it's worth it to get the counters that make your heart sing.

So much good advice so far! For Pete's sake! Get it in writing!!
I'm a Libra. You know, the lady holding the balance thing. I can argue either or both sides. I have let things go and regretted it. I have seized the moment and regretted it. Better to have it in your hand and regret having it than let it get away and knowing you will never get it again. Get your dream counter. Like you say, you can recover in pretty short order. But first- get it in writing!

As you might have guessed, I say go for it! :)

I keep reading "it's the look" but you have to remember that with soapstone, it's also the feel! None of your other choices, however beautiful they may turn out to be, could possibly mimic the feel of soapstone. It's gorgeous to look at, but it's absolute heaven to feel.

I tend to measure things like this in things like days of work or consulting days and such. I'll ask myself "is this worth two full days of consulting?" When I was teaching, I did tutoring on the side for extras, and I'd ask "Is this worth X hours of tutoring?" If you quantify it that way, the $2,000 difference will begin to either look very cheap or out of the question.

You have to also keep in mind that you know you won't have any headaches or heartaches with Joshua doing the installation. You might find something else you love, but you could end up with an ugly seam or something that would make you regret your decision every day.

Plllog is right. Be sure to get it in writing. Not someday but now! Love is wonderful but if you're putting all this money in and you have nothing in writing, you could be out in the cold. I've seen it happen several times. I'm in a similar boat but haven't put my own money into our condo; just tons of time doing all the work for the remodel. The shopping, plans, elevations, etc. But, I have an email from my DH stating that I will own X % for the time I put in working on the condo. Granted it's not yet a legal doc, but at least I have something in writing. (We are working now on the legal doc.) Once we have our docs signed, then I'll turn over some of my money for more of a %. Plus I'll be able to live in the condo if G-forbid something happens to my beloved. Make sure you protect yourself.

As for the counters, it sounds like if you get it in writing, and you discuss it with DH, you should go for it. Please discuss with DH as it's not good to have secrets from one another. The only time you should keep secrets is for birthday and holiday gifts. :)

Ok I'll get off my soapbox before I slip off.

I was reading the posts after yours and before I got to the end, saw most of my advice, lol.

1. Get your situation spelled out since you are not getting married just yet. If something would happen to either one of you or as a couple, you would want it all sorted out and not a mess for your loved ones or yourselves.

2. As much as I am TKO, I think you have to keep in mind that counters are primarily for function and their beauty will not make your food taste different. However, if you can defer doing a backsplash, buying furniture, etc... then you would not be spending an extra $2k now, but just deferring spending an additional unknown amount. If you can save money on the furniture, backsplash, etc... then that whittles away the difference.

3. Maybe you can negotiate the price a little. If you explain that you really want to buy this particular stone and your job is large enough, maybe the pencil writing the estimate can be sharpened a little.... It might mean waiting for his schedule, like standby or some other accommodation. Maybe allowing your house to be photographed and used as a reference for future clients.

4. If you have an island or area that you can use it on and economize elsewhere, that would knock down the costs. Maybe use butcherblock by your stove or stainless by your sink and therefore need less stone...

5. Can you put it on a credit card that would give you cash back for the amount? I get money back from Discover and my Costco Amex card each year. You'd pay your balance in full when the bill come in or the benefit would have been lost.

I bet if you try one or more of these strategies, then the bottom line will be less than $2k. I'd hate for you to spend more than you are comfortable doing, so hopefully, there is a way that is a win/win.

Cancel the cable TV (sucks time away from life anyway ) and delay the next purchase of a car.. et voila you are there.
:)

I agree with what everone else has said about the legal aspects. BIG TIME agree!!! You are making a hefty investment in someone else's property right now. And things DO happen.

But regarding the question of the soapstone.....I would get it. no question about it.

When we remodeled our kitchen I fell in love with our granite and it was much more expensive than the first one we chose. I know that if I had gone with another one I would have regretted it. If you really love the stone, nothing else will do. If you're like me, you will always wish you had gone with the stone that you really love.

Go for it!!

To answer your question, I love the soapstone and I regret the things (minor in hindsight) that I gave up to save a few bucks here and there. I would absolutely use my old furniture for a couple of years to get something wonderful like that.

However, as others have already noted, it really jumped out at me that "he's not really my dh" and "it's going in his house." AND you aren't being totally honest with him about the cost. Why? Just food for thought.

It seems simple to me. When functionality looks this good but costs a bit more--GO FOR IT.

It's not like you want to pay extra for something that just looks good but will not hold up, or will need to be babied. I mean, it's not JUST eye candy.

You have probably given out the same advice to others on here: "You will know your stone when you see it". You, my dear, have seen your stone.

You are planning on taking a weekend trip to NYC to visit your sons, and YOUR STONE. I think the additional $2K is going to cause your heart to sing for many years to come. Have a great trip, eat at Junior's, get the cheesecake and grilled cheese sandwich, and you'll save a little money for the rock, you're worth it.

And from personal experience, when we started out as Kitchen Remodel Virgins, I had no idea what to expect when shopping for a stone, cost-wise. My dh thought any of the cheaper granites were fine, and they were. I agreed to whatever we got would look a billion times better than what we had. But when I found my soul mate, I mean, the Bianco Antico, my heart actually was beating faster. Dh wasn't so sure, too expensive, etc. But, after it was installed, and the check was written, he has never second guessed our choice.

The words you write are quite clear. Go back and re-read what you have written in this thread. You are trying to justify this purchase for us. We don't count, you do. You want it, you know you can afford it, so do it.

Soapstone.. why does it have to be so flipping expensive?!

My DH and I have shopped and argued, and shopped some more while trying to find the right color countertops for our new kitchen. Finally we decided to look at a couple pieces of Soapstone and are waiting on our fabricator to call with an estimate. We are scared to death that it will come in way above what we originally priced out to do our kitchen in a granite that we don’t love. We are just over the moon with the look and feel of the slabs we chose. I think we’ve pretty much agreed that to spend the extra for something we both love and want for our kitchen now we wait to see exactly how much more loving something will coast us over liking it 

So my suggestion is to get it .. but I think you should be honest with your partner on the price.. the truth is bound to come up someday and it wont be nearly as pretty as the soapstone, just my 2cents worth.

~ D ~

Some thought provoking comments and some further insight needed.
Regarding holding back on the cost to DH... it's not about lieing. If he flat out asked how much it cost; I'd tell him. Typically, he says, "how much did this cost"... I'll say, "you don't want to know".... he'll say, "you're right, I don't want to know".

I know that he and I will be together for the duration. However, I'm smart enough to know that things happen. We've had all the conversations but neither one of us has bothered to write it up. I'll probably have to take the initiative on this. He's already spoken to both his boys about me staying in the house for as long as would choose to.

I vasicillate between calling it his house/my house/our house because right now we are between two houses. I really don't think there's any hidden mixed meaning behind it. Sometimes we referr to it as the Hollywood house and the Coral Springs house. we're all over the place with that.

He has flat out says he wants it to be my house. He wants it to feel like my house. He wants me to live there if he goes first. The only concern he has is that if I ever sell it or die; he would want it/the money to go to his boys. All very reasonable. We just have to spell out a time frame during which my investment into this house will be offset by my living there for free essentially. Hope that all makes sense I I truly appreciate all of you watching out for my back.

soapstone!

Go for it! I think it is a pretty well-established fact that teachers deserve gorgeous kitchens and counters. And we all know you want that soapstone.

E - It doesn't really seem like money is the issue. I think you have to decide if you'll look back and regret not getting it. In the end 2k isn't that much in terms of something so permanent in your kitchen. Once you have countertops, you don't usually rip them out for something new in a few years. Remember our advice to Pillog - "get the tile" - you know she doesn't regret that.

And, as you say, you know Joshua will be installing it and you'll get the best possible installation. That's a given. If you pick another type of counters, you could run into problems in other ways.

Good luck on your decision. Hopefully seeing the stone in person will help you make the choice.

As I'm reading your dilemma, the first thing that popped into my head, is whose name is on the deed of this house? Sounds like you're putting a lot of your $$$ into a house that isn't legally yours. I think when someone really loves you, they want to protect you and take care of you. If "He has flat out says he wants it to be my house. He wants it to feel like my house", then put your name on the deed! I totally understand that he wants to take care of his children should anything happen to him, so he can always take care of them with an insurance policy.

Seems like he doesn't mind you putting your money into a home that will be eventually be his children's.

Just MHO.

Barb

E,

Gorgeous stone that.

When it comes to head and heart, having done a remodel, I gotta tell you - both head, heart, and soul get into every element and sub-element of the remodel. Simply because the remodel is yours. Cabinets? There is a head and heart decision on what sort. Flooring? Same thing. Taps! Same story. Appliances? head. Heart. Both the blighters are there. Why should the counter be any different?

So, personally, I'm going to ignore that, if you don't mind. That said, I do believe that after the pain of a remodel, that you should have something in there that you really really love that makes the whole painful experience worth it. But then again, IMO, you've got a lot of really top-flight doo-dads with LH fridges, and Miele this and someone's induction that. So you're not short on heart-strings satisfying material!

Without looking at the stone, the things that give *me* pause are your comments that "the money is dwindling fast ... ". Depending on what that money was allocated to do, this may be a c'est la vie thing because it was *supposed* to dwindle as it was money you'd set aside for the remodel, or it may be a more frightening event. But, without airing this piece of dirty laundry, you should probably think about that part. How badly will you miss that 2K.

I could say to you that $2K is not that much money, but that is a silly statement without being you. Still, if your objective would be to get cheap-counter now and then save again and get this Moonwave or whatever its' called stone later, I will heartily say just get it once. Any other way, you pay for 2 counters instead of just once.

The meat of what I want to say, however, is that Elise, as gorgeous as that stone is, I don't think it will look good with your Baker's Table! If I recall right, that was the reclaimed and repainted in F&B Borrowed Light unit? I know you're awfully fond of it, but frankly, I don't think it will look good with the table. I can see a stainless steel (possibly) or a Calacatta/Statuary with it, but not so much this stone!
Don't know what your kitchen plans are, what your cabs etc. are, but from what I recall of your posts, your bakers table was to be a central component of your room. If so, it is just my opinion that this doesn't go well with that table!

That ultimately would be the reason that I vote against it. It is really beautiful, though.

Do this ... take the scraps and make soapstone cutting boards from them. SELL THEM!

Keep the money.

you guys are so sweet. Mindstorm... the baker's table is getting marble. I've yet to find the scrap but it will be marble. The "L" part of my kitchen (I don't have an island) will have the stone. My baker's table screams out for marble. it does not "butt" up to the perimeter though....

Wading in on this one...my DH is pretty darned "tight", if you know what I mean. It was really hard for him to come to terms with this renovation. He thought our kitchen was perfectly fine (it wasn't). He's been very good about letting me get what I want (including soapstone countertops). When I was describing my "purchases" to a friend, she said "It sounds like you are going with everything you want because you know it's your one opportunity to do so." She's right.

The thing is that the two areas I haven't wanted to compromise are cabinets and countertop. I don't plan on doing this again (and I know DH would never agree to it again), so I wanted countertops that would last (I can live with the patina). Soapstone does make my heart sing (although I'm going with Barroca), and I think I can live with it's beauty and it's feel for eternity.

Bottom line is, are you planning on doing this again? If not, I say if you can afford it, get what you want now so you don't regret it down the road.

I think there was another aspect to my advice in telling your mate that I didn't communicate. There are probably some things here and there (nothing major) my dh would rather not know throughout our lives, and I've let him get away with that, thinking it was easier for all...but here I am 25 yrs in, responsible for way more things than I'd like. It can be unfair to yourself to shoulder the burden of the price and the decision. If you out and out tell him, you discuss all the options, and he jumps on board, as happened with my dh and our oven, I feel that going ahead into a however-justified (practical or not) splurge, hand-in-hand, is much better than going it alone. And he then also has an interest and excitement about it, too.

I find that a decision made together is one I don't have to feel badly about or 2nd guess later, no matter which choice we made. I feel responsible for my decisions, may resent his lone decisions, but shrug off and accept our decisions. I am not trying to be a marriage counselor here...Just sharing my own experience and hope it helps. :-D

And Malhgold wasn't saying that a counter wasn't large enough to make an impact in your life in the kitchen...She was saying make sure you'll love it as much in 25-30" strips as you do in the whole slab. With the whole slab there is a lot of variation to look at, but when its on the narrower counters and separated by sink, cooktop, etc., you'll see it in smaller pieces and not see the same overall movement. One spot might end up looking very white, while another area might be a smaller piece that's quite dark without as much going on. She just wanted you to make sure you'd love how it would end up looking installed as much as in the photo.

Sorry, but this is long and I don't now how to make it less, so just consider it the deep concern of an experienced friend. I haven't been practicing for years and I've never lived or practiced in Florida (but I do have a cousin who is an attorney in FL if you need help finding someone to give you formal advise), so I'm not an authority on all this, but I am bothered.

I've gone back and forth as I've read the replies. I started out with a go for it -- you've been bargain hunting and deal finding all along and I agree that you need something that makes your heart sing. But as pointed out -- you have plenty of those, including the bakers table. But maybe the deals should have a payoff -- or maybe you've spent the payoff already -- that's one you have to figure out.

You've made comments about the money that have swayed in both directions, but tend to think it's favoring getting what you really want. Using it just for the baker's table or a focal point and something plainer for the rest offers a compromise that might get you back to the budget.

Mindstorm brings up another point -- that soapstone isn't at all what I'd pictured or thought I remembered being talked about for the baker's table. The stainless, zinc and marble ideas are all light, cool and mellow. The Monsoon is dramatic -- like a stormy sea from a satellite photo. You are going to get only, what -- maybe a third to a half of that on a counter depth. Cover half or more of it and see if you still love it as much.

It is beautiful and I've never seen anything like it. I was even thinking about telling you that if your remnants would fit my utility room (about 80x18 and 30x30) and I could get them here reasonably, I'd buy them from you to help recoup some of the difference. I would love soapstone for my utility room.

BUT -- and this is a BIG BUT

I get hung up on the legalities and practicalities of the relationship issues. I am not concerned about $2K more or less on counters. I'm concerned about the whole big picture. It lacks the kind of stability that the kind of time and money you are spending requires unless you are very wealthy and can afford to throw it all away. I don't get the sense that you are -- and added to that is the fact that you are spending your investment and inheritance money for something you have no legal interest in.

No matter what you feel about the situation, the reality is that you are putting a lot of heart and soul, a lot of work and money into SOMEONE ELSE'S house with no protection on your investment or interests. Period. You are at risk of everything you are doing and spending being a gift to someone you have no legal relationship with.

"DH" aka BF could have a change of heart and there it goes. He could have a heart attack or stroke, be killed in a wreck on the way home and leave you with nothing. Children have a tendency to get greedy with money they didn't earn but feel entitled to. Causes huge fights all the time. I can hear the legal arguments on both sides, but it would probably be too expensive to go that route anyway. So, as it now stands, you'd likely be out if they contest your interests.

I know that's not your plan, but first year law school students learn that family deals and romantic bliss often make bad business and good legal battles. The casebooks are filled with them.

If you love each other, intend to be together, then why are you waiting to even draw up wills that define who gets what and gives you a right to stay in the house? You don't need to be married to have a will giving each other interests in the house (if you go your children should feel they should recoup your expenses on the house-- why not make it clear both ways and do that no so folks don't get hurt later?). That's the very minimum that I would want done. Maybe a promissory note from him to cover all your time and expenses in case he changes his mind or his will so that you would at least have a provable claim against his estate should something happen. Why wait until all the work is done on his house (not just a kitchen but major work throughout) and he owns it free and clear and you sell your house for that or to get married? Why will you have to be the one to take the initiative? What if he says no? How often does that kind of thing lead to an unfavorable change in the relationship? What if not having this project to work on changes your relationship and he finds he's not that interested any more? My brother and his second wife split after riding out a couple of crises -- she apparently needed the drama more than the relationship. I can't tell you how many doctors and lawyers get divorced after being put through school with the help of a working spouse.

If you decide you still love the smaller portions of the soapstone, you sleep on it and you keep coming back to it and have to have it, I say get it. BUT I also strongly advise you not to make any changes in your home situation and not to spend any more time or money on his house until you and he talk about it and have drawn up some legally binding documents to protect your investments of time and money and interests in at least being able to live there as long as needed.

This is a relationship, not a business deal. It is a late in life relationship and the security of your retirement may be at stake. If you are going to sell your home and make this your home, if you marry, you should have a right to live there as long as needed, not just until you recoup out of pocket with setoff rent. Having the security of a roof over your head becomes more important as you get older. As the market recoups, the value of a stable roof over your head will increase. You don't want to be hearing later that you got what was coming to you while you lived there and you did all this because you wanted to -- it was all for your pleasure and there is no return due you.

I hate to be a stick in the mud here, but I am frugal and cautious by nature too -- and trained as a lawyer and experienced by way of friends and family who have taken it in the shorts. I have one friend was on the verge of losing her home which she owned free and clear -- except for the IRS liens put on it after the ex failed to pay the income taxes for years. She had seen the returns and signed them -- he just never actually sent them a check even after she'd given him the money from her business one of the years. SHe had to go through bankruptcy, ruin her credit and still had the tax liens. My brother will probably never be able to retire due to his past relationships. The list goes on.....

I want you to be happy and I want you to be right about how everything will turn out. I don't want you to to take chances on things like keeping a roof over your head or your future security. I hate writing this, but while I hear your feelings coming through loud and clear, I also see some red flags. Please take care of yourself. And then get the counters you love.

so forget that little chapter of the book. ;-)

Thanks Rhome.....you much more clearly said what I tried to say about the size of the counters affecting the overall appearance of the soapstone.

Remodelfla-any way you could figure out the best counter layout for the slabs to ensure you'd be getting the parts of the slabs you want for the counters.

Just curious...you say it would be $2K more than you wanted to spend. Were you planning on only spending $2K and now the cost is $4K. Were the counters $5K and now they're $7K? To me, that would make a difference.

lascatx you said it better than I could have. as I have said in my own situation, I have only put my time in, no money and for that I already have an email outlining the % Ithat is mine for the work I have already done. add to that is the fact the two of us have been living together in the same place for over 1 year now. if I was her, I'd be quite concerned not to have anything in writing! you can be sure i won't be handing over my cash until I have it in writing that i am protected, etc.

WOW... really.... I agree with, appreciate, and have addressed your concerns. One thing I neglected to mention is that we've been together 11 years. We've survived serious illness, deaths, kid trouble, kid divorces, autistic grandchildren, all the stuff that life brings. We keep saying we're going to get it all on paper and never actually go do it.

But you've all brought what eats at me a bit back to the forefront. Like I said, this is not a new relationship. As far as we're concerned we are till death due us part. But I promise you all I'll talk again to him this weekend about making the paperwork legal even if it's a typed up agreement between the two of us, notarized. Then, we explore the options of will vs. changing the deed vs. whatever other avenues there are. We have a H.S. reunion this weekend and his brother is an attorney. We can talk to him about the best way to handle it.

Thanks from my heart for having my back.

BTW... Teixiera is having a little bit of a special on the stone I want and I found out today that the savings will be passed onto me. I'm making my reservations today and will go see the stones up close and personal. Joshua is going to contact them to tell them exactly what I want and to ask them to send me pics and tag/set aside stones that I might be interested in.

And I now understand what you all meant by smaller depth on the slabs for counters. We do have the one 7' section that opens to the sunroom which will have an overhang. A portion of the old support wall is there which is 11" deep. Add that to the overhang and depth of the counters and I'll have one nice deep that's 7' L x at least 50" deep section to oogle the soapstone.

We'll talk this weekend... promise.

Oh... and I was estimating about 5K for counters, so it's obviously more than that. By spending the extra money if I love the stones as much as I think I will I'm not assuming any debt, incurring any additional expenses, nor will it impact my lifestyle at all.

I know we'll work it out cause we always do. Life has a way of doing that in the end.

I LOVE THIS FORUM!

Thanks for appreciating that it is you we are concerned about. You have a great attitude and I think I'd really like you in person. I had some regrets about that long post, but I had to say it. I didn't get the impression this was a new relationship, and especially since you have been together a long time, working out how finances and the flow really is between the two of you. However, the fact that it is a long term relationship also means you have a lot invested already and really should, in my mind, have a stable future.

The relationship may not change, but the situation can. Even 20 and 30 something year olds lose a SO or spouse to illness or accidents and, as we get older, the odds continually build against us. Sooner or later, we all will go and the only way to not face those challenges is to be the first one out of the picture. We all need to take steps to make our wishes known and to try to minimize the stress and financial impact of what we leave to our survivors. Planning can make a big difference in terms of probate expenses (apparently out of control here) and taxes.

OK, I'll shut up about all that stuff and work on getting my own stuff up to date. Thanks for a reminder. ;-)

Nice about the special and good timing for you. With your unusual dimensions, it will be interesting to select and template you stone, whatever it is. Your kitchen has been fun to watch progress and I look forward to the next chapter. And I wasn't entirely kidding about the remnants. :-D

So glad to hear that there will be a sale at just the right time! Fate is nudging you, it seems :)

I think that the concern on my part about if something happens to either one of you is one of the reasons the gay community wants legalized marriage. If the worst were to happen, someone other than you or your partner could decide what your investment in the house is worth, or not, if it is not carefully spelled out legally. You hear horror stories about long time relationships and how someone has little to no right once the legal system gets to decide. Yet, if a couple is married for a week, they have all sorts of protection.
Ok, jumping off soapbox because you seem fully aware of the nature of the concerns for you. Keep in mind, no one would say a thing if they did not care about you ;)

I'm feelin' the love... :-)

The legal issue needs to be taken care of ASAP! If eiter of you dies without a will, state laws take over, and screw the wishes and the e-mails. You need a proper will.

You want "Life Tenancy" ... the house can be willed to the kids, but you have the right to live there until you die or choose to move out.

Remodelfla, your soapstone is beyond lovely! That seaglass green in in makes my heart skip a beat :) I hope you get your soapstone, but I also hope you work out your legal issues. It sounds like you & DH have a good solid relationship and understanding, but those darn legal bugaboos are too important to neglect. (End of sermon). I look forward to seeing more pics of the soapstone when you visit it on your trip!

yes the love is there. hopefully you and I will both have our agreements worked out shortly. :)

" Would you have a pang in your heart each time you touched a different countertop?"

I think you would. It doesn't sound like that 2k will really make a long term financial difference in your lifestyle. Not even short term... Put off new den furniture a few months? no big deal to me...

GO FOR IT!

but I do agree with rhome on telling dh... only if he asks.

Well, since I only gave you a little over 1¢ the first time, I'm willing to throw in the rest right now. Without reading the whole darn thing again, did I see that his kids will inherit the house and your kids nothing? You've been together 11 years.....I presume putting some money in the community pot..(where was the sale money from your house going? I forgot.) Gosh! I sure don't want to make trouble where there isn't any. Guess I watch too much TV. I'm not questioning your relationship or your DH. I'm looking at lawyers and relatives and all those things that happen to other people and you read about it in the paper.

I still have my house. I will rent it out for awhile and then sell when it's right for me... I'm not sure how that will pan out. I don't know how I"ll like being a "landlord", but I imagine renting it out for at least 2 years; maybe up to 5 years... just depends.

I was so excited to get this new fancy phone I have and must have tried 3 times to post from it. I can't get a hang of the dang touch screen keyboard. So freakin' sensitive!

LOL I am using a go phone my son got to cover for his while it was in the shop. After sending his in twice, he now has a new phone and I can't decide on one, so while the screen on my 5 yr old phone phases out, I'm using the go phone. The touchscreen is so sensitive that I can't call into my home phone for messages. The two times I tried were enough to make me stop. Hope your adjustment goes better. :-D