spray them down with vegetable oil dish soap and warm water

Depends on the recipe mix you used. Need to know the amount of the ingredients and the time of day it was applied and how.

That is the big problem with these homemade treatments - people assume they are safe just because they are homemade. They aren't unless used very carefully and in most cases you are better off with a commercial spray that has already been tested. Too many just make up their own mix recipe and drench the plant.

The standard formula is 1 T of liquid dish soap in 1 gallon of water and 1 tsp. of vegetable oil, shake well and lightly mist the plant but not in the direct sun or the heat of the day. Otherwise can kill the plant before it kills the pest.

All you can do is hose the plant off with fresh cool water, remove the worst affected leaves, move it to the shade if possible, and hope the new growth is healthy.

Dave

The issue with the husband is more important than the tomatoes. Your attempt to help did not go well, and perhaps you should have researched first, but it was done in the spirit of helping.
Discuss the event. Maybe you can gift him with some new plants. Buy a condolence card for the almost dearly departed tomatoes and give it to him.
If you do this right, you will be able to look back on this and laugh in a couple months.

" Buy a condolence card for the almost dearly departed tomatoes and give it to him. "

That will go over big! I think a case of beer might be more appropriate.

Depends on whether the DH has a sense of humor! A condolence card would totally work with my husband, but my dad would think fun was being had at his expense. He might go for the beer, though. I think a case is a little much for three tomato plants. Anyway, don't feel too bad, we've all done that and worse. Give them the tlc Dave prescribes and they may pull through just fine.

I fertilized orchids and all the buds dropped off......

update......i saved one and its just setting the first toms.....we are planning to move it inside when the weather gets to cold......the other 2 didnt make it.....she is still making it up to me....

"she is still making it up to me...."

Enjoy it while it lasts..lol.
So both of you use the same user name here?

Gilgamesh

yea we do......we use the same garden aswell