Since we've about exhausted the "animal in the trap" thread with our ongoing conversation, I thought I'd start a new thread for this month.
So, the topic is: What is your gardening pet peeve? (I know we'll meander and wander off-topic, but figured we had to start somewhere before we started meandering.)
My pet peeve is people who think my veggie (or flower) garden is theirs. I have always shared veggies and cut flowers with folks. For me, sharing is part of the joy of gardening. A couple of years ago, though, I decided I had become an enabler and I put a halt to that. Here's what I mean:
All my life, I have gladly and freely shared our excess garden produce and cut flowers and herbs with other people. It gives me great pleasure to share the joy of gardening with other people when I choose to do so. Of course, it has always been my hope that having some fresh herbs/veggies/flowers from our garden might encourage someone else to take up gardening and enjoy it for themselves. Sometimes it works out that way. A couple of years ago, though, I noticed that several folks I was sharing with WHO HAD THEIR OWN GARDENS pretty much gave up gardening and said "we'll just get stuff from Dawn". Well, that bothered me.
Knowing that people stopped doing all their own gardening because "it was too much work" and yet expected me to do all the work and give them the produce just got inside my head and made me mad.
It seemed to take some of the joy out of 'giving' once it seemed like the giving had become mandatory. I'm not necessarily proud of myself, but I stopped sharing. For two or three years I didn't give away a single thing, even when one of those people would stop by the garden and say "When you harvest, think of me." (And I didn't even like her to begin with! LOL)
Partly the lack of sharing was because the drought cut back on how much excess there was. Partly it was my decision to garden on my terms and to garden to please myself and to feed my family and NOT because I felt obligated to provide other folks with tomatoes and other stuff. Only this year did I really start giving away some produce again, and only to a couple of people.
Was cutting back on the garden sharing the right decision for me? Yes, it was, even though I felt terribly guilty at the time. Am I sorry I did it? No. I found myself giving stuff away because certain people expected it and that made me feel 'pressured' and that made me feel stressed. I don't feel pressured any more and I am happier.
Did my friends take up gardening again after I stopped supplying them with free veggies? Some did. Some didn't. Either way, though, I am not sorry I changed my practices. Since I'm not giving away tons and tons of stuff, I have more room to grow more varieties of more veggies to put up for winter.
I guess that once they started acting like they were just as entitled to our produce as we were, I had to stop giving. It's that whole boundary thing as well as the "sense of entitlement" some of them developed. This was really hard for me because I really liked all these people. Heck, I love some of them. Also, I was feeling taken advantage of, and yet my grandmom's saying "No one can take advantage of you without your permission" was in my head. So, no one is taking advantage of me or my garden now because I don't let them. And, when I give, it is with a happy heart because I share because I choose to, not because I feel like I have to.
And, I want to emphasize that none of these people were going to 'go hungry' without the veggies I gave them, so I didn't feel horrendous guilt. Also, my friend Fred is not included on the list of people I stopped giving stuff to. I share our excess with him and he shares his excess with us and it is a two-way street.
Who else has a pet peeve and what is it?
Dawn
soonergrandmom
mulberryknob
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