The responsibility for a stain recipe is not yours, unless you want to assume responsibility for the end results and insert yourself into the process. Your cabinet maker should be providing you with finished samples from which to choose from. If he isn’t, that’s a red flag that you may not be working with a true custom cabinet maker.

alder stains well in the brown family. which is good when people don't want yellow orange or red especially. However, I've never seen a really light alder finished product....maybe if you just clear coat it but then the knots will be revealed especially . You can order select species and specifiy the knot characteristics for your "look" .this would be custom approach. If someone is asking you for a picture it could be the simple fact that alder with any stain will be in brownish family and hence you are discovering a scarcity of light alder and your maker is accustomed to MEDIUM intensity stained as final product as well. Give yourself a plan B: medium stained alder, perhaps.

Alder is going to turn naturally yellow/orange over time. There's not a lot stain can do to prevent those undertones from shifting with exposure to air. If you want light cabinetry with wood grain still visible, perhaps consider a tinted white wash rather than a stain. This resource might be helpful: Color Shift of Wood by Scherr's Cabinetry.