Yeonassky: My comment was not directed at you. I think the comment I was referring to has been deleted, putting things in the wrong order.

I missed the action, but have to MAKE THIS JOKE: Disingenuity and prevarication annoy me to no end. I don't practice either ... because I've already perfected 'em! ;-)

Back to subject: My main living area says 'perfect for this stage of life.' Two comfy chairs, side table each, bookcases.

I'll still keep you on my contact list, nickel. For now.

LOL Elmer ... and I haven't forgotten you promised me your dessert in exchange for my wine at the fancy dinner party! :-)

As the original poster, I would like Elmer's comment back. I like discussions with everyone's point of view.

Jesus take the wheel.

I looked from a different browser, not signed in, and it is not there so I see what some are saying. I'll assume it to be the action of a few self-appointed vigilantes who like to decide what people should and should not say. Or, less likely, the action of a moderator.

I'll assume it's not a moderator and so will repost it. It appeared right above functionthenlooks' comment about "anything to start an argument.

And to put in proper context, what I was describing was an observation that originated from something my wife said to me. Not the other way around. She's a bit more attentive to who is driving how - me, I just pay attention to cars and rarely look at other drivers. After hearing her observation, I started paying a bit more attention and started to see patterns similar to what she said. Shoot me for leaving out the one detail, it hardly matters but it gave one user an excuse to rant at me as she likes to do.

Quoting myself:

"I find it interesting that so many have feelings about rooms. I wonder if there's a gender component to this pattern or not. That's another way of saying, rooms don't elicit feelings in the male me.

I've often wondered if women want to have or need a cocoon or nest feeling about their personal spaces. The way I see some drive gives the impression that they feel cozy, safe and protected in their cars (often too large) and need not pay attention to their own movements as they affect others. Because they're safe no matter what. Before I get hammered, I often see cars on freeways, usually large ones, whose drivers are speeding and weaving from lane to lane, while putting on makeup or eating and holding a phone to talk (Hello Bluetooth). You can wrongfully accuse me of whatever you want. I see men driving too fast and aggressively too but never trying to dangerously multitask with other things in their hands."

1. D@mn! You could play basketball in here! (son #2 when we bought this house.)

2. Look at the view! (friend looking out one of our many windows - second floor height - at the fields/treeline/river bottom behind the house.)

3. Shriek! Shriek! Shriek! (2 year old grandson loving the way his voice echoes off the ceiling and walls.)

I thought the moderators did not delete posts on the week-ends so it became the wild west here.

Elmer, IIRC, it was Malcolm Gladwell years back who wrote an article about how people (both men and women) feel safer in larger vehicles like babes in adult arms. But they don't factor in the lack of maneuverability and the benefits of accident avoidance from vehicles that are smaller and lower to the ground. But there's nothing especially female about it. Rather, what you may be experiencing is confirmation bias, similar to when someone buys a new car then they tend to notice others like it, and that's why, after your wife's comment, you may notice more women.

In my part of the country I see a lot of men in big trucks so I naturally don't associate bigger vehicles with any gender.

“When you walk into your main living area,“

Okay, how did this conversation go to cars? Is someone here living in their car? Is that their room?

Not judging. Home is home. There would be a lot of natural light I guess.

"what you may be experiencing is confirmation bias, similar to when someone buys a new car then they tend to notice others like it"

I'm not sure I follow what you're saying. I can't speak for my wife but my experience is when I'm driving at my normal speed on an uncongested freeway, 70-75 and not in the fast lane, when I see a car coming up fast from behind in a lane to my right and then passing me on the right, seemingly most of the time (so let's say 75% of the time) it's a woman driver with one and sometimes two hands busy with some combination of makeup, food, and/or holding a telephone. And I guess maybe it's sometimes in a Tesla which has autopilot, other models (like MBZ and BMW) that I know have a version of that, or perhaps just keeping the wheel steady with their knees. I can't say. As I said, they must think their conduct is appropriate and free of risk, I see it so often.

It goes without saying, also they should be passing slower traffic on the left.

Well, it got off track here Roxol..

"In my part of the country I see a lot of men in big trucks so I naturally don't associate bigger vehicles with any gender."

For me, a large car is something larger than the cars we drive, all of which are of regular sedan size. I spend my time in mostly urban places so trucks are not as common as in other places. What I consider to be large cars that I see frequently with the conduct I've described are Mercedes G-Class SUVs, Land Rovers, Toyota Land Cruisers and the large Lexus SUV model, and the huge GMC monstrosities. There are other large SUV models too but these are the ones that I recall seeing often.

The cocoon/nest comment caused the sidetrack to something that seemed comparable.

Around here, the vast majority of huge trucks, all jacked up, with aggressive drivers, all seem to have men behind the wheel. The joke in my crowd (from both men and women) is the bigger the truck, the smaller the _____. Fill in whatever you prefer.

I think that caricature has been around a long time as regards both brains and lower equipment. Not just extremely jacked up trucks (which aren't that common around here) but I think also the large ones factory equipped - dual cab pickups, dual axle pickups. They're often inconsiderately parked (don't fit in parking spaces) and when the door opens, out jumps a little 5 foot 6 inch pipsqueak. Often wearing a skintight T-shirt or wife-beater showing his big biceps and tattoos.

Small man syndrome.

“Small man syndrome” = lazy man’s thinking.

My father was 5’6” and anything but a pipsqueak. He drove a pickup because he was a general contractor — it was a working vehicle and not meant to impress. I learned to drive on that pickup truck — and I’m a true pipsqueak under 5’.

@nancy_in_venice_ca to be clear, I wasn't describing work trucks or the men who drive them, but the tricked out, jacked up things that seem to be intended to look and sound intimidating and are driven the same way.

Regardless of size or gender of the driver, when we were in the Dakotas, all the dealerships we drove by were full of pick up trucks, and huge ones at that. Nary a sedan to be seen.

Elmer: "seemingly most of the time (so let's say 75% of the time)"

What I'm suggesting is that people can notice things once they become more aware of them...such as your wife's suggestion...which makes it seem more prominent than in fact the stats would show. Rather than guessing, if you were curious enough, you could keep a running tab of such events and collect actual data to find out if your impression is supported by events or a result of confirmation bias.

I'm reminded of the old days as a child that, whenever some driver would pull a stunt, my father might say something, but if the driver was a woman, it was always, "crazy woman driver." He was of the misogynistic belief that women were lousy drivers. Whenever we went out as a family, Dad always drove even though Mom was an excellent driver. That he noted the gender in only the cases where the driver was a woman, or if he couldn't see the driver would attribute it to a woman, would reinforce the false notion that women were worse drivers. Rather, insurance data shows that women tend to pay slightly less than men for car insurance, but especially at younger ages. That says that insurance cos' experience is that women are at a lower risk of accidents.

https://www.forbes.com/advisor/car-insurance/rates-age-and-gender/

Getting back to the OP's question: I feel at ease. I feel happy to see some beloved memories immortalized. I feel HOME. Love what my daughter said home for a visit from college 'Mom our home is the 'homiest' house I have ever been in." HGTV be damned my house is MINE and not a decorator's playing field!!

When we come home from a trip and enter through the back door, the first room I see is my kitchen and I am always flooded with the feeling of how beautiful it is. So clean and well designed. I love the colors and the layout. Perhaps I am a fault finder with other people's kitchens. OK. Yes, I am. ( I do not say anything to the homeowner ) I hate seeing clutter and food packages left out on the counters. Often to the point that the work space becomes much smaller. I breathe a sigh of relief when I see my own kitchen.

Edited to remove photos, for some reason I was thinking I should be posting photos.

A bit late to this thread. My family room, I feel the room is inviting, comfortable and in nature. We live on a ravine with lots of trees. Happy with the direction that I have going, that said I still have more work to do on it.

My living room is the first room people see when they walk into my home, my immediate thought is super boring, sad and unfinished. Over analysis has not been my friend. Really needs to be a priority.

"What I'm suggesting is that people can notice things once they become more aware of them....which makes it seem more prominent than in fact the stats would show."

This has been a topic of numerous conversations we've heard and had among our good friends and others we know in the area of our second home in coastal SoCal. It's a very common observation, and is as often brought up by others as not. From my own eyeballs I'd call it a reality of the freeway system in an affluent area that many notice. I think most people are amused to share common experiences without ever thinking about whether or not there are stats (in this case, likely not) because the experience is what it is. A real life perception without need of further thought or investigation.

To get back on the topic - when I enter our house, whether it's after an absence of hours, weeks, days or months, I think "Okay, I'm here". It's locational orientation, not an emotional connection. Rooms don't elicit any personal feelings for me. With our second home, acquired less than 5 years ago, it's the same thing, a matter of orientation and (in that case) refreshing in my mind during the first few days thoughts about the people, places, and things unique to being there. "Okay, I'm here now".

The feeling "out with the old and in with the new". The time has come and my caregiving is keeping me from it right now but I'm due.

Someone clearly craves attention. 😂

"It's locational orientation, not an emotional connection."

I'm the opposite. I walk into my living room and have a connection with many things in the room - memories of Istanbul, where I bought the copper tray, or of a local beach, portrayed in that painting on the wall, or of India, source of several wood carvings. Here, a fine china cabinet which once belonged to my great grandmother, there, the 70s Danish teak coffee table that I bought for my first house. I have things I love for their shape or texture or colour, and for the skills that went into creating them. Each one carries with it a story of the places, the people, the experiences, that have mattered in my life. There is not a room in my house that doesn't tell a story.

FWIW I'm sharing this chart that maps the psychological ambiances that people desire in their homes, from Perspectives on Psychological Science (2015).

Rooms don't elicit any personal feelings for me. I find that a bit sad. After a stressful day, or just a busy day out and about, I want to walk into my home and feel "aaaaahhhhh" so good to be home again. Home where I can feel the stresses of the day slipping away. I look around and I see momentos and pictures of times we've shared. I look at these things and it makes me appreciate the life we've created. Home, it's my sanctuary where I can lock the rest of the world out. It's my safe place, my happy place, the place I share with the one I love. The place I want to be.

That’s fascinating, Lobo. Thanks for posting it!

I credit Marie Kondo, of "spark joy" fame, with making us all more aware of the fact that the we have emotional reactions to the most quotidian and mundane items in our lives.

By being aware of this, we can enhance our happiness by getting rid of things that ... for whatever reason ... do not evoke positive emotions.

"getting rid of things that ... for whatever reason ... do not evoke positive emotions."

So I can get rid of the vacuum and the dish rags?

:)

Yes.! This is why I bought a hot pink Dyson.

Also why I have become doctrinaire about throwing out dishtowels when they get ratty and bought a big stack of new ones here and in Maine.

LOL I hate ratty dish towels!

Me too and the fact is it happens quickly. I used to spend a lot of time trying to get stains out, then I bought a big stack from the place named after a Big River. I banish them to the rag pile now.

Tina Marie, I shared my views because they differed from what others said. There's no reason to be sad about what I said. They're different, not wrong or unfortunate.

"Home where I can feel the stresses of the day slipping away."

I had a demanding career for which long hours could often be expected and disproportionate stresses were a constant. Walking out a door from such environments at the end of the day or a meeting was the only stress relief I needed. For me, it wasn't where I was that relieved the stress but rather where I wasn't. I could turn it off and leave it behind until the next day and that worked fine for me. Work in my profession often involved travel and if stress relief doesn't happen for someone until they're home, that could be a problem.

"Home, it's my sanctuary where I can lock the rest of the world out. It's my safe place,"

This is in the direction of what I suggested above was a feeling that I think is more common with females than with males. A nest or cocoon is what you're describing. I don't have or need a sanctuary, a retreat, or a safe place. I never feel unsafe or threatened, or emotionally frazzled.

Good luck to all.

Oh boy.

My home is my sanctuary, and when I walk in after a long day, I feel instantly comfortable and as though I am in the one true place where I can truly be exactly who and what I am. No need to sit up straight or put on airs or try to make others think I'm anything but what I am. Home is me and home is the "us" I share my life most intimately with.

Relief. Comfort. Solitude. Fun. I feel all these things when I come into the family room.

Not so much when entering the kitchen! I love how I have decorated the kitchen; but, that is where I prep renovations and cook....there's always something that needs to be done in the kitchen.

I didn't actually say my word(s): Safe, mine, work-in-progress, I can do anything I want.

Sheltered, safe, happy and blessed.

PS: I forgot to mention that my LR feels comforting and relaxing to me ;)

And this would be why I'm avoiding.... A nice, feel good thread, but didn't go that way. I mean how much more innocuous could you have been?

Lake life is what I'd see. I mean, the streets around me are known as Riverside, Lakeside, Lakeshore, etc. My house is also done in sort of colors that emulate water, pale aqua and light blue and gray blue and gray green. It's very botanical in every room. Our world revolves around the water here.

Back to lurking, I guess

Living room - Hmmm...yawn. I'm home.

Family room/kitchen - to quote Roseanne Barr: Excuse the mess, but we live here.

My house is quite modest, both in scope and finish. But it's mine and for that I'm very grateful.

I'm sitting at my computer, creating a post to this thread. I look up from my spot at my kitchen table and look out to my living room and front yard beyond. The early evening light is just right, suffusing the space with a warm golden glow. And it makes me feel indescribably grateful.

Bunny,

I hear you. I can't tell you the number times I have looked out my living room window and said "That's my tree". Knowing I own it, and no one else. I love its shade. I love seeing the birds flit in and out of it. I love seeing the downy woodpeckers on it. I love seeing the squirrel nests in it. MY tree. I've owned other places with other people, I've rented, but this is the first place that is mine. All mine. I'm not sure I would care what others would think of the furnishings or the curb appeal. At least, that's where I think I meet you, in my mind.

Like Ninapearl I have to sneak into my own home hoping can at least put the armload of stuff I am generally bring in down before getting attacked by an overjoyed Rottie.

Other than that, my first thought is generally something along the lines of hope my day is done, looking forward to food and a shower.

I'm 5'1". Last thing I hauled in my extended cab pickup was a full load of hay to Yosemite. Some people suffer from little pinhead syndrome. Can't understand anything outside their limited experience.

Rob, yes yes yes.