How to Play Relationship Referee With Client Couples
Few things rile up a relationship like a home project. Here are some ways pros can help keep things running smoothly
For all the anticipation and excitement a remodeling or building project brings, it typically also comes with its fair share of stress and frustration — particularly if the homeowners are a couple. Home pros often find themselves in the uncomfortable position of navigating those emotionally charged situations, which can not only be awkward but can also drive progress off track. So how can you as a building or design professional get your more quarrelsome clients on the same page? Here are a few things to keep in mind.
How You’re Already Helping
The fact that the clients hired or are considering hiring you in the first place gives them an edge over couples who opted to try tackling the project on their own. With less built-in structure and a greater chance for errors, DIY projects are known for being particularly grueling on a relationship. By making sure your clients or prospective clients understand the valuable role you play in this regard — providing not only a quality of work that will automatically prevent some squabbles and frustrations but also acting as project manager and guide throughout the process — you’ll be off to a good, tension-free start.
See more tips for communicating your value to potential clients
The fact that the clients hired or are considering hiring you in the first place gives them an edge over couples who opted to try tackling the project on their own. With less built-in structure and a greater chance for errors, DIY projects are known for being particularly grueling on a relationship. By making sure your clients or prospective clients understand the valuable role you play in this regard — providing not only a quality of work that will automatically prevent some squabbles and frustrations but also acting as project manager and guide throughout the process — you’ll be off to a good, tension-free start.
See more tips for communicating your value to potential clients
Set Them Up for Success
In the early stages of a project, working with your clients to establish potential points of contention and areas of compromise may prevent a lot of headaches later. Talking through issues such as budget, style goals, how much disruption the process is likely to create and how and where they’re planning to live during construction can help everyone understand exactly what they’re getting into and what wrinkles need to be ironed out.
As differing design tastes are at the root of so many disagreements, having couples create ideabooks on Houzz or use other tools like View in My Room 3D might help them visualize what choices they like, dislike or would be willing to compromise on in a way that just talking about ideas might not.
How to Create and Use Ideabooks
In the early stages of a project, working with your clients to establish potential points of contention and areas of compromise may prevent a lot of headaches later. Talking through issues such as budget, style goals, how much disruption the process is likely to create and how and where they’re planning to live during construction can help everyone understand exactly what they’re getting into and what wrinkles need to be ironed out.
As differing design tastes are at the root of so many disagreements, having couples create ideabooks on Houzz or use other tools like View in My Room 3D might help them visualize what choices they like, dislike or would be willing to compromise on in a way that just talking about ideas might not.
How to Create and Use Ideabooks
Consider the Circumstances
Navigating sometimes sticky personal situations is often a matter of being sensitive to and observant of all the factors that might be at play — skills that pros say get easier with experience.
“There normally are issues at some point, and it usually happens just as you think, ‘This is the world’s greatest project, how could I have been so blessed to have this couple as my clients?’ ” Lym says. “And then all of a sudden, wham-o, there’s a fee problem or there’s a totally unexpected thing that happens, and that gives you the insight to figure out what’s going on and how to work with it.”
It may be a matter of relationship dynamics, where the client actually making the decisions isn’t the one you’ve been communicating with, or there’s an underlying concern that hasn’t been raised. Tuning in to those multiple, sometimes subtle facets and how they may be influencing the process can guide you on how to proceed.
“Part of what I do overall is go into a design situation looking at the whole picture — the psychological, cultural — then I use color, texture, objects, positioning,” interior designer Jenny Brennan of Ava Suren Interiors in California says. “I read the energy and set the house or the room up taking all of that into consideration.”
Navigating sometimes sticky personal situations is often a matter of being sensitive to and observant of all the factors that might be at play — skills that pros say get easier with experience.
“There normally are issues at some point, and it usually happens just as you think, ‘This is the world’s greatest project, how could I have been so blessed to have this couple as my clients?’ ” Lym says. “And then all of a sudden, wham-o, there’s a fee problem or there’s a totally unexpected thing that happens, and that gives you the insight to figure out what’s going on and how to work with it.”
It may be a matter of relationship dynamics, where the client actually making the decisions isn’t the one you’ve been communicating with, or there’s an underlying concern that hasn’t been raised. Tuning in to those multiple, sometimes subtle facets and how they may be influencing the process can guide you on how to proceed.
“Part of what I do overall is go into a design situation looking at the whole picture — the psychological, cultural — then I use color, texture, objects, positioning,” interior designer Jenny Brennan of Ava Suren Interiors in California says. “I read the energy and set the house or the room up taking all of that into consideration.”
Kitchens, Bedrooms and Other Pain Points
Every situation is different, but pros say certain projects and project stages seem to lend themselves to more friction than others. Kitchens, for instance, can be a particular source of frustration because of their typically higher cost and the numerous material and finish decisions that need to be made. Not to mention that living without a kitchen during the renovation is bound to spark its own level of irritation.
Bedrooms too, Brennan says, often bring personal issues to the surface during renovation projects. “I can’t tell you how many times I walk into a bedroom and there’s just strife,” she says. Because they are the most intimate spaces, bedrooms are often tangled up in deeper emotions and potential existing issues within the relationship. Maybe one client brings work to bed too often. Maybe a cluttered, unmade bed is a sign of larger discord. It’s an area of the house that generally needs special sensitivity and attention, Brennan says.
Extending that kind of care to the disruption a renovation can bring about in general can also keep everyone calm and content. Brennan suggests promoting self-care with clients in the thick of construction with soothing things like candles or fans. Designating a construction-free zone of the house to which they can escape can also help, as can encouraging the couple to treat themselves to a hotel or getaway far from the dust and hammering if that’s within their budget.
Moving Out vs. Staying Put for a Kitchen Remodel
Every situation is different, but pros say certain projects and project stages seem to lend themselves to more friction than others. Kitchens, for instance, can be a particular source of frustration because of their typically higher cost and the numerous material and finish decisions that need to be made. Not to mention that living without a kitchen during the renovation is bound to spark its own level of irritation.
Bedrooms too, Brennan says, often bring personal issues to the surface during renovation projects. “I can’t tell you how many times I walk into a bedroom and there’s just strife,” she says. Because they are the most intimate spaces, bedrooms are often tangled up in deeper emotions and potential existing issues within the relationship. Maybe one client brings work to bed too often. Maybe a cluttered, unmade bed is a sign of larger discord. It’s an area of the house that generally needs special sensitivity and attention, Brennan says.
Extending that kind of care to the disruption a renovation can bring about in general can also keep everyone calm and content. Brennan suggests promoting self-care with clients in the thick of construction with soothing things like candles or fans. Designating a construction-free zone of the house to which they can escape can also help, as can encouraging the couple to treat themselves to a hotel or getaway far from the dust and hammering if that’s within their budget.
Moving Out vs. Staying Put for a Kitchen Remodel
To Step In or Not to Step In?
Ultimately, whether you want to get involved in the disagreement depends on the specific couple and situation. If you feel comfortable and think you may be able to reframe the issue, it might be worth delicately giving it a try.
“I say politely — because I do believe in manners — ‘Is there something that maybe I can make clear here that would help?’ ” Brennan says.
Often the issue is communication-related. One client may be communicating one thing with his or her words but saying something entirely different with his or her body language. Generally, asking the right questions and sharpening your skills as a listener can make all the difference, Brennan says.
“People love to talk about themselves if you only listen,” she says. “So you will help so much sometimes if you take away what you want and really listen to what they want and then wrap your head around that. Because there’s always a way to figure it out.”
Ultimately, whether you want to get involved in the disagreement depends on the specific couple and situation. If you feel comfortable and think you may be able to reframe the issue, it might be worth delicately giving it a try.
“I say politely — because I do believe in manners — ‘Is there something that maybe I can make clear here that would help?’ ” Brennan says.
Often the issue is communication-related. One client may be communicating one thing with his or her words but saying something entirely different with his or her body language. Generally, asking the right questions and sharpening your skills as a listener can make all the difference, Brennan says.
“People love to talk about themselves if you only listen,” she says. “So you will help so much sometimes if you take away what you want and really listen to what they want and then wrap your head around that. Because there’s always a way to figure it out.”
Why It’s Worth It
As contentious as the renovation process can be, it can also strengthen client relationships. Despite occasional clashes with their significant others, most surveyed in the 2013 study said they found the renovation to be fun and fulfilling. For many respondents, a refreshed space meant spending more time at home together, and functional upgrades helped alleviate previous points of frustration. Helping clients keep their focus on this end goal and work together to create a space everyone is excited about is key.
Tell us: How do you deal with disagreements among clients? Share your solutions in the Comments.
More on Houzz
5 Ways to Build Trust Right Away
Pro Panel: How Do You Know When a Client Is a Good Fit?
As contentious as the renovation process can be, it can also strengthen client relationships. Despite occasional clashes with their significant others, most surveyed in the 2013 study said they found the renovation to be fun and fulfilling. For many respondents, a refreshed space meant spending more time at home together, and functional upgrades helped alleviate previous points of frustration. Helping clients keep their focus on this end goal and work together to create a space everyone is excited about is key.
Tell us: How do you deal with disagreements among clients? Share your solutions in the Comments.
More on Houzz
5 Ways to Build Trust Right Away
Pro Panel: How Do You Know When a Client Is a Good Fit?
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Between the cost of a home project, the countless decisions that need to be made and the disruption it can cause in clients’ daily lives, it’s no wonder the experience can spark some relationship strain. A Houzz survey conducted in 2013 even found that 12 percent of remodeling clients surveyed admitted to considering a separation or divorce midway through and 46 percent found the process frustrating.
“It’s a real test of a relationship because when both people put out what they want and they have different objectives, then that is a really interesting situation,” California architect Glenn Robert Lym says. “And one of the things that I used to tell my clients is that the thing that takes the longest amount of time is for the couple or the group doing the house to come to terms with what they want. If there’s a disagreement, how are they going to handle that? Are they going to try to satisfy both or get rid of one of the requirements?”
Working with residential clients is an inherently more intimate undertaking than working on commercial projects, and often disagreements that come up aren’t related to the renovations at all but rather manifestations of issues that were already simmering at home, pros say. Whatever the backstory, it’s a common, and understandable, scenario, so being prepared for it is smart.