You are not wrong at all. I'd be down right embarrased were I this co-worker. I think it is perfectly fine to acknowledge the event by sending a congrats on your graduation card with heart felt wishes for their future.

Send a nice card or note of congratulations. I don’t think you need send more than that.

This would warrant a greeting card from me, and nothing further.

Ewww.

Definitely a gift grab which is annoying. I'm guessing you won't get a thank you card either if you send a gift. However, at this stage of my life, I'm starting to feel like anything positive I put out into the world is a good thing, so a congratulatory card with a $50 (or whatever) can only be a positive thing if I can give it with an open heart with no other expectations.

I doubt it is the grad's fault; my guess is they are mortified. I say go high. Send a nice card and smallish monetary gift

I would welcome the opportunity to send a hand painted card to the graduate— we are now past the friend’s kids‘ graduation's and not yet into friends’ grandchildrens’ graduations so I have plenty of time to find a few designs and practice. No gift in this instance but I’ll send my cards all day long!

Ya I don't understand the emotion. I would file it in the shredder and never look back. It's not worthy of this post let alone your feeling taken a back.

Ignore or send a greeting card. No gift.

Getting a few college graduation invitations-so far, they all say come for the party-but PLEASE NO GIFTS! Busy May this year!

arcy, if you find this so unworthy, why did you bother to respond?

Pudge, this is yet another example of the strangeness of people. I would love to be a fly on the wall to understand the logic of this former co- worker adding you to this after not being involved in your life for so many years.

It would be sad to think that they have so few people to congratulate her son

/ daughter that she wants them to feel special by trying to get congratulations from as many people as possible.

Or, are financially strapped, and any contribution will help make this day special for her son?

Or, in Yiddish we say a schnorrer, a person who takes advantage of others generisity. A moocher if you will.

Sometimes people give more importance to us than we give to them. You might be on her mind more and she doesn’t realize do much time had passed or that she never acknowledged what has happened in your life.

All this said, only you can decide to: ignore, send just a card or do Mnt’s suggestion of card and small gift

I think if you imagine yourself doing each, you will have your answer..

Your former co-worker has bad manners and is teaching their kid bad manners. I don't know if it needs to be shredded but the normal trash or recycling bin would seem the appropriate place to put it. With no further action on your part required.

I might feel miffed, but it's not the kid's fault. Maybe we should celebrate the accomplishments of young people even if their parents are boors? I might send a card with a comment with congratulations and something I remember about the child when I was more in his/her life and a small bit of money. Didn't we all thrill about receiving gifts like that when we were young?

I'm curious about something no one has mentioned - were you working together during a time when you had graduations and gift giving occasions? If so, this might sesem like a fair turn, especially if you are still in touch, albeit on social media. I'm just wondering if the other side of the story looks a little different for some reason we arne't hearing. Regardless, there is no obligation to send a gift. For myself, I would probably send a card and a modest gift card for something the student could use (food, coffee, pizza delivery or B&N).

Again, there is no obligation, but you also don't get do-overs.

That's a fair question, lasctx.

Yes, we did work together during "gift giving occasions" -- graduation of my kiddos & weddings. We did not send out announcements to my co-workers and no gifts were given by her to my children.

I had lunch with another former co-worker today. (The 2 of us keep in touch regularly) She asked me if I'd gotten an announcement, and I told her yes. She TOO received the same text asking for her address, even though it's been years since they've had any contact.

So I'm chalking this one up to poor manners on the coworkers end. The child probably didn't have a hand in comprising the mailing list.

I will send the graduate a congratulatory card with a sweet sentiment and call it good.