What I heard in your statement is that you and your family are taking care of your mom. Your brothers do not seem to be contributing anything. As long as your mother is sound of mind, she can sell her property to whoever she wants at whatever price she wants. Your brother can argue with her about it, but he can't stop her.

I don't know why you think you would forfeit any future inheritance by buying the house. The law in your state may be different than mine, but it is your mother's will that determines who gets what. She can change her will at any time. She can decide to bequeath you the house after her death and leave other assets to your brothers. Your mom, no doubt, does not want to play favorites with her children.

However, you and your mom need to talk about this in detail. And, you both need to visit a lawyer and have him explain the pros and cons of whether selling her home to you now, or bequeathing it to you later would be better—for her and for you. Bottom line is that you are currently paying rent to your mother. When she dies the house becomes the property of all her children if that is what her will states. It will probably be sold and your family will have to move. You end up with around $200K of the proceeds, and no place to live. Ideally you would use that money to buy a home, but you will then have a mortgage at a time when you may be nearing retirement age.

Moreover, who is the executor of her will? Who is responsible for arranging and paying for her funerary expenses? Does anyone hold power of attorney for your mother? Does your mother have beneficiaries listed on her bank accounts? What you don't know can hurt you.

You state she lives in a retirement home and those vary so much in cost in every area. Beyond the excellent suggestions above you need to find out what the daily nursing home rate is for your area by calling several nursing homes and asking for their rates. In some areas that $400K will not last very long if you are already paying for her food and medicines.

That you are already paying for those things is to me a warning flag that her monthly income barely pays her expenses. Those expenses will go up. You can talk to your mother but your brother is the wiser one. Your mother may need nursing home care in the future. Depending on her current cost of the retirement home a nursing home may cost more than the retirement home or less. If she becomes ill her doctor may order her to be placed.

This is the problem. " will last her another 10 years at her current spending down". No one that has ever handled the financial resources for someone should ever say that. If they had they would know that most senior living places raise their rates if you are lucky once a year. Some will raise it whenever they want to. They may not raise the rates but they will start adding fees. In the last four years I spent over $267K plus supplies, plus medicine having my husband taken care of at a nursing home. It was one that for ever reason billed the amount Medicaid provides for patients in this county even though he was private pay. If she is starting to be forgetful it is only a matter of time that she will need Assisted Living. Assisted Living at least here is several thousand a month more than most of the nursing homes.

Your comment about paying for medicine makes me ask if she is enrolled in Plan D.

If no one has a POA one of you needs to get it now. It is not something to put off even a day much less a week because things like a stroke can really cause problems. There would be no way a judge would permit the sale of the house at the price you want to pay if a Conservatorship is granted.

You need to do some study about Medicare and Medicaid based on your statement "once Medicaid stops paying". Medicaid only pays if most resources are exhausted. While the person on it can keep a house and a car the amount of other assets they are allowed to keep varies from state to state.

Here is a short overview but you need to check your own state because while parts are federally mandated some states have other things. Right off the bat I see the valuation of the house is higher than what is stated in this article.

https://www.agingcare.com/Articles/asset-limits-to-qualify-for-medicaid-141681.htm

Being older and having even older friends never think that a person will not need nursing home care. If you do not consider yourself blessed. If you were thinking Medicare covered some nursing home care the amount is limited and most insurance will only pay room and board if it is medically necessary. That generally means IVs and ventilators

First, can you even purchase in this community? Are you old enough to meet the community's age standard? If no, your follow on questions are invalid.

Second, your mother needs stand alone advice. That means advice from a professional that specializes in both elder care and estates. Right now, she isn't getting that.

I suggest you contact an attorney that specializes in elder care. The National Association of Elder Law Attorneys provides referrals for these types of services. There is a search feature to the www.naela.org website. Find your state and area. I've used them for elder care advice for aging parents and have used them myself to find a competent estate attorney. While I paid most of the bill, they provided services exclusively for my parents. I had nothing to do with the discussions. An elder care attorney and his staff of professionals will make certain that she has everything she needs for the next phase of her life. She will make the decisions for herself. They deal with these situations and the elderly everyday. They also know how to structure continuing care and final estate matters.

I would really urge you to hire a professional. One who can sort through the issues. I don't think buying the house is the solution for you or her. I do think that your taking responsibility shouldn't cost you anything. I will note that money has a way of making people act badly. That's why you need a professional voice. Someone to advocate for her.

You did your mother a favor by enabling her to not sell her old home -- that is kind. However, figure out what is best for you and your family. Could you buy a house in the $475K range that your family would like? It's okay to be "selfish" and think of your own family's good ... you don't have to take action, just understand financially what your situation is.

It's also possible that your mom has gotten over the attachment to her old home and is more ready to let it go, permanently. So hurting her feelings might not need to enter the equation any longer. It's hard to be a good daughter sometimes, isn't it.

Have you considered buying a different house?

We would not be buying in her senior living community. And no, the house itself is not one I would want if it werent of sentimental value to us all. I believe buying elsewhere is the most logical answer.

From a math standpoint, assuming your mom wants to divide her estate equally among you:

The house is worth $625K. That's $208K each. If you purchase it for $475K, that's a $150K discount. So when mom dies, you should get $150K less than each of your brothers does.

If there is $500K in her estate, then you would get $66K, and they would each get $217K.

The fairness concern might arise if there is a smaller amount left, say $200K. Then if your brothers each got $100K, you previously got $150K, so they might cry foul.

If you want to complicate things in the name of fairness, mom could require that you pay the $150K into her estate upon her death, then the proceeds be split 3 ways. So if she has $500K left, you all split $650K (you net $66K as above). And if she has $200K left, you all split $350K. Which means you get $116K-150K, or in other words, you would pay your brothers $17K each.

In my opinion, neither you nor your brothers should feel entitled to anything of mom's, or require her to be "fair." She doesn't have to split things equally upon her death, and she can give unequal gifts to her children while she is alive. You all should treat any inheritance as a happy surprise, and not get caught up in the equality or lack thereof. That's your best bet for ensuring your relationships with each other remain strong and healthy.

And if it's really not the ideal house for you, buy something else. That will avoid any fighting.

what i have found works well for the grown children is to help them while you are still alive to enjoy them having something they might not have been able to have. I have helped my kids financially over the years and am now helping the 'grands' - no huge amounts at any one time (for example, we 'subsidized' the oldest daughter's family for 2 years on their home expenses (i.e. we purchased a home, mortgage was $650 a month, rented it to them for $250 a month) while her hubby was in law school. Gifted grandson $50K down payment on property (he lived on it and paid mortgage). He now had a different home but rents out the property for almost enough to pay both mortgages!

If the house is worth $625k, and there are three of you, just buy out your two brothers. Thats basically buying the house for $416k. (you each get 1/3)

What I "read" in your post is that you feel that you should be given special treatment, because you brothers are financially better off than you. Because their kids might inherit something, doesn't mean your kids are entitled to the same. For all you know one of your brothers is mortgaged to the max and might need the money down the road.

What if you had done better than them and your 2 brothers were not doing that well ... would you be willing to give up part of your inheritance to one of them?

I don't think she is saying that she should get more because she has less.

It does sound like that she is taking care of her mother, while her brothers are not.

And as someone said above, as long as the homeowner has her wits about her, she can sell that house for whatever she wants to whomever she wants.

Being old does not mean that you forfeit your status as an adult, or that your children are entitled to make decisions about your life, or that they have any right to your property.

FYI she is not taking care of her mother but living in her mother's house. Sorry but she needs to find a house that her family can afford because when her mother dies she may have to vacate that house to settle the estate.

Her mother still owns the home and needs (or at least may need) the money from it. So the OP can't just pay off her brothers at the 1/3 rates quoted above. Her brothers don't own the house, mom does. So in theory mom could agree to sell it to her at any $ she wants. Danger of that is if mom runs out of money and needs Medicaid, at least in N.Y. the government has the ability to go after them if the sale wasn't fair market value.

I understand what you're trying to do. But unless both of your brothers agree to something I think you're stuck waiting to see what happens. This could be easier to work out once your mom has passed.....or it could be moot by then too for any number of reasons. Only you know whether it makes sense to wait to see what happens.

Yes, she is taking care of her mother. She is paying her mother's bills

Not sure what you mean by your brothers having a stake in the house. Does your mother own the house outright?

If so, if you buy the house from your mother at below market price, she effectively has gifted you the difference between full market price for an arm's length transaction and the reduced selling price.

You should buy a house you can afford and sell your mother's house. She gets the net from the 625k selling price (after fees and costs) and you get a house for your family.

There's also the tax angle. When Mother dies, the house will be assessed at its value at that time, not what was paid for it years ago. A 'stepped up' value avoids huge capital gains taxes for the inheritors.