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Anyone here really commit to a small house as "forever home"?

7 months ago

As my daughter approached age 5, I told my husband this: before she goes into kindergarten, I think we should decide: are we really leaning into this house (1400 sq) and making it work for us, or are we going to move to a bigger house? Because I don't want our daughter to grow up with a house that is constantly in a state of disruption. But, I also don't want to be moving much because of how chaotic that can be. Now, of course, if something major happened, like if my husband lost his highly specialized job in this area, we'd move if we had to. But we have build a beautiful community of people around us over 15 years here - we love our daughter's school (an outdoor private school we can really only afford BECAUSE we live in a smaller home), we have awesome neighbors (the woman on the right of our house is a firefighter, and their son is two - I give them all of our fun toy hand-me-downs.) Our backyard is small but private, and I often wake up to deer grazing on the hill 50 feet from our house and I watch them while I drink my morning coffee. Honestly, I am happy here.
What I am not happy with is the amount of work still to be done to the house. For anyone following, we are currently wrapping up the financing for a total kitchen gut. It's exciting, but it's an expensive proposition. Because of the lead paint and asbestos in our 1940s house, we need to pay top dollar to have it safely removed during the renovation. There are so many other projects also on the list: refinishing our main staircase, refinishing the wood floors upstairs, refinishing the flaking basement walls, residing the house, replacing the windows with popped seals, repaving the driveway...
I know some of this comes down to just homeownership, you know? After a while we'd incur these costs anywhere. But with labor and materials prices as they are, and with my desire to lean in and make this home our forever home, with quality materials - is it financially stupid? Our kitchen is likely to run us $80k all told. In a house we paid $130k for 15 years ago.
I have dreamed since the day we got the keys that we would help this house reach its full potential - turn it into a little jewel box full of charm and warmth.
But that was before we had a kid who will, presumably, want to go to college someday. Yes, we are saving for that, too. And retirement. But is it foolish to put so much time and money into a small house?
Just random musings on a Saturday morning while I sip my coffee and watch the deer.

Comments (4)

  • 7 months ago

    We are a little farther down the road in a very similar situation (except our house is even smaller and we have two kids!) I don't think we ever made an intentional decision to stay forever, but at various forks in the road along the way, we've decided to stay each time. Sometimes that's been driven by cost of moving (we're in an extremely expensive housing market so it isn't possible for us to stay in our neighborhood and just buy a bigger home) and sometimes by wanting to prioritize money for other things. We've definitely spent as much in improvements over two decades as we did to buy the house (and sadly ours was nowhere near as cheap as yours!) I do try to think about improvements with an eye towards what other future owners might want to have in a home, and not just what I want--but there are also projects I wish we'd done years ago that we would have enjoyed benefitting from over the years even if they didn't add "resale" to speak of.

    If you're happy and the space is enough, I would just take it a year at a time. Also remember that you can add square footage if it gets to that point--sometimes that's a better solution than moving. Stay in keeping with your house's character and with your neighborhood as you do improvements, and I think you'll be fine.

  • 7 months ago

    Your post really hit "home" for me (no pun intended). When I built my house (moved into home in Dec. 1996), if someone would have suggested that I would still own the house almost 28 years later, I would have laughed. I never intended to stay in this house. But life happened - and here I am. I did not live here the entire time - I lived out in Santa Monica for several years (starting in 2012) - but kept this house.


    I came very close to moving several times - but something always caused me to change my mind (for example, I ended two engagements - and had plans to build a new home with my then fiancé both times). I wound up paying off my mortgage early back in 2010 - so, other times when I thought about moving, I always decided that I liked not having a mortgage. Plus, I love my neighborhood - beautiful mature trees + curving streets with slight hills.


    My house is 2800 sf (without counting finished basement - media room, bar area, bathroom, workout room). I'm an empty nester - so is my significant other. When we decided to live together, we thought about moving - but everything that we liked would have added time to work commute + neighborhood would be newer = small trees/straight streets/etc.


    I've been dealt some rough health issues = working less hours (I'm an attorney) - and not having mortgage has been really nice.


    We decided to renovate this house to make it "ours." We tore down the large deck and replaced it with a nice patio (it has a large covered portion with a cedar plank ceiling + thick cedar posts + an amazing stereo system + outdoor tv - it also has a nice firepit area + another uncovered large seating area). The backyard isn't large - but there are no neighbors behind us - and with the way I had landscaping installed back in 2003, it feels like a completely private backyard.


    We've renovated two bathrooms so far - two more to go. We will be gutting the kitchen pretty soon. I wish I wouldn't have let my ex husband talk me out of the third garage space when we built the house - but I never imagined that I'd still own this house - so, it was something that I traded in order to add a much larger kitchen than what was originally planned (also, I recently discovered that since my garage ceiling is a little over 14'high, I can add a car lift on one side iof the garage in order to store my convertible Porsche instead of using a rental garage nearby - I had to give up a space in the garage to my SO when he moved in several months ago).


    My neighbors directly across the street have lived here the entire time (their youngest daughter has been best friends with my oldest daughter since basically the day we moved in - they were five - they are both pregnant and due in Jan and Feb). It is so nice having them across the street. I have another set of neighbors on one side who purchased the house on the right side of my house about two years after we moved into our house (their daughters used to babysit my girls).


    We could definitely live in a smaller home. There are three bedrooms + two bathroom upstairs that are rarely used (thinking about converting one of the bedrooms into a large closet/ "dressing room" for my SO (he is an attorney also - and wears a suit/tie to the office every day - even though he doesn't need to - he has more clothes than I do - over 300 ties + 60 pocket squares + a TON of suits/sport coats + dress shirts and MANY nice dress shoes - and that's just work clothes - I don't even want to guess about how many golf shorts/shirts/etc. that he owns + other casual clothes!) My primary closet is 8' x 18.5' - but I am not used to sharing 🤣.


    I am also converting my formal dining room into a "wine room" - with four leather chairs that form a conversation area - I have seating for four at my island (which is one level - my builder thought that was a crazy idea back then to not have a raised bar area for seating) + a table in the kitchen that sits 6 + extends to sit 10/12. I don't really need a formal dining room also. I don't really need a formal dining room that's rarely used.


    Whether you should spend $80k on a new kitchen depends upon the FMV of your home now. Also, if you are going to make it your forever home - then resale is less of an issue (I believe that the "guideline" is that you shouldn't spend more than 15% of the value of your home when renovating your kitchen - but if you will be staying for many years, if you have the $$, you should put in the kitchen that makes you happy!)


    When I look back at the homes I almost moved to, I am happy that I stayed here. This house is more room than we need - I don't know what I would do if I had built the 4,200 sf home I was planning back in 2009! A 2,800 sf house (+ 800-1,000 more sf in basement) is more than what we need. Plus, a smaller home would be easier to take care of as we get older (plus, less maintenance needed).


    The size of your house doesn't matter as much as the location + your neighbors - there are many people who live in areas where fully gutting (restoring) a 1,400 sf house is worth it due to the location + the cost/size of other homes in the area. I have a friend who lives in Toronto who did a full gut on an attached home - and it's probably between 1,400 - 1,500 sf - and it's beautiful. They made such good choices re: new layout that it functions better than houses that are much larger. It is a very nice home. In Chicago, a 1,400 sf home in the right location (with the right renovation) would be a perfect place to age in place.


  • 6 months ago
    last modified: 6 months ago

    Husbands family there were five kids in one of those little post war bungalows . No one even questioned if it was too small and should they move.


    My sister and hubs are in a small one story home near City Park in New Orleans. They had one son who .is now grown and married in his own house and the small and well built house serves them very well. They will be likely to age in place in this house. Of course it had lots of rebuilding after Katrina. So much of it is newer because of that. Nice little house, fantastic garden, good location and they know and party with all the neighbors. It IS New Orleans and anything is as excuse to party with food and friends.

  • 3 months ago
    last modified: 3 months ago

    I'm coming in late, but I WANT YOUR HOUSE! Really, it sounds ideal -- the neighborhood, the school. I think if I were in your shoes, I'd keep the small house /work on making it perfect. I respond to your vision of a "jewel box" -- I saw that term in a house magazine decades ago and it stuck with me. I'd say work on a plan and implement it over the next years.


    Thoughts:

    - Is your daughter likely to be an only child?

    - Remember that a small house "saves" in utility bills and tax bills.

    - We all know that things cost more, more, more as the years go by -- and a small house is a way to stay insulated against inflation.

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