Being honest with yourself

10 years ago

Last night, the LF (who is now not little at all!) dreamed about a girl who he dated sometime ago. Yes, he's dating. I know, right? He'll be looking at universities this year. How old do you feel now? ;) Anyway, it really upset him. He keeps saying, but I don't have feelings for her! I'd not go back to her for any reason. I say, your subconscious is telling you something and you should explore your heart, see if you do still have feelings for her. NOT to go back with her, but to be honest with yourself. Stuffing it down will only make it pop back up again. He doesn't see it.

Any words of wisdom why one should be honest with themselves when saying you do still have feelings will not change the outcome? We've all been there, but this one is too hard to get him to understand. I bet you would give me good advice to pass along.

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Comments (6)

Abby Krug
10 years ago
I have no words of wisdom- but I do have a 17 yo old son- and I feel your pain. The concept of the subconscious is completely anathama to mine. He thinks Freud was a huge hoax and can't see any connection between his actions, dreams, feelings and unexpressed thoughts and feelings. To my DS all there is, is his rational thought. Maybe a TED talk on the subject would help ...
rob333 (zone 7b)
Original Author
10 years ago
See? That's the weird part. He's always found his dreams something to look at deeply.

I know it hurts is why he delve this time, but what I can't get him to understand is, he WILL have to look at it one day or he'll keep seeing it over and over again. I'm perplexed.
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User
10 years ago
Something triggered the dream. Who knows what that was or why. Sometimes we just have to move on and let things work themselves out because looking deeply is too difficult. We can't do it for them or make them do things our way no matter how much we know it will save them. You are a good parent doing all you can do.
User
10 years ago
We all change by increments over time. Adjusting to a partner as we progress is one of the important parts of any relationship. If there is a time space where we do not see a person there can be considerable change. Some times this is enhancing others not, still a past connection can be an unfinished resolution to that prior relationship. We can choose to pursue them or not.
anneliese32
10 years ago
Just tell him that almost everything he experienced is somewhere stored in his brain, as data is now in the cloud. Something, most likely trivial, triggers a memory and you dream about it or think about it. The older you get. the bigger the cloud gets. Stuff and people I have not thought about since it happened, show now up in my eighties. A fight I had with a neighbor boy when I was six? People I met on a train? Who knows what triggers the recall.
rob333 (zone 7b)
Original Author
10 years ago
I think that to be "successful" with future relationships, we have to be able to put past relationships into perspective is the point of this exercise.

Is that a wrong thing to think? I'm terrible at this portion of life. I really don't want him to make the same mistakes I've made here. Because they've been lasting, affecting so many in my life. My only true regret in life.