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lindyb_gw

Feeling down today

20 years ago

Today was not a good day for me. I have breast cancer in both breasts, DCIS, and had a bilateral lumpectomy on Friday. I've been doing pretty good pain wise and my spirits have been real good until today. I drove to work today which may have been too much for the right side. It really hurt all afternoon. No vicadin at work so tylenol had to do. I was really tired and found myself crying in the ladies restroom. I know this is normal given all that I've been through recently but it doesn't make me feel any better. Do you know what really helps? Coming to the Garden Web and checking in with all of you. Reading your questions about roses and looking at your lovely pictures take my mind off my condition for a while. Thank you for being part of this wonderful world. You and your rosey questions and comments are the best medicine for me.

Linda

Comments (33)

  • 20 years ago

    ((HUGS))

    Here's a fuzzy hug -
    {{gwi:208683}}

    And some sunshine -
    {{gwi:208684}}

    And finally some pony well wishes (because all girls love ponies, no matter what age we are)
    {{gwi:208686}}

  • 20 years ago

    Lindy here is a bit of sunshine from Australia to cheer you up

    {{gwi:208688}}

  • 20 years ago

    I hope with all my heart you have nothing but happy days in the future, full of sunshine and roses. I'm sending you Just Joey, and Chicago Peace, they seem to have nothing but happy parties out there in the garden! Best wishes.
    {{gwi:208690}}

    {{gwi:208692}}

  • 20 years ago

    Linda, my thoughts are with you. I am so sorry you have to go through this. Life isn't fair, is it?
    Here is a pretty mini rose for you, Amy Grant.
    {{gwi:208694}}

    Kathy

  • 20 years ago

    Beauty maybe hard to find in the shadows! I'm hoping your experience now will help someone else down the road when they are going through it!
    {{gwi:208696}}

  • 20 years ago

    Linda, I'm sorry your day was so rough, it sounds like your body needed more rest. I'd share some lovely pictures with you like the others, but my new camera is still smarter than I am so can only offer my sympathy and hope that you feel better very soon.

    If it helps at all, my good friend had lumpectomy, DCIS, a few years ago and she was told if you are going to have a breast cancer, this may be the one to have with its very high CURE rate. I'm sending positive thoughts your way, I hope they find you by tomorrow if you are going to try to work again....

  • 20 years ago

    {{gwi:208699}}

    {{gwi:208701}}

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  • 20 years ago

    Good Morning Linda,
    It is a new day for you. Hope you are feeling more "up" today and you enjoy the beautiful flowers and the few furry friends that have been posted for you. I certainly did, though when something is so beautiful I get filled with emotion like I did when reading your post, then seeing the beauty of the pictures. I wish you great improvement in your health and am sending strong vibes for a speedy and full recovery. Also some roses from my garden - Also a big hug too! Have a good Thursday!
    Pauline - Vancouver Island

    {{gwi:208703}}

  • 20 years ago

    Linda I hope these pictures are giving you some many deserved smiles and bring a bit of sunshine into your life if only for a few moments.

    Sounds to me like you need a few more days off, hope you are able to rest and feel better real soon.

    {{gwi:208704}}

    A rose with the sun shining through the petals is just what you need. Good luck.

    valerie

  • 20 years ago

    I feel honored that you can come to this group and share your feelings with us. I also wish you well, and hope today will be a better day for you.

    The roses and flowers I saw as I read through the posts were outstanding.

    Sammy

  • 20 years ago

    wishing you a quick recovery---the pictures and garden forums have helped me thru many rough days

    -come sit by this guy he'll make you grin...
    {{gwi:208705}}

  • 20 years ago

    Lindy, I am sorry to hear this news. I hope the days get easier and the pain subsides. There is something about pictures that take our minds away for a while.

    Carla

  • PRO
    20 years ago

    Yes, the garden does wonders...here's a pretty view, rest on the bench awhile....

    Here is a link that might be useful: bench and flowers

  • 20 years ago

    Time for a nap?

    {{gwi:208706}}

    Wishing you a speedy recovery and a smile on your face.

    Carol

  • 20 years ago

    Linda: Hello from another cancer survivor. I hope you are feeling better. I'm not a great rosarian or a great photographer but this is a rose with special meaning for me. I hope it brings you "peace" :)

    Pink Peace

    {{gwi:208398}}

    Lisa

  • 20 years ago

    Lindy, wishing you sunshine and roses, and better days ahead.
    {{gwi:208709}}

  • 20 years ago

    Linda, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I went through this with my Mom last year. Your feelings are very normal. The good news is that my Mom is doing great physically and mentally now and I am sure that soon you will be too. It just takes some time.

    This should make you smile, Beauregard doing the big doggie roll.

    {{gwi:208711}}

    And a bunch of Lady Hillingdon for good measure.
    {{gwi:208714}}

    Carol

  • 20 years ago

    Such lovely responses and pictures for you Linda. Let me add my prayers and wishes for your speedy and complete recovery. My thoughts are with you!
    Love from another Oregonian
    Kathy

  • 20 years ago

    Every day we can witness miracles if only we are paying attention. I'm thinking positive thoughts for you, Linda.

    {{gwi:208717}}

  • 20 years ago

    I'm overwhelmed by your kind responses. The pictures are wonderful and did bring a smile to my face. I laughed over the squirrel on the bench. That was too funny.

    Susan, I wish you could come plan my garden for me. Your garden is a real work of art. I always enjoy your photos.

    Michael, your dahlias are gorgeous!

    You can't imagine how timely your kind thoughts and prayers are. I had my follow-up visit with my surgeon this morning. The news was not good. They're still calling it non-invasive cancer but they aren't certain they got it all. We've decided that my third surgery will be a radical mastectomy. Off with their heads! I'm tired of fooling around with them. At this point the miracle I'm looking for is to find it contained within the breasts and not spread to the lymph nodes. I'm scheduled for Nov. 3. At least I'll have lots of time afterward to visit with everyone here. I'll be home for two weeks with tubes sticking out of my sides. There has to be a joke in there somewhere.

    Thanks to all of you for brightening my day. I'm sure I'll return to this posting many times for strength and comfort.

    Group hug for all of you (((( ))))

    Linda

  • 20 years ago

    Well, that's not the news we'd hoped to hear.

    Your attitude sounds great, that should go a long way towards healing yourself quickly and with a positive outcome.

    This is from one of my favorite read-in-the-backyard books, and was written about (of course) roses...but I think it applies to your next few weeks too -

    "There is more than one way to be beautiful.

    Survival is a noble goal.

    If you are attacked by disease, abandonment, or a bad chain of events, do not necessarily despair. There is always the chance you were bred to be tough."

  • 20 years ago

    ((((Linda))))

    {{gwi:208720}}

  • 20 years ago

    Dear Linda, I am glad all these pictures cheered you up and brought a smile to your face. So sorry though that you need to have the surgery(s), but hopefully this will be the answer and you will be a happier lady for it in a few months. Will they both be done at the same time, God help you, but at least this is the biggest chance of a cure for you and I am sure in the end it will be worth it. You will get so much help and counselling when needed - use it all - be strong. You have a lot of people here rooting for you let alone all the friends and support that I am sure you will get from your own close circle. I wish you all the very best. Hope you will keep coming here as often as you can to chat and so that we all know how you are doing.

    {{gwi:208723}}



    Hugs, Pauline - Vancouver Island

  • 20 years ago

    Linda, I'm so very sorry. The joke about the tubes? You could say they're grenades. Having just had my own grenades after back surgery, you wouldn't believe the amount of liquid that will come out of you. Thankfully it's temporary.

    Something for the future.... Talk to your doctor. They can probably have your breasts rebuilt under the insurance. My sisters MIL had it done years ago. She loves her new boobs better than her old ones. She was able to prove that she'd suffer emotionally without them.

    I know what your going through. You may remember that my beloved father came down with leukemia last year his prognosis was a 15% survival rate. Somehow we managed to get another 7 months after diagnosis. I miss him so much. I was his main caregiver & will say that he was down emotionally a lot of the time when he was being treated. It drains you. You go from being a healthy person to someone tired and weak. You may not have the same results as he did with chemo / radiation, it depends on how radical they are from what I saw with him.

    Next time your at the clinic see if they have issues of that cancer magazine, then go on their web site and look up your type of cancer. I read an issue last fall IIRC, and there were new treatments for breast cancer. You may even want to look at joining a study. Remember, time is not on your side, so you have to do things fairly quickly. I'm sure I have an issue of the mag if you need the name. You can email me from my member page if you need anything.

    Something helpful.... I could write a book. At the cancer institute here, they liked how organized I was & started giving people some of the things I used. I went to Walmart & Staples and picked up a few supplies. An old friend from here Rosesense had painted a canvas tote for me, which was my main "dad bag". I then bought assorted sized binders, a thin one for every day, a bigger one for records we no longer needed but I needed close at hand. I also packed a pen, pencil, stickie paper (assorted sizes) and found a binder business card holder. I also used plastic sheets to put papers in, instead of punching holes in everything. I then bought tabs that stuck onto these so that I knew what was where. I made dad a photo album from report covers. I then used see through plastic sheets inside & filled it with photos. I did this not only for my dad but my father in law as well. It was nice to be able to bring it to the hospital each time he was admitted. I made sure i kept tape & thumb tacks in his hospital bag.

    To make things easier, you may think about having the office photocopy your insurance card & drivers license if this is something they ask for each time. We did this, kept a stack of them, so every other day that he had to go to be tested, all we had to do was hand them the photocopy.

    Good luck & keep us posted.

  • 20 years ago

    Linda: I wish you could smell this picture!! I wish you could just quit your job!!! Please get well soon!

    {{gwi:208727}}

  • 20 years ago

    Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. Yesterday was a busy day at work. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster. After meeting with my SIL and her business partner, a medical doctor and talking to a friend who has been through this, I realize I don't know enough to make this important a decision. I have an appointment on Tuesday with a new surgeon, thanks to my SIL's partner. She will be going with my DH & I as my medical advocate. Can you believe that?! How lucky is that? I will also be contacting my oncologist on Monday to set an appointment with him. He's part of the team and may have a different opinion about the proper course of treatment. I couldn't get my first surgeon to do a sentinel node procedure to find out if the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes. How can I make an intelligent decision without having that piece of information? Who knows, these boobies may be staying with me after all. For once I feel like I'm in charge of my life. Anyway, I wanted you to know I'm feeling very positive and really appreciate all your kind thoughts and prayers. I keep coming back to the pictures. I love the animal shots.

    Here I am in my paint cloths with our darlin' Maggie. That's part of the rock wall we put in. Can't wait to start planting roses around it.

    {{gwi:208730}}

    Linda

  • 20 years ago

    That sounds better! I'm so glad you are taking control and planning your own informed decisions. Please let us know how Tuesday goes...

    And Maggie looks like a love. I just came in from doing a little Fall cleanup (looks like rain any minute now), but had to run back first for kisses from the stray adopted by my neighbors - the vet says Lucy is likely half german shepherd, half dingo.

  • 20 years ago

    Lindy-----Just wanted to add my best wishes to all the rest. Isn't it wonderful to have all these lovely pictures and so many thoughtful friends.

    My sister had a breast removed and reconstruction over 10 years ago and she is doing very well.

    I hope you have a lot of help with these important decisions

    "Grace"

    {{gwi:208390}}


    and a big bowl of New Dawn----

    {{gwi:208733}}


    thinking of you,

    Florence

  • 20 years ago

    Linda, if today was your appointment I hope it went well for you - that you left the meeting with more information than before you got there.

  • 20 years ago

    Yesterday was a whirlwind of events. A real roller coaster ride. Our meeting with the new surgeon went very well. We have full confidence in her as a surgeon. She was very thorough in her explanation of my kind of breast cancer and my particular stage of it. We're sticking with her. We agreed to doing a bilateral sentinel node procedure to tell us if it's in the lymph nodes, followed at the same time by a bilateral mastectomy. We met with my oncologist yesterday afternoon and he agreed with this course of treatment. I see the plastic surgeon next Tuesday for a consultation about reconstruction. Baring any ugly surprises we will start reconstruction during this surgery. My sugeon's nurse is working on coordination schedules for surgery. I expect to find out the date today. They're aiming for Oct. 30. Now I need to focus on preparing myself mentally for this.

    Thank you so much for all your well wishes. Your support and encouragement really helps.

    Linda

  • 20 years ago

    Dear Linda,
    I am glad you got together with a Dr. that gives you confidence and that you have a definite plan and date. It makes such a difference to know what to expect. On the other hand, I want to express how sorry I am that this is happening to you. I am going to say a prayer for you and your swift recovery. I want you to know I will be thinking of you in the days ahead. Email me if you need to talk.
    Kathy

  • 20 years ago

    Linda, I'm glad you have a plan, doctors you have confidence in, some steps you know you can take towards regaining your health. I think most of us do better after we've been given an action we can take...even if those steps are difficult, somehow it's easier than the waiting or the feeling of not knowing what might be best.

    I hope you really do focus on preparing mentally for the 30th, and that your personality is better developed than my own. I approached hip surgery by turning into some kind of commando control freak and worked myself into a frenzy over planning details of my recovery, house, meals, bill paying. In hindsight, it would have been more generous to let family and friends do a little when they offered :)

    Good luck with the plastic surgeon; I hope that appointment is a little more lighthearted and you'll be offered that perfect bustline that few of us have.

    You're in my prayers!

  • 20 years ago

    Linda--I missed this when you first posted--you are in my thoughts and prayers. Here is a kitty to cheer you:
    {{gwi:208735}}