they have rift sawn but the straight graining is boring and lacks character to me. both photos i uploaded have cathedral graining consistent with plain sawn oak. that is what i am trying to figure out. can plain sawn white oak get a more consistent finish/tone between grains and if so, what is the trick?

Find a much higher end cabinet maker and quadruple your budget.

The door sample looks like red oak - are you sure that it's white oak?

Agreed! they sent this over. white oak on left and red oak on right this looks much better than the original.

SOLLiD Cabinetry

Maybe you just need to talk with your salesperson?

Another route to get where you want to go is to get European Oak cabinetry. Just like all the engineered flooring you see. That's a different species of oak without as much open grain when flat cut. Ikea Vedhamn is produced in Hungary using European Oak.

I think you need to be careful when looking at online photos. They often look very filtered - intentionally lightened and/or blurred. For example, look at the outlet on the end of the island you posted, or the things outside the windows. My guess is that those kitchens don't look exactly like that in person.

Nothing wrong with showing those to a cabinet maker for inspiration, as long as you keep getting real life samples to bring home to see what things will actually look like in your light and space.

You aren’t getting there with the level of cabinets you are looking at. Aim higher. Much much higher.