An email gave me the idea to write this, so, while I'll admit it's tacky and politically incorrect, I hope you'll forgive me. Happy holidays, everyone...seed starting is just around the corner...

ÂTwas the night before Christmas, outside, not a soul

Nor a creature was stirring, not even a vole.

The tasks were completed; this gardener is bored:

The leaves are composted, and the tools are all stored.

Spring catalogs fill every room that has lights:

Arrowhead, Heronswood, Plant Delights.

The herbs they sleep sound in perennial beds,

The woodies, in borders; the annuals, dead.

When from the vast piles came a large puff of pollen

And I jumped out of bed to see what had fallen.

The sash was secured, but the pages did blow

ÂTil they stopped at my highlights, and started to grow.

Helleborus, Cyclamen, Iris unguicularis,

Aster caroliniana, Erica, Hamamelis -

Prunus mume, Camellia, Jasminum nudiflorum,

Lonicera fragrantissima, Chaenomeles, Gelsemium!

They grew Âtil they could barely fit out the hall,

But I squeezed Âround the corner, and my jaw dropped in aweÂ

The growers, the writers, yes, Dirr, Martyn, Rix,

Dan Heims, Tony Avent, Barry Yinger, Barry Glick!

Professors, horticulturists, garden directors!

Landscape architects! Researchers! Botanists! Collectors!

I was still standing there, droopy-eyed, like a fool

While they each got to work with their shrubs and their tools.

When outside, flashing lights and trucks driving away

Soon gave me to know I need not fear my clay.

The dirt black with humus! Good pH attained!

Thick mulch kept the soil moist  AND well-drained!

Then, beckoning me over with blueprints, The Man

Laid out the huge vellum and showed me his plan:

From the front of the porch to the top of the wall,

Plants blooming each season, winter-spring-summer-fall.

Davidias and Daphnes for the greatest of nerds,

Natives for ethics, and berries for birds.

A waterfall in the background, accented with spruce;

Foliage in burgundy, silver and chartreuse.

My eye drawn to the corner of trunked windmill palms

I panic over Amorphopallus and weird things from Guam:

"Will they be hardy?" but he chuckled and clapped:

"Have you seen the new Arbor Day Foundation Zone Map?"

Though the team was long finished with their landscaping mission

They said to soon join them on a seed expedition...

But I heard them exclaim, fading into the laurels,

"Merry Christmas to all! And just wait for the ephemerals!"

-Joe Gorman