A horse walks into a bar, the bartender looks up and asks 'Why the long face?'.

A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender says, "Why the short face?"

A horse walks into a bar, across the room, up the back wall, across the ceiling, down the front wall and then up to the bar. The bartender gives the horse a beer, he drinks it and leaves. A guy sitting at the bar looks perplexed and asks the bartender "Hey, what's that all about?" The bartender replies, "Don't take it personally, he never says 'Hi' to anyone."

A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before problems start!" Again, the man orders a beer again saying, "Give me a beer before problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Ah, now the problems start!"

A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."

Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve bacteria here." And the bacteria says, "But we work here - we're staph.

A drunk goes into a bar. The bartender tosses him out as he is too drunk. The drunk walks back into the bar. Again, the bartender throws him out for being too drunk. Again the drunk walks into the bar. The bartender is just about the throw him out when the drunk looks at him and says, "How many bars do you own, anyway?"

A bartender walks into a church, a temple and a mosque. He has no idea how jokes work.

Al

But...but...nobody goes in there..

Good thinking, purple! I completely agree. Sometimes we get excited and go off topic, but keeping things focused is a good goal.

I also think that starting extra posts on this On-Topic End keeps us from appreciating some of the older posts that have lots of knowledge. I always use the search bar before posting to try to prevent taking up space when others out there need the help. Gardenweb almost always has the answer, so I don't even have to post 99% of the time I have a question. I know everyone encourages us to ask when we have a question, but I like to save question space for SERIOUS questions, not stuff that has already been answered.

Off my soap box now! You got me all excited! I just think the convo side for day-to-day simple stuff would be a good idea too.

I started a conversation over there, since I had been wondering about it for a while but didn't want to waste space on this end. I'd love to hear what everyone thinks. I'll check over there more regularly too.

GL,

Pls. DO look again & notice the more than a few posts from Oct. 2012. So people DO go there, maybe you should read some of that & see.

A guy walks into a bar. "OUCH!" he said.

The duck is dead.
An excited woman enters her vet's office carrying her pet duck. She explains the duck is not moving.
The vet takes the duck from her and takes it into his examining room where he put the scope on her for a few seconds, turned to the woman, and while handing her a bill for $25.00 tells her her pet is dead.

The woman, naturally excited, screams at the doctor, asking why he didn't examine her pet more and suggesting the bird was maybe just sleeping, maybe in a coma.

The doctor leaves the room for a moment, re-enters with a Labrador Retriever. The dog puts his paws up on the table, sniffs the duck from head to tail; turns to the doctor and gives a sorrowful look. The doctor leads the dog out and brings a cat into the room. The cat repeats what the dog did, sniffs the bird from head to tail, turns and gives a mild meow.
The doctor then explains to her again that the duck is dead and at the same time turns to his machine which spills out a paper bill...for $250.00.

Two hundred and fifty dollars, she screams, just a minute ago it was $25.00.

Well madam, the doctor tells her, if you had accepted my initial diagnosis the bill would have been $25.00....but with the cat scan and the lab report, its now $250.00

A tachyon is faster than light. Tachyon says, "No thanks, I'm outta here." The bartender says, "You want a drink?" A tachyon enters a bar.

Helga

It was a hot day in Wisconsin. Helga hung out the wash to dry, put a roast in the oven, and then went downtown to pick up some dry cleaning.

"Gootness, it's hotter dan hell today," she mused to herself as she walked down Main Street. She passed a tavern and thought to herself, "Vy not?"
So , she walked in and took a seat at the bar.
The bartender walked up and asked her what she would like to drink.
"Ya know," Helga said, "it is zo hot, I tink I'll have myself a colt beer."

"Anheuser Busch?" the bartender asked.

Helga blushed a bright pink and replied, "Vell fine, tanks.
Und how's yurveenie?"

A mangos into a bar. The barman says Sorry we dont serve fruit...

The first mate tells the ship's captain, "Captain! Enemy ship on the horizon!"

The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt. If I am injured in battle, I don't want the crew to see my spilled blood and fear for me."

Twenty minutes later the first mate says, "Captain! Twenty enemy ships on the horizon!"

The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants!"

Going to see what's going on in the convos...

A horse walks into a bar...

Bartender: Why the long face?
Horse: Cuz I'm married to a nag.
Bartender: Ah, she rides you pretty hard, huh?
Horse: Yeah, and when I ask for sex, she just says neigh.

tj

Favorites of both generations of my kids...

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Where to bees go to the bathroom?
At the BP station!

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Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?

Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?

Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?

Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?

Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?!

Whats the difference between a dutchman and a drainpipe?

One's a hollow cylinder, the other's a silly hollander...

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Cows go ......

Cows go who?

No, cows go "moo" - OWLs go "who".

****************************************************

For this one, the timing has to be right:

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Interrupting cow ......

Interrupting ....

MOOOOOO!!!

The key is, as soon as they start to try to say "Interrupting cow who?", you interrupt with your emphatic "MOOOOO!!!"

Al

I'd rather have a bottle in front'a me than a frontal lobotomy!