Hah! I do the exact same thing. I'm not a BIG talker to them, but sometimes I exclaim "good job!" or "you'd better pull it together or you're headed out!" or something similar. Sometimes it's "darnnit, I missed your bloom because I was away at work", and so on. I'm curious to hear from others too. Fun discussion! Happy gardening all!

I have been teaching my 200+ well-armed charges from south of the border all manner of colorful vernacular. All they seem to do in response is snicker...

LOL @ GermanStar! Yeah, I do that too now and then, hah! Thanks for the chuckle!

It seems I am not the only one who threatens their thorny charges!

We have little one-sided conversations here along the lines of, "Oh, you're so pretty!", "What's th' matter with you?!", and "Are you ever gonna grow?" Their responses are pretty much like the cat's - stoic silence. How many of you pet your plants?

I do touch the leaves of plants (that don't bite) and the trunks of trees. I am a big sniffer of things. I smell any blossom that shows up.

I always touch my Agaves, and occasionally regret doing so. The feel of an Agave conveys significant health and identification information via surface (smooth or rough?), firmness, suppleness, elasticity, etc. If you become familiar with the way each plant feels when healthy, you can often detect when something is amiss or water is needed, simply by touch. I often see folks post Agave pics online seeking proper ID's, which can be difficult without being able to touch the plant -- a pic only conveys so much information. Likewise, sight only conveys so much, and touch can convey so much more.