Would he consider removing the tall spindles? A solid color on the bed w/fewer pillows?

ditto on @GeorgiaPeach 1970 suggestions! We have a bed that is solid maple dark finish & had a footboard. Not quite as ornate as yours but has the same general look of big & heavy. We wanted a different look for our bedroom when we got a new mattress setup that had its own feet & didn’t need the frame connection between head & footboard. We removed footboard & side rails that connects headboard to footboard. New bed is much higher so husband made wood blocks for headboard feet to sit on & to raise it @ 6” . We used zip ties wrapped around parts of headboard & connected to 3M removable hooks that are attached to the wall. This keeps headboard stable. We do lean against it when reading or watching TV in bed. This small change dramatically opened up bedroom space & gives us a headboard that still fits with rest of bedroom furniture. We’d gotten rid of the huge mirror drawer combo piece that originally was on top of the long & high dresser. We bought this furniture @30 years & 3 homes ago, it’s very solid maple & hard to find this quality now at the price we paid then. That might be part of your husband’s reasoning. The same thing could be done with your bed & you can get a frame for the mattress if its only support now is the bed frame connecting head & footboard. Of course, we now have the footboard wrapped up & sitting in garage!

Do the spindles screw off? This is not modern minimalist, but I think it would work with your style bedroom.

Here is some inspiration:

Buffehr Creek Residence · More Info

IMO you needed to have a bigger conversation about style for sure . There is IMO no way to make this close to what you like so either pick this battle now or decide to embrace this totally, game of thrones bring it on. Maybe do that and make making the bed his job every morning with the 200 pillows .

Thank You! That is not a picture of our actual bed so we don’t have as many pillows and we do have a solid colour on the bed. The posts do screw off so that is a possibility. I do like the look of some of the pictures provided so thank you for that!

Don't think of it as "is it possible?" but rather as "what do we want?" That's the starting point. And allow Walt Disney to remind you “It’s kind of fun to do the impossible”. ;-)

Best of luck and enjoy the process. Hope you'll share a "before and after" when the room is to your liking. :)

It's never going to be minimal, that's for sure. I assumed when you said bedroom set you are stuck with nightstands, too.

Here's how Studio McGee does "vintage" in a bedroom. The dark 4-poster bed is simpler than the one you shared but look at the rest of the elements for an idea on how to mix new and vintage elements. Don't forget to take into account the bones of the room. Let's face it, this room would be stunning empty.

Cawaps' styling ideas above are great!

Simple white fluffy bedding and neutral transitional styles for the rug, lamps, etc. One antique looking piece can be fine in a room.