If you want to avoid desert planting (and spikes and spines that could hurt the kids), yet not attract too many mosquitoes, and stay with medium (rather than high) water consumption, you can find a lot of options in plants native to the Mediterranean.

These include:

Olive trees (Olea europaea) is a handsome, slow-growing tree. Sterile non-flowering non-fruiting varieties are available that do not afflict pollen sufferers, and do not litter the ground with messy olives.

Mastic tree (Pistacia lentiscus), an evergreen tree with small very dark leaves, and a somewhat shrubby form that can be pruned up into a tree form.

Mediterranean fan palm (Chamaerops) This is slow growing and peaks at only about 15 feet in height. It is multi-trunked, with new trunks arising from the base, so you get multiple palm heads at varied heights, a very attractive look). It does have spines on the leaf stems, but these will generally be up out of reach of little kids.

Cypress (Cupressus sempervirens) tall slender evergreen. There are very narrow types available, such as "Tiny Tower." It peaks at 25-35 feet tall, but it is unusually very narrow, so it does not eat up limited ground space.

Oleander (Nerium oleander), needs more water to get started, but eventually can get along fine with natural rainfall. It is multi-trunked, but can be pruned to as few as you like. It has pretty blossoms in spring. If you hunt long enough, you can find heavily-scented ones, which tend to be pink or carmin. Everyone will earnestly tell you that every part of the plant is poisonous, which is true, but so too are lots and lots and lots of other plants all around us that cause no trouble.

Germander (Teucrium fruticans) this shrub can reach about 3 or 4 feet in height. The silver foliage makes it look like a desert plant, but it is native to the western Mediterranean. It's great charm is that it produced myriad small blue blossoms December-February, when you are likely to be outdoors.

Bay (Laurus nobilis) an evergreen shrub which prefers afternoon shade (yes, the same bay leaves as used in cookery);

Myrtle (Myrtus communis), a small-leaved evergreen shrub which looks a lot like boxwood or privet, but has a pleasant scent. (tender summer tip growth can be chopped and used to flavor goat cheese or other delicate non-cooked foods). It can take full desert sun (at least here in Tucson), and if grown in shade is more sparse and open in form, but still very pretty. Shearing will make it dense. If left alone it can become twelve feet tall, but it can be shorn to a tidy size.

Herbs are a great way to introduce children to gardening; that's how my parents got us kids hooked.

Rosemary (Rosmarinus officinalis) grows to only about two feet high, but can eventually sprawl horizontally about three feet.

I find other cullinary herbs do best in large terra cotta pots (pots that breath) filled with cactus-palm soil mix. I grow thyme, nepetella (Nepeta nepetella) (delicious with sauteed mushrooms, "cat mint" not to be confused with "cat nip"), Greek oregano, Mexican oregano, sweet marjoram this way.

Herbs that require richer soil (ordinary house-plant potting soil will do) and more water include mint and basil, both of which require protection from afternoon sun. Mint will grow well year 'round (I just cut it back once a year), and basil is a tropical that loves summer heat.

Calendula is an overlooked herb. It grows the same way as other herbs (cactus soil, terra cotta pot). It is happiest in winter. Its cheerful yellow or orange flower petals are pretty if sprinkled in salads.

Johnny-jump-ups, violas and pansies grow well in potting soil in winter here, and their blossom petals are also edible in salads and look pretty on deserts.

For all edible plants, don't use chemical insecticides or chemical fertilizers. Instead, use insecticidal soap spray, and fish emulsion fertilizer. Save the chemical treatments for non-edible ornamentals.

There is an interesting Mediterranean plant that is marketed in Arizona as "Grecian Pattern Plant" or as "bear's britches" (Acanthus spinosus). This big-leaved shade plant goes dormant and disappears during the fierce summer heat, but in winter puts up deep glossy green leaves. If it is very happy, it puts up a stalk of purplish blooms in late spring just before it goes dormant. The leaves on this plant are reputed to be the model for the opulent capitals on corinthian capitals. It is not edible (to my knowledge) but attractive and easy care (if not trampled during its dormant season).

Additional to these Mediterranean plants that do not look like desert plants, there are a several (actually many) dry-climate and desert plants that do not look like desert plants.

A favorite in this category is Turk's Cap (Malvaviscus arboreus) from the Gulf coast all the way from Florida to Texas to Mexico. It has broad leaves and in fall and winter produces little scarlet spiral blossoms at the tips of branches. Here in the desert, it is happiest at the south edge of a tree, where it gets shaded from the high summer sun, protected from winter frost, but drinks in the low winter sun.

Another is Leucophyllum. These shrubs have small ever-green leaves. Depending on the specific genus, they leaf color ranges from medium-green to silver to almost white, and the flowers occur during monsoon humidity in various shades of lavender and lilac.

You can also look to feathery-leaved senna (Senna artemisioides), a shrub from the deserts of Australia that is soft as can be, and blanketed with small glossy yellow blossoms in late winter.

A pretty, small, Mexican tree that does not look at all like a desert tree, is cascolote (Caesalpinia cacalaco) a tree-cousin of the red Mexican bird of paradise. It has panicles of yellow flowers in spring and again in monsoon season.

Well, there are some ideas for a modest-sized yard. You will want to look up the name of each of these plants via the Latin name using both words in quotation marks so you get information on the correct plant.

I hope that some planting and digging a patience gives you a wonderful place for you and your family and guests!

Thank you so much so thoughtful too

Thoughts on skipping a japanese privet hedge and instead planting a texas mountain laurel trained as a tree ev 10 feet to maintain more of the lawn and still have more plants in the garden?

Texas mountain laurel (Dermatophyllum secundiflorum) would be lovely. I had one for a while but removed it because it was so vulnerable to tent caterpillars, and I grew tired of burning out their nests and squishing the squirmy things.

The glossy dark-green evergreen foliage is lovely. I've seen them trained as both large bushes and pruned up as trees.

The purple blooms have the scent of grape soda, though very short-lived. These draw a lot of bees, which may be a consideration if you have kids. All parts are reported to be poisonous, and the seeds are especially toxic. It might be worth reading more on that last detail before committing.

Another plant that might serve your interests is called heavenly bamboo (Nandina domestica). This is something as a misnomer, as it is not a bamboo and looks nothing like bamboo. However, it is a tidy shrub of very vertical slim woody un-branched stems that stay in bounds, with airy leaves along the stem.

New growth at the tip is rosey-pinkish to red, before it changes to green. It keeps its leaves in winter, and, if grown in sun, the upper leaves turn pretty corral and red colors, then change back to green in spring. This effect is very pretty with the low winter sun shining through from behind it.

In late spring there are minor white flowers at the top, which produce pretty red berries in fall and winter.

With a little irrigation, it seems to do perfectly well in either shade or sun.

It is toxic to some animals, making it unattractive to rabbits and deer. Some birds eat the berries without harm, others are susceptable to its natural toxicity.

Nandina has no thorns.

Another question- how far from a wall do you plant japanese privets? I cant fond that info out anywhere (i can only fond how far to plant them apart from each other)

A north facing wall is fine in winter but during summer it blazes in the sun.

Yes thank you!