I step on snails
I haven't cleaned my mini pond in 2 years
I have more orchids than I really want to take care of
I buy stuff because it's pretty than get buyers remorse(see orchids above)
The back side of my raised bed in the back yard probably looks really unsightly from my neighbors back patio...but I don't care.
My gardening clothes look awful...with shoes to match

I know Shear_ Stupidity, And i could not begin to count the Florida Grasshoppers that i've hunted and killed for her and her plants.
Confession... i enjoy it!

LMAOOO!

Ok, I have to add!

6. I kill any bug that lands on me or touches me! And I love bees, but swat at them like I'm on fire if they come close.
7. I buy stuff for my yard, house, closet because it represents the life I WISH I had, or because I'm schizophrenic. (I want fun, upbeat, calypso stuff for my garden, but I like sleepy angels, too. Then they don't flow)
8. My neighbors have never really spoken to me. Probably because my Jasmine, Honeysuckle, Passion Vine, and Boston Ferns are creeping under their fences! ( I don't care, either. )
9. Gardening clothes: If it's at least 68 degrees outside, I'm wearing an ugly strapless sundress with garden boots or barefoot. (Same way I mow the lawn - riding mower) If it's colder out, I'm wearing my flannel PJ's and same gardening boots. If it get's REALLY cold, I wear my father's old quilted flannel over the PJ's.

10. The cheesier/ more tourist-y/ tropical, the better! I love "garden junk!" (Coming from Detroit 12 years ago, I still get giddy over the most common things here!)

This post was edited by shear_stupidity on Thu, Jan 31, 13 at 7:13

I am in Zone Denial, somehow I just know that 10b plant will do fine in my yard.

The expensive frost cloth I bought to protect those tender tropicals sat all winter on an old freezer, see above comment.

I love it when my husband goes out to play golf with his buddies, I can spend all day gardening in my old tennies. Shhh, don't tell him.

I actually like the selection of plants at the big box stores!

I can not pass a broken branch in my yard without the urge to stick it a pot to see if it will grow.

LOL, Joey! What will I do this year without you??? You suck for moving back to Michigan.

And you forgot your other confession: You like digging graves... er, holes.

11. After 12 years in Florida, I still have Zone Denial. (Originally Zone 5)
12. I've never covered a plant, ever. I've only lost Crotons for it.
13. I love it when my husband works overtime or goes out for a beer after work because I can keep digging, planting, changing, shopping, reading, napping, or watching TV.
14. Most of my plants came from big box stores. I like them for "easy stuff," and the TLC sections!
15. Trash/ Yard Waste day, I drive around looking for branches and cuttings I can swipe!

This post was edited by shear_stupidity on Thu, Jan 31, 13 at 7:16

LOL... Shear, " what i never dug a hole before" :) Oh Florida i miss you sooo... I picture LARGE swarms of grasshoppers eating your plants and that makes me sad.
Confessions

1. I hate loving plants now that i'm in Michigan. Ipso facto. i hate Michigan.
2. If i ever said to anyone while in Florida " oh yes your grass looks great". i was lying it's NOT grass it's razors of green stuff. it may look great but it isn't grass.
3. I NEVER just follow any recipe. i have to add or subtracted some ingredient . Is that for another forum " confections " ? either way i confess!
4. I over water everything! Even when i know it's hurting the plant. It's just my first second third... tenth. Response to a sick plant.
5. I'm irritated that Hibiscus don't smell at all for how good they look!...No really it irritates me.

I think my biggest confession is that I actually stood in a store a week before Christmas debating with myself, "Do I get the Garden Wagon for myself or do I get my kids some toys for Christmas?" The wagon almost won. Seriously.

Also... What are Garden Clothes? I get up, put on clothes and just go.

Thirdly: You will never catch me working in the garden without Radio Margaritaville 'blasting' from my garden shed. I may be the only one (or at least one of the few) who has a complete surround sound system with subwoofer in their garden shed so that I can listen to music in any corner of the yard. It's super rare that I turn it up that loud as most of my work is around the shed anyways, but if I wanted to, I could really annoy my neighbors who prefer to be up all night and sleep through the day. Some day I may invest in those wireless garden speakers, but for now, what I have works.

My last has not happened yet, but I might as well throw it out there. The above neighbor's Turk's Turbans (Clerodendrum indicum) might accidentally get misted or injected with Round-Up this Spring. The stuff is spreading like crazy and invading my yard. And they do NOTHING to control it. They can't even be bothered to mow their yard because that would mean being awake during the day!

Laughing and choking because I can relatie!

Joey, you're right. This isn't grass, you DO over-water, and Hibiscus should smell as good as it looks!

Leekle, I am laughing and laughing because I can SO relate! I want a garden wagon, too! Badly. No seriously. Badly.
Garden clothes are the clothes you don't mind wearing while crawling in mud. If you need more clarification, then your testosterone levels are within normal ranges.
OMG about the radio! Right now, I blast my iPod into my own earballs (by granddaughter's term), but would LOVE to have Surround out there! (And damn the neighbors!)
Choking and gasping about the Turk's Turbans! I would pretend to have a birthday party and lob Round-Up water balloons over the fence!

Oh, my sides. I'm laughing and coughing and totally relating over here!

This is a great subject to start Spring with. I thought I'd add something to the conversation, since I also do thhe stuff you guys have already listed.

I just moved last month to a new town and this yard has a big hedge with woods behind. I find in my laziness that it's easier to just throw stuff over the hedge that I don't want any more - like fallen tomatoes and fruit and branches I've pruned. I guess I got in the habit while living in Chokoloksee and my plants were so close to the water that I'd toss all the snails and slugs I'd find right into the boat basin.

So now instead of feeding the catfish, I'm feeding the raccoons.

I know I'm just lazy. I put alot of my container plants near the neighbor's yard so they can catch a sprinkling from their irrigation system. It makes the lawnmower man crazy since it really limits the space he has to manuever the giant mower between the yards.....one of these days someone is going to quit giving me the new neighbor courtesy, I just know it.

And I, too, have had cuttings and seeds just show up in my pocket while visiting places like Sea World and San Juan and even Applebee's. But they really have to stop doing that now - I mean even after having a plant sale at my old house, we still moved almost 300 potted plants.I can't throw anything away that looks like it has a chance of living, even plants I don't really like, such as Snake Plants and Amaryllis.

I've always wanted to have a nursery. So my theory is - even if I don't want this plant for my own yard, maybe someone will and I can sell it. And I can use that money to buy a bag of potting soil.

Which leads to another confession: since soil is expensive, I just keep using it over and over. Pepper plants go out; caladium bulbs go in.

And I also confess to looking pretty ratty while out in the yard. My old neighborhood had gotten used to my too baggy, over-bleached shorts and thread-bare T-shirts covered with paint, but that was like living in Mayberry and this is just a different kind of place. Most of those folks have hired me to paint their houses during my time living there; these neighbors don't know yet that I'm wearing my "uniform."

And my last confession is that in all the places I've lived, even with having the "Call-Before-You-Dig" service, I've managed to cut through phone and cable wires, or puncture some PVC. Or worse yet, cut off a lizard's tail.

Oh and I almost forgot, when I do things like cut off a lizard's tail, or accidently prune off the living, blooming branch instead of the dead one, I always tell the thing "I'm so sorry!"

And I hope you'll forgive me!

Susie

I have to confess to trying to find a root to my neighbors raintree so that I can put it in a bucket of Round Up. I've just spent hours and hours of weeding out the seedlings of that tree from my flower beds.

I too wear the most rattest stained clothes for gardening.

My husband hears me talking to the plants and thinks we have company. I actually yell at a plant that isn't doing well. Like "What the hell is the matter with you, I just fed you."

I keep saying I am going to cut back my plants but can't wait for GardenFest in Vero this weekend.

Susieqsie, I absolutely LOVE the fact that you hijack your neighbor's sprinkler water! And the cuttings and seeds "showing up in your pocket." That is SO me!
I have a hard time letting a dying plant go, too. This one shrub even started to stink, so we just called it "The Stink Bush" until it finally died months later. love Amaryllis and wish I had more of it! *Hint!* I didn't know we weren't supposed to re-use potting soil! LOL! (And remember, I don't feed anything either!) I tell things "I'm so sorry!" too! Honestly. I can be out there gardening all by myself and you'll hear, "Oops, I'm sorry," then later on, "Well, hell," then later still, "Get away from me." LOL!
I love your comments!

Katkin, laughing about the Raintree. Even though it probably isn't always funny, huh?

Thought of a few more of mine:

16. I rarely buy potting soil. I just walk to the edge of the canal and take "dirt."
17. I'm a chronic plant-mover. No matter where I plant something, right about the time it gets established and healthy, I dig it up and move it. Easily 6 times before I like where it is. Then I wonder why it isn't growing as well/fast as I'd expected.

I have a beautiful potting bench that I got a few years back from BigLots. It's in my garage. I've never used it as a potting bench because I didn't want it to get dirty.So I bought a crafters table that sets up high and threw an old plastic table cloth over it. Stuff just sits on the potting bench. By stuff I mean clutter.

Coffeemom, I know what you mean. I buy things specifically to put outside, but don't want them to get dirty.

18. I just bought a new pair of pruners for the garden, but I don't want to use them because then they won't be shiny/sharp any more. Which leads to...
19. I never clean my gardening tools, and I never oil them.

Another 'big' confession for me:

I'm not a gardener. I'm a tech geek and borderline nerd. I just can't afford to keep up with technology right now so I expand my knowledge in the area of gardening rather than computers and related tech. And while some might say that gardening is just as expensive as technology, maybe more so... with gardening you can take cheap baby steps and eventually reach your goal. In the tech world you can't do that.

What's wrong with Jerry Baker?

I am lovin' this thread - it's just hilarious how much alike we all are! Like kindred spirits in the funniest sort of way.

S.S. - you'll have to email me your address. I have baby amaryllis bulbs comin' out my ears. And Shear Stupidity should be MY name - for planting hundreds of seeds of something I have no room to plant, simply because everyone in my neighborhood had seedpods last spring. I just couldn't resist.

I have lots more seeds if you'd like to try them. It's really fun watching them come up.
And it will be fun to see what the blooms will look like.

Leekle, your confession is a huge shocker! I doubt if anyone can top that one. That's like saying "I'm not a gardener -
I just play one on GW." (And you might be too young to get that)

You deserve an award, though. We're glad you've joined us - you're actually one of us now and there's no goin' back. If we have to, we'll send your kids their presents next Christmas if temptation overtakes you.

Susie

I get the reference. While I'm younger than your average Garden Club member (I've looked), I'm not THAT young. :)

Leekle, welcome my fellow nerd! Wait, are you a nerd, a geek, a dweeb, or just awkward? (Kidding!) I'm a nerd, my husband is a geek AND a nerd. (His hobbies are electronics, computers, and robotics... for FUN, for pete's sake)

Susieqsie, my email address is:
bangelich@cfl.rr.com

I'll take anything you'll send me. See number 22 below.

20. I'm not a Master Gardener, I'm not a chef, and I'm not an interior decorator. But everyone else seems to think so, so I let them!

21. My name is Shear_Stupidity because I do hair. (On other sites, I use Shear_Madness, Shear_Agony, etc)

22. I, too, plant more things than I know what to do with. And I'm BEYOND guilty of starting seedlings, then letting them rot because of my indecision.

23. I buy almost all specimen plants and never buy or plant masses of anything, even though that's the look I WANT.

TheTradition, NOTHING is wrong with Jerry Baker, IMO.

This post was edited by shear_stupidity on Fri, Mar 1, 13 at 15:57

Sigh... shaking my head...

24. I almost rear-ended the car in front of me today in my attempt to spot and point out plants on the side of the road to my passenger. *Blush* People probably thought I was texting and driving, but I was just LOOKing. Just not LOOKing in front of me.

Shear, I am a retired stylist too. Prunning fill my need to cut something. lol

Kat, that's so funny! I like pruning too, and now I know why!

I'm not retired yet, just wish I was. LOL!

Just thought of this one...

25. I plant seeds, then pick them up out of their media to see if they're germinating.

Katkin, I'm a retired stylist/nail tech too! So funny! This thread had me in stiches! LOL Very funny Shear!!
I confess the same stuff, too. Only I DO kill anything that's not a good use to the garden! My favorite kill is the fat white grubs! I throw them in a bucket and save them for the deep bird feeder! They can't crawl out!
I had to kill several snakes, HATE them... Yuck !
I also wear grubby T shirts with holes, and I hate wearing a bra, while working out there in the heat! Too bad if my neighbor gets an eye full!

Ditto on the bra! I hate wearing them... pretty much ever.

I yell at snakes' departing tails for startling the crap out of me.
But you see, we don't just have snakes... we have SNAKES. Lots of them. (We back up to a "canal.") We have Southern Black Racers, and Red Rat snakes (Corn snakes) and Flower Pot snakes, and Scarlet King snakes (Aka: "Friends of Jack"). In case you don't know, though... when your dog is running at you carrying a baby Scarlet King snake, it looks like a Coral snake. (Aka: "Kill a fellow"). We get Corals, too, but not as often.
We have a Black Racer we've been watching grow in length every year. I kept telling people how long he was and no one believed me... until...
We had company over and were all swimming in the pool (not screened). Here he comes around the corner of the house, slow and lazy as you please. I got everyone's attention and they all watched in stunned horror as all 7 feet of him came around the corner. (We measured from the corner to where his head was when his tail came into view.) They're really only supposed grow to 4-5 feet. (Yes, I'm sure it's a Southern Black Racer.)
I keep calling him a "him," but it's probably a "her." We find a few clusters of babies every Spring.
Probably because we STILL have spare bricks stacked against a sided of the house.

We don't have as many snakes here as I would like. Maybe once or twice a summer I will see a small Black Racer or Eastern Coachwhip, but that's about it. I have also found Crowned Snakes and Worm Snakes while working in the yard, but those were pure lucky happenstance since they tend to stay underground. The worm snake thought it was 'safe' under a pot that I had moved.

As for the Crown Snakes, I was just pulling up clumps of crabgrass when one 'root' slid out of the ground, stared at me and slid back into the ground. I kept pulling up the crabgrass and another different one slid out to check what all the noise in the hallway was. I managed to capture this one long enough to grab my Reptiles and Amphibians book and identify it. While reading up on it, I learned that 1) they are Endangered and 2) that time of year was breeding season. So I changed my mind of holding it until the kids got home so they could see it and returned it to the area where I had found its possible mate.

Here is the slightly annoyed Crown Snake. It was so annoyed it wouldn't look at the camera to give me a good shot of it's 'crown'.
{{gwi:786344}}

We have plenty of snakes. Because we have plenty of frogs and toads. Because we have plenty of bugs. Therefore we have plenty of armadillo, and possum, and birds. The birds love the Oak trees. So do the squirrels. It's a zoo out there. I love it.
We get those Crown Snakes, too. That's funny that you found their love-den!
Speaking of worms, they creep me out here!
In Michigan, from the time I was a kid, we'd find worms and play with them for a while... carry them from one place to another to "show them" things in the yard. "My worm is going to sit in this tree for a minute. Now he's going to swing on the swing." Poor things. But they were very docile and lazy.
Here?!?! I tried to pick up a worm that was stranded on my porch after a rain and it thrashed like the Exorcist! What is UP with that??? I screeched and dropped it. Now when I have to save a worm, I have to get gloves or a stick. They're too "coked up." They give me Turrets.
Which isn't good when gardening with grandchildren.

1. I buy stuff for my garden, hide it away from my husband, and when he asks about a bill from walmart, lowes, etc I tell him it was for the kids.
2. When I plant edibles I imagine I am planting an investment for when or if the economy ever goes to heck and I am the only one on my block with a source of food!
3. I plant edibles I would not eat unless my life depended on it because the seeds were on sale,free, or traded.
4. I have daydreams of taking a chainsaw to my neighbors mangrove trees because their roots are invasive to my yard and I'm sick of blowing the leafs back into theirs with the feeling that I am wrong.
5. I buy cheap flowers and mostly let them rot so I can reuse the seed trays they came in, all the while telling my husband that the flowers are for the kids to plant for an educational lesson. Meanwhile I give the kids other tasks to stay away from my precious garden.
Okay so I know my husband has read my sinful list if I should wake up and discover my garden razed, but at least someone might get a laugh and if not that then perhaps I will get some hate mail.

LOL! Ok, now I have to add:
(If 'snakes' above was number 26, then...)

27. I don't even try to hide my plant purchases from my husband because if I get it in the ground fast enough, he'll never even notice! I'm also guilty of saying, "Oh that? I dug that up on the side of the road." (While praying he doesn't see that the empty black pot stack has grown)
28. I grow edibles but won't eat them because they're not organic. But I save the seeds in case of Zombie Apocalyptic Desperation. (ZAD's)
29. But I suspect I would have no problem drinking the wine I would make with the grapes I would grow if I weren't too lazy and impatient to make my own wine.
30. I've already decided that the next windy-gusty day, I'm going to "prune" some of my neighbor's tree and let her blame the wind. (It's a Grapefruit tree that's dragging the ground in her front yard) I've done it before and know how to make it look convincing.

No hate mail here!!

OMG, I forgot one!

It's a biggie.

31. I tell my husband that everyone on GW says "fill-in-the-blank" to get him to agree to certain things in the yard. For example, I hated the shrubs on the side of our house, so I told him THIS person and THAT person and this OTHER person (experts, of course) on GW all agreed they should be moved... to an area where they will NEVER thrive. And just to make sure it "took," I waited and suggested it right before our first frost. They are kindling now. I know it, and now YOU know it, but he wants to "wait and see if they recover in the Spring." I bite my cheeks and nod grimly and agree we should wait and see. I hope he doesn't notice that the RoundUp level is dropping.
    I almost left the RoundUp sitting right next to the dead shrub the other day! He pulled in the driveway and I RANNNNN out the back door and grabbed it and was just shoving it in the cabinet as he came out the back door wondering where I was.

WHEW!

Shear, you are one twisted lady. Just so you know :)

Thanks, Leekle! It's so good to finally be understood! LOL!

Ya
"Twisted" is putting it mildly.

My garden shenanigans include having to hide potting soil purchases while living on the island - Naples was such a long drive and the only place to get dirt. So I'd beg friends and neighbors to pick up bags for me when they went to town. They still think of me as a dirt junkie - like "what do you DO with all that?" and "didn't I JUST get some for you?"

*Frown* Hey, now! Easy, killer.

I'm not THAT twisted!

At least I'm not a dirt junkie. LOL!

I say you're "twisted" PLUS something....as in, PLUS "devious", on account of all the planning that went into that one escapade.

Reminds me of me when I was your age!

Snidely Whiplash

"... when I was your age..." LOL!

We're close enough.

As for all the planning, that's what happens when you marry a smart guy. You have to plan and think things through! I blame HIM.

As an old friend used to say, "Ya' gotta' make your own fun."