I was once advised by someone who moved often "don't make any significant changes within the first 12 months of moving to a new house." It takes time to get to know the house. I made major changes in the first 6 months anyway :-) and I find that I will need to go back and change some of what I did. BUT paint is cheap and easy - start with paint.

Let him get past the drama and work of the move. Then pick a more consistent neutral color that makes you feel good. He'll get it.

thank heavens we live in life and not a reality makeover show.

This. So much this. A magazine cover on a yard sale budget is not feasible. I've seen way too many couples who ended up in foreclosure and/or divorce because they could not afford to buy a house and make it look fabulous.

@susalanandwrigley

Well, apparently something in my post caused an old wound to emerge from your past because you basically restated what I said in your second paragraph. If all you were able to conclude from my original statement is that men are superior to women that says more about your "issues" than it does my thought process on the OP's statent. But, to each is own.

this isn't a design related issue, but a difference of opinion and priorities issue. I'm not saying you're right/wrong, but remember that conflict resolution and persuasion are not the same thing. its understandable that you want a house designed to your tastes, but go about it over time, with a budget. you both have a say in this, so don't only focus on making the other understand you. try to understand the other as well. Good luck

Wow, this subject pushed some buttons! After many years with a big-time diy, decorating crazy husband (me not so much), I've learned that compromise usually saves us. You look to be young and maybe just starting out on this journey. My advise is, to make a reasonable plan. Present your ideas and how you plan to budget for them and ask what his are (be prepared for "none") and then state that we are all different and unique and it's perfectly ok for these things to be important to you even though he thinks you are crazy. And then let him know as a partner, he'll need to be willing to work with you. In any case, we are all entitled to our feelings, whether we are talking decorating or major life events. He would never be justified in berating or bullying you on any issue, and if he is, then he is perhaps not the partner you were anticipating. If the decorating issue becomes a bloody battle or he adopts a "over my dead body" attitude, I'd rethink your entire situation, no kidding. We have managed to compromise (sometimes heatedly) on raising kids, and renovating of two homes while working full time jobs and we still love each other, although I'm sure we both really suffered on occasion! Good luck to you!

Every situation is different . Many people go through all or most of their savings to do a down payment on a home (especially a first home). Many spend so much on the house structure, they don't budget adequately for new furniture, paint, closet organization, or flooring that will go a long way towards making the house a home.

Just moving in, I would want to hold off making changes. To get a mental, emotional and physical break from the stress of buying and moving into a new home. To build savings back up to provide a safety net. To feel secure in my job if the move meant changing jobs. To develop, in conjunction with spouse, a vision for what the house can become in terms of functionality and aesthetics. To see if an unexpected major expense is going to strike while financially more vulnerable than usual.

A man is no longer automatically the major breadwinner for his family. But unless he is a leach, he still wants to provide for his family. Maybe by stretching the family budget. Maybe by DIY home improvement projects rather than hiring help. Maybe by helping more with household chores.

If you want to turn your house into a home, you need to partner with your spouse to develop a long term plan that preferably involves an interior designer who can both guide and mediate any style differences.

Throwing paint on a wall can provide immediate gratification and a mood change, but unless you have already purchased or picked out furniture, flooring and lighting, you have made getting coordinating finishes more difficult. Paint is so much easier to tweak.

DIY projects can be daunting if tackled alone. You can feel overwhelmed . You can see no end in sight because there is enough to take several years. It means setting priorities that balance cost, complexity and mental and physical fatigue . One year do some serious painting . Next year perhaps use renovation budget on living room or bedroom furniture . Break up the big, labor intensive jobs.

Wife and I have very different -- but complementary -- skill sets. She is better at styling (colors, finishes), while I am better at functionality (organizing and arranging closets, furniture, cabinets and stretching budget).

She doesn't impulsively pick out a paint color, and I don't impulsively order kitchen cabinets or furniture . We consider our likes and dislikes and make choices we both like, even if a given choice is not the first choice for either.

Buying a house is the first step, but it can easily take 5-7 years to get it the way you want it.

My advice: give husband a 2-3 month break. Then, get an interior designer to visit home, brainstorm with both of you, and put together a phased plan for paint, flooring, lighting, furniture and any major renovations such as bath or kitchen.

It isn't the home improvement your husband hates. It is the THOUGHT of doing it. He needs to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and know it isn't a train. He needs to be inspired. A well thought out plan, prepared by an interior designer, will provide a sequenced pathway to a more aesthetic and functional home. It may not be exactly what you want -- or what your husband wants -- but it will be something you both like and can work towards in manageable steps.

This whole thread is (almost) hilarious to me! (And well said Sophie BTW). I own all the best power tools in the workshop, love woodworking and wouldn't even ask my fella to help apply wood filler. We both have our skill sets absolutely, but he's lost with a paintbrush in his hand. And puzzled by choices between one type of moulding profile versus another. Grow up girlfriend, and do it yourself as it sounds like he's just not interested enough. An adult will hear you and listen when you speak as an equal, but it sounds like you aren't at present, and that's what alarms me.

"He says it doesn't matter and that I shouldn't change anything because it's a waste of money."

Nowhere in the post does she say that she is asking for manual labor or expecting him to do all or any of the work.

The issue is, she wants to decorate and he doesn't. Since this is a decorating/home improvement forum filled with people who love a beautiful home, I understand why she expected people to understand her dilemma.

No need to attack. She simply wants a beautiful living room.

Your best bet is to thoughtfully and not hurriedly create a couple of idea books to solidify your ideas for tweeking your new house in to a home you and hubs can be proud of.

No Abraham, I did not reinforce stereotypes, you did. Have a nice weekend.

There is an obvious money issue here after reading the husbands comment. Go get a better paying job, be successful and hire someone to do the work you can't do yourself. You can't be equal being dependent on someone else.

Speaking for myself, I am not criticizing the OP. Most people want a functional and aesthetically pleasing home. That requires work -- either on the job earning money or providing DIY labor. Who is doing the work is moot: it is allocating family resources -- money and time. Decorating/renovating is often about choices. Like delaying purchase of a new car. Or being able to go on a family vacation . Both need to be on the same page, which is what the OP is trying to accomplish with a husband who for now is not interested.

This needs to be a discussion, not a confrontation, which is why I suggested waiting a few months and then bringing in an interior designer to come up with a plan both can be happy about.

wannabath - uncalled for.

Chantel, it's like that in a lot of families. We have a saying in my family, "whoever cares the most, wins."

In your case, he thinks there is no need for paint. You care the most. You can paint.

I also wonder if he is concerned with the stress and effort that decoration and renovation create. If he is, I don't blame him. But the end result is always so satisfying.

LIke many people have said, it will take some conversation. Get him used to the idea. Show him pictures. Slow and steady wins the race.

OP we're in the midst of moving and I can tell you this right now; We're not going to paint even one wall until we've recovered from the move. While I may want to paint and do other things right away, I'm not. I need to get to really know this house, observe how the light settles in it, and just understand its ebb and flow. I can live in it without painting it for now, and we both agreed it was the best thing to do. We maybe unlike you, are moving several states away from our current home, and that adds an extra added twist to things.

I think its also probable that your husband just need to chill out a bit if the move-in date wasn't that far off. And maybe you also need a break. Moving is stressful. I'll be the first to say I don't fully expect to love my new house at first. (I haven't even seen it yet..lol thats another thread maybe) But I believe that type of love can also happen over time. I do get where you're coming from but unless the house is just unlivable, maybe you should get to know it a bit better in its current state. Our prior house has some amazing (and some annoying) quirks. I don't think I would have known that if I had just walked in and started working on it right away.

I also recommend both of you sitting down together and making a bit of a wish list. It should be fun, but then take some of those things from the wish list and make them reality...over time!

We made a long wish list of things we wanted in our first home, and over about 10 years chipped away at those things. Neither of us wanted to compromise our finances or jeopardize our relationship by trying to do it all at once, so we did a major (to us anyway ) project a year. Some were VERY major, like replacing the sills and windows) Some, not so much, like the one year we added a vent to the bathroom. So it works out if you do it right.

Which brings me back to money. It generally takes a lot of money to buy a house, so if you're like most (myself included!) you took quite the hit to buy your home. And unless you're really wealthy, your bank account also need some time to recover too. To do it up "right" could really make swiss cheese out of your finances, not to mention cause a lot of extra added stress. So maybe its worth revisiting in 4-6 months when your finances are not so bruised.

I think if you MUST do something right away, do it with paint. Its relatively cheap and can be done in an afternoon or so. I used to tell my other half , "I'm going to go paint this room". I didn't invite him, I just went and did it. He would eventually show up to help of course because he was such an expert painter (ha!) and he wouldn't want me to hurt myself on that big ol ladder. So we'd listen to music, talk, and paint. It was lots of fun (though tiring as heck!)

So that entire word salad is just to say its OK to take a while to get the house you want. Styles change,
tech changes, price go up (or down sometimes!) and we all change our
mind one way or anther right? It shouldn't be a race but a journey. My friends were always amazed by how methodical we approached it, there there were though a few thought we were nuts for taking so long. Hopefully
one you and your husband will be able to enjoy this process with your home, and you both will be
able to look back on and laugh about the past silly stuff in the future.

You will have to make all kinds of compromises along the way and this is apparently going to be one of those times. But don't be afraid to just go paint a room. Do it for you and enjoy the fruits of that because paint is always easy enough to change :-)

I wonder how someone knows if there is a money issue, just because of a comment. I am a computer programmer, and yes, I make big money, and I refuse to pay money for things that I can do myself or feel are a waste. On top of that, I am ALWAYS trying to get something free, so.....

Back to the original query, um, I like the above referenced idea(s) that said: "I will be super happy when we have our new home feeling calming. I respond to a simplicity, that comes from some unifying thread to all of these different pieces/textures/colors/fill in the blank."

The core point to your issue was: the home isn't feeling good/calm (yet)... His core point sounds like it is an aside, for him... it doesn't register for him, as it does for you.

That said, I am sure your husband values you and your "sanity" if you will; and will be open to you bringing the home together, in whatever the way may be... but yes, the conversation is good to have b/c by communicating the end goal of a sanctuary, and feeling good, you can incorporate what is color or texture to you and is possibly finances or labor to him... and it need not be immediate. (Maybe it is an end goal, like with one taking down the Holiday decorations by x date.)

I say, use the terms "I feel" rather than stating "that does not match"... b/c regardless of if it matches or not, it is the reaction to it's matching or mismatching, that creates your positive or negative response to it. And some of us can really feel overpowered by emotions, regardless of gender.

It can be easier to create real communication that way. Select the words you use to deliver the intended core concept as succinctly as possible.

maybe you can tell him that for you, or in my case, were I in your shoes, I would say:

"For me, the Kitchen stove being in the middle of the bathroom feels unfocused. Like putting bicycle tires on a moped. I agree with the general concepts they employed, but something was lost in the translation. For me, I feel like things could be awesome, instead of unfocused. But I am open to ideas on this... .

"I appreciate that this is not a glitch for you, and I also appreciate that you value our time together, and getting the most of life together. For me, it is not if we could leave it exactly as it is, it is about _how_ the status quo makes me feel/react/respond/sit/dream/yearn/anticipate/fill in the blank... and that feeling disrupts all of the other great stuff. I appreciate you knowing that I'm bothered by this and giving this some thought, for the two of us. You have some great success/ideas/brainstorms on fill in the blank... I may not know what this solution is, but I bet you'll have a great contribution, if I can explain that it matters to me.

"And, I feel that with your assistance, we can find a fix to this glitch. Maybe it is a long term goal, or maybe it is a can of spray paint; but I really appreciate that you love the life we have together beyond these four walls, and how proud I am that we have all of this together! I want to show my pride in all of this we have together, by smoothing the glitches, (even if they are only in my eyes,) because it is part of how I feel good about my homemaking.

"I appreciate your core point of view, that these aspects are small details in life's big picture. That we, you and I, are the important part of the equation here. And, for me, this is where we reside... and I would be so happy, if I could just smooth out one or two of these wrinkles. It would really be so wonderful, it would give me a sense of calm/serenity/success/happiness/love/family/fill in the blank. But I want us to be _all that we can be_, so maybe there is a way to accommodate both sides of thought? What do say?"

Beyond that, check out the Pinterest Boards @ DIY, household hacks, etc. They continually amaze me with very doable solutions, with low effort requirements and/or low $$ investments. You may find some things that will go a long way towards helping the multiple styles coexist. Perhaps for the short term, maybe for the long term.

After some of these comments Chantal might regret asking at this point...

i think i read all the comments. and although i am not traipsing into the whole husband wife thing? you might wish to consider your own motives and points. on the face of it, i see no problem with the elements you pointed out. will a pillow or a rug help bring them together in your mind? why do you believe all that work needs doing? just to match? please do not let all the sites rub off on you.

Come on everyone lets be a village here and educate this person. most of us do not have backsplashes, we do not have stone countertops. Formica is still a big thing, along with vinyl flooring. and i am sure many love oak trim. remember the squeeky wheel gets the grease and that is what you hear about on houzz and other such places.

I am not trying to be mean to you, but too many of us are taking these things for fact. you do not get a stove with red knobs because it is in. you are not supposed to stage the table between your chairs. take your time to figure out what you love and fight for that , not that it does not go together. thank you.

Chantal - I had repainted most rooms each time we moved (within weeks), so I understand how you want everything to feel fresh and new and know it's an exciting time. Discuss priorities and a short and long term plan and come to a compromise that makes you both happy. Paint is the cheapest and fastest way to make a difference - but I wouldn't worry rooms are different colors - most homes are. Consider how they work with what you have before painting. Black appliances, beige couch, honey oak wood trim, and black tables - can all work - wait to see how you can coordinate them by small changes - pillows, art, drapery, rugs, etc.

Your actual question was

What would you all do to help him understand that you cannot have a beige couch, honey oak wood trim, grey walls and black tables? It just doesn't flow lol!

Your approach actually is demeaning to him. Why would he need to understand or even care if things do not flow? Talk to him about what you would like to do with your home. Be ready to compromise on what gets done and the timing. If you are both participating it makes everything easier. Designing rooms or homes really does not "need" to be done it is something that you want and like to do. If you want to do things, anything, make your husband want to do them with you. Make the whole process enjoyable.

Let's answer her question; help her out without judgement. This forum isn't for marriage counseling; nor does Chantel need it.

Okay...

"What would you all do to help him understand that you cannot have a
beige couch, honey oak wood trim, grey walls and black tables? It just
doesn't flow lol!"

Chantal, did you and hubby buy the house?

If so, that's your "argument". Our homes may be the biggest
investment we will ever have..it does give you a roof over your head; a
mortgage gives you one of the few tax deductions; and when you invest
in your home, you are investing in yourself and your future.

Someday, you may need the equity you and your husband will have built
in your home. If you are both alive when you sell, you will have an
additional $500,000.00 capital gains exclusion.

Any one who can do math has to see the value in purchasing a home, updating and maintaining it.

I do staging for a real estate firm. A couple of cans of paint can
equal a couple of thousands of dollars more in the selling price.

http://www.superiorpro.com/the-benefits-of-painting-your-homes-interior-and-exterior/

Rolling walls with a great color, of choice, would be, relatively, inexpensive because painting the wood work (cost plus) needs not be done.

Look at BM November Rain for a possibility throughout the house. I love it with natural wood. It is white with a hint of green undertone.

Waco kid...Holy Cow! "demeaning to him"? Shame. This remark is from the 19th century, male dominated?

Both are invested in this property. For a lifetime. Each must acknowledge the others involvement in this home; what needs to make each feel at home for now and for their future together.

Judy G, Nice try, I have already used the $500K exemption and many more K's with homes I have bought and sold so keep your demeaning comments to yourself. It has nothing to do with male dominated 19th century. I personally don't care about flow, or other words flaunted by so called "designers". But my wife and I work very hard together to make our homes what we want them to be. I know when my wife tells me how much fun she had with me picking out two ceiling fans last week that what I am doing is working for both of us. Each morning in our new kitchen, after a "hot" night, we compliment each other on what a great kitchen we have. Go back to your cat..............

Seriously???? Some people.....smh.....

This is little different from someone posting about picking a trim color after installing a new roof that is the wrong color.

You communicate beforehand. As you look at the house, you discuss what your ideas are, and come to an understanding about what will be done if you buy it. You don't assume that your partner will automatically be on board with your plans. You make plans together as a couple.

Chantal my dear, the cumulative consensus you have received is this...

-- Drop the subject until you actually move in and understand the vibe of your house.

-- Give hubby and yourself time to recover from a stressful move.

-- Collect some photos of rooms you like to get your creativity going. Show him a few elements that would only cost a few dollars to do. Calmly/casually say you'd like to get started slowly.

-- Be sensitive to the household budget. Convince him it won't become a whole expensive thing.

-- Start off with a few small/cheap projects. Volunteer to do most of the work yourself if he's reluctant. Demonstrate how different a room looks after just a few dollars.

-- Show him research on how quality decor can increase a home's equity.

That's your plan. Good luck.

It sounds like you have some good ideas and at the same time it can also be hard to spend money on updating a house after just spending money on buying a house. Paint is one of the least expensive ways to make a significant change and put your own stamp on the place. I'd start with that room by room over time based on your overall vision. The current beige couch, honey oak wood trim, gray walls and black tables are interestingly all neutral colors that can be taken in different directions with pillows, artwork, and accessories to achieve a consistent look in the meantime. Even those with the budget and the same vision often find it less stressful and more fun to approach their home as an ongoing and evolving project. I think you'll find that living in the home for a while will also give you new ideas you'd never thought you'd have and will result in better design choices and purchases overall.

Wow. This one sure opened a can of worms.

OP - you want a different feel to your house, I get that. Just bear in mind that most of what you see in the glossy mags or on Houzz is not reality for the average wage earner, be they male or female. Don't aspire to create something that's beyond where you are financially, and don't expect to have your dream home in six months.

\Why don't you sit down and work out a plan of what you would like to do, then set some priorities, taking into account budget and the importance of the changes you want to make. Based on your own description, it would seem to me your top priority would be painting. Evening out the paint jobs will give your house the flow that you're looking for. I know you want to make other changes as well, but there's nothing inherently wrong with black appliances, and they should be a lot further down the list. On it, but not near the top of it.

Then, sit down with your hubby and have an honest discussion about what matters most on your list, and also about the finances. I know that, after we bought a new place, a fair bit of money went out the door to pay for moving costs, a few pieces of furniture, setting up the garden, etc. We certainly felt the need to take a financial "breather" before getting into more major expenditure. Also, your hubby may have seen some maintenance and structural issues that take priority for him. So, negotiate, and if that means living with brown countertops for a few years, so be it. Work around them. It can certainly be done.

This is where Houzz is a brilliant website. Get him to sit down and save photos from Houzz that he likes to your user page. You do the same, not too many. A separate ideabook for each room,,and the exterior. Don't tell him what photos to choose, but ask him to put a comment below them of what he likes in the photo.

Then look through both sets of photos, and the experts here will tell you what to do next.

focus Houzzers!

The husband's opinion is "it's a waste of money" to change things in the house. In the short term, that is a fact. The house fulfills its function as a house, providing shelter, storage, safety and security to the occupants regardless of the colors or age of trim or even if there isn't any trim at all.

The OP doesn't want to just have a house, she wants a home which satisfies more needs than merely shelter and security. After our basic needs of shelter, food, and clothing are met, we can move on to further needs which are my psychological than physical...pleasure in one's surroundings is not a physical need but definitely contributes to a satisfying life.

At this point, it is time to acknowledge the validity of both points and start the discussions of wants versus needs. Many, many things we do are a waste of money when viewed from a strict position of physical needs. Do we need to buy a new pair of shoes? a new couch? any couch at all? If hubby truly believes that it is a waste of money, he is entitled to that opinion but I'm sure that many of his needs are also a waste of money on a very strict physical survival viewpoint. You can't make him understand that a house must have certain characteristics but you can have discussions about topics which enhance your happiness and satisfaction with your life in that house.

Good luck with this project!

Some smart person out there really needs to develop a finance tool based on Maslow's hierarchy.

If a man hears "money" when his wife says "paint", he needs to get his hearing checked.

Take photos of the place 'as is' for an idea book and then make another one with the photos you find on Houzz that best represent to you the concept of 'decor flow'. Men are supposed to be super visual, right? The pictures should say 100000043 words then.

Best wishes to you and your hubby for many happy years in your new home. :)

Congrats on your new home. Take it slowly, give him time to catch his breath and have faith that the changes you want to make will eventually work out. It can be very gratifying to take renovations and decor slowly; my own home is constantly evolving after 25 years of marriage.

I'm no shrink, but far too much information is left out in the question. When someone says "its a roof over our heads" it implies a big "WHEW!" "Sure beats a TENT!"

Marriages can be full of secrets. Maybe the guy is worried about his job, maybe a lot of things. Maybe the "Nit" first world issue of paint and trim color is just a back breaking straw on a camel at this moment. Maybe he simply doesn't care and feels the money deposited in a 401 k is far more important to their lives. Maybe he went to the doctor and got news he didn't want to hear. Maybe, maybe maybe. That digging is the job of the woman who lives with the man.

Chantel, are you showing the responses on this post to your husband? Did any of it change his mind?

Wow everyone! I did not expect so many responses. Thank you for each and every one of them. All of the replies went to my junk mail. I didn't think anyone replied!

First, my husband and I own a business together. We do every job 50/50. We remodeled our last home and did EVERYTHING ourselves. I did drywall, hung trim, painted, etc.

On the marriage part... It is not a matter of "honey, do this, do that!", because I would be doing a lot of work. It's finances and time. We make good money, but we both have different priorities. He does custom restoration on hot rods (for his own use, not to sell.) I want a home that I am proud of. Where to put the money? Yes, we will definitely have to figure that out soon lol.

The trim wasn't installed terribly, but it could use touch ups when you look closely. That's another subject!

My biggest question is if beige and gray can work together. The house is painted a purplish gray, some beige and a dark color in the bathroom. All with oak trim, doors and cabinets. Love that paint color that was shown btw. I will try to find it. I agree that I should take it slow, plan it all out and show him a concrete idea of what I believe looks best. I will attach some photos when I figure out how to and maybe that will help? Again, thank you for the responses.

oh, thank goodness, you are a real thinker after all! Yes, go slow, and if it were me, those hot rods for "personal use" sound like a real bargaining chip! tehehe

Totally agree with having fun's post above. And, I wish I could do half the things around the house (hang trim, dry wall etc.) that OP can do. (My husband cannot do anything remotely as cool as fixing hot rods either!) as to Chantal's most recent query, in my opinion, beige and gray can harmonize very well together. Hope that you post pictures of your work in progress down the road. Congrats again.

"Husband just doesn't get it.."

"He says it doesn't matter and that I shouldn't change anything because
it's a waste of money." "It's a roof over our heads" he says.

Then:

"He does custom restoration on hot rods (for his own use, not to sell.)"

Custom restoration ($$$) on hot rods, plural, for him is okay? But, you can't paint your home for you...and him?

Your biggest question was not whether beige and gray can work together.

It was: "What would you all do to help him understand that you cannot have a
beige couch, honey oak wood trim, grey walls and black tables?"

You need to sit down and get things straight.

@JudyG Designs

I didn't realize I was going to see a shrink in this post. I will not post again if it obviously upsets people. "You need to sit down and get things straight" I believe that you have taken this question too literally/ seriously and I was just trying to be humorous and light hearted. Thank you for your input.

Couples coming together about design inside the home is most certainly a design related issue! Priorities vary, and in my experience with couples, there is always some negotiation involved. A design professional helps to mediate this, often calling this "couples design therapy." Our living spaces are of utmost importance to the health and welfare of all members of the family.

I am sorry, but I did not read anything humorous or light hearted in your post. Your message seemed sad. You tell us, moving into your new home, you want to change things because you want a consistent color scheme and the way things are now...well, it just doesn't flow.

I'm not upset. You are upset...otherwise you never would have shared your feelings with strangers. Your husband has dismissed you and your ideas...not important... because the house is simply a roof over your heads.

Yes, you do need to talk. Restoring hot rods in not a cheap hobby. You deserve to have your "hobby" as well.

If you take offense at my sticking up for your right and yes, it is your right, to have equal say in your marriage, then I do apologize.

Next time you post, if you do, maybe it is best to leave out all the personal angst and simply ask: What would you do to coordinate a beige couch, honey oak wood trim, grey walls and black tables? It just
doesn't flow for me.

You can't open a can of worms and then expect there would be no reaction.

OMG, I did not see anything humorous either. I felt bad for such a young girl.

I said "lol" at the bottom because I knew it was just a petty question. I submitted for this discussion to be deleted because I am blown away. Thank you to those who were genuine in their helpful responses. Wasn't a big deal.

Chantel, everyone was genuinely caring. They are all very experienced with this kind of problem, thousands of dilemmas, and they are all volunteering their time to help you.

Chantel,
It's definitely interesting how for you, your post was in all innocence, but it raised so many questions! For the "design junkies" you presented this to, it is a big deal. When someone discounts the value of design and says that it's a waste of money in front of this particular community, it will cause reaction. There are lots of suggestions and reasonings to help you out, everyone stepping up to your defense. Use it all, and enjoy your new home!!

I would just do it anyway. he sounds pretty lazy. You know trying to argue is about as much effort as he can put forth. If this is something he’d divorce you over, is it worth keeping him around?