I wouldn't do it. You don't need the $ and, IMO, it's not worth potentially upsetting your friends. I'd just make plans to be there.

Do you ever rent your house to anyone else? If so, I would rent it to your neighbor, if it was not interfering with my summer plans.

If you don’t rent it, I would not. I would tell them that if might be in their best interest to find another place because you aren’t sure if you or your family would be there on those dates.

It sounds like you have mixed feelings - you tried to help out neighbor (clergy) on one side and this neighbor on the other doesn't need help. You don't have a close relationship but maybe would like to develop one. The truth provides a base to start a friendship. If people have a problem with that, then it's a personal problem. So if your circumstances are truly different this year, I would think the clergy neighbors would understand.

I would probably rent it if it was a one shot deal.

If you would rather not, I would not only be there, I would invite someone else that weekend and say "I am sorry, not only are we going to be there, company is coming the same weekend".

One of our neighbors growing up, the only one really that my patients had a strained relationship with (because of their kids' illegal activities) started organizing a block party every summer (after we had all left home). My parents would actually leave town for that weekend rather than not attend but still obviously be home...

Isn’t that the weekend that all your friends from Guardian web are heading your way??

In all seriousness, I wouldn’t do it. It is as you are discovering a slippery slope and it will be harder and harder to say no to other acquaintances in the future.

Just sincerely say that your plans are to use the house as much as possible this summer and you will be in residence that weekend.

Two thoughts on this.

1. If you want to get close to these neighbors then do it. ONLY if you want to further your friendship.

2. I'd say no because if you let them stay, then John and Mary down the road will want to do it the following summer, and so on & so on.

If you do say no and the neighbor says "You let the other neighbors use your house," then tell them it was only because the clergy needed a place close by and normally you wouldn't have done it because that's your time with the family.

Using the clergy excuse is definitely your out here. :)

I wouldn't do it. Just feels like you could end up opening a whole can 'o worms, with the next neighbor down the road also asking...and then do they have other kids who might get married in the future and then they'll want your house again then?

And August is prime time! Jojoco and I have plans to be there with you that weekend.

I thought that was the weekend you promised me and the cats could have the top floor.

Since you'd rather have the house at your disposal than the money, I wouldn't do it. It sounds like the only reason you'd consider it is to strengthen your ties with the second neighbor, and there's no guarantee that will happen.

With the first set of neighbors, "All went went well." If something should not go well with this second group, would it strain your relationship further? Personally, I'd feel somewhat annoyed if others thought of my vacation home as an available space for their functions and I'd want to put an end to that quickly. If you rent it out regularly, that's different.

I vote for no. As in, " No, we use it all summer and don't like renting it out." Keep repeating no as often as necessary. Just no, and maybe you won't have to go to H*** NO! What if they trash the place (or someone they invited)and you are using it the next week? Why don't they buy their own place? Why don't they go online and check what IS available to rent.

Another no vote. If I were you, I’d plan on being there and invite friends so there is no question of having to face another request accommodation similar to what you offered your other neighbors.

A no vote from me. It could do the exact opposite of what you are hoping for. It could lead to very bad feelings. You just never know what someone expects. If you did this as a pay service for anyone that would be different but you don't this is your Home. Plan on being there.

Two years ago bought a second home in a beach town and I was surprised at the number of people who seemed to think we were a heck of a lot closer than I ever knew.

The first year I was guilted into letting someone use the house. I was stunned at how the house was left in their wake. It was just 3 people but clearly they really enjoyed themselves in my home. Stains on my couch, spillage left in what was a spotless refrigerator, a broken screen door....

Now I just tell everyone no. In your case it would be easy to add you plan on using the home at that time too. I just say no, we don't rent it out. I found the more details you added after the no, the more people wanted to debate it.

My experience has been that when I want to say yes to something I say yes and make it work. If I want to say no but don't want the fallout from saying no, I have found the best answer ever that I learned some years ago and it has eliminated all this consternation and worrying about being fair, hurting feelings and being inconvenienced, etc, when you want to say no.

But you must only utter the five words and nothing else--no explanations, no other words, no gestures, no buts, no "later." If you're face to face, look them in the eye and if they try again or ask why, just repeat it. Trust me--it works like a charm.

"It's not a good time."

I think it very odd that a neighboring acquaintance would ask to use your house. I mean if it was someone you hang with it would be different. You are already generous with your property so if you aren't comfortable don't do it. At first I was thinking of you lending that cool stand alone stone cottage but don't think it has a restroom. Maybe you could charge them $50,000 rental and put one in lol

ETA: Just a little something...

A polite “no, I’m sorry that it just won’t work for us” should suffice. So as not to be perceived as just a b***h, I’d make sure to be there that weekend.

I rarely feel that I need to provide an excuse when I want to say no. I just say, "No, I'm sorry, I can't." If I make up an excuse, that means I have to remember what it is that I made up, and I will likely have to keep making things up each time I'm asked.

I do kinda like Stan's approach, though. Saying "It's not a good time" lets them know (if they have a lick of sense) that asking "why?" is not an option.

I can't imagine asking to use anyones home without it being offered to me first.

A good friend when my kids were little lived across the street from me. She moved to Fort Lauderdale, Florida. She was amazed at how many friends and relatives they had.

I seem to recall a long ago issue of sand in the washer, or something of that nature, at a beach house, that caused some friction. It wasn't criminal sand, at the most, it was lack of thoughtfulness sand, but it gritted just the same.

There are so many things that could go wrong. Right now along the relationship continuum you are at 'polite but strained'. Random or not-so-random events could move that marker either way. I get that you would like the marker to move into the more positive area, but what if that doesn't happen?

Unless you want the house to continue as a de facto wedding venue, I would say no.

Hey, If you are good with it and like to do it, that is all that counts. Just don't get pushed into anything you don't WANT to do.

One difference between last year's guests is that they were clergy. Next year's guests will be a bridal party. For five days. Do you even know how celebratory /rowdy the bride, groom, bridesmaids, groomsmen, and family are the week before a wedding if they're from out of town? On a beach?

I'm also going to assume the groom and his friends will visit your house often.

Do you know anything about them, how many there'll be, and what relation they are to the bride?

At least with clergy you can probably expect great respect to your home. Not bottles of beer and wine all over the place until the big day. Because that's normal behavior for an out of town joyous event like a wedding. Ask me how I know. :)

And the sand! I shudder for you just thinking about it.

I really don't mean to sound like a snob, but you don't know anything about those people.

The last amplification finally enlightened me, I think, to why this isn't a simple 'sure you can rent' or 'no that won't work' situation. In this case it's not an issue of the money since you all have plenty ;). More an issue of convenience for the neighbors in having plenty of space at the beach for extended wedding family guests clashing with the undertone of them assuming that if you don't rent it's because of lingering neighborly coolness based on a past incident.

Definitely a sticky situation. Knowing that you do in fact very occasionally rent the house out, and that you allowed other neighbors to use it in the interest of keeping a cordial relationship it may be wise to say ok this time. Doesn't mean you are obligated to do it again, but if it doesn't truly inconvenience you, this is an investment in community harmony so to speak, at least between you and one neighbor.

Good Luck! You'll know after cogitating. ;)

TBH the concern over trashing the place and or causing any damage of any kind is really zero with both sets of neighbors.

Best of luck whatever you decide. We're your friends, if the house ends up a shambles because of a rip roaring wedding party we'll be here to say we told you so.

Tee-hee, Lucille.

I would call your insurance broker and get his/ her advice. I think once you start renting your house, it's a different kind of policy. I like the pps who suggested your response "Renting doesn't work for us". It doesn't matter if you are at your house that weekend or not.

I would not do it. But, if one of the reasons you are willing to rent is to improve relationships with these people, I don’t see that happening. Most people resent feeling grateful to others, and the fact that they would be paying makes it even less likely. I agree it would be nice of you, and if you are okay with just the warm feeling being nice will give you, then do it.

Re: your overthinking it. deeinohio makes a good point and I would also add to that, although I know they have offered to pay for it, be careful that you're not being used. I suspect that you're savvy enough to detect that in people.

Mtn, please don't take this the wrong way, but I think you're a little nuts. :)

You really have no idea what they may do to your home, even if by accident. I knew the people who I let stay in my house and yet they still really let me down. I know from reading your posts you seem to be as particular as I am about cleaning and taking care of your things.

Sure, it could absolutely go fine. Or.....it could go to hell and then you're stuck with neighbors you like even less than you do right now.

If you decide to do it, I sincerely wish you luck. And you have to promise to update us all afterwards. Maybe you'll be like me and be researching how to best clean unknown stains off a new white linen couch.....

I forgot to add that we once loaned our lakehouse to an ADULT MILITARY friend of our daughter’s who was visiting his family for Christmas. We had not even stayed overnight there ourselves, and went out and bought a new mattress and bedding for the guest room for him, because we had not furnished it yet. He had brought his cat and we specified the cat could not stay, but would have to stay with his parents (who were in the process of a remodel). Guess what? Without our knowledge, he brought the cat, who put a huge scratch in the seat of our brand new leather chair, and spread litter on its paws into every room of the house. I see that scratch every time we stay there, and it just reminds me never to loan the house again. Of course, he didn’t even thank us.

"...are good people who just don't happen to like us very much. Goes back to a little border dispute when we bought."

If they "don't like you very much" then why would they want to rent your house?

One of the biggest mistakes I ever made was doing business with someone close in my life. It went wrong and I vowed to never do it again.

mtn - I think you have made a very good case for renting your home to your neighbors for this special occasion. It will be nice for the bride's family to be right next door and I'm sure you will cover all your bases in the rental contract. Sounds like a feel good win-win to me.

I would send nice a basket of treats to each family the weekend of the wedding to ensure a friendly and not transactional face is put on the renting of the house. You are doing this for the goodwill and not the money, so be sure the accent is on your good wishes.

I’ve read most of the comments, and while I agree you have a real dilemma, I don’t believe you are over-thinking it. You really want to be a good neighbor. But as has been pointed out....

- it’s not your neighbors who would be staying there, and you don’t know a thing about the bride’s family. For all you know she could be Bridezilla, Inc.

- you really might want to use it yourself during that time

- if you have to think hard about it, you probably shouldn’t

I would also be worried others would think you now have a wedding venue.

Is there any way you could just offer them having the wedding ceremony at your lovely home on the grounds, with the families, guests and wedding party being shuttled to/from your home from another place? That in itself would still be intrusive with people coming to install chairs, flowers, etc, and then to the short wedding ceremony itself, but maybe not as bad as having strangers in your home all weekend.

I'd probably rent it out and explain to my neighbor friends that the difference was that last year I already had plans to be there during the requested period, and this year (next year?) I hadn't already made any concrete plans for the requested dates. This of course assumes that you are willing to work around the dates that have been requested for next summer. I'm pretty flexible when scheduling 8 months out, but if you aren't and feel like letting them rent on those dates will cramp your style, then say no.

Well, apparently my position did not prevail but I still want to be inivited to the GW party that week. I think it only fair to represent both sides...:)

You know, I have to say that I am really a little aghast that anyone would ask a neighbor to rent their house for overflow of a wedding party. I get that it is a beach place, but still...it just seems odd. We and everyone in our families always rent a block of rooms for out-of-town friends and the wedding party. I just can't imagine ever doing asking a neighbor to give up their home for us, even if we are paying. Guess I am not as nice as many of you. Now, if they were friends, I might offer a couple of rooms if we had them available, but no one I know would ever ask.

This thread turned out to actually be pretty meaty, at least for me. This line Mtn. pulled in her final analysis has stayed with me since reading it:

Most people resent feeling grateful to others,

Plus I love the way Mtn was able to reconsider her position.

What an awesome bunch of people hang out here :-)

Cyn, that is exactly what I was thinking. Odd!

I believe that you have finally reached the correct decision.. From your neighbors' perspective, rental of your home is nothing more than a convenient business transaction and the last thing on their minds is an attempt to improve neighborly relations.. More than likely they do not share your desire to be on good terms, otherwise they would have made overtures towards this long ago.. Everyone else's points about your property not being treated with respect are more than valid.. Why add more headaches to what is no doubt a very busy life?. Remember that not everyone else is as nice as you are and honestly, why do you even care about what other people think about you?. Stop trying so hard to please other people.. You will just be seen as a convenient "doormat", so to speak.

A little alarm bell went off when I read the initial post. Your relationship is somewhat strained because of something the previous owner did? Oh, boy. I'd stay well away from financial transactions with them. And just think what fun neighbors they'd be if they blamed you and your property for harm to their relatives.

We need to find you a vintage neon "No Vacancy" sign!

I feel good about the decision, thx again.

Just to be fair, a few loose ends.

1. Moxie, without rehashing the whole story, the best way I can describe it is that they were wary of neighbor issues and perhaps as a result did not act in good faith, and we responded aggressively and strategically, getting them to capitulate. Vague enough!? LOL Just trying to say, in life there is always "our side", "their side", and then the truth.

2. Paradise, I don't want to be nice just because of what they "think about (me)", but because it always feels good to be nice when you can. Karma or whatever.

3. Cyn, It's been a long thread but I don't think it is something to be aghast about at all. It is a second home, they are there most weekends and certainly know that even in peak season we are not always there all the time, and we have rented it out 3 times over the 5 years we have owned it. In fact, I just signed a one week lease for while we will be in Greece next summer.

Ah, I thought you said way back that you weren't planning to rent. My bad. I should learn to refrain from commenting! People know what they want to do and it isn't any of my business! :-)

Don't be silly, the input is very helpful! But threads get so long they can get hard to follow.

When in doubt, don't do it.

Just reading this now. Mtnrd - your decision makes sense. Hope you can get it out of your mind now. If you end up throwing a party next summer.... I'm up for the pre or post party. We are close by; just an hour away, in MA, which might be fun for out of town guests. Perhaps we could get a few other locals on the tour :)

I think you made a wise decision Mtn. What a very uncomfortable position to be put in. Shame on your unfriendly neighbors!

I am just now reading this thread and I also think you made a wise decision. You are a kind and generous person, so you wanted to be gracious to your neighbors. However, these particular neighbors appear to be difficult which could have lead to more complications if something went wrong during the rental period. It’s ironic, but renting to strangers who have been vetted is safer!