I've found an alien life form in my compost pile

21 years ago

Oh, I've had lots of kinds of living stuff make homes in my compost bins that I didn't even want there and took extraordinary measures to get rid of, usually to no avail, but THIS, this is something I need a little, OK, a lot, of help with.

A small, brightly lit metallic, saucer-shaped hovering object crashed-landed directly into my hot bin about a week ago with a loud splat that I observed first hand while out in the back yard relieving myself of the day's burdens and a six-pack of beer my birthday earned and was given me by my better half in anticipation of a reciprocal present for her birthday of a weeklong trip to Nassau.

I understand the whole ridiculousness of such a relationship, but that is for another post at another time. What we're talking about here is verifiable alien invasion of my compost pile.

The glow became brighter, but with a greenish sheen, as the thing gradually came ever closer to my yard. Being preoccupied with the matter at hand, I glanced at it and thought for just a moment it was a lightning bug, but bigger. Then, when it half splattered and kind of floated down into my pile, I decided that something was not right, and armed myself with a potato fork to investigate.

Upon first inspection, the pile looked pretty normal, but closer examination showed some scorched browns on the exterior parts of the pile...a definite indication that something really hot had plowed into it.

Afraid, but unable to control myself, I kinda gently parted the upper part of the pile and, with more excitement, started pulling the pile apart. When I got about half-way into it, the pile began glowing a strange purple-bright, pulsating whiteness, and the little flying thing shot right out of the pile, barely skirting past my right cheek, zoomed silently skyward, and disappeared into the night.

When I composed myself, I noticed my right cheek was cherry red and much of my beard was singed and had that singed-hair stench about it. I ran to get a flashlight, saw that the electricity in the entire neighborhood was silent, and thought, "My wife has put a mind-altering drug in my birthday beer".

After calming down, in retrospect, I realize that the little craft had probably mis-calculated it's fuel supply, surveyed it's options, and landed in my pile to refuel.

You may, like most disbelieving composters would, scoff at what I've just told you, but the next time you go out to your pile and it has suddenly become cold since yesterday, think about what might have landed in it overnight for a pit stop.

Chuckiebtoo

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Comments (11)

wakerry
21 years ago
Perhaps your saucer stopped by my bin first and left the 6-legged creatures behind. A scouting party perhaps?
trancegemini_wa
21 years ago
lol, how many beers did you say chuckie? :)
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Kelly_Slocum
21 years ago
Chuckie, Sweetie, remember that the remains of whatever it was you were smoking CAN be safely processed in the bin, but, judging by the above post, the potency of the stuff may have been such that the neighbors might be able to catch a whiff coming from your bin...

Kelly S
sqh1
21 years ago
Chuckie.......If you got all that entertainment from your birthday beer, I say you do now owe your wife that trip to Nassau!
AbbeysDad
21 years ago
Well, in the absense of any objective evidence to substanciate Chuckies story, we can only conclude that Chuckie simply can't hold his beer!

Sure is a good thing he wasn't doing shooters of hard liquer or we might have heard of him runnin through the neighborhood naked screaming "the Martians have landed, the Martians have landed." Woulda been the pits to spend your birthday in the local loonie bin !

LOL
chuckiebtoo
Original Author
21 years ago
Why Kelly, so unlike you to jump to conclusions without a shred of factuality or even a reasonable assumption to be further investigated. I can almost always tell your posts before I know they're yours. In this case, I couldn't have guessed.

With as much seriousness as I'm capable of mustering at any moment, I will tell you that my days of smoking anything other than a ham or turkey are way long ago gone, and probably one of the reasons I took up what I like to call gardening.

Since my recent experience with my compost pile, I've decided to spend some time studying, you know, space, the last frontier after that foliar miracle, ACT.

Chuckiebtoo
Kelly_Slocum
21 years ago
::laughing:: Yeah, I've been in this terribly silly phase lately, Chuckie, struggling to be serious about anything. I think I need a vacation! And in the absence of any real data on what's going on in the pile the alien space ship story is a plausible as anything else, right? At the least it's more entertaining!

Kelly S
swampboogiequeen
21 years ago
I think I would have to say your worms are probably doing alot of recovering themselves. If you are pondering the universe, I would recommend

http://hubblesite.org/newscenter/newsdesk/archive/releases/1996/01/image/a

I wonder how the vermicomposting is up there.
riveraquarian
21 years ago
please help me determine the safest method to eradicate slaters from the worm farm. I have an old bathtub wormfarm and the slaters have taken over it and don't know if it's doing damage to it... shouldn't think it too good. What should i do to get rid of them. Slaters are little bugs with a hard armour shell on their bodies and little legs that help them to scurry away quickly. Well we have them in Australia... don't know if you have them elsewhere in the world. Please if you have any methods to eradicate them without too much harm to the environment for I'm an organic grower, I'd be grateful.
onafixedincome
21 years ago
Hey Chuckie..if you're smoking turkeys and hams...that's some stogie!! Whatcha usin for papers, anyway?? :)

PA
chuckiebtoo
Original Author
21 years ago
Well, PA, as Ahnuld said when asked why he was running for guvenatah, uf you hahf to ahsk, you dohn' need to know.

Chuckiebtoo