Yes, I believe many of us have too much stuff. I've been going through closets, drawers, units etc. in the last month or so and getting rid of a great deal of "stuff". I've made several trips to

the thrift store to donate and have many more trips to go. It feels so good to rid yourself of stuff. DH, on the other hand, is slow in giving up things, although, I have to hand it to him, there are several items that he's allowed me to donate.

The purge is on!

I started clearing out a closet yesterday. in general, I don’t accumulate much stuff. I purge as I go. However, i get hung up on the sentimental stuff.

As I’ve mentioned before, my ancient mother’s house is packed with stuff and i will be the one to have to clear it out. I get nausea just thinking about it. I wish it were all just junk to be tossed but so much of it has value or is useful. Honestly, a lot of storage space can be a curse since it encourages accumulation.

Those commercial storage units should be outlawed or have time limits on how long you can store stuff. Seriously, after a couple years, you are never going to use that stuff!

Oh there is no question many people have too much stuff. We've expanded housing sq footage to pay homage to that stuff. And when it overflows into the garage (whether organized or not) you can see the incongruity of our obsessions - the low value and often worthless stuff is given sheltered space while the $50k autos sit on on the driveway in blazing sun, rain, snow and hail.

Like Ded, I get hung up on the sentimental stuff.

I definitely have too much stuff. I come by it honestly. My Grandmother saved so much stuff. As a child, she was raised by a step-mother who gave anything G'mother had to her half siblings. She was never able to keep anything that belonged to her. For example, anything she was given for Christmas, the next day was taken away and given to her half siblings. Add to that, living through the Depression where you had to reuse everything... well, she held on to everything. I have a lot of the things she kept, and each thing has a story. A story that my kids don't give two hoots about.

Over the last year, I've been trying to pair it down.

Although, it's hard to tell.

One of the philosophies I've adopted is, if I buy a new blouse or shoes, an old one has to go. That's a baby step!

When my DH became very ill and nearly died this summer, it was a bit of a wake-up call for me, but unfortunately not for him. He's always had charge of the garage, and though I realized it was a huge, disorganized mess, I didn't recognize that it almost approached hoarding status. Suddenly I had clarity. OMG, if something happened to us, our poor kids (who are busy twenty-somethings and don't live locally), would have to deal with this on top of all the usual stuff. I spent 3-4 weeks and completely overhauled the garage. Probably threw out 80% of the contents, cleaned the entire space, and organized the few things I kept. He saves stuff like old plastic Folgers coffee cans because they are handy for storing stuff. Yes, but I tossed 28 empty ones, and since the ones he does keep stuff in were unlabeled and all over the place, it was just ridiculous. Ditto for old protein powder containers our son used to go through (he hasn't lived home for 10+ years), and DH grabbed from the recycle. I can honestly hardly describe the state of things. I just suddenly had clarity that he would never get to it and it would be left for the kids to do one day. I could not bear the thought of this, and so I did it, though I had once vowed not to. So it's done, and that gives me some peace. I'm eagle-eyed now and I immediately grab anything he sets in there and remove it. For example, we recently replaced the overhead center bulb with an LED contraption, and so the bulb that was removed (which of course still has life in it so cannot be tossed!), is now sitting on a shelf. It won't be for long, but I'm just curious to see how long he will leave it there. Unfortunately, his office is in a similar state, and I guess I've finally accepted that he is just never going to clean it up, though it infuriates me. As with dedtired's mother, if we don't do it while we can, then we reach a point where it is just beyond us, and it becomes an unbearable burden to our children. I don't think any of us need to die with our rooms and closets empty, but to die with them stuffed to the hilt feels very unfair to me.

Wow - that's a very interesting point I hadn't thought of, daisychain!

I have loads of sentimental things, along with things I've collected for later use. I did stop buying things just because I liked them and desired to have them, but stuff still seems to accumulate. I teach arts & crafts for our city rec. programs and use lots of recycled/upcycled goods because of our limited budget, so that's a big part of the clutter.

There is definitely a certain amount of anxiety involved in approaching sorting and cleaning out. I think it's an aversion to the inevitable sadness or melancholy that comes with some reminders of the past.

I hadn't thought about the other end of the spectrum. I have one sister who goes on purging frenzies and impulsively throws away perfectly good and useful things - even when they don't belong to her, even when she could donate them to charity, even when someone else would want them. It's apparently how she copes.

It's true that the more storage you have, the more you store. When single, I lived in a studio apartment. I one dresser and one small closet.

Now I have multiple closets filled with multiple. I like winter coats and like to have enough for every temperature.

But, in general, when look around at I am storing, for the most part, things Inuse.

Like Bestyears though, do I need 100 paper bags? Or do I need all those pill bottles which I use when I travel?

How much is enough?

As far as I'm concerned, all our things can go in a dumpster. I won't be hiding jewelry or money, no scavenger hunts for the valuables.

I'm of two minds about the sentimental stuff. My mom has two homes. One is a lakehouse that has been in her family for generations. It was full of family memorabilia (letters, furniture, pictures, doodads). A sibling with mental health issues had a falling out with my mother during the height of the pandemic and emptied everything out of that house and burned it all in the front yard. I try to convince myself that I still have those memories even without the physical reminder and, hey, now I won't have to deal with who wants those things when she passes, but on the other hand, it totally breaks my heart if I let my mind rest on it for more than minute (which I haven't actually let myself do because I would probably do physical harm to this person if I did).

Daisy, I'm so sorry. That must be traumatic for you and your family. I hope everyone finds a way to heal from that.

In terms of storage, I've always lived lean. Having too many belongings makes me anxious in a way I cannot describe--it's like if I have things that I don't use or forget about, I feel out of control. I'm not sure where this stems from. On the plus side, my kids won't have to sort through much when I pass. But they also won't have many sentimental items by which to remember me.

Elderly members of both sides of the family have passed and left their kids with so much to deal with. At times, it can help the grieving process, but it can also be an immense burden. There seems to be a balance to achieve, I think.

eta, Bestyears, thanks for sharing that. How did your DH react to your clearing out the garage? Did he feel some relief from it, too? My late father was similar, and was aware of the mess. But he couldn't bring himself to clean it.

Feathers11 -I'd say he was partly resigned to it, but resentful as well. If he had his way, the garage would still be full of crap. The whole thing is a bit of an elephant in the room between us. He feels somewhat that I took advantage of his weakened state to just plow through (which is more or less true), and I feel resentful that it all fell on me and he isn't as appreciative as he should be. Every now and then he'll say something like, "What happened to my California Duster?" or something similar. I didn't remember what that was, and when I asked him, he reminded me that it was a long-handled car brush thing. When describing it, he said something like, ".... and the handle was broken off...." LOL. It's good I have a sense of humor. It was also likely covered in mice feces like everything else, so yeah, I trashed that. It was at least thirty years old and I don't ever remember seeing him use it any time in the last ten years but whatever.

I'm with @eld6161 re: dumpster. My heirs can hire a clean-out crew. They don't have to do it themselves, so I enjoy my collections without guilt. Granted, I am not a hoarder, but neither am I a minimalist.

My parents and I had a discussion over the holidays about a possible future move to a continuum of care facility. I could tell that the thought of downsizing frightens my mother and causes her a lot of stress. I didn't push the issue, but the time for a move is nigh, particularly if my father dies first. They are of a background where they grew up with little to nothing so every possession is special and irreplaceable. I'm sure I will need help to deal with it all, but I'm not going to worry about it.

@Bestyears, I can so identify with what you did. My DH wasn’t as bad as your DH, but he just would not let things go. When he died, I went into a cleaning/clearing frenzy. I can’t say that I’ve finished, but there is so much less stuff.

Daisy, In light of what happened to your house, I cannot fathom the grief that relative brought you. I am so, so sorry.

Daisy, that is awful. Similarly, when my grandmother died, my mother’s (estranged) sister went to the house during the funeral and cleaned it out. Took everything including my mother’s wedding dress and grandmother’s wedding ring from her marriage to my grandfather (my mother and her sister had different fathers), and refused to even give my mom those 2 items.

I have way too many sentimental doodads and I try to purge on a regular basis but it’s not easy! The good thing is that my stuff isn’t random decor from Home Goods; the bad thing is that because it’s not random, it’s harder to part with. I have a story for every knicknack and doodad on every shelf in the house. However, don’t get me started on DH and his book habit…

The lack of attic storage in our current house has saved us from tooooo much accumulation.

fun2bhere, I think raising the issue slowly and letting it sit for a while like you have done, is probably the way to go. This might also be a time where the storage unit is called for. Would she be willing to put things in storage for now so you can get them moved without causing her too much stress and then deal with going through it in slow bits at a later date? It might be easier to say good bye to things once they are out of the context of their house and lives.

Also, thanks everyone for your concern. One of many reasons I love this forum is to be able to share something like this without having to really deal with it as I would if I discussed it with an in-person friend. It's one of those things that I just have to let go in real life, but voicing it here feels like a safe outlet.

I live in a small, small rural town and a retired friend of mine runs a flea market/Peddlars Mall type business. She talked me in to renting a booth and that has become my retirement hobby. I have been purging for two years…. feels great! The only negative, but sometimes lucrative🤪 is that my children bring me their purge as well as other family members.

I live in a high poverty area so even good used clothing and shoes sell as well as our junk. We kind of know our clients and their needs so we end ip donating to the needy also.

Recently, I brought a few boxes of stuff to Goodwill. The following week or two, I could have used 2 of the donated items! So I laughed about the timing, and then made do with something I still owned. I have no regrets.

Go ahead, donate/pass along/throw out all that stuff that is cluttering your closets or your mind. Even on the small chance you do need it later, you’ll figure out a substitution.

Thanks for the thoughts, @daisychain Zn3b. I can empathize with your mixed feelings regarding the uncontrolled loss of your family's belongings. I'm sorry that happened to you. Dealing with a family member with mental health issues is a tightrope walk.

I came across this video a few days ago about a study by UCLA on middle class stuff and how it affects people. I cannot relate to living with things like this. I am a maximalist. I like objects, and art, but everything must be cohesive, make sense and serve its purpose, even if its just decorative.

PS I married a pack rat.

Zalco, that is an interesting video. The freezers stuffed with junk food made me kind of sad. But sometimes I miss the days of kids’ birthday invitations and school papers on the fridge!

Just watching that video pushed my anxiety through the roof.

I felt some anxiety watching that video. I have the luxury of a house with plenty of square footage, no kids, the time to prepare meals, and a cleaning lady who helps keep me orderly (to make her job quicker).

I’m from a family of 8 and we never lived in a house with more than one bathroom. There wasn't space to be messy or even share the bathroom. Everyone had to be quick and efficient when it was their turn. Now I don't even share a bathroom with my husband. 😆

My single, childless SIL, who doesn't cook, has a kitchen fridge (completely, and I mean completely covered in photos on all visible surfaces), a garage fridge, and a freezer in her basement. I can’t figure why she needs that much space or why she’s willing to pay the electricity for it. To me, the overwhelming amount of photos on the kitchen fridge just makes her kitchen look cluttered. But if it brings her joy, good for her.

I had very little storage when I lived in San Francisco, and so after I decided that I had been seen in just about all of the outfits that I had, I would take a long trip, such as going to Mexico for a couple of months in the winter or to British Columbia for the month of August. By leaving San Francisco when it was cold there (and it was very gold there in August), I reduced my need for warm clothes, and it was easier to travel with clothes for warm weather.

I always had a huge desire to get rid of clutter when I would return from Mexico, and I also sold a lot of stuff.

Sue, yes, the prepared foods are sad. They cause actual harm and are pretty expensive. Mind you, I am not someone who loves cooking and am quite guilty of eating out and ordering in, but not at the expense of my health.

Watching that video, I could not stop wondering how people became convinced to buy things based on ease of acquisition, instead of based on need/usefulness.

I've never subscribed to 'ease of acquisition' -I think because my business background always makes me first think, "Why should I warehouse a store's product for free in my space?" LOL. But I still have much more stuff than my parents ever did. I always point to a few experiences which illustrate this difference. First. the sitcom homes of my childhood: Leave It to Beaver, My Three Sons, etc. Always nice homes (I think the dads were VPs or something), yet by today's standards (both on sitcoms and IRL), they were modest and sparsely furnished. Compare those homes to family homes presented on any sitcom of the last twenty years and it is a staggering difference. The other thing I always think about is the transition to shopping as a hobby or form of recreation. I grew up in the 60s & 70s in rural NH, which may have played a part in this, but besides weekly grocery shopping, we only shopped for clothing or other items at the beginning of the school year, and for toys at birthdays and Christmas. That was it. As a teen, I did occasionally go to the mall with my p/t job earnings, but it was never a family activity. Here in Texas, all these years later, (pre-pandemic anyway) it has always felt similar to the way a family might go out to eat together, though we rarely did it with our own kids. As the author said in the video, cheap goods have driven a lot of this. I've fallen prey myself to the thought, "Oh gosh, only "$19.99?" though I'm better about it now, after accumulating too many crappy items, and just evolving to a point of not wanting more stuff.

Watching that video, I could not stop wondering how people became convinced to buy things based on ease of acquisition, instead of based on need/usefulness.

I think it's rather easy. For most things, you are buying the possibility of usefulness. Some examples:

1. Beauty products: You go in the store and think this one might be the one cream that does what you need. Or maybe you have been using the same cream for years and just want to try something new. It's a $20 gamble so you buy it. Or maybe that shade of lipstick at home is just a wee bit off so you try a new one, etc. My mother likes to try all kinds of cosmetics, hair products, skin creams, etc. I have a lot of her cast offs. I use the cabinet I have as my artificial boundary and have passed on many of the products but have still kept ones that I will likely never use just in case there is that one time I will dress up or whatever. It defies logic but there it is.

2. Books: It's easy to look at books and think one sounds interesting and pick it up. Some of those books will be read and some will be in the too be read pile for many, many years. While I cherish many of my books, there are many that are not worth the shelf space. As my kids are getting older, I have had to go through with a very critical eye and ask what books are really worth saving for the next generation and which are not. Sometimes it was just easy to buy a book to placate a child in the moment and it was easy to rationalize it as being better than a toy.

3. Clothes, gadgets, etc: My MIL has gift giving as a love language. It's not always a plus. We had 3 boys so saved a lot of their clothes as hand-me-downs. The boys were not interested in fashion at all. When I said boy #3 had enough pants, MIL was out shopping and saw a pair of jeans for $3 and just had to get them. It took me a long time to realize that I did not have to keep all of it and freeing myself of the burden of going through all the clothes every season. I have bought kitchen gadgets that I thought would solve a real problem that are no longer with me. We have bought art supplies for the kids that they have played with but never fully used up. My oldest son wears uniforms for work so he probably has enough T-shirts to last 20 years at the rate he wears them.

4. Gifts: I can be guilty of buying something for kids just to have something else for the stocking, etc. I have one kid who has pretty much no desires/wants. For Christmas he wanted RAM for his computer and that was it. This year I was able to overcome that with food gifts, mainly, but in other years have been guilty of getting something just to get something.

The funny thing to me is that I generally try to be pretty intentional with my purchases but these things sneak up on me. I try to be aware of the environmental impacts of hyperconsumerism but sometimes other pressures intrude and I end up with more stuff.

How about the fact that advertising works? Almost everyone consuming media is bombarded with advertising. We've had years of relatively cheap and abundant goods being pushed on us, and retail became a big part of our economy, so is it surprising that many people overbuy?

It's not only commercials, there's native advertising in publications, and movies and TV shows have product placement as well.

One of the things for middle class families is time crunch ... it's almost impossible, unless you are completely full of energy and very good at parenting and house husbandry, to have wholesome meals, a clean house, and kids with two working parents and no help. We only have one working parent and I'm so glad. I really rely on my husband to wrangle the house and meals. So bulk shopping or literally anything to save time becomes very attractive. It also takes a lot of time and energy to purge which is in my experience in short supply for parents of young kids (I'm currently looking at two expensive diaper pails that I need to completely disinfect before giving away ... a state they've been in for six months now). Now with schools out and back and out again due to you know what, we're just really keeping the lid on clutter.

We have been doing bulk shopping at BJ's for years. Now we are empty nesters, still doing the same, shopping at BJ's monthly, not weekly. There are only two of us, we have 2 big fridges and 1 freezer, and they're all pretty full. We use lot of frozen food for quick meals too. We also have a cellar in the basement that stores extra apples, pears, can goods and kitchen supply. If there is a food shortage again, we could live on what we have for a few weeks at least. I think Covid food shortage made us to be prepared, and also living in a snow country, we always prepare for snow storms, power outages. The extra food can go a long way.

I use an extra 500 sq ft for my clothes, along with a master closet, a guest room closet, and 2nd office closet. I know I have way more than I need, but they give me comfort. I don't need to say I have nothing to wear. :-) I won't depart from my coat collection, I know I don't need 100+ winter coats, but they make me happy in this ice hole (6 months of winter). What can I say. :-) If you have the room, go for it. Shop, shop enjoy your life. :-) I am done shopping, but you guys can keep going. :-)

I am sorry, I have a hard time buying any of these reasons. If you are happy with what you buy and store, like summersrhythm, then that's great. If you are stressed by the amount of stuff you have, it's upkeep and your ability to purge it effectively, then I am seriously confused.

Of course advertising works, but how silly do you have to be to fall for the same trap again and again. I remember being a teen just discovering makeup and having too much of it in a drawer. That only happened once, I saw the waste of money and space and uselessness of it as a 16 year old.

I've had four children in five years and one Diaper Genie. Why would I spread that mess around the house?

I don't say any of this to gloat about how clever I am. I know the amount of books I buy and keep, not all of them read, would appall most. And they might not have a charitable explanation for my habit, but it works for me, so like the summersrhythm situation, it's fine.

But what I don't get is what Robo brings up. Two working parents are pressed for time, which means they need less clutter, more convenience and outside help, not more stuff, and less healthy food. Unhealthy food has consequences in terms of money spent and health sacrificed. Clutter costs money and time and crucially mental space, why then indulge it? What is the underlying message people are actually buying that gets them to let this monster into the house in the first place? What is my actual problem theynare trying to solve? Do people believe having more stuff makes them more comfortable? Feel richer? I am no saint, or aescetic, I enjoy buying things, but it has to make sense.

And then come all the threads about not wanting to be like grandma and leaving a big mess behind. Grandma's excuse was growing up in poverty made her feel like buying and holding on to things were worthwhile. What is our excuse? Spending money to make ourselves miserable is a poor ROI.

I have a brother in Texas who is five years younger than I am, and he would refuse to wear hand-me-down clothes from me, even though my mother saved them for that purpose. We have very different fashion senses, and while mine is stronger, Mike still does very much have his own fashion sense and will only wear certain clothes.

As a cowboy in central Texas, it was de rigueur for him to wear Wrangler jeans (no other brand was acceptable), and the back pocket had to have a circle worn into it by a snuff box. He wore cowboy shirts that were locally made/manufactured and a specific brand of boots and cowboy hat. Anyone who varied from this strict dress code was immediately identified as an "outsider".

When we were in our 20s, I would accept old clothes from Mike and take them with me to San Francisco to wear, which made me look exotic. Nobody in SF really knew what a cowboy was supposed to look like, and so I could pull it off there, although I never could in Texas and never wore cowboy clothes in Texas, as that would have been laughable.

Zalco - if you’re doing a daycare run and getting home at 530pm, like my sister does, to starving kids - what sounds better - pause everyone for 90 minutes to prep and cook up a nice chicken and roasted veggie meal, just when your kids most want your attention after a long day - or shove a pre-made lasagna in the oven so you can hang with your crew.

Fortunately for her she has a wfh husband so they often can go with option 1 but I see how option 2 is very tempting. Sure they could prep after kids are in bed for the next day - but that time is also peak exhaustion time along with having to clean the house. I know I’m not good for much after my one kid hits the sack.

Bearing in mind they don’t have and can’t afford any outside help and grandparents are not pitching in due to Covid. It’s a tough time. daily shopping with kids - covid. shop once every two weeks - much more time effective.

that said they live in a very small house and don’t generally have a lot of stuff -- but it actually takes a surprising amount of time and privilege to embrace a minimalist lifestyle esp. with kids.

as i mentioned, some parents are very good at the whole thing (and energetic!) as I’m on the less energetic side i really appreciate having a sahp. who is a bit of a food packrat himself.

Robo, my heart goes out to people juggling many responsabilities with insufficient resources, but on the food score, the problem is you will pay now or pay later. The bill will come due, the question is whose terms will prevail. Paying now gives you much better odds.

I know quite a few working moms who make a whole bunch of meals in one day and freeze them, it takes a day and it's expensive but then you have maybe 30 dinners in the freezer. I live alone now but I have a large freezer that is always full and I will always have one. I also have the freezer on my refrigerator. And I have thought about getting a backup refrigerator for the garage. But I do cook for others and entertain fairly large groups several times a year.

with two small kids with different sleep schedules - who has the ability to take the day to food prep?

In fairness to my sister, they do a great job keeping body and soul together. As I said one parent wfh full time. But the time pressures on families with two parents working are unbelievable really. I can see why so many women have sacrificed careers and future earning potential, as my husband has, to make it work.

Not to mention the death of the 35 hour work week and the rise of the 45+ hour week. Working culture in North America is seriously ridiculous.

I can see why so many women have sacrificed careers and future earning potential, as my husband has, to make it work.

Well that's a whole other kettle of fish. Families are an economy unto themselves, lots of trade offs to consider.

Anytime I read or hear "too much stuff," I think of the George Carlin skit.

I am firm believer of the more storage space you have, the more stuff you will accumulate. I feel like I have spent the last 5yrs+ getting rid of stuff. Between my parents passing away (35yrs in their home), us moving into their home (after an extensive remodel many of you lived through with me), then us deciding to move to another state to a semi-furnished house (when we did not need any of the furniture)... then my sister buys a second home near us and I have the task of getting rid of the crap that came with that house. Even after moving, I have donated more yet my storage closets are full. At least I can function in them, find something when needed, and know where everything is. When DD2 moves again, she will take some things. We have given away, sold and donated enough stuff that it could easily furnish a house or two.

I have always been a house person, and loved browsing antique stores. Now, I don't have that desire. I do not need to buy a thing for the house or to add to any of my collections. Sort of makes me sad... and while there is an antique store not far away I would love to walk through, I haven't been because I don't want to see something I want. If we only bought what we needed and not what we wanted, our houses wouldn't reflect our personalities. How boring would that be?!