here is photo. i know there is something I can do to give it a whitewash limey feel that will still let grain show through? help!

Maybe you are thinking of a white glaze? Lime wash is sort of like paint with a high solids count of..lime. The stuff Tony Soprano used to dissolve parts in tubs? Maybe not the best selection for a kitchen cabinet. White glazing is a very thin paint that is applied then pulled off with a rag. it sticks and highlights best when there is detail to grab onto, like the corners of stile and rail cabinet doors, crown mould and trim details. Your plywood panel doors may not take a satisfactory amount of glaze to actually get the benefit of the technique. There is a formula for chalk paint rolling around here on Houzz. I'll fetch Aja over..though she is Florida so it may be late for her...she has used the product before.

by gg22,

A quick and easy substitute for limewash [which is highly alkaline] is to use a latex paint diluted with water.

Homemade chalk paint will adhere to the cabinets with no sanding or prep work, but will hide the grain.

Are you perhaps referring to pickling your wood cabinets?
Pickling can achieve many colours and not hide the grain.

Also note in the attached example the trim added to the doors, etc.
adds visual interest and can be added.

Thanks Aja!

how do you pickle the wood?