Love it. I'm a pathological introvert and DH has a big personality, matched with a booming voice and infectious (and loud) laughter. When we travel together, I'm overwhelmed by the competing urges to flee the scene and watch in wonderment. Airport waiting lounges are the most fascinating and terrifying places to watch his antics in awe and horror. And in the end, I'm always amazed by the hilarity and good mood he leaves the people in when the scene ends.

Nuts, great post. You both sound wonderful. ❣️

I thought of our discussion here also when I read that Bbstx! It’s a great article and great reminder that all the people we pass by daily are all…people.

@bbstx, thanks for copying the article so it could be easily accessed. One of the things that amazed me when I lived in the Midwest for a few years was the willingness of complete strangers to share the facts of their lives with me. These were not people that I might see more than once, either, like a neighbor, although the neighbors were pretty chatty, too. That was back before everyone could entertain themselves with their phone. I've wondered if the experience would be different now.

I know chatting with a seat mate on an airplane definitely has become rare. Although, I'll smile and greet my seat mate, it's usually clear that they have no interest in interacting.

My oldest daughter used to be embarrassed because I would do the same thing as your dad - just make small talk with strangers. I would have gotten along well with the author's dad!

My youngest daughter is the same as me - when she was little (around 2 1/2 and up) she would just start up a conversation with the person standing in line behind us at the grocery store. My mom used to say that Hannah never met a stranger. I actually used to be concerned because she was so outgoing that she would be an easy target for someone to abduct her. We had to discuss "stranger danger" several times.

I read that, too, and found it interesting. i tend not to strike up conversations with strangers but sometimes enjoy it when others speak to me.

I have two friends who talk to everyone. It drives me crazy. If we are in line to buy something, one friend strikes up long conversations with the person at the counter while I can see the people behind us getting impatient. Its different if you’re in line to enter say a theater, waiting for doors to open.

My other friend seems to want to attract attention to himself by talking to everyone. I just have to walk away until he’s done yakking.

If conversations with strangers evolve naturally thats fine but inserting yourself everywhere is more than I can stand. I have to admit that I really enjoyed a conversation on an airplane when three if us and a lady in front of us discovered we’d gone to the same college, but different generations. That was fun and it was a short flght.

I do it all the time. Over oranges in the grocery, babies and toddlers in the grocery cart or being held at our grandkid’s sporting events. In VRBO or Airbnb or B&B shared spaces like the DR or porch. I can’t recall being snubbed. Since I have ridden my bicycle on so many weeks/ months long trips and run day long trail races I’ve met a lot of people ” by the side of the road”. This world is made up of a lot of different people who are willing to share and participate at some level . They don’t have to be your next best friend . Connection isn’t a bad thing…. isolation is the killer. ( Trailrunner)

One of the things that amazed me when I lived in the Midwest for a few years was the willingness of complete strangers to share the facts of their lives with me.

Fun, I have lived in other parts of the country, and have traveled extensively, but I was raised and now reside in the Midwest. There are no strangers here. :-)

I enjoy small talk in the right setting. On a plane? No. Passing someone on the street? Bring it on. I think Trader Joe's employees are trained in small talk.

My partner spent a career working undercover and with informants, and is a master at initiating small talk to gain information and trust from people. It's a part of his personality, too. We were walking a trail a few years ago, and a couple of dodgy-looking guys were walking toward us. They appeared intoxicated, and I just got a bad vibe from them. On my own, I would have avoided eye contact and kept my guard up. But my partner exchanged a few friendly words with them as we passed. As we kept walking further away, he casually continued the innocuous conversation with them, telling them have a good day, etc. I whispered, "Why are you still talking to them?!?!" He said, "So I can hear their voices fading and know they're not following us."

Interesting use of small talk. But, yes, I think small talk is wonderful. As the author's dad demonstrated, it's part of how we make connection in this big world of ours.

@Feathers11, have you seen any of the articles about Trader Joe’s employees being taught to flirt with customers? I think the consensus is that they are trained to be friendly. The article title I loved best was ”Is he flirting with me or does he just work at Trader Joe’s?”

Ha! I’ll look them up, Bbstx. I bet there are some gems.

Great read!

Just this morning at Aldi, a couple and I were behind a lady in the checkout who had SO.MUCH.STUFF. Multiples of 4 or 5 of everything. The man kept saying, "She must be a doctor to buy that much" and then he would ask her if she was a doctor, but she could not hear, or was ignoring him.

I told him the story of my DF, who used to say, to people looking at bananas in the produce, "I am TOO OLD to buy green bananas!".

As I walked by the lady, I told her that man thought she or her husband was a doctor. No, an electrician, but she lives in a small town and stocks up for a month.

I am an introvert too. So interacting with people in public can be draining for me. That is why, generally, I will avoid chatting up people next to me on an airplane. If it's a short flight then I don't really care. But if it's a long flight, even when I sort-of like or enjoy the chatter, it drains me.

However - what I have found is that those brief, spontaneous interactions with strangers in public can be so uplifting. Finding people who smile, or exhibit kindness over the tiniest of things, makes me feel better. So even though it goes against my innate desire for the world to SHUT UP sometimes (LOL!), I am making an effort to smile at people and if I sense an opening, to share a kind sentence or two. And in the relative privacy of this board, I'll tell you all right now that I'm doing this for selfish reasons - because in the end, those brief, friendly interactions pay huge dividends for me.

I will talk to people I pass.. a hello, a short compliment, a mention of the weather or whatever. Not all at once! One statement and a smile. I usually appreciate the same in return. As Ally noted.. it is uplifting.

I am also an introvert so I am not looking for or offering more than a brief, pleasant exchange. I don't really think of these kinds of exchanges as "small talk".

I loathe the small talk that is forced .. sitting next to someone on an airplane ... at a reception when seated with strangers .. a first date! I can manage it and will even carry a small talk conversation if needed... but it is not the least bit fun or interesting and it drains me.

Last week, I was in the ladies’ room at the airport. While I was washing my hands, another woman commented that she liked my necklace. I thanked her. That was the total of our interchange. It wasn’t a fancy necklace. In fact it was very unnoticeable, but it made me feel so good to have someone randomly comment on it. I’m going to start trying to do more of that - just a quick comment on something.

I am not an introvert but wouldn’t exactly say extrovert. i do speak, smile, etc. i feel sometimes that small talk makes some uneasy and I will go out of my way to make the other person comfortable. That is how the friendship started between me and one of my closest friends! I am interested in others (curious?) and make friends easily. 😊

"...master at initiating small talk to gain information and trust from people. " 20+ years working with mental health workers trying to keep teens thriving has me very skeptical of overly friendly strangers. The ulterior motives is what I sense, knowing it's often not genuine it's a therapy technique, slight manipulation, or performative. I think you can put off an aura of friendliness w/o invading a strangers bubble. I don't assume people want to be engaged. I try and respect people's right to share what they choose not what I push to know.

That is one of the things I love about where I now live. People are remarkably friendly including chatting you up at the checkout, in the grocery aisles, etc. Small talk seems to be part of the local culture and it's delightful. Supposedly there's something called Minnesota nice. People I know who moved to MN from elsewhere didn't seem to find much of that. And frankly after experiencing southern hospitality, I now see what they mean. Thankfully I'm a positive, glass is half full kind of person and am not skeptical of friendly strangers. I do think that is a more common attitude in MN and I appreciate that it's not common where I am now.

Small talk is a brief conncetion to other people and most times everyone is better for it. Small talk should be small and brief, like "Great dress!" or "What a beautiful (or crappy) day!" Or "have you tried this product?"

People who keep talking and go on an on are not doing small talk.

I've never seen it in any other state, but West Virginians lift a hand when they pass another car on a back road or to someone standing in their yard or walking along the road. They did it when I moved here 53 years ago and they still do it. I've always thought of it as simply recognizing rather than ignoring another human being.

And if your car breaks down on one of those back roads, I guarantee that every vehicle that comes by will stop to help whether they know you or not. I know one WV guy whose car broke down years ago before cell phones on a busy highway in another state--and, sure enough, a car stopped. The driver turned out to be a West Virginian, long gone from WV, but he stopped because he saw the WV license plate. And he'd been raised right.

Totally agree Kitchenwitch - It really is amazing to me how much of a mood lifter those brief, pleasant interactions are.

I don't know if that tells you more about me than it should (ha!) - but I'm a convert anyway. Every time I'm in public now, I'm looking for people to share a brief, positive sentence or two with.

I think it is a funny coincidence that here is this thread about engaging people with small talk and the value of communication, with another thread about a member detailing how there are sometimes issues in the conversations he starts with others who then start talking incessantly about themselves at great length. I think it is a wonderful skill both to know how to start and promote conversation, and the self awareness of responders not to dwell overlong on themselves but rather encourage what the other people have to say.

Perhaps it might be due do the decrease of old fashioned family time sitting together daily and discussing their days and their thoughts, IDK.