Misse Rogge, " ...I’m able to look at thing differently now, and don’t quite um...shiv a git if someone can’t be bothered to be nice—it says more about them than it does about me. " Bravo! Great attitude, and so true : )

"...but that doesn’t make me any less deserving of kindness, nor does it make me any less deserving of a kitchen that makes me happy and looks nice and is functional." You are absolutely right, and I feel it's a terrible shame some just can't behave like adults here. It takes the same effort to be kind as it does to be rude... and there is never a warranted excuse for being disrespectful.

However, I forbid you to be embarrassed about your kitchen (said with a smile!) My first kitchen was not even what people call 'builders grade', and I 'refreshed' it myself, on a very limited budget. In fact, budget is a kind word! But, family and friends had some memorably wonderful meals and gatherings (and some memorably awful meals!) over the years.. It was in a very rough neighborhood, and I daily fed young children healthy, well-balanced meals, while their parents were too stoned to feed them. So, that kitchen was loving, warm, and utterly beautiful and no one will ever tell me different : ) I'm sure yours is too.

DCF440, that is such a great post.

"The greatest conflict appears when those responding try to achieve their own goals rather than those expressed by the OP."

This is so true, and I am certain that I have made that same error in responding to others. It IS a difficult thing to keep your own likes and dislikes out if it, unless the OP has expressly asked for opinions of that nature. I am going to take this to heart and try to always remember this in any future responses that I make to someone here.

That conflict is intensified when the language used is riddled with condescension and arrogance.

I don't see quite as much of this as I used to (the worst offender is no longer posting) thankfully, but I agree it just makes it worse. Lots of new posters have been completely run off by that kind of behavior and it is just so inappropriate.

"ideally people would just bow out responding if it violates their sense of design and let others, who can support that goal, take over."

Another excellent point. We should all keep that in mind.

Thank you for such a thoughtful post.

^^ Fully agree with everything DCF440 said as well.

There's also a lot lost in "translation", as it were, with the written word and tone, which contributes, somewhat.

However, I think it's also that some here don't seem to understand or care if you have limitations in scope or budget. And if/when an OP voices that, well, then the response is why even bother doing anything at all or why aren't you receptive to ideas? I've seen it a lot and experienced it too. Seems kind of extreme to me, and makes the experience quite disheartening. I do realize that new posters often don't read Buehl's FAQ requesting all the information up front, but you can't always anticipate what questions are going to come up.

Some are so new they probably do not even know about Buel's FAQ. This site is not always user friendly.

I once asked for people to post pictures of their kitchen's if they had cabinets with color as I was trying to decide what I really wanted and thought updated new kitchen pics would be fun. A very rude Pro told me to go look it up myself on the internet instead of asking others to post pictures. In other words, stop being lazy. I deleted the post. I had looked at pictures, many in fact before posting. Some just feel the need to be snarky. Thankfully there are lots of really nice, kind and helpful people to make up for those who are rude.

Because there are no verbal or body language cues in these forums, unless you are a professional writer (which I'm not), it's very easy to write something that comes across as arrogant, rude or nasty to the reader but wouldn't raise an eyebrow if spoken in person. Assuming that it's lack of writing skills that are causing the rudeness is good for the blood pressure if nothing else and probably covers most, but not all, cases.

Because they are all white and gray because that is the trend.

To Jerry Jorgenson's comment about writing skills, it would be helpful if before you hit "submit," that you actually take the time to read what you have written. I've taught writing classes on occasion, and that is the most important concept I try to get across to my students. Writing is rewriting. Not that these posts are for publication, but it would avoid some of the misunderstanding and snarkiness if the writer reads the words and edits before submitting. Ask yourself, "what would be my reaction if someone answered me like this?" Also ask "does this get my meaning across?" I understand that many post from smart (dumb) phones with autocorrect, but actually reading what you write and correcting the autocorrect does a world of good when trying to communicate.

Off my soapbox now.

I once asked for people to post pictures of their kitchen's if they had cabinets with color as I was trying to decide what I really wanted and thought updated new kitchen pics would be fun.

I hate you had that experience and decided to delete your post. Isn't that what this forum (all forums!) are about? If you were posting from your phone, is it even easy to search? Can't someone just be having a relaxing day and want to start a conversation with "friends?" Searching the internet or scrolling Pinterest is just not the same.

It's funny, because I do NOT tend to get a lot of the hostility when I post.

Two potential reasons for this, that I can see:

1. I pretty much exclusively post via the Garden Web side of things, which does not permit use of the "Design Dilemna" tag, since that's strictly a Houzz function (I've looked). It's possible that DD is a bit of a "chum in the water" flag that draws out the jerks.

2. I generally state "I am doing X" and "this is what I'm looking for as part of X". Rather than "I'm considering A or B." Because I don't start in a position of presenting it as something I can be talked out of, it's possible the trolls don't try?

I think it also helps to A. not engage with the trolls nor feel the need to justify things beyond a possible short explanation for an unusual choice, B. not get butt hurt when someone doesn't like your design, thereby inflaming the trolls, and C. not be afraid to tell the most insistent jerks (politely) when to insert something in their anal orifice, TYVM.

One has to remember that in the fruit salad that is Houzz, we have all the same little bites as the rest of the internet. NoObs who don't know site etiquette (and post repeatedly, can't figure out how to post photos, etc.), Helpful pros who will make a recommendation or two but when faced with too much yahoo-ity will leave the thread, Helpful amateurs who often have a little more patience and will stick around a bit longer but also have their limits, One Trick Ponies who will try to convert everyone to their Chose Aesthetic (srsly, there is one designer whom I've seen recommend the SAME fixture for multiple fairly different kitchens. Possibly she gets a commission, IDK), trolls with personal hangups (whether that be "track" builders or rectangular houses or something else), House Mothers who try to insist on "polite behavior from everybody else and feel the need to defend anyone they feel is being unfairly picked on (usually unasked and unencouraged by the supposed victim), and the general flotsam population of a web forum that comes and goes with less consitency.

If you can put up with all THAT, there are useful areas. It's just that one never knows just which thread will become a treasure trove and which will turn into a dumpster fire.

@2Many/pippabean Yes, totally agree. 10 years ago I was helped tremendously with a kitchen remodel, some great support. I wanted my kitchen sink on my island so I could have the view instead of facing the wall as I had for 20 years. My island wasn't a huge island in depth and I was told that I should not consider it due to several laid out reasons and what a huge mistake it would be. It put me off track for a bit but I decided to go with my gut and my kitchen vision and it was a wonderful kitchen to work in for 10 more years! Same message, get advice and look at all options but go with what you love.

I'm certainly influenced by internet photo images I see, including Houzz photos, as to how to decorate my house. In the good old days, I'd say it was magazines, then HGTV, catalogues, and magazines. I no longer watch HGTV but I would guess ir's a huge influence and when those TV figures partner with stores, watch out.

Anyway, my earlier point was that when people post photo suggestions, you can tell if you like that poster's style. Sometimes I think Houzz posters should have to post images of their actual house area that they're giving advice about. ( Kidding!)

I just saw an interesting Before and After Kitchens article on the Washington Post. Having trouble posting the link shortcut in Houzz little insert box.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/realestate/cooking-up-the-right-way-to-remodel-your-kitchen/2019/06/19/2a930bc8-91f6-11e9-aadb-74e6b2b46f6a_gallery.html?utm_term=.872805cf8915

• White cathedral arch cabinets TO glossy white (and red) slab cabinets
• Maple (?) shaker cabinets, grey granite counters, those grey metal backed stools, bar pulls TO White paint, solid grey counters, those backless wood stools with black legs, black metal lanterns, ORB pulls, white and grey tiled BS, open shelves.
• Cherry shaker cabinets, beige walls and granite TO White shaker, grey walls and counter, new island painted dark grey
• Pickled cabinets, gloss solid black granite counter, polished beigy tile floor TO mid-tone wood slab cabinets, dark counters, wood floor, those backless black "contemporary" stools, bar pulls

Another designer account I follow on IG, Pierce & Ward Even the white kitchens are interesting. Not keen on any of the subway tiled hoods, or their obsession with open shelves but they aren't afraid of color.

This faux hutch is what pulled me in today.

This thread is one of the best on the Houzz.

cpartist, your kitchen countertops are stunning! Would you be open to sharing the name of what it is? Also, love your gingko stained glass. It looks like one I’ve seen from an artist on Etsy who does beautiful work. Great choice in that space.

I found the photos so jarring, I could not read the article....

https://birminghamhomeandgarden.com/a-colorful-lakeside-retreat/?fbclid=IwAR0xwkXds0iy8q_c7I97-0JgIRLn5scB18C0h9mGqDi68fuBnBjjRhzaSMg

I actually didn't mind it. I wouldn't choose those colors, but the overall affect was of a consistent design choice. In fact, the kitchen is one of the better rooms in the house. I thought the multicolored doors was a bit Romper Room. Still, more power to her for not painting the whole house white.

Allison0704, agreed! I would,literally, get nauseous with all that pattern and color. Goes to show...we should make our homes something that reflect our own tastes and needs...a plain white and grey house would suit me every day over the week vs. that mad hatter house...but I’m sure the homeowners love this space. To each their own :)

I guess i am not easily jarred either. Maybe it is a Holly thing ;-) Not my style or colour loves but I'd like to visit...especially to know if I would be disappointed or amused that the inside and outside don't match. Outside had me thinking I was going to get an "Interior Alchemy" experience inside. https://www.instagram.com/interior_alchemy/?hl=en

In our new build our upper and lower cabinets are dark walnut stained maple, the island is ivory with a black glaze, and we have an ivory backsplash and granite counters. We wanted to go old fashioned. I too am over the blinding white look. If I get a second house one day, I’d like some color! Recently I’ve been enamored with butter yellow cabinets.

The photo Allison posted would be something you might see in Florida, although maybe not on the island but you will see wall colors in bright line greens or aquas. I wouldn't choose this for my own kitchen but it really doesn't bother me...but I like color and give credit to those not afraid to do it.

I like it, though the all-turquoise rooms are a bit overwhelming. I envy the budget that let them buy that range.

I like that lakeside retreat but would have dialled down the turquoise. BM Jamaican Aqua would have been my choice. Hollybar, you're right, the exterior does match that Interior Alchemy account.

I think it’s great! Might not have picked it myself but love the clear colors with the white.

Those wild Norwegians sure love them some color.

(Not to mention modern Skylights added to historic homes, horrors!)

Okay, I am going to comment on the original post because it has gotten too convoluted. I too am tired of all the white and grey kitchens. It makes it extremely difficult to find products, such as granite, to your liking since all merchandise is geared towards what is hot right now. I understand it is all normal merchandising...that is just the nature of the beast. The suppliers are going to carry what SELLS. It just makes it more difficult when your vision is unique and finding the right stuff to carry out your vision.

cpartist, your kitchen countertops are stunning! Would you be open to sharing the name of what it is? Also, love your gingko stained glass. It looks like one I’ve seen from an artist on Etsy who does beautiful work. Great choice in that space.

Sorry I missed your post as I was away then. Thank you. They are fascination quartzite.

The window was designed by my stained glass guy and myself.

Allison, I love that kitchen. Some of the other choices I wouldn't do but that kitchen would make me happy.

That lime green kitchen. "Romper room," exactly! The pendulum is a-swingin'.

I have to laugh. We're currently painting out kitchen (teal bottoms, light gray tops) and when we were considering white, my mom about lost it. "I don't understand why anyone wants a white kitchen! I hate it!" She's been in an old, white farmhouse kitchen for decades with cruddy old cabinets. When they did a very minor, cosmetic face lift about a decade ago, they went ... 90s orangey oak (new doors, stained veneer over frames), oak laminate floors, and brown speckled laminate countertops. With vine-like cabinet pulls. But she's happy with it, so who cares? No one will buy that house without either tearing it down or doing a complete gut job.

My favorite part is that she ripped out the huge farmhouse sink and had it sitting in the yard until they could take it to the dump. People kept stopping by and asking if it was for sale. She was so baffled and sold it (too cheaply) to the first person who could haul it away. "It's just an old sink. And I hated it. What is wrong with people?"

..I just read all the thread, and am off to explore the links mentioned

thank you:)

Holy crap NO THANKS to all those colors in that house. And puuleeeze - it has NOTHING to do with "being brave". What an absurd statement in the article. Someone who prefers an array of dizzying colors surrounding them 24/7 may be many things, but that has nothing to do how brave they are. LOL!

cawaps

I like it, though the all-turquoise rooms are a bit overwhelming. I envy the budget that let them buy that range.

Nailed it :) And I LOOOOOVE turquoise. However, that bathroom, wow! :)

I love this: “Anyone who visits our house has to join into our craziness—there’s no formality in our lives!”

That is exactly how I feel about our home. I couldn't have said it better myself! I typically welcome people to our home by saying, "Welcome to the crazy!"

Maybe bold is a better descriptor than brave, and of the many things they may be, the thing they definitely are not is boring and bland!

I knew you would love this April! It may not be for everyone but I applaud them for putting in what they want and not feeling the pressure to follow the fads. I wouldn't go so far to call them brave, just smart to go with what they like..

I have to say that the color choices are very skillfully done - they aren’t at all random and also, in some of the rooms the bright hues are 90 percent in the accents - pillows and wall art, etc. There is probably a rhythm between the very intensely colored rooms and the mostly white-with-pops-of-color ones.. Wouldn’t It be fun to visit. :)

I like that colorful house except for the color in the master bath. I think I would have done a bright blue instead of that blue-green. :-)

<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><md>I don’t know how - but I never saw this thread! Wow! All I can say is yes! It’s not about color - it’s about character/personality/love/thoughtfulness - that you want to see shine through in any design. I was SO scared, when redoing our kitchen, that it was gonna look so new that it would feel out of place. And I agree about trends and doing what you love! We have shiplap ceilings in our laundry room and office because I love shiplap ceilings, and have been putting them in the houses I’ve lived in for 25 years.
When we started our kitchen remodel ( https://www.houzz.com/discussions/5738196/we-finished-our-kitchen-danby-and-soapstone) we hired an architect. He wanted to close up our staircase and knock the wall open to our dining room.

Hmm. I have such trouble posting here! Got cut off.
So we fired the architect and hired a kitchen designer, and in our one meeting, she kept warning us not to mix materials, surfaces, etc, and also to close up the staircase to get more wall space. So we fired her, and then designed it all ourselves, but it was so scary! In retrospect - if you’re choosing things you love, it will probably be ok! And as someone who was a realtor for many years - don’t worry too much about resale! In my experience, spaces with character sell faster. Your audience might be smaller, but the likelihood that your space resonates with someone, and they fall in love, will increase 10 fold. It’s not about color - it’s about character/personality/thoughtfulness/beauty.

I just shouldn’t post lol. I mess up all the time.

Here’s my new kitchen granite! My house is all beige/brown/black. No Grey anywhere and I’m doing a dark backsplash. Everyone (all of my friends) think I’m crazy because they have shiplap and grey homes but it’s what I want and it’s different. To me- grey and white is cold and un inviting. But that’s just my personal opinion. I could never get into the farmhouse or modern look.

<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><md>We are moving into a house with a brand new white/gray kitchen with dark wood island. Thankful at least that the cabinet doors are not shaker. We leave behind our dark quartersawn oak and green Fireclay tile backsplash!!

Maggie Owensby - The modern look is only modern for a few months, then there is a new modern look. Do what you want and don't worry about it. We did our kitchen so that it would work for us.

becky, you should ALWAYS post!

Maggie Owensby : Your kitchen is a prime example that NOT all kitchens that are white are boring. Your kitchen is just stunning. I think all white or grey is fine as long as you have that one thing that POPS! For an example: a dramatic granite countertop , a flooring that has a high variation rating, or a unique backsplash. In my opinion, the all white kitchens with grey subway tile is: booooring.

You do you, boo!

;)

@becky2010, thanks for sharing those valuable insights. I have little confidence in my design skills and am starting to panic about all the mistakes I'm probably making with all the many choices (especially now that deadline pressure has built to a exploding point). We also want to think about resale (it's complicated!) but agree that playing it too safe can be a mistake, too. Not sure what I'm getting at other than thanks and please keep posting! :)

@Mittens Cat - It's exhausting and exciting all at the same time. I was really, really nervous. Those finishing choices at the end are dizzying. And after a 2 year process - it came down to 5am the morning that they were coming to install our hardware for me to actually put the brass in the aging mixture and get it done. It was insane. And most people have to think abut resale! But the houses that had some real character were always the ones to sell quick - so take some risks. I wish that I had used this forum for feedback during the process - but i was afraid that getting too many opinions would only confuse me more.

In the 90’s every kitchen was brown. Every. Single. One. Usually oak or cherry , sometimes maple .

"In the 90’s every kitchen was brown. Every. Single. One. Usually oak or cherry , sometimes maple. "

Yup. And before that as well. In fact every damn kitchen in every house I ever lived in was BROWN. And I grew to hate it. All I wanted was white and airy and bright and now I have it. I freaking love my white kitchen.

Chessie -- I can remember when every kitchen was yellow. Trust me, brown is a big improvement :-)