I've been in the same position almost 6 years ago when we moved from Dallas to Tyler. We didn't know a soul. What I did was start to volunteer in areas that interested me. This threw me together with people who have similar interests to me & made it easier to make friends.

I don't know how old you are, but the after a certain age it's not easy to make friends like when you were in school, and you have to put yourself out & make the effort a lot more than when you're young. Be patient & be open to new people & experiences. The friends will follow.

First of all,life is a series of stages and more often than not,in different localities. Those sixteen years brought you a lot of happiness and memories and probably some things that will be in your life forever,so I wouldn't see it as down the drain at all. It's a part of who you are now. I agree with Andie completely. If you love gardening,join a horticulture,gardening or nature group. They always like new members,especially those who are willing to become involved rather than just show up. One friend will lead to another and another and another. If you like to read,book groups are now everywhere and incredibly enjoyable. There are so many organizations just crying out for help.Good luck on your new adventure in what I consider to be a beautiful state,from the mountains of Asheville to the shores of the Outer Banks..our favorite vacation spot in the world.

Go to church. Steve in Baltimore County

Have you posted on the NC Forum here at the Gardenweb? Seems like a friendly bunch and they meet for swaps, have good advice re nurseries, etc. If you mention your city, might even arrange to meet others at a local nursery or botanical garden. Since your profile mentions knitting and crochet, I'd ask if there's a group meeting at the local yarn shop. Same with your photography hobby...ask at the local camera shop about photo clubs/exhibits.

Until you return to work (and after if you have time), volunteering is a great way to meet folks ..lots of employers encourage community service and it can't hurt if you mention at interiews ...plus it'll keep you busy and feeling good...I promise! Good luck...and welcome to the South. josh

Life is an adventure and entirely what you make of it. Be positive and interested when meeting new people and you will make a whole new set of friends.

I hired a new part time helper a few weeks ago and am enjoying his company at work. He is from Seattle and is a music major at the college I used to teach at.

Wonder of wonders his dad goes fly fishing with my uncle. It is a smaller world than you think.

I have been in NC for 20+ years, and have to say that except for my neighbor (and surrogate daughter) I have no friends who are not generations-old natives. My real friends are all transplants, from all over the country. They are here because they love it here and came here by choice, as did I.

We are in a rural area outside a very small town, and without being mean it is simply impossible to fit into groups which are made up of generations-old relationships. Best to find a volunteer position which suits your interests . Going to a local church MIGHT do some good, but chances are you will face surface politeness only.

Honey, you are facing the Ginger Rogers syndrome..only different. You not only have to do it as well, but dancing backwards in high heels.

I've thought about your post a lot today. I've been in your shoes many times. As a matter of fact, this May 16th was a very big deal to me, because it marked the first time since 1988 I'd lived anywhere for more than four years! (And I lived the first 18 years of my life in the same place.)

My first four moves were easy because they involved school. Other moves were more difficult. Here's how I coped with each:

Minneapolis:
Moved to Mpls from Phoenix without a car, a job, money, or a place to live, and in a very emotionally vulnerable position. Lived on a lifelong friend's couch for a month. She propped me up emotionally and introduced me to her friends while I found a temp job that accidentally turned into a real job, a place to live, and a beater car to drive. I'm not religious so joining a church was out (though it would have been the first thing I did if I were at all religiously inclined), so I rejoined Mensa and started attending their social events. My entire social life in MN ended up revolving around the many and varied Mensa friends I made, and the friends from the progressively better jobs I got (as a result of the Mensa people I met). Oh, and I started dating Steve. ;o)

Atlanta:
Moved just outside ATL with the man who would become my husband. Transferred my job with a very unstable dot-com, lived there for three miserable months awaiting his arrival. Lost my job on the day we closed on my first house, and quickly found a new job through a previous co-worker. Realized very quickly that Atlanta was VERY DIFFERENT from anywhere I'd ever lived, and struggled to adjust.

We closed on our house on Oct 4, and watched several new neighbors settle in around the same time we did... wanting to make friends, I had Steve bake a bunch of pecan pies, and we delivered them to all our neighbors on Thanksgiving Day. We were expecting to knock and drop, or find nobody home, but got invited in to each house and visited with each neighbor for about a half hour each. The pies were all well received, and each was the start of a friendship.

I also joined a few professional organizations to help me network for my sales job --- and what started as networking for business turned into several friendships.

Madison:
Moved to a Madison suburb when Steve's old company got bought out, we dodged a California relocation that neither of us wanted and he got a different job instead. On our first night here, we were greeted by our next door neighbor, whom I now consider a dear friend, when she dropped by with a homemade quiche, paper plates and plastic cutlery. Other neighbors also delivered pies, cookies and the like. On our third night in the neighborhood, the quiche neighbor dragged me to Bunco, an inane dice game and excuse to get together with the neighbor ladies once a month. I was very nervous but met a ton of women, some of whom I even liked! (I've since made it a point to personally escort several new neighbors...

Most of my life has been spent with a suitcase nearby. I grew up regarding this as normal, and usually looked forward to the next chapter.

But after I left home and family, it took on an whole different light. The one thing I can tell you is it isn't fair nor healthy to try to live your life through your significant other. You can't just befriend his/her friends. You can't depend on him/her for all your social interaction. You can't make success or failure of adjusting to your new digs their fault/accomplishment. It's not fair to youself or them.

When I moved back to my hometown a marriage, divorce, and two kids later I may as well have moved to mars. This had been just a stopping over place since my family left it when I was very young, and although I knew the names of some people my own age, they were just vague memories.

Some towns can be more clique-ish or unfriendly to outsiders than others. That's a really humbling and isolating experience to find oneself invisible for all practical purposes. It was hard to find housing, hard to find a decent job, hard to find friends.

Although striking up acquaintances with people who live next door is fine........I don't chose friends by proximity. It's a poor criteria. One choses friends by common interests and value systems, and you are not going to find those people unless you go out and meet them

There were some good suggestions in the previous posts. In this order here is what I would do:

Go exploring. Find out those things your community has in the way of resources, the museums, the parks, the libraries. Read the events section of the local paper. So many activities are out there, and many are free.

Yes, yes, yes, sign up with a temp agency if a job hasn't jumped out at you. They are the door to permanent jobs in my area. Most employers prefer to "try out" their prospective employees through an agency here, and keep those who pan out. It also allows you to try out jobs and gives you some days off in between if you wish. That extra money in your pocket doesn't hurt, either.

I can guarantee you there are any one of a number of groups who would be thrilled if you volunteered your skills, too.

If you are at all religious, start "trying on" churches. Yes, sometimes the friendliness is superficial, but that changes if you get involved in their social activities. And churches usually have activities open to people of all ages, and in and out of family relationships.

Take a class? So, you have already graduated? Fine, take a belly dancing class, a pottery class, or a creative writing class. Take on in something you always thought would be fun, but never tried, because it wasn't practical. Some are offered very cheaply in places like the Y or your chamber of commerce.

What you should avoid, is the get up, turn on the tube, and vegetate routine. What that gets you is bored, fat and dull. Keep in touch with your family back home too on...

Well, lots of good advice already, so I don't really have much to add. Temp jobs are great for making one get out of the house and meet people; don't forget to smile whether you feel like it or not; and do go looking for people to help `cause they're usually too busy to look for you.

If you weren't into volunteering before - and many young people aren't- start by looking for the local and state garden clubs, the library, the Lions, the Volunteers of America, a nursing home, the nearest hospital (hey, anyone can smile and deliver flowers), and the local elementary schools - most desperately need folks who are willing to spend a half-hour to read with the littlest kids. Call each place and say that you are new to the area and have a couple of hours free every week, so is there anything you can help with. Be willing to commit yourself for a couple months. It's as simple as that, and you can really make the world a better place, which will also make you feel good.

Sooner than you realize you'll have new friends, and hopefully some new interests. Just don't forget to come back here and let us know how you are getting along :-)

I've never been very good at making friends. I don't get along well with most other women. I mean, I do, but not in a "BFF" kind of way.

My best friend is Keith. My other best "girl" friend is Jenni-fer... she's been my best friend since we were in the 5th grade (that's 20 years if anyone is counting). I love her to death and she's like a sister, but I sometimes wonder if I met her today, would we become friends? I don't know.

My other good friends are people I've met through Keith or at work. Our best couple-friends are Mike and Jennifer (a different Jennifer) that Keith knew in college. Another close friend is Keith's sister-in-law.

In your situation, I feel that I personally would have a very hard time making any lasting frienships.

TTT, I don't think I ever made a friend with the expectation or plan of it being a "lasting" relationship. It's always been a case of "we enjoy talking together" and "we enjoy doing ____ (fill in the blank) together" that just keeps repeating as time goes by. And then a day sneaks up on you, when you realize, OMG, we've been friends for twenty years! and it doesn't seem to have been very long at all.

Between drunk drivers and the wars, none of my closest childhood friends are alive today. But I'm fortunate in having very good friends who have been good friends for forty or more years. Even looking back over that span of time, not a one became a friend because either of us planned it, but instead because we liked each other back then, and have continued to like each other. We make an effort to stay in touch, stay sympathetic, stay aware of likes and dislikes, practice tolerance of each other's quirks, and let it be known that we admire each other's accomplishments. Good communication is basic, and that means we say "you" more often than we say "I", and we always say thank you. We learned all that as we went along, and because we learned, it's just a little easier to make friends now than it was back we were young. But I enjoy each friend for today, because there are no promises we'll have tomorrow.

Thank you all for your words of wisdom. I will start looking harder for groups and such to get involved. At this point its a little difficult to get out there because i dont have my own car yet. Need a job to by a car. Need a car to hold a job. Wow, thats stinks. But i figure as soon as i get a job i will go buy a car.

I posted on the caralinas page but so far no good.

I know that once i have a car a lot will change.

Like Michelle, I have been thinking about your post.
She, as usual, has pretty much nailed it about making
friends.
There are several of us here at the GP that
have become good friends. It is a wonderful thing to
know that there are a whole lot of people scattered
across the country that cares what happens to you and
would fly to be with you in a New York minute if you needed
them.
We never knew each other existed before coming here to
this forum.

It's possible to make friends anywhere, anytime, if you
put forth the effort and keep an open mind and heart.
Be willing to start a conversation. Women are pretty
good at that to begin with.

I sincerely hope that you get a job and a car soon and
can get out there and start living. Please don't sit at
home and wait for someone to come to you.

I have a wonderful nephew that was about five or six years
old when his mom and dad packed him up and moved to
Missouri. He left a whole neighborhood of little playmates
behind and needless to say he was bored, lonely and pretty
miserable. He took matters into his own hands one day
when he walked out of the apartment when his mom wasn't
looking. She was frantically searching the neighborhood
and had called the police when he was found knocking on
doors and introducing himself to the occupants asking
" do you have any kids I can play with?"
Not exactly the best thing for him to do in today's world
with perverts lurking about but he made some friends and
gained some playmates that way.

I wish for you, many friends and much happiness in the future.
Bloom where you are planted.

THanks Everyone! Lots of good advice.