My wife knits, I tend the gardens (veggies and flowers). She enjoys the flowers that I bring in and she knits. Lots of produce this time of year, I will occasionally ask her to bring in stuff, but she would rather knit.

I have learned that my mistakes are mine alone and I am will to accept that. She knows what to do and how to do it, but she would rather knit.

We are retired, in case that has anything to do with it all.

Jim

MY DH hardly sets foot in the garden. I can barely get him to mow the lawn three times a summer! He has started to wander into the vegetable garden now and then (he is the cook in the family) but that's it. No gardening, no chores, no hole-digging. I do everything myself.

Which is fine. Like mxk, sometimes I wish he were more interested. But overall, it's MY garden and I do what I want and he doesn't care what I do, which is great. He appreciates the vegetables I grow and admires the flowers (from afar, lol) but that's the extent of his involvement.

Except the one time I came home from work and almost drove the car into the house because as I pulled in the driveway I caught sight of him watering the vegetable garden! I couldn't believe it! But we were in a drought and he was worried about the tomatoes! I thought that might be the beginning of some kind of interest, but that was three summers ago and he hasn't done anything like that since, lol.

Dee

My DH hates to do any kind of yard work. There are parts of the yard that he's never set foot in, which seems bizarre to me. Come to think of it, there's probably parts of the house he hasn't been to either, lol.

I'd love some help, but like others have said I get to have things my way. He's just glad if it gets done without him. I tried to convince him that gardening is great exercise, but he'd rather walk endless miles on a treadmill. To each their own.

My DH would rather be golfing, (g) but he has worked in the garden as much as I have. He has a special interest in fragrant plants so I have focused on trying to add as many fragrant plants as I could. He loves getting fresh vegetables out of the garden. As much as gardening was not even on his radar screen, over the years, I think he has developed a real enjoyment of having a garden.

Still, he will probably never have the level of interest that I have. He has no interest in plant selection or design concerns and is content to leave that to me. So I have his help but still have the freedom to do what I want. Once in awhile, I will ask him, 'What do you think of this or that plant for that area?' and he just laughs at me, because I should know he hasn't an opinion about it by now.

He has surprised me in recent years, that he knows more names of plants then he used to and he suddenly developed a desire to have a collection of houseplants in his office which makes me happy.

My husband does some grunt work outside and always enjoys it, but it's only once or twice a year. Generally, he just asks me why there isn't more color out front (it's fine), or why the drainage ditch at the strreet has so many weeds in it. My guess is it's because that's where our sump water goes! EXCUSE ME -- but I am not concerned with the eyesore that is that drainage ditch! I have a house and three acres to tend to!

So he weedwhacks the ditch.

DH is an invaluable garden assistant! I couldn't.t garden without him. He makes good suggestions now and then but is largely content to be the 'labour' to my 'management' role in the garden :-). He's a very good amateur photographer and particularly likes taking photos of birds, butterflies and miscellaneous insects, so I plant to give him lots to photograph and he's particularly happy to do the maintenance on those plants! He' s primarily responsible for the veggies in pots (I order the seeds...) so he does most of the watering of the pots on the driveway when he waters the veggie pots. He says he enjoys deadheading because it allows him to do something productive while leaving his mind free to think of other things... Mind you, he sometimes deadheads or cuts back the wrong thing, so I have to keep an eye on him :-). So I think I'm very lucky with my gardening partner.

Deleted duplicate....this is getting OLD.

This post was edited by MulchMama on Thu, Sep 12, 13 at 17:58

Nice thread topic!

My DH has an eye for design, structure, symmetry and texture so he is a valuable sounding board for infrastructure decisions. He's also a master fabricator so he'll willingly build raised beds, trellises, support hoops or in the case of last weekend, a mini fortress to keep the curious, mischievous fawns out of our pepper crop.

He has this amazing eye for what is or isn't straight and level so I always consult him before building anything to make sure it will be in the correct spot.

He knows well enough to never even offer to help with stonework, a task I love too much to allow anyone to help.

I travel a fair amount, entrusting entire crops to his tending, especially in the spring when the greenhouse is full of all of the seedlings for the year. He doesn't enjoy doing that but he's reliable. He loves and appreciates all our home-grown fare so he's very willing to pitch in when I'm gone.

In exchange for all this help, I always ask for input on any special plants he'd like. The entire north side of the house is 'Dave's Garden' and 'Dave's Garden 2.0' where he gets to call the shots and I will plant what he wants - sunflowers, orange daylilies, pumpkins, hostas and other things he enjoys.

He's learned a few things about gardening but the funniest is his use of the word 'species.' He has jokingly picked this up from species tulips, which are so small. So when a plant is undersized he'll comment dryly, "Oh, that one must be species - a species catmint."

He may not know it yet, but this fall he's going to learn how to can. We have a massive plum crop and canned plums in syrup is one of his favorite things. I'm totally going to need some help there, sweetie...

I'm complimented by a spouse who's a meticulous annuals gardener and orientated to maintaining a lawn as a frame for perennial beds.

The latter is especially difficult when you have a neighbour, with a lawn contiguous yours, who vacillates between doing nothing and taking ineffectual action. The lawns are a real challenge.

Her potted annuals on our large deck are a big help in maintaining lots of spring-summer-fall colour in our small garden. She also has potted annuals in the front and some annuals in beds which are too small for just perennials.

Picture August 5, 2013:

Oooh! Very pretty, SunnyBorders! I love the purples and pinks!

Dee

Thanks Dee,

Spouse coordinated the four potted blue-red coloured geraniums at front of deck to go with those colours and against the brick of the house, at the back of the deck, she used orange-red ones.

SBorders, I love it too and I think you and your spouse make a good team!

Dee, that seems like a well rounded household, he cooks, you garden. :-)

I suppose those whose spouse doesn't share their interest in gardening need a mutual hobby in the off season. Traveling? Winter sports? Something?

This post was edited by prairiemoon2 on Wed, Sep 11, 13 at 14:20

I'm lucky, and know it. My husband and I both majored in Ornamental Horticulture, even though we didn't share classes because he began several years before me. I also studied business because we were starting a nursery and landscape company together. His strengths and mine complimented each other, and overlapped in design style. In the rare instances where we disagree, something we both like is easily found.

Amazingly, the same generally holds true with the remodeling we have done on our house. Taking into consideration that my design aesthetic has changed considerably over the past five years, in addition to how it evolved over our thirty plus years together, it would appear we won with a longshot.

As for our home landscaping, I generally choose the plants and placement, but he has input that I take into consideration. The hardscape is an equal collaboration. I'm a bit stronger with the design lines/visuals, but he "gets" the vision and reasoning quickly. He is stronger with material selection; I choose the colors. I'm responsible for the maintenance of the softscape, with the exception of the tiny 250sq' turf area. He takes care of most of the irrigation system. (I never enjoyed that segment of landscaping, although I dig half of the ditches. :P )

Our marriage truly is a partnership, with the ingredients being a mixture of hard work and luck. And probably everything in between.

Not remotely interested but highly appreciative of eating fresh vegetables and enjoying outdoor meals with a green background. But he does all the ironing and shopping. Suits me fine.

I'm very glad that my DH loves to work with me in the garden. He does it all ----shopping, weeding, planting, transplanting, trimming. Gardening has become a hobby we do together.

Also, this is our second marriage ---- maybe that's part of the reason for our shared interest and all the work we like to do together on our home. It sure is fun, and easier, to work with a partner in the yard.

Though my DH had always liked the look of a nice yard, he didn't know much about plants. Now that we shop, plant and weed together, he's learned to identify plants and understands their care requirements. I trust his opinions and his tastes ---- though there are times when we disagree! I'd have to say that the gardens have become a blend of our tastes.

DH does all the heavy work in the garden. My back won't take the strain of breaking through caliche, moving the rocks and boulders and all the shoveling of soil amendments. So far we have dug in about 9 cu yds of topsoil and compost. There's about 5 cu yds of composted manure on the driveway, waiting to be moved. He says he enjoys the exercise, and I'm very happy that he's willing to do it.

Right now he's finishing off the irrigation system we installed. We put in two 1100 gal water storage tanks, and over the summer he put in all the plumbing to take water from the roof to the tanks. Now he's installing the pumps which will move water to the drip irrigation he installed in the spring.

I do the rest - planning, buying and planting. We both enjoy the results. I think I get the better deal.

Cheryl

I like the buying a lot, but it's about time they started genetically engineering plants to plant themselves.

My DH and I run a business together so thankfully enough, we have separate hobbies so we don't spend 24/7 together. However, I am lucky in the regard that he will dig holes, move things, and give opinions when asked. He also does a wonderful job of acting interested and visits the garden and asks questions regularly. It is quite a wonderful setup. He also is the one that mows the lawn and when you have three acres of lawn, that is very nice of him.

Dee- lol nice story! Watch out for that house.
Love the phlox pictures sunnyborders, each picture shows more and more great colors and well grown plants and I love how tall they are.

My wife makes it out into the yard maybe five times a year. Sometimes I trick her into a garden center, but it's never pretty. She hates the smell of lilac and I was kind of busted when a box of them showed up at the doorstep. What are the odds that this would be the only box she'd be curious about? I'm banking on the possibility she won't even venture out into the yard during lilac season.....

No SO. That is okay, gardening is my passion, therapy, hobby, and in particular an art, which for me is a solitary pursuit. Although the birds and insects and occasional critter keep me company!

My son mows the lawn, and sometimes spreads the compost or moves heavy crap around like bricks, and that's helpful.

Thanks, Cato.

Like others, juggling, trying to save as much phlox bloom and simultaneously reduce as much powdery mildew inoculum getting into the soil.

It surprises me that thinning phlox out often exposes more, albeit reduced amounts of, phlox bloom. The small secondary blooming of some partially cutback phlox is also coming on-line.

Like tall phlox too. Matches the height of some other tall showy perennials of the summer and fall.

Not like the smell of lilac? Hope she's OK with lavender!

DH grew up gardening to help feed a large family, and after about 10 years of marriage he moved on to other hobbies that he enjoys more. He still does all the mowing (lawn, several acres of field, and more than a mile of woodland trails) and any heavy rock wall building, and if I am out of town will water as needed, as well as harvest and freeze as required since he enjoys the flowers, the wildlife, and the fresh veggies. Everything else that needs to be done in the garden, I do since for me it's fun, not work.

I do check in wih him on planning, to be sure that I am not adding to his workload mowing, and there are plants specifically for him like lilacs and tall phlox.

My husband has very little interest in gardening himself but he appreciates what I do out there. He has also been really helpful when it comes to heavy work although he does seem to mention quite often the time he dug out a stump for me and fell to the floor the next day, with a major back injury (very traumatic for BOTH of us!!)

He prides himself on now being able to tell the difference between a hydrangea and a chrysanthemum, and once, he came home with two Astilbes for my shade garden.

What's most interesting is how we can relate with each others' art. He is a classical music composer and we often sit on the porch talking about design, flow, color, brightness, interest, and we both get a real kick out of making analogies... eg. "I think I need a tiny piccolo in that bed over there..." or... "you know, those shrubs are sort of like the double basses.. they're not too noticeable but you need them there for some sort of foundation.." I could go on and on. If our neighbours could hear us I'm sure they'd be rolling their eyes, lol.

When he first expressed an interest in what I was doing, I thought, "Oh No... I need the control here, can't let anyone else decide what's going where" but he has found his place within my hobby although I am much more in his face about HIS hobby. And that's just how I like it.

Great thread!

Pam, I played both the flute and bass clarinet for years, and I had never thought of a music analogy on the garden. I think that's quite ingenious.

DH says I'm a garden whimp because I won't use power anything. He mows,, edges, trims, etc. I am VERY good at shopping for plants! It really is my specialty if I do say so myself. Sometimes my pocketbook wants to yell at me, but thank goodness my DH doesn't. He knows about this crazy passion of mine. He keeps a beautiful lawn which does set off the gardens nicely, and when people ask "do you have an automatic sprinkler system?", I answer "yes, his name is Mike!" He's sooooo good about making sure everything is watered which is no small task with lots of garden. And he has a great eye for design and likes to plant en masse. Alas, he tries very hard to make me believe less is more and plant larger drifts of the same thing, but how can I pass up all those new perennials? But he's right. There's nothing like the row of magnolia in spring, or the sweeps of spirea in fall and the repeat of dwarf Alberta spruce in various areas of the yard to try to tie areas together. All his ideas (and many others). And he's a great digger. When we planted the new backyard beds, I think I laid out about 50 shrubs in pots where they needed to be planted and while I was at work (he works from home self-employed) he would get out and plant them. What a great deal for me! I get to have fun planning and buying and he does the grunt work. Seriously, I do my share of grunt work and my fingernails are always dirty and chipped. I'm just so glad I have someone who enjoys the garden as much as I do.

I think the best story I read here is by Jim-1. That really made me laugh.

This post was edited by GreatPlains1 on Sun, Sep 15, 13 at 0:08

My spouse has cancer and a lot of health issues, so she no longer does the compost and other outdoor work that I now have to do. I miss her out there. We used to talk a lot about the garden before she got sick. Now she'll harvest beans and herbs, but that's it.

I used to hate doing compost but now I like it because the area is sunny and I have lots of neat piles and a compost tumbler which makes it easier to mix. Besides, it's surrounded with wild black raspberry plants so I can munch and work, too.

I also have hired a wonderful muscle man who comes weekly and mows the yard, weed-whacks, pulls out nasty invasives, takes out trees, cleans my gutters, takes the air conditioners out in fall and does any other heavy work I need doing. I love watching him work!

Susan, I'm sorry to hear that your spouse has been so sick. Very hard for both of you, I'm sure. I hope she regains her energy and gets back to the garden, soon.

Your compost area sounds very pleasant. And I'm jealous of your 'muscle man' lol. Now that's what I need to get, a muscle man!

This post was edited by prairiemoon2 on Sat, Sep 14, 13 at 16:07

Everyone needs a muscle man, lol! Oh, yeah, and I guess he would be handy in the garden too! ;)

Susanzone5, so sorry to hear about your spouse. My best to you both.

Dee

Thanks. My garden is my sanctuary...

Everyone?

Very sorry to hear of your spouse's poor health, Susan.
If not much gardening, hope there's still other things she enjoys.

Like mxk3 I'm in charge & rest of my family is willing to help get the job done. They are patient when I browse for plants when we're stopping by a home improvement store. They give input when I ask and sometimes have opinions or notice something different out in a garden. Mostly, I am the gardener because I enjoy it. They wouldn't consider themselves gardeners, but they do tasks because they love me and want to help me do what I can't get done alone. My husband jokes about being my laborer. I joke that they don't need 24 hour fitness because they help garden.

If it were up to me alone I would garden on a much smaller scale, but since I have 2 helpers we can do amazing projects ourselves. Currently, we are re-landscaping a new home at camp and building new gardens. Since we moved just up the gravel road we plan to move the chicken coop, 6x8 cedar greenhouse, rabbit hutches, fences, raised beds, numersous plants, etc.... after loggers move the hazard trees so we actually have a back yard for these these. Right now we have stinging nettles, blackberry vines, past storm debris, dead fir trees, rotting maples, etc. We're all getting our exercise in preparation for ski season again.

Susan - very sorry to hear about your spouse...

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This post was edited by GreatPlains1 on Mon, Sep 16, 13 at 18:03

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This post was edited by susanzone5 on Thu, Oct 31, 13 at 10:30

Our gardens are part of our business because we grow and sell plants for a living and like to display them in garden beds. We have about 30 different gardens scattered around the edges of a 36-acre property. I could never maintain them or enjoy them as much as I do without my partner's effort.
Generally, he is responsible for maintenance, especially in the sunny, high-profile gardens. I design and maintain the shade gardens.
At the end of the day, when work is over, we stroll through discussing plans or ideas for more gardens.
Without the gardens, the business would be just that. With the gardens, it remains a labour of love.

No, but DH will move heavy bags or bails of compressed soil etc. for me. He also waters plants when I am away if I leave very specific instructions. He is happy to let me do my thing and loves to invite others over to see the gardens. Most of those people are not gardeners and while they are polite making all the right comments I have come to appreciate the odd gardener who really understands gardening and wants to talk plants and design, etc.