Journal 1 March 2007

19 years ago

Have you ever come across something that just fall in love with, but cannot remember how you found it? I found a paperdoll website, someone named Liana Kerr, that's really a blog. It's very fun relaxing, acceptable escapism. Speaking of which, why are some things ok to escape with and some are not? I've been in a funk lately. I had surgery to make it so that I can physically no longer have babies. We were finished anyhow, but it seems so final. I keep wanting to escape. I know I shouldn't, as one can't finish grieving, but it's so much more fun to eat, drink and be merry. Wish I could wear the outfits those dolls wear, they're beautiful!

One day, LF was sitting in my conference room (adjacent to my office), reading 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea while waiting for me to finish up one day during Christmas break. Dr. came out of his office and exclaimed, "That's my favorite! I have the movie, so when you finish reading the book, ask, you can borrow it". He finished reading it this week and he was so excited. We got out the piece of paper to write the note. Guided by me, he wrote: "Dear Dr. R, I have finished reading 20,000 Leagues under the Sea". May I please borrow (actually, he wrote have and I had to explain he was only borrowing it) your movie". I stopped realizing he'd never written a closing on a note. I explained some people write sincerely or cordially, before I could say anything more, he said "I know! I'll write (and he wrote), Your friend, Edward". No mother was more proud at that moment, his closing was way better than anything I would've suggested. D really laughed at the sweet kindness the next day. He needed that. How can someone I've raised be so wonderful??? Despite, I guess.

E is enjoying his big time promotion and the raise. He's so amazed that when he asks someone to do something, they jump to it and get it done right then. Why didn't he notice they did that before, just out of respect. This job is doing wonders for the man I remember. He really was a proud guy. So much happened so quickly after we married he just lost his bearing in this world. He's steering straight now.

The sun is shining ealier in the day now, the trees are blooming, the daf are yellow open faced now. Spring is here.

Here is a link that might be useful: paperdolls

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Comments (3)

meldy_nva
19 years ago
Even the 50 year difference in time doesn't explain why my paperdolls never looked as good as hers! But they are fun, and yes, I enjoyed LK's chat. I've certainly listened to less interesting conversation while drinking my tea.

I think the depression is normal. Just keep reminding yourself that the gonads are hormonal, and love comes from elsewhere. The body has to adjust to the change in hormonal patterns, and the mind has to accept that sometimes age and sometimes accidents and sometimes doctors may change our childbearing abilities, but none of those can change our ability to love.

It sounds as though you're doing just great with LF. That's the kind of anecdote that you can tell even after he is all grown up.

It's getting dark out, over here. They're calling for heavy rains with flooding for tonight... I think that calls for a cup of hot chocolate. Excuse me please, I need to figure out where I hid the cocoa.
rob333 (zone 7b)
Original Author
19 years ago
Thanks Meldy! Did you see her old paperdolls too? Astounding, really. The worst part of this surgery has been that they didn't take the hormone makers out, nothing to blame my funk on. I'll get over it soon as it's just a little funk. Take care and if you like hot chocolate from scratch, my favorite recipe is from Joy of Cooking. Good for the soul. Stay safe!
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meldy_nva
19 years ago
I did look at the older outfits. I haven't read all the accompanying comments, yet. Too busy envy-ing her talent.

My most strident bit of feminism is to believe that anyone can have non-hormonal funks. And that the funks don't even have to have a physical cause. For me, handling a funk is very much like adjusting to a sorrow. One must make a great effort to accumulate new memories that will soften the broken edges and [I have learned from experience] eventually the new memories will form a lovely mosaic which encompasses sorrows and funks, putting each into their place.

I make hot chocolate from scratch when at home... I haven't the vaguest idea where I found the first recipe, but I doubt the present directions have much resemblance. I always follow a recipe with careful precision the first time, but after that, I have a tendency to nudge it a bit here and there. When the nudges fulfill expectations, then I make a note on the original. Recipe margins are rarely wide enough; the time comes when I write it anew. I think my present version is probably the fourth incarnation. It's enough to make one give serious consideration to reincarnation, where advancing to a new book can be made only after numerous intervening improvements.