I'd be annoyed, but I'd also forgive it. It's one of those stuff happens things.

You say he's a very talented contractor - to me that would be worth letting the $35 go.

I would have done what you did and chalked it up to part of the project. I had some small remodeling recently done, around 2k for the whole project and dealt with a contractor who had to cash my checks to buy the materials , etc. and there was a lot of unpreciseness in the expenses that annoyed me, but he did a great job for the money. I also think when you nickel and dime someone, they make it up somewhere.

If it was a final payment and I didn't plan on using the contractor again I would have called him on it. In your situation, I wouldn't bring it up. I would complain to my spouse and friends :)

Your contractor sounds like my painter, whose power washer was stolen off his own front lawn, so he bought a new one...which has been sitting in my garage now for 6 months after he finished our exterior.

I have all kinds of really nice tools--ladder, flashlight, screwdriver, tape measure, and more--all really sturdy, that workers have left. I always let them know the tools are on the front porch for a week or two, and after that it usually rains so I bring them in. The power washer, though, I really do want him to pick up.

Good contractors are worth their weight so I agree I would let it go...until the next time I wrote another check that is. That’s when I would feel the urge to say a kind, “be careful with this one please, my bank isn’t very giving and last time it was 35.00 for the stop pay”. The only reason I’d do that is because he’s a grown man who should know to be more careful; especially when the expense to fix his mistake is coming from someone else’s pocket. It would also (in not so many words) put him on notice that if it happens again, I’d absolutely expect him to pay for it.

SO is a contractor. He says you would be within your rights to charge him for the stopped check. Also said depends on how much of a hard you-know-what you want to be. Also said depends on how much you trust this guy.

Edited to add that SO said that some contractors would use a scheme like that to try and get paid twice. They would have to find a way of disappearing after, or aren't very bright. SO says he has seen it all.

A couple of years ago I had some hall lights replaced by an electrician I'd never used before. I liked him and his nice apprentice and thought they did an excellent job. So I wrote him a check for the work, plus a 20% tip. A couple of months later the check still hadn't been cashed so I called him up and spoke to his wife/secretary who said sheepishly that he'd inadvertently thrown it away. That was all. I said, well, he did good work and I want to pay for it, so I sent another check in the same amount. I didn't put a stop-pay on the original check because I figured it was truly gone. The second check was cashed.

Recently (two years after the second check) the original check also got cashed. How 'bout that? I checked through my records just to make sure I had it right. I left several voicemails and emails to the guy but could never get him to reply. It didn't break the bank for me, but I was greatly annoyed that I tried to be honorable about his payment and he appeared to not return the favor. I would have been better off being out $35 than paying him double.

Pal, in your case, I think the entire client/contractor relationship + his body of work would factor into the decision about what to do/say. I think I would pay the $1500 *and* point out it cost me $35 to stop payment on the first check. The guy should have offered to take $35 less for his carelessness.

Pal, I would do what you did. Pay the full amount and be silently annoyed that stop payment fee.

The last thing I would do is pay the full amount and complain to him. What good does that do? Then he feels bad and it could sour your relationship but you would still be out the $35. That’s a lose-lose.

I think I agree with lukkiirish above and not say anything now, but when the next check is written mention what happened this time. I think natural consequences are important, but in the larger scheme of things (as you pointed out,) the way you handled it seems fair and compassionate.

Bank fees are a cost of doing business. I would be more miffed at the bank than at the contractor over the cost.

Your point about having to accept being nickel-and-dimed on the one hand and not being petty on the other, really resonates with me. And to add insult to injury. I sure you will not get "credit" for you good behavior on this.

He lost the check, he should assume responsibility for the $35 fee.

I agree with Lukkirish as well. I would say something the next time I gave him a check. Keep it light, but let him know his carelessness cost you.

This makes my blood boil. We are at the mercy of the contractors.

Sides story: Pal, you being nickeled and dimed. DH is talented in most home renovation. You name, he can do it. He also worked his way up for the phone company and knows computers, electric, phone systems and security.

He has done multiple favors. Yet, when there is time when these recipients can return the favor, no, they want to be paid top dollar for their expertise. DH does not do these favors to get a favor. It's not who he is. But, he does find it surprising.

:

Pal, good for you for taking the high road. There are many people in the world lacking basic 'existence' skills for whatever reason. However, your guy is trying to make a living despite his failures in some areas. Unless we know why he has these failures, maybe it might be better up to a point to forgive a little.

I'd do what you did. There is this story by a writer I love, in Russian..a very poignant one as all her stories..there's a line there "it's like the rain falls"..there, in story it has all sorts of meanings since it seems the rain falls only on one person, in the end..)) but from your description of your talented contractor-it does sound like something "it's like the rain falls"

my DH would also do what you did but it'd annoy the hell out of him. I'm quite sure he wouldn't say anything but would want to-and he'd share with me instead))

What about asking him to comp you for something that would normally cost an extra $35 in labor?

I think having terrible business sense and loads of personal issues is probably punishment enough. He is kind of like a friend of mine who has bikes and laptops stolen on a regular basis, and once got two tickets for a burnt out light on his car on the same day on the same journey.

My contractor is extremely skilled but barely holds it together while plenty of average or below average contractors rake it in.

Losing things goes with the lack of life skills you’re describing, pal. I think you did the right thing by not deducting the fee, and it sounds like it’s not a huge sacrifice. You may want to mention next time you write him a check to be careful as it may cost him. I don’t think it even occurred to him that you might have had to pay a fee.

I think having terrible business sense and loads of personal issues is probably punishment enough.

I'm sorry for the guy, but this comment made me laugh out loud.

In the classroom, we call those skills he is lacking "executive functioning skills". Give me a kid with poor math skills and I can do something, but those executive functioning skills are so hard to help them develop.

If he's lacking in life skills as you describe, I agree with nutsaboutplants and don't think he realizes the stop payment costs. Or has no clue of the amount. I'd let him know. Perhaps he'll offer to reimburse you. Include a mention in future agreements/contracts to cover such instances.

What if you had paid the guy cash and he lost it on the way to the bank?

If the guy is that disorganized or preoccupied, he may not even realize that one has to put a stop on the check and it costs the check-writer $35. I can handle writing off $35 now and then, esp. if the person is someone I care about and feel inclined to give a pass. But I'd hate to feel I continued to enable careless behavior.

Since it's over and done now, I'd keep quiet and chalk it up to one of those things. But if it were me, the next time I handed him a check, I'd point out the downside of losing it and that I wouldn't eat the $35 again. And if that makes him feel bad, well, gee.

I'd let this first mishap slide. But lessons are learned through natural consequences and the natural consequence of this is with the next check comes a caution that you won't cover him again, as Linelle said. Young adults who don't have a handle on those executive functioning skills for whatever reason (past substance abuse is a big one) can learn them but it will require more than your one or two instance caution - more like immersion training/counseling. If this is not a young adult but a fully grown man who has never caught on to those skills even that might not help. But at any rate it's not yours to deal with.

Pal, your story actually reminds me of something that happened with our contractor during our bathroom gut job. He was easy to work with, did a great job and we used him for several things.

However, one day while he was in the garage preppng tile, I caught his helper sanding drywall in the hallway without a tarp in sight. Our fairly new carpet was covered with a healthy layer of dust and needless to say I was pretty annoyed. I went downstairs to John and said, oh wow, I didn’t realize new carpet was going to be installed too, thanks so much. He looked at me pretty confused and said, “no, no new carpet” as he chuckled. To which I replied well your guy sanding drywall without tarps just might make it necessary. John went running upstairs and after some yelling, the mess was quickly cleaned and tarps were down.

That would have been the end of it, but a few days later, John, who actually traveled quite far to get to the job, called to “warn?” me that he was almost to the house but they had forgotten the tarps. I flat out told him no tarps, no work and suggested he stop to buy some at Home Depot first. He was absolutely annoyed about the added expense out of pocket, but I didn’t feel that more damage to our carpet was reasonable and so I stuck to my guns.

IMO, we can all be scattered or make mistakes, so the first time is a pass, but after that, I’m going to expect that the person in error accept responsibility for their own mistakes.

Scrolled down to comment, & sorry if someone else has already said this, but I would not be writing that guy checks any more. There are other ways to pay people nowadays; we can make direct deposits or use Paypal transfers, and save ourselves some grief.

FWIW,I tend to look at a loss by comparing it to what else I could buy w/ the amount, and $35 is perhaps a bag of groceries, or most of my phone bill here. I might've at least let him know how much that lost check cost.

Please do not assume that someone with Executive Function issues has had substance abuse issues. There are many reasons that someone may have poor Executive Function Disorder. For example, Learning Disabilities, Developmental Delays, ADD, Traumatic Brain Injuries, Premies, Spectrum Disorder, PSTD, Chemo, fetal exposure to alcohol or chemicals, depression, genetics and a variety of medical illness or syndromes are some but not all the possible contributing factors to poor executive function. It takes a lot of effort, time and self awareness to change life long behaviors. That doesn't mean you need to pardon or not be annoyed by the behavior, but it does help to understand and not judge the person. The consequences belong to the person who messed up.

hmorton please don't misunderstand me - I am not at all saying that someone with EF issues likely has or had a substance abuse issue. But someone who has/had SA issues beginning in teen years when many of life skills are starting to click in will often have EF issues. Of course there are many other possible reasons behind EF issues as you pointed out. And there is absolutely no judgement in my bringing this up, simply another piece of information.

I would be annoyed, but you did the right thing by giving him another check and moving on. If you have to give him another check in the future, the suggestion to casually mention a fee will be involved if he loses that one and you have to cancel it is a good idea. Apparently he has no skills where his own business is concerned.

This resonates with me right now. A friend handed me a check for $300. I was annoyed at the time because I didn't have my purse so I put the check in my pocket. I'm embarrassed to share that I have a dog who likes to go through my pockets looking for tissues. I think the dog ate the check. He has eaten a wallet. I found bits of cash in the yard for a long time. I'm embarrassed to tell my friend that I lost the check because then she will know how naughty my dog is. So I am waiting. I will offer to pay the fee but I'm not worried about someone else cashing the check.

I would be annoyed only because the contractor, who must know there is a fee for canceling a check, did not offer to eat the cost. If he said "what do I owe you for the bank fee?" I would have happily said no worries but because he did not even consider your inconvenience or expenses I would too be annoyed.

DLM2000 I am sure you didn't mean that SA was the only or even likely reason someone would have EF issues. However, when that is the only issue stated it may seem to the uninformed that is the cause. I have spent a long career working with educators, students, parents and some family members who truly suffer from different degrees of EF issues along with other problems. In my professional and private roles I have found that not one individual even knew that their issues were brain related and treatable. I can't tell you how many times I have heard, "I'm just stupid." Often it runs in families and there is no one to teach the youngest members of the family basic life skills and habits. Also EF usually co-exists with other issues which make dealing with EF even harder. I apologize if you felt misunderstood, but I am very sensitive concerning this matter. Too many people blame and shame, including parents and it hurts even adult children to their core.

My contractor is actually college educated and has a BA in a field more complex than carpentry. He does not seem to have any learning disabilities or anything. He listens to NPR and other talk radio when he is working.

My SO just sold a house for a pair of physicians with advanced training. Dealing with them was described as "watching someone try to stuff a car with helium balloons". They were both very smart people but both seemed completely lacking in daily life skills, common sense, and coping with ordinary situations, and being able to to more than one thing at one time. Of course they had to be able to do such with their jobs and education, but everyday life forget it.

Many people with EF issues function well in one part of life but not another. People who seem to have no common sense and poor social skills are sometimes on the very broad autism spectrum (though most people would not recognize it) and are a mess in one area but just brilliant in others. To be diagnosed with a true learning disabilities you are on the normal to above normal intelligence scale but have difficulty with some form of learning. For example dyslexia is the one learning disability most people are aware of though not understand. Most people struggle with something in their lives, some are just better at coping with the problem. This is not to say the contractor has EF issues. His life may just be chaotic and overwhelming or not.

Yes it could get into layers and layers of other things, really.

My SO is on the Asperger's spectrum, mildly, and has a sibling who is severely affected.

I don't think that's it with my contractor.

Pal yes things get layered very quickly and often deeply. It truly doesn't matter if your contractor has diagnosable problems or not. It matters that he is a good contractor who cost you $35.I follow many threads here even if I don't comment. I know many people do that and I could not let a comment about EF or other disabilities pass without clarification. I did not mean to hijack your thread.

You have a perfect and reasonable right to be annoyed at the contractor. I also know finding a good contractor is almost impossible, so I would weigh that against $35 and your time. In the future if you think this is likely to happen again I would find another way to pay him. I have been known to go to the bank myself and make the deposit to their account. Now with online banking I would consider a bill pay to his account. Unfortunately someone like this might not even have a bank account. I once handed a worker some money watched him just push into a t-shirt pocket and instantly knew he was going to lose it. I asked him where his wallet was and insisted he place the money in the wallet and then watched him put it in his coat and zipper the pocket. I was being controlling but couldn't stand the thought of $600 getting lost.

I don't think my contractor is quite like this, but I feel like if you pushed for reimbursement for a loss with many businesses, they would simply pad the next bill to get it back.

With my previous (very good but overly expensive) GC. (For whom this contractor worked and did all my work anyway), I had ordered five doors from Trustile, and when I was going over the specs, found that the wrong sticking and panel detail--the default--had been ordered and called the GC immediately, and asked "Why would I order this door with standard sticking and panels when I am trying to match the other doors in the house, and this does not? Why would I pay $XXX for a door that looks like a $XX door? "

They said "Oh well we will need to do a new quote for the doors in the configuration". And when the quote came back, it looked suspiciously like the quote covered their cost on the doors they had specified in error as well as the new doors. The quote was enormous, and way out of sync with what it should have been, in my experience.

At that point I said "Forget it, I could do full custom doors for that kind of money, cancel the original order". And I ordered custom doors directly from a contact I had. And if we had not been near the very end of the project, I am sure they would have found a way to get those several thousand back anyway.

My cabinet makers lost a very big $200 Fine Paints of Europe paint deck that I lent them to match a color. They offered to replace it but my feeling is that the next thing they make for me would just cost $200 more than it really did just to get it back.

Yep, I'm that cynical.

Is that cynical or being realistic?