I’m in SHOCK with the registries today. My children/intended, friends’ children are also guilty of this. Couples are requesting lamps, bbq smokers, paper shredders (WTH?!), patio furniture, etc. It just goes on and on and on…….

I understand your frustration. Wedding web sites make their money from kickbacks on items purchased through their site. Prospective brides/grooms may be unaware of that or may not care as they are simply following the practices of the masses.

I'm happy that I'm past the stage in my life where showers, weddings and births are a regular occurrence.

Don't attend the shower in person if you don't want to make that effort. Are you invited to the wedding?

I have attended many wedding and baby showers in the last few years.. Gone are the days of walking through a department store and carefully choosing china, crystal and silverware. The allure of the registry site is efficiency: Buy, pay and ship to the recipiient without having to wrap. As for the expensive items, often a couple of friends will go in on a group gift.

No, you're not cranky, but it is a generational thing. I think doing everything online -shop, order, wrap, send- depersonalizes the experience for the giver and the recipient. Which is probably why I receive fewer and fewer thank-yous over the years. I think younger recipients barely associate the gifts with givers when the gifts just appear out of thin air.

Easy fix. Tell the mom or maid of honor--hostess of the shower what you purchased elsewhere and they can get it removed from the registry. I've done this countless times. Registries are a communication system of what the couple prefers style wise. I think it is fantastic you can see before you shop/buy what they like!! No one needs to feel they are being told what they need to spend on said item!! And in the end if they get more than one of the item you purchased--they can replace the registry purchased item with one they didn't get!!! It's not worth your angst.

I think the registries are helpful. Id rather buy a gift that is needed instead of sending their tenth set of towels in a color they dont want. I just pick an item that is in the price range I intended to spend. I dont enjoy wandering around Target or another store guessing what they might want.

I got so many sets of silver candle holders when zi was married. Some are actually still in the boxes they came in after 60 years and a divorce. At the time we needed practical items, not silver. I wish registries had existed back in the dark ages.

The one thing that bugs me is asking for contributions to a honeymoon Im not paying toward another persons vacation.

I think registries are a good idea for showers. It allows the gift giver to see what the couple actually wants/needs/likes. Arcy's suggestion if you purchase an item away from the registry is a good idea.

Sometimes the items on the registry just make me shake my head. A very good friend's daughter created a registry for her bridal shower. The cost of the items was shocking to me. My DD and I were getting a gift from both of us (the bride and my DD are childhood friends). We were hysterical laughing while browsing the list. OK, we can buy one wine glass from the two of us! This is my best friend's daughter. I've known her since birth. Her mom and I were pregnant at the same time and we actually had the same due date. I was willing to spend a good amount of $$ on her shower gift and of course gave her a nice check for the wedding. But come on. Who is going to buy you a wine glass that is many hundreds of dollars? For one glass!

The thing that makes me shake my head at wedding registries is the weird impracticality of some of the items or gadgets. My best friend’s daughter wanted an expensive Kate Spade set of fine china— costly IMO as each plate was about $250. The style and color of the decoration on the rim was very trendy and I wanted to tell her that by the time she collected the set she wanted and was in a Chicago apartment large enough to have more than two people at their table it would be discontinued. Her mother did try to tell her but she was in love with that platinum band with aqua flourishes. I don’t know if she ever used it; I’ve seen photos of her current condo and the decor is nothing like that style. 🤷‍♀️ (We gave her a coffee table that was on her PB registry. )

So no i don’t think you’re being cranky and agree 1000% with whoever said that the recipients do not ever associate their gifts with the person who gave them when they simply appear on your doorstep.

About 30 years ago, Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg said she believed that brides should not choose their “good china” untill they have been married for a few years. It gives you time to determine how you really do entertain, how you live, as opposed to how you think or wish. She might have had a point.

Not long ago I was checking the registry for a bride in our neighboring country, and one of the items was very expensive (a LeCreuset). I knew I could get it for much less here, and told the bride’s parent I would do so, and could they take it off the registry. I did, but they did not, they couldn’t figure it out, and in the meantime a closer relative from the groom’s family bought it. So I returned mine to the local store. But what a shame, she spent probably $200 more than I did for the same gift.

The only two shower gifts I can still identify as shower gifts, and the person who gave them to me, are my air popper (lady from my husband’s church) and salad spinner (another lady from his church). IDK why those two items are so memorable, but they still in use 32 years later. Maybe because they were unexpected but useful? Sorry to everyone else who gave generously, I don’t recall your gift.

I give cash or sometimes a gift card to a place they request. That goes for bridal and baby showers. I don’t care how they spend the money. If I want to be remembered I guess should be giving air poppers and salad spinners. 😆

We used a wedding registry once and will never again. I will give a gift I pick out.

I have no problem with using a gift registry. i love giving a gift that is something I know the person needs/wants. It also makes the gift giving so easy and stressless! There are times though that i might think of a perfect shower gift for someone and in that case, i have no problem going that route 😊. It really depends on the person and how well i know them. It’s about them and the special event in their life. ❤️ (Tina Marie)

PS back when we got married, brides ’registered’ . It’s really not all that different other than times have changed. Its all on-line now.

DH’s friends and family, living where they didn’t really have access to our registry, gave us the gifts we remember and use the most! None in the colors I thought I would be using, or style, but turned out to be just right.

for someone in their late 20's still being supported by their parents and living in a third floor apartment

LOL! I hear you

My standard MO is a monetary gift, and a small, physical gift inspired by their registry. I think gifts that are a surprise are always more fun, so that is why is it not from their registry but inspired by it. That said, I know almost everyone needs money, so the physical gift is more of a token and hte monetary gift is the substantial gift. I also put a lot of effort into the card and gift wrap.

Just clicking a box feels like a tax for knowing someone who is getting married!

As a terrible gift giver who stresses way too much every time I am expected to buy a gift, I LOVE a registry. I do think they separate the giver from the gift, and if I were really close to the couple im such a way I knew the perfect gift I would do that. But usually I just give money, sometimes it's right on the registry like a go fund me of sorts.

I always give a gift for the shower or engagement party (not both please!) from their registry and money for the wedding gift. The size of the monetary gift depends on who it is (family, close friend's children, or casual friend).

One of my work friend's DDs recently got engaged. The DD said she did not want a shower, and preferred a trip with her 3 sisters (her bridesmaids) and Mom. They are all going to Paris. They are very well to do, and my friend said that, in his DD's circle, showers are now "out." Honestly, for young women who really don't need anything, I think I agree with this choice.

I love that! I hope that showers being out spreads!

I got married twice. Once when very young. My maid of honor asked me about a shower and I said absolutely not. She wanted to do something so she took me out for a nice brunch. We were both happy with that.

For my second (and real!) marriage, I was too old for such silliness. I even felt kind of bad having a wedding since my family had already given me gifts at the first one. But it was the first for DH so we had a small brunch at a bed and breakfast and it was lovely.

I'm not against registries, I want to know what they want. I am opposed to being forced to buy my gift from one site and one site only.

I do agree that making a registry on line probably makes it easy to put the extravagant gifts on it.

I do believe the couple in question could use practical items but those are not on their registry.

You might get a kick out of checking James Rothschild Nicky Hilton since I used it before to piece together some fun background details about their big day. It helped me sort out the timeline and all the fancy touches they added, especially around the engagement and the wedding vibe.

This thread is just old enough that it's wedding/shower season again. Who payed for this trip to Paris? I hope not would be "shower goers". The point of a shower was to help a new young poor couple get started. Setting up a new household is/was overwhelming. The 'need' is few and far between these days. Most have set up their homes/lives years before getting married. #2DD getting married in October. She's a young professional who bought her first home in 2020. It's FULL and she has no room for more STUFF she says. My DIL wanted no showers. She isn't a fan of registries but at the same time had no interest in STUFF another would choose for her. The brides I know spend a lot of time with over the top bachelorette parties. That seems ENOUGH. To the OP point, buy what you want where you want...registries are SUGGESTIONS and a bowl is a bowl. Gifts are YOURS to choose/decide.

Who payed for this trip to Paris? I hope not would be "shower goers".

Of course not. I think you missed the entire point.

Actually it's become pretty common for "registries' to include honeymoon money/home down payment, from what I've read on Houzz. Doesn't seem like much of a leap given what wasn't said.

One of my work friend's DDs recently got engaged. The DD said she did not want a shower, and preferred a trip with her 3 sisters (her bridesmaids) and Mom. They are all going to Paris. They are very well to do, and my friend said that, in his DD's circle, showers are now "out." Honestly, for young women who really don't need anything, I think I agree with this choice.

Not if you read what I said.

The more I think about it, showers should become extinct, at least as gift giving occasions. Almost no one who gets married today is setting up for the first time on a shoe string and "needs" help. And honestly, if you do, you may be too young to get married.