Do you like your current layout? Would you want to change anything? if not, then have at it.

Maybe you'd rather remove the peninsula and have a nice, big island? since your husband can build, it shouldn't be an issue to match what's there. BTW, if you do choose to paint, have him build boxes that go to the ceiling. (he can reuse the current crown)

If you like the bar top, keep it, or, make it all one level. up to you.

I'd change the granite/splash. it's extremely dated both in type/color, and that it's tiles.

I don't think the maple cabs are that bad, but if you want white, then go that route. However, being a carpenter and a pro cabinet painter are two diff animals. Painting those cabs requires an intense prepping, sanding and priming, that if skipped, will result in peeling and chips.

the cabinets currently work w/your warm flooring. if you switch to white, it would have to be a warmer white. Gray would be iffy.

are the floors staying? if you ever have plans on redoing the floor, now would be the time.

why don't you start w/the countertop? and consider doing a tile backsplash. I think if you went that route it would look 100X better.

I'd also consider selling your black fridge and getting a counter depth SS one. it will look better if it sits further back. the black one is very prominent.

Notice the boxes on top and the layout change:

Thank you Beth for your advice! I wouldn’t have thought about the boxes above the cabinets but good call. I don’t mind our layout but definitely wouldn’t mind an island instead of the bar, especially to open it up into the “family room”. But as of now we live at the bar for eating because we have three young kids and it’s easy for serving etc.
If I were to make it one level and keep the existing layout, do you mean bring down the bar counter and then sort of get the feel of an island without creating a whole new room?
The floors are staying so agree with off white versus bright white. I’ll show you the current white of our trim and pantry doors.
He’s a carpenter and has an eye for aesthetics but no pro, so yes we are definitely wary about doing the cabinets ourselves because we do want it to look good and know it takes lots of prep.

What I can’t figure out is how to do the easiest replacement for the ugly counters.... I’ve looked at the epoxy kits but how does that drag smooth if we have grout lines? What about wood or cement?
And for a backsplash, what would you recommend if we did just that for now - peel and stick white tiles of some sort?

I actually don't mind the two tier, especially with what you have. if you lower it then of course that extra depth will now eat into the room. if you have the room for it, fine. if not, just leave it. this way it hides the sink.

as for the countertop, just demo it all and get new tops. honestly, doing the epoxy thing is a quick fix. If you want to do it to buy you time to save, fine. But for an actual update? no.

if you guys demo the tops yourself, you'll prob save $500 or more. He can then put on new plywood base for the new countertops. (another 200 or so savings)

I don't know if you could squeeze out one slab for all of that. if yes, then you're looking at 2-4K total for new countertops. (for a standard granite or simple quartz. price goes up for more exotic choices)

(Pre fab counters are also an option. they come in 9' lengths and are finished on the edge)

I'm sure your husband can tile. if he can build, he could probably do a simple tile backsplash.

As for painting, I just had my cabinets done. I have more cabs than you do, and I had some modifications done (vent hood, new drawers for my island, and some other little stuff). came out to 13K. They were excellent painters. Countertops are not included in that (and I did splurge)

there is a large pantry off to the left you can't see

So for your cabs done by a pro, i'm guessing in the 5-7K range. this is for pro spraying of a pre cat lacquer. not rolling on some regular paint.

If you guys would like to do it yourselves, it's going to take many weeks (since you have 3 little ones). Up to you, but it can be done. I have a top notch tutorial guide if you want it.

lose the little cabs above stove, do a nice vent hood, (husband can build you one)

for your pantry doors, I'd do something really cool there. Your husband can make something

If you paint your cabs, go w/some custom wood and glass doors

or do some sliding ones w/chalkboard paint or schedules for the kids

I’m feeling the backsplash to start, and yes he can definitely tile! :) Then demo the counters or leave them until we can afford what we really want. Wow, your kitchen looks awesome.
What do you mean by do something really cool for the pantry?
And if we do decide to paint the cabs ourself, I will need that tutorial you have for sure

I added more comments and pictures below...reread.

I also added he could build you a vent hood, something like what I have (although , you have a higher ceiling than I have, so yours could be a bit bigger. ) And I still haven't chosen a backsplash yet, so that isn't completed.

this is a little fancy, but you get the idea. and see the boxes at the top?

ill get you the link

Here's the best link. (the second one is similar since she is following the first one!)

I've painted kitchen cabinets, so I know she is dead on w/her instructions. follow it to a T and it will work.

https://www.evolutionofstyleblog.com/how-to-paint-your-kitchen-cabinets-like

https://www.thriftydecorchick.com/2015/11/the-epic-how-to-paintyour-kitchen.html

This link shows what Alabaster looks like. It's a warmer white. And Kayla also paints cabinets, so you can look around at her blog for examples.

https://www.paintedbykaylapayne.com/kitchen-cabinets-in-alabaster/

Beth your kitchen is gorgeous! I am doing a similar color scheme
What is your island counter ?I’m finding counters to be so expensive!!

Kprizz25 if your husband can tile than maybe you should consider changing floor if it bothers you because I hear labor is more costly than the tile itself
Great ideas going on here!

Perfect - got the link.

Not unhappy with our floors, they are functional and hide the dirt and have never bothered me :) we have hardwood in other areas. For now I’m just concerned with updating our kitchen so whatever we do must work with the floors. Could also do a rug..... and yes husband can tile a backsplash. Just not sure which style.. white subway tile?

HU-15000 It's Calacatta marble with azerocare from Antolini. (it's a factory sealer. yes, it really works, but it's gotten mixed reviews)

prizz,, backsplash is last. wait and see what countertops and paint (if you paint) look like. just don't get the little 4" granite piece up the back.

white subway tile is so overdone. there are some diff variations of it though. but wait until everything else is done. just don't wait 9 months like I have! I know of 100 tiles that would work and can't decide what I like best.

I honestly don't think your cabinets are bad. I would look into cost of new counters and backsplash. If counters are too much, then would get a tile in the lightest color of your counter for splash. Agree with swapping out fridge and maybe sprucing up the hood/vent. Maybe new hardware. Then reassess.

Gcubed, exactly what I recommended. painting is a huge undertaking. new counters, tile, hardware, pantry doors, fridge and a hood vent, might be all that's needed to make her like it. They can always paint at a later date.

This is one of the most saved kitchens look how beautiful the wood looks against marble looking counter

I think new counter and hardware would make the biggest impact
Bring it up to the ceiling like she said

I’d say also lift your cabinet above the hood along with hood so u have more visual space there and u can put a porcelain slab mimicking marble similar to whatever counter u do
That is if ur not gung ho on the white counters

The only noticeable problem...the counters and backsplash....can be replaced economically by shopping remnants and sales ...with an open mind to what is in your price range ...rather than looking for a certain stone...go prepared with how much stone you need ...and take your time to choose something you love....

Get rid of the black fridge: it’s bringing everything down. Mirror from the cabinet tops to the ceiling on both walls. Upgrade under-cabinet lighting.

Following

Gray cabinetry will not make anything brighter, in my not-so-humble opinion. White cabinets will brighten the kitchen, and brighter, whiter lighting would help. If replacing a ton of granite is in your budget, I would do that. There are more kinds of granite available these days. I found a light granite with inclusions and veining in gray, a nice green, a bit of white, a bit of black. I had the walls done in a light apple green to match some of the green in the granite. Your cabinets look good, the layout seems fine. The fridge is big and black, but at least it has a reflective front. The beige tile and walls are not bad, but they aren’t adding anything to your desire for “bright”.

I am appreciative of these ideas. We are definitely on a budget so mainly looking to update for now.
I actually like the green cabinets - was looking at a similar color. Good point on keeping the wood to keep things warm. I’m not against the maple cabinets since we don’t have a lot of other wood in the room, but I know painting is cheaper than new counters, even though my DESIRE would be to replace them
And do a new backsplash. I have to keep looking at options we can afford.
Any ideas on wall paint to brighten if I keep cabs the same and end up doing new counters? Guess that depends on the counters first!

Yes I know our fridge is big and black, it came with the house and haven’t needed to replace it yet. We will eventually though, so I’m assuming stainless to go with the other appliances. I would love to replace our sink too.

This is a terrible time for bargain hunting...but with your clear need to save ...this could pay off big time...a nice big sink (on sale) is a good thing look for as you can keep it on hand for when you do your counters...as to your approach of just doing what you can afford could undermine the success of your project ...the biggest items like the counters are harder to get a good deal if you restrict your choices by putting in the backsplash first....even white subway backsplash will not go with everything....stay as flexible as you can to be able to jump on that deal on that beautiful stone leftover from a high end job...that they just want to get rid of...painting the cabinets is a temptation since you can do it yourself....but again this limits counter choices ...as well as shows dirt more and scratches and wears more than wood...the bottom line is...nothing really needs changing but the counters/backsplash........don’t undermine your flexibility in achieving this change .....as economically and beautifully as possible

One thing that will help now and work going forward is good under cabinet lighting...the concept of backsplashes has been lost somewhat ..with the increased use of subway tile...backsplashes use the least amount of tile but adds the most personality and flair to the kitchen...formerly known as the “jewelry” of the kitchen...subway way became more popular when cabinetry became more sleek..pristine..in big...monochromatic contemporary kitchens...you have the perfect situation for something more interesting

Home center stores carry "stock laminate" which is very cheap - but I am looking at that diagonal cabinet and not sure if that could be sized with the stock counters. They come in limited color choices and come with the short splash along the back which makes adding another backsplash on top of the short splash a problem - not the best look. Bead board is an inexpensive backsplash but I would be concerned about the area behind your stove - might need a steel panel rather than bead board close to a hot area. I did see a site where a woman covered a tile backsplash with bead board - no idea how it is holding up. Wood counters are not as expensive but I would only consider that if you paint the cabinets otherwise too much wood. Concrete counters were big for a while but they do stain - one has to like the "patina" and I don't see that working well with the wood. You do have lots of counter space - great for cooking, but expensive when remodeling. Consider doing some window shopping - get an idea of how much something like quartz would cost and how long it would take to save up. It is better not to put money into a temporary fix that looks like a temporary fix:)

I would take some time to consider the worth / condition of the cabinets. Will they hold up for many more years - are they sturdy and you can envision having them for another 10 to 15 years? If yes, consider saving for a nice countertop. If not - if you would not feel bad messing around with them - like painting - then consider painting cabinets and doing wood counters and either tile or bead board backsplash. That could be pretty and last 7 to 10 years - maybe even longer if you don't mind a little wear and tear on the cabinets and counters.

Another thought - if it has not been mentioned, you could remove the center panel of some cabinets and replace with glass. This will break up the large amount of wood and give you some cabinets to use for display, or even just nicely stacked dishes - but a place to add some personality to the space. I used a kit to change out a cabinet to a plate rail cabinet and hung cups underneath - also possible.

I think a wood hood was mentioned before. This probably is not in the budget plan. I did get an unfinished wood hood with vent insert - total cost was about $750 before install. I think your stainless hood looks fine - very pretty - but if you and your husband have the skills and enjoy DYI, they do make unfinished hoods. Your husband might be able to build one but do not put one over a conventional hood - do get the metal liner and vent insert meant for a wood hood. Otherwise you could get bad grease build up under the hood. Message me if you want info on that.