I am the worst pumpkin farmer in the world.

This is is my last year before I head to college and my mom has finally fulfilled my life-long dream of growing pumpkins by giving me a 4x4 plot in our suburban backyard. I planted Howdens and have been growing them up an arbor. They have now reached 25 feet long. Their leaves were huge and green and glorious, they got fish emulsion every week, and I was feeling pretty great about myself until about three weeks ago when I encountered my first SQUASH BUG.

Since then it's been an uphill battle. I tried spraying my leaves with soapy water, but apparently my solution needs work because within days the leaves began to wither. The lady at Lowe's told me some veggies are sensitive and soapy water clogs their pores. I started adding an all-purpose plant food fertilizer to my weekly regime, and now spend an hour or more out there every day picking off little squash bug eggs and crushing them with a paring knife.

THEN the powdery mildew set in. I was griping about this to a coworker when a friendly and angelic customer told me I should use neem oil to keep it at bay. Add that to the weekly schedule. Also, I think I have aphids but at this point I'm just smashing any crawling or egg-like thing I find on my precious vines.

I started to worry when I was only getting male blossoms, only to read an article that told me this was normal; just be patient. At last, I found a female bud. Only to have it wither and fall off. Two more times this happened. FINALLY I changed my fertilizer and one sole female bud began to grow. I named her Betty. I checked on her three times a day.

Yesterday Betty bloomed! I hand-pollinated her because I was taking no chances. Then, today, I went out to check on her, only to find she had turned a very sickly shade of brown.

It's the end of the world. I am at a loss. Can I save my pumpkins? Or am I under some kind of pumpkin curse?