I ran a business for years. First out of my basement, then we built an addition on to our unattached garage. I had 3 part-time employees. They worked from 8am - 2pm. I never felt the need to feed them. I offered to get a coffee maker, but they prefered to bring their own. Two employees brought lunch and two ate when they got home. I had a table and chairs for our 'lunch room'. I usually went back to my house for my quick lunch. We did have a bathroom in the office, so there was no need for anyone to go into my house. I'll add that each of my employees were moms like myself and we all became good friends.

Ug. This is tricky because he's already been doing it. You/he can't really stop something that has been going on without being rude unless there is a good excuse. Can you come up with a reason for DH to eat inside with you? Romance perhaps? :P Or does that raise the risk of having everybody coming inside to eat with YOU?

If it were me, I would share my concerns with my husband and let him handle the situation as he pleased- whether that would mean doing what I wanted or not. If your husband agrees with your concerns, he can find a way to manage the transition. Maybe going out for lunch for a while. If your husband does not feel the need to change the dynamic, then I would be fine with that. I would not want my husband to manage my interactions with people at this level.

Tell your husband how you feel and that you don't want these people using your home bathroom.

I think it is bad for a number of reasons to have people hanging around a business. They are cutting into work productivity. They could potentially fall or otherwise be injured while in the business. It does not set a professional tone when real customers come or call.

I disagree that you can't stop a set of behaviors without a good excuse. He is the boss and he can set the rules. But how to convince your husband - that I can't tell you how to do.

Well that sounds just crazy to me. You have people just hanging about, disrupting work, and now DH is feeding them??!! Does he expect YOU to fix the meals?

I'd put my foot down for it to stop. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Cite "insurance problems" if you have to have a reason.

And there's no reason for your DH to "eat his meals in front of them." Are they inside your kitchen/dining room watching him?

This is one of those situations that has just slowly evolved. I would not get involved though.

The bathroom situation is tricky. That is something that needs to be provided. I guess you can't install one in the office?

This is your husband's domain. Since there isn't a bathroom on site, the worker has to use yours. The tricky part is the hangers on. If you already have this one, does another person using the bathroom really matter?

Yes I agree about the visitor using the office as his personal hang out. It's a nod to your husband that his employee still wants to hang around even when he is through working. That said, it can't be helpful. What are the liability issues for the employee and the visitor?

All this said, you need a sit down with your DH to express your concerns. If none of these things are an issue with him, you might have to just let it go.

If you never say anything, the way you feel is just going to get worse and fester over time. He deserves to know if you’re upset or frustrated with something and why now before it grows into an even bigger problem.

ETA: You may not be able to correct everything that’s bothering you so be prepared to find compromise.

Do they come inside to use the bathroom? I remember when we had workers inside all day long, day after day and I'd have to clean the bathroom each night and switch out hand towels. It made me feel dirty.

Who cleans the kitchen and doesn't it get expensive buying more groceries and having to go to the store more often?

Unless these are your good friends, I'd tell dh he needs to make an excuse to close shop so he can go inside to eat, and his buddy needs to go elsewhere.

As I said, I think this is your husband's issue to deal with as he pleases- which means he has to cope with all consequences- therefore- the bathroom MUST remain clean. DH can clean it himself. Yuk.

^^^ Agreed. This is for your DH to handle. How he handles it may or may not be your chosen method, but he needs to be aware of your feelings and will hopefully respect them. I would have distinct lines in the sand - not saying that you don't or that yours should be the same as mine. I would not make extra grocery trips to remain stocked up, but perhaps your DH handles shopping and is not bothered. As I do the shopping in my house, that would be a line for me. The money may not be an issue but it would be difficult for me to not keep track mentally. I would not prepare any lunches beyond what I'm already doing although you may not be making your DH's lunch either - but that would be another line for me. The bathroom part would be the largest intrusion to me and would twist me sideways because I am home a lot of the time during the day and expect my privacy. That's a big red line for me.

I don't know what the answer is but I'd be bothered by this also. Mostly I would be bothered by the extra expense of feeding all these people. Even food for just the two of us each month is quite costly, I can't imagine how much money you are spending each year to feed all these guys! It may not seem like a lot, say $20 a day but add that up for the year and YIKES! That is over $7000, of course, I'm sure he isn't working 365 days a year but still, it's a lot of money. Maybe y'all have money to burn but most of us don't!

What kind of business is this? By any chance agricultural related? I can see a little of this type thing in that environment. Kind of like "hey let's all meet at the diner and hang" only your house has become the diner. Has this affected your husbands productivity or does he care?

I remember when I was a kid in town, some of the elderly men would drop in at the gas station/garage or the barbershop to just sit and talk. Even as a teenager, friends and I would buy a Coke at the Snack Shack, but then hang around for hours talking and watching boys. Different times back then. Today I agree it would have a lot to do with liability.

Providing a meal? Well, that's a bit too much.

One thing to consider, you work hard and now a portion of your paycheck is going towards feeding those stray dogs. Oh he!! no! :)

All of our advice is a moot point if your DH 1. enjoys the camaraderie of these men and 2. feeding them in a non issue (and you yourself said it wasn't about the money.)

I think it's more the bathroom issue. Two things here. If they are total slobs, then that is a big issue. if not then it could seem petty. The other issue is as DML mentions, you privacy. Although again this can seem petty if they are coming in only once a day and really maybe you are out running errand etc for the most part.

I would like to hear your DH's side of the story. Who knows, maybe he can make you the "bad cop" and stop the lunches and the non employee visitor as well as the employee having hang out time. Maybe he needs an excuse for something that got out of hand.

But....we won't know any of this until you to talk to DH.

I am guessing (only guessing) that you have seen the activity since you have been home recovering?

I would be quick to tell my husband that the current arrangements now have to stop.

Can he move his business to a storage unit? My husband keeps his race car in one, and there are lots of small businesses that are run out of the complex.

Back in the day when my grandmother worked in the family business, she made lunch for all the workers. They ate in the breakroom. That was the old time version of the company lunchroom! Now days it would be vending machines. But with just one or two employees, I think it is bizarre that your DH feels the need to feed his employee every day. I might spring for coffee and some granola bars on a regular basis, but grown men should be able to take care of their own lunches. I know they often don't. My husband always packs his lunch and has for 40 years on the job as a carpenter, but he is always amazed at the haphazard way most of the crew does lunch. But that's their problem isn't it? Continuing to feed them is just enabling them not to take responsibility for bringing their own lunches. If he wants to factor that into the cost of doing business, then I guess it is OK, but I wouldn't. Too much extra work. If the crew were larger you could contract it out, but with just one guy, it should be handled on a personal expectation basis. And FWIW, my husband often eats his lunch in front of other co-workers who didn't bring a lunch. His attitude is pretty cold but it has been developed over years of hard knocks. As a boss, your husband should tell his employee that he expects him to bring his own lunch. That is perfectly reasonable. Maybe get some lunch boxes with the company logo on them, (or not if you don't have one) and give them out as Christmas gifts!

I haven't read all the posts. Are you in a remote location, far from a store, cafe, or within convenient driving distance? Are the employees otherwise disadvantaged, e.g., physically or mentally challenged? Is there any really good reason that, while they are able to work and earn money, they can't provide their own darn lunches? It sounds a little like having let a camel get his nose in the tent, you have a situation of your own making. Or your husband does. I'd have a serious conversation with him about this.

Some clarification-this is a micro business. We had a full time business with an offsite shop and full production and retail but sold it years ago. DH retired but started back up in a very, very small manner-he primarily wholesales to a few local businesses and does some custom work for people. The guy who works for us does it on a very part time occasion-probably 2-3 hrs a day, yet he hangs out for hours. Some days it's longer but we don't have a cadre of paid employees.

I work full time outside the home but will be retiring soon, within 4-18 months. His work is primarily in our garage and in a building extension off the garage. We are not building an breakroom, employee lounge or bathroom. The scenario is more like the old guys hanging out at the corner gas station.

This has gradually gotten worse over the past few years. After his best friend and his mother passed away he seems to welcome these hangers on. I have talked to him about it and he doesn't seem to see the problem. I don't prepare his lunches, he's a big boy and can make his own with the food in the house. I've told him he can take a sandwich outside if he doesn't want to take a lunch break (which he doesn't do). What gets on my nerves is that when I want to make a sandwich for lunch or have a snack, the stuff is gone! I buy groceries for two people, not 6.

Sometimes he'll go buy several packs of meat and grill them up-I'd love to use them for meals, but he'll feed this pack of people instead. Also my bottled water disappears at a fantastic rate.

I guess I'm stuck with it until I retire and lay down the law. I've tried the liability issue-it doesn't get through his head. He's been pretty good about not letting them use the bathroom-but I get really upset when I come home from work to see a bunch of guys hanging out and nothing I've asked DH to get done for me has been done. That's telling me that his productivity is waaaay, waay down and we're getting in to his busy season. He doesn't have the inventory needed and I'm really angry about that too.

If he doesn't let them use the bathroom, they may be finding other "creative" ways to relieve themselves, on your property. The reason I know this is my husband was sometimes on the job with just a few guys, in a remote location, and he has some horror stories to tell . . .

The remoteness of your location does come in to play. My husband also worked for a factory that gave 30 min. MAX lunch breaks and he was always surprised at the number of people who went out every day, both from a cost and convenience perspective. Also people who stopped every day at the convenience store on their way in to work to get their daily food stocks. These folks had the health problems to go with that!

I suggest getting a small fridge for the workshop (you can find them pretty easily used) and telling your husband that he has to buy all the food he gives out, and only use food out of that fridge. Sounds to me like he wants to feed his crew regularly, but then the logistics of that should be on him, not you.

Pink's idea of a fridge in his workshop is good. DH has a woodworking shop and since guys would stop by on their way to the field he bought a fridge to put pop, tea and water inside. Your dh can be responsible for lunch meat and bread.

Or, do what I do sometimes when I don't want anyone to eat something I bought for myself. Non-perishables of course. I put them in a bag and store it in the bedroom. You can do the same with water.

Definitely, if they aren't using the inside bathroom, they are likely using the outside bathroom....ie bushes.

Okay, so I think we are getting what really is bothering Neets about this situation. I too would be annoyed if food that I planned for a meal, whether it be a sandwich for myself for lunch, or for dinner, went missing.

I would talk to DH about this! I would then label things. Not fair to take the steak that was planned for tonight's dinner and grill it up for the boys for lunch.

I am hearing that your husbands likes his buddies and likes to feed them. Why take this away from him? It sounds like he likes the extra company past hours and the extra visitor as well.

Years ago DH bought a laundromat so his dad would have some place to go after he retired. His dad sat there all day, gave out change, and a few of his buddies would sometimes visit as well.

At this point in time, I would figure out a shopping list with the help of your DH. Mark the untouchables as a reminder, do not take, this is for our dinner tonight!! etc.

Really this is all harmless. Sorry that you are annoyed by it.

If you are unwilling to put in a bathroom, you have no choice but to let them use yours. Again, unless that are inconsiderate and sloppy, I personally don't see the harm in this.

I see the real problem being that all these people hanging around are getting in the way of his business responsibilities. Is he used to the business being run by an office manager or someone that took charge of those businessy things? Was it you that ran the office when y'all had the business full time? Is he expecting that you will take care of things and is forgetting that is now HIS responsibility to do these things? I think that if you let him get himself into a pickle, maybe it will get him busy and realize that he can't sit around and chit chat all day and still run a business.

I still think the issue is ensuring your husband manages the logistics of his new social life without troubling you.

If you make him give this outlet up, what will take its place?

So what bugs you is

1. He is feeding the food for you guys to his cronies.

2. He is spending more time with his cronies than earning money.

3. He is allowing his cronies to multiply in numbers.

1. Maybe you have to clarify that he's going to feed these guys then he is going to have to be the one to pay for it completely. No money out of your savings or your checking's strictly out of his business's money
2. Other people here know more about running a small business than I do but I agree get an assessment done on his business and see exactly where he is financially.
3. Again hit him in his pocket book. Make sure he pays for absolutely everything. And if you catch anybody using the bushes or trees as their facilities Etc make him spray it clean. And continue to express your disgust.

I have to say that perhaps this is the picture he had of retirement. It's hard when people are so different from one another. It's irksome when you feel very strongly about something and he feels equally as strongly about it. I have no answers except for try to focus more on his redeeming qualities if you can. While keeping things in perspective as to financial damage Etc.

For myself if my DH wanted to spend his retirement with people at my home I would probably welcome it. At least I would know where he was :-). instead he will probably spend his retirement riding a dirt bike up and down scary mountains.

Just think Neetsie he could have chosen something really scary as his retirement thing. If this keeps the light in his eyes and him interested in life... That's good right?

I don't think it is uncommon for some to want a job that is more a hobby.

My BIL is a 70 year old dentist. He was in the same office building for his entire career. He never felt the need to buy into a building. But, that building was sold, and everyone thought that he retire.

But instead, he moved his practice! His practice was not an over scheduled one, so an easy schedule to keep up with now. I think he just likes the idea of getting out of the house and having his own domain to hang out in. He wants to work until he is 80.

My sister mentioned to me that she was okay with this even if they just broke even. They really financially don't need the money.

I think she realized how important this was for his mental health.

The thing is he retired VERY young. His body was worn out and he dreamed of finally taking time to do things like go fishing and camping and visiting places. I have liberal vacation time so I could have gone with him. We even bought a boat and ended up selling it just a few months later because he started back doing his custom orders.

When we had the retail/manufacturing business I did the management of the money. Now I still do the books-they're not much at all because it's seasonal and it's just him and the very part time guy-we don't have nearly the production or sales. He'd been doing ok but the last year he's gone way into the hole-and lately I've been loaning him money to buy key supplies until he gets his orders out. Also I paid for a reno of the shop recently.. He is frustrated by the lack of production but I put that blame entirely on him-he knows how to fix it, but he won't say no to people.

We talked about me stepping in as full time manager when I retire. I've told him I'd really rather just close it all up and sell off the production inventory and lets go do all the things we have talked about doing (that I do on my own because he won't leave the shop because he doesn't want to let people down). I'd LOVE to sell the house and move into something much smaller with a lot less yard to manage. Conversely, if we stay, I want us to devote our time to fixing up the back yard into either an oasis we would enjoy or subdividing the lot and putting another house on it then selling BOTH and move into something small. (See where I'm going with this? LoL)

I'm not willing to continue with the care and feeding of these strays. Some smoke-so that means we find cigarette butts in the landscaping. Their vehicles take up valuable real estate in our driveway-many times I've come home and had to wait for them to move out of my parking spot (I can't park in the garage like I've dreamed of doing). There are even a couple who ride bicycles so they're sitting on my porch-and often they're using our tools to fix them. DH even helps them work on their cars at our house! He's complained that some want to borrow tools or landscaping equipment but he won't loan those things out, so they will come over with their projects and work on them there. And they haul CRAP over.

The other day I got home and some guy on a bicycle was unloading a bunch of garage sale left overs for DH to look over and buy from him. THAT upset me to no end. Under NO circumstances do I want anyone bringing stuff over here to sell to him. Because he won't say no and their garbage ends up at my house.

I'm sorry-I'm ranting but I'm just so frustrated. Came home from work again today and saw absolutely no sign of him having gotten any work done on any orders. And wet paint on a wall in the garage at 6:30PM. So that means nothing got done today. Oh, and there was a bicycle on the porch.