Depends!! Are they good looking and intelligent? If they are not, I could do without them. LOL

Since DH is building our house I don't have the agony of dealing with a bunch of men. Having him looking at me half the time like I'm nuts is enough. HA!HA!

LOL, I'm just getting started, so we'll see. However, the builder keeps calling and asking for dh. Last night dh said "I'm just going to tell him that everything has to go through you anyway, so there's no point in insisting I call him back." ;)

Not a lady, but a guy. And I hear you, or at least momto3boys.

My wife and I have divided things up pretty clearly--I've been overseeing the structural/hardware kinds of things, and she's been working the decorator-type stuff (paints, counters, kitchen cabs., baths). Yet he's always calling me to ask about paint colors and such. He talks to both of us regularly, so it's pretty odd. And it's not like we divided things up randomly.

Ha! I am a little bit sick of it. I find most of the guys we have had working at our place have either pretended I wasn't there or acted scared of me! I would make arrangements with them and then they would call DH if there was any questions. He'd always tell them they had better talk to me and pass the phone. There were also the guys who joked when I arrived that "the real boss" was here.

We are GC-ing the house ourselves, and my DH travels all the time. So I am doing the majority of the work myself. And things were MUCH harder at the beginning. Especially getting bids. I would go on my lunch hour, wearing high heels, to lumber yards and try to get them to take me seriously. Not exactly a good idea. Oh well!

Now we have hired great subs who KNOW that I am the boss of this project, not my DH. And they are awesome about it!

I feel like our GC would much rather deal with my DH...but DH is too busy at work to be bothered with the house decisions on a daily basis. I'm the one runnung to pick out plumbing fixtures and such, so if you have a question, TALK TO ME!

Oh, and when you DO talk to me...don't do it in a begrudging, condescending manner. One minute I feel like our GC is hassling me for going "cheap" on a decision (like deciding not to "finish" all of the upstairs bonus room space--we're finishing 2/3rds and the rest will be attic storage)....the next minute he's treating our construction loan acct as if it's "his" money we're spending, telling me that $4/sq ft is more than he's EVER paid for tile (it's tumbled travertine, but I can only explain that so many times).

ajpl! LOL! That is so funny. I am know as "the boss" by all the subs. I think the GC tells them all to call me that because he calls me that. One sub asked DH something the other day and he answered. They then asked if he should clear it with the boss and DH thought he meant the builder! He said "OH NO! Your wife!!" HEE HEE!

Off to go look at more men!

When I tell DH that men do not take me seriously when it comes to building matters, he thinks it's funny because he would never look down or think any less of a woman making decisions. Actually in his contracting business he'd rather deal with the wife than the husband. The husband's are usually PITA's and aren't as knowledgeable as the women. Sorry guys. When I call someone for an estimate and they call back and ask to speak to my husband he tells them flat out they have to talk to my me. He asks them "she called you right? To which them mumble, yea, LOL

Do you know the first time I called the survey company the nice southern gentleman asked me to have my husband call back when I was inquiring about the surveys. I asked why and he stated DH might better understand the process and the money behind it all! WHAT??? I just laughed and said, "I write all of the checks in this family, who would you rather talk to?" DH has yet to talk to them and what do you know...I understood it all!

One of the men who came out to discuss security system installs with me actually had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to use his cellphone to call my husband at work to help me make a decision. This was after I told him that I would review the information and let him know within a few days. Needless to say, his company did not receive our business!!!

A long time ago a Jaguar dealer lost a sale when he assumed 'the little woman' knew squat about cars. Actually, it's my DH who is non-mechanical. I'm no engineering grad, but... I know how to order a car and what it's worth.

We interviewed several GC's. Have to say only a few talked 'over' me. "She who signs the checks, rules the build."

Well our builder dealt mainly with me except when I was in the hospital when my DH had to take over and he was so lost on some of the decisions at that point that he waited until next to me with his laptop to respond to the builder to make sure he got it right. I have completely gutted and re-modeled my old house by myself so I think I was more knowledgable about some things and DH couldn't care less about any decor decisions for the most part. I listened to those he did care about and dragged him to pick fixtures and sent links for approval in some cases.

However, I have now had my DH take over getting the builder to finish some of the items we found after moving in. I sent the initial list with explanations and DH is now very nice and does the follow up. This is mainly because DH didn't know what some of the items were when they came to fix so I figured this way he will know what it is too. Actually it is nice to have the help so I really wish we'd divided it up more earlier.

This is an interesting topic. When we first got ready to start building, I FULLY expected to have this same problem. We have a couple of small local building supply stores in our town, which have always had the reputation of giving poor service to women, only wanting to deal with builders, etc. This is also the type of area where sexist little comments and jokes are the norm. My family are farmers, and when people would call to ask anything about the farm, like could they borrow a tractor, could they go hunting on our property, etc., my mom would answer the phone, but they would always ask for my dad or ask if they could borrow "his tractor" or whatever. You get the idea.

I guess times are changing, because I haven't had a single problem with that on the house. Every person I've worked with (almost all men) have accepted me instantly as the authority. If I was the one who initially contacted them or talked with them about the project (which I almost always was), then they always asked for me on the phone, dealt directly with me, and never even mentioned DH or acted like he existed. I guess I have been lucky on that, but it was a surprise.

It hasn't been much of a problem with me either - since DH is at work all day, I'm at the build more that he is so I'm the one talking to our GC most of the time and I worked closely with the electrician, plumber, and cabinet guy since my husband deferred most of that decision making to me. I'll probably be working closely with the trim carpenter and painter as well.

It doesn't bother me too much...except for some subs that I don't know - they can be annoying some times.

The subs have all been pretty decent. I can't complain...the ones I have worked the closest with have been the trim guys.

Teach2007 - how goes the paint?

Towards the end of our build I really, really began to wish that all male contractors had a woman by their side to guide them. We had a mix up with our countertop - I approved a drawing that I did not fully understand (but at the time I thought I did understand it) When the guys went to install it, they should have seen that it "didn't work." But they just went ahead and installed it. If a woman had been present, she would have said "wait a minute - this can't be right." No woman would have approved the island layout I ended up with. The men I dealt with did not think about design and ease of use, they just thought about getting it installed and working. I know that much of the design elements were my job, as the homeowner, but I couldn't be there all the time. It would have been great to have a woman on site to say "wait a minute.... this looks funny. Let's call the homeowner."

Scwren, I have until Monday now to decide. My top choices are SW Portabello and Down Home. They are very similar. I am just worrying about them being too dark. More thinking tomorrow...

As a consistent lurker and occasional poster on this board, I have to laugh reading this thread because the other day, our builder was talking to DH about the different colors of paint I had selected. There was some confusion about the original instructions which specified the ceilings were to be painted the same color of the walls in some rooms. The GC asked DH if he wanted to double-check with his wife before he began painting. They are so used to dealing with me, that they hesitated to listen to DH!

However, I've also been on the receiving end as many of you have. When I was purchasing a new car, the salesman told me to bring DH back that evening so he could look at the car and sign the papers for the loan. It was my car that I had purchased before I was married and being traded for a new one but he couldn't believe that my husband would "allow" me to buy a new car without his approval. I was 8 months pregnant and he wanted to make sure I wasn't "letting my emotions" get carried away with the idea of a new vehicle! Needless to say, he didn't get the sale. That was twenty years ago and I can't believe that attitude is still prevalent today.

Single, built a custom house with a male GC and he wasn't really too bad, mostly because native Nebraskans are just plain unfailingly polite. But there were times that it was really exasperating. Times when the the communication just didn't work. I said something understandable and he heard ($(womanspeaking(@(# or it just dropped immediately out of his head as not important:) so some things got done wrong.

"Are you sick of dealing with men?"

Yes, some days I am....

My situation is a little different bc my GC is my DH and as Marys1000 said ... the communication just doesn't work. And as for the decorating part of it.... forget it... He just does NOT see the whole picture. He says, "I like that light" not even thinking how it's going to look with the other elements. You have to consider the whole house. It would all be a hodge podge if I wasn't here to try to make it ALL work together.
As for talking to the subs. If I do talk to them then he says, "Did you ask him XXXXX? or XXXX?" "No I didn't know to ask that." Then he calls them back. SOOOO I don't talk them any more.

DH has zero mechanical aptitude.

It was always funny to me when the subs would talk to my husband and show him how things were going then DH would turn to me so I could explain to him what the contractors were trying to say.

Needless to say, the subs figured out pretty quickly who the real boss was.

I do get tired of seeing men all day long. I haven't seen an attitude from any of my subs that lessoned my participation or knowledge of the build. My DH was so seldom there, that when he was there, they enjoyed his company, but came to me with questions and discussions. Not that I aced DH out of the decision making, they just knew who had the final say.

There were days when I had 10-12 men there, all working hard and I had to laugh about all of them at my beck and call. Of course, I didn't say this to them, but it sure felt good to have that many men at my feet!

Welcome to my world Ladies!!!

Dealing with men on a regular basis for too_many
years (LOL!) can be a pita.
I find you just have to stand your ground & don't
put up with bs.

I still laugh when I think of the a/c guy that drug me
across the streets to hold up fingers to determine the
tons of a/c required to heat & cool the house.
Kinda took him back when I pointed out that my 'lady'
fingers were much smaller than his fat fingers..

It takes all kinds...but for the most part I find that
tradespeople respect you ... the ones who respect anyone.
Some people just have no concept of respect, trades people
or just in general.

Cool thread Teach...btw I got an email from you several
weeks/months ago, but when I tried to reply...my mail was
returned. Wasn't being rude...just couldn't get reply back to you.

Hope you all had a great, safe & productive weekend.

I am the major decision maker on the house and everyone knows it. The are no illusions - if there is a question it comes to me.

The only decision DH has made is on the crown molding. He decided (overruling me) that we were having it in every room on both floors. Guess who is doing the painting LOL!!

I actually enjoy working with men. Every once in awhile you run into one who has that "little woman" attitude but usually once I talk to them for a couple of minutes it works itself out.....

PD

bump!
I thought this was interesting.
This happened to me in the past. The subcontractors trying to talk to my husband because they thought he was the one who new and my DH had no idea!!! On the other hand some contractors think that dealing with the husbands is easier and less complicated for them.
My DH always told them: I am the general but She is the GENERAL General ;-)

I meant: he was the one who knew...

Have a new example for you.

DH and I went to buy our kitchen appliances for the new kitchen. I did the research and picked out what I wanted and DH agreed with all my choices. Called and made the appt. with the salesman. I walked in with the folder in my hand to show him what we wanted, paid with a credit card that was in my name and with all that said, I'll be darn if he didn't address my DH will all the comments about the appliances. At one point DH wandered off to browse since he knew I was handling everything, the salesman asked about installation and I told him DH would be installing everything. Just then my DH came back into view and the salesman says to him "will you be installing these"? I really wanted to tell him something, but figured what's the point. LOL Some men are just wired "stupid". Sorry gents, it's true. Yea, I know you're reading this because you are also nosey!!

There is nothing I hate more than a salesman who dismisses me, thinking the hubby should make all the decisions. I refuse to deal with them. I haven't really had to deal with many subs on our build because we are doing most of it ourselves. The ones we did deal with (like the drywall guy) we've known and been personal friends with for years. Everyone who works on this house know that I designed it, I know how I want it, and they don't even bother asking DH the questions because they know he will just tell them to "ask Cindy". Now that we are so close to being done and in the design stage, DH is sort of bulking at stuff like the paint colors I picked and the cabinet stain. The cabinets are in now, and he realizes I was right. He wasn't sure about the extra money I wanted to spend to get quartersawn white oak flooring, but now that we are done installing that, he is happy with my choice (yes dear....you were right...lol). He just needs to step back and let me finish what I started!!

Cindy

LOL! I'm not GC'ing the build, but I am dealing with an Amish builder. It took him a while to talk to me about decisions and not just call my husband. I think I really shocked him the first time I pulled up to the building site in full leathers and riding my Harley! He's gotten over that shock now and we actually joke about it with him.

Heimert said:

My wife and I have divided things up pretty clearly--I've been overseeing the structural/hardware kinds of things, and she's been working the decorator-type stuff (paints, counters, kitchen cabs., baths).

I have a feeling we'll experience the opposite of that when my DH and I build. I'm fascinated by the homebuilding process from the ground up, but could care less about the "innards" of the house. On the other hand, my husband just wants to make sure the house is attractive and welcoming. So when it comes time for us to build, I have a feeling I'll be at the site through the first half of the build for foundation, framing and such, but when it comes to picking out countertops, cabinets, sinks and the like - I'll leave that up to my husband.

When I build I am planning to go modular for this very reason. The factory floor has a system, the guys wrapping the walls are not likely to do my walls any differently than any other walls, so I have the QC built in as long as I chose a reputable modular contractor who already builds along my principles for framing, etc. The fights I would dread would be the phone calls starting "I was kinda concerned about the window flashing and I consulted my 5 major technical construction books and could you please meet lil ole me at the house to show me how I am stupidly misconstruing your subs' work as being unacceptably different from Joe Lstiburek's recommendations for my region"? translation between women: dumb sh#$%, window flashing is not eye surgery and water drains downhill, so you need to fix this, how much ego-stroking will it take for you to admit it and get it done (or don't admit it, just get it done).

This is just too good.....and oh how true. They say that behind every good man is a good woman.....well, I think maybe it is time we let the women take the front seat!!! we'd get things done without so darned many mistakes!!

How timely of this thread to be brought up. I am getting ready to jump in and swim with the sharks.... wish me luck :-)

You only need a pound of good luck, but it should be supported with a ton of humor and a steady supply of aspirin. But here's good wishes to you.

Tired of dealing with men??? Perhaps you mean men like the contractor who told me 15 yrds concrete max for footers for a doublewide, two hours later I returned to find 40 yrds in the ground. Not like you can dig it up, take it back and get a refund ya know. Or perhaps you mean men like the driver I hired to move the doublewide, who backed out by phone while the footers were being poured leaving me with 15 grand invested in a hole in the ground and no doublewide. Not being able to find another driver I decided to build instead.
I guess men like the guy who overheard a conversation in a resturant and offered to "help out the little lady" who showed up without invitation to tell me what all was wrong with what I had done so far. Yet after two hours couldnt figure out if the flooring was square or not and managed to fall and tear up one of my foundation vents in the bargain qualifies. By the way the floor was square before he got there...lol
The winner for qualificaton has to be the guy who I hired to put up my trusses who promised to start that day but when on the job decided it could wait till the next day. I told him that I and my "crew" (three young male friends) would be working on the trusses over night since I was facing a huge storm front moving in.
He showed up the next day with two of his teenage sons and one of their friends. His oldest son was afraid of heights and refused to climb a ladder. His youngest son was mildly mentally retarded. The other boy had never had a hammer in his hand. He proceded to throw a tantram because we had installed 12 of the trusses over night and told me that everything I had done was wrong tho for some reason he didnt think it necessary to redo our work. Of course the twelve trusses in place already were properly placed, braced and the walls were nice and true. This guy worked for about 6 hours, the first thing he did was remove all my bracing and redid it. I, my ex-husband and a friend took up the slack for his crew. He had been gone a couple of minutes when I walked out the front door and noticed the sheathing he had placed was running short on the front about 3 inches and running off in the back about 4 inches, this was in a less than 20 foot run. I quickly called him back. He looked at it, said it was fine that he would just cut off the sheating in the back and scab on a piece in the front. I wasnt happy about it but let him go on home. I then checked out the walls and discovered he had thrown my walls out of plumb by nearly 5 inches and had already sheathed it like that. The following morning when I confronted him he threw another tantram, informed me I didnt know how to read a level, refused to admit the mistakes he had made, put his tools back in the truck and left. Good riddance, I was happy to see him gone. He showed up the next day wanting money for the 6 hours of work, almost double the price we had agreed upon for the amount of work done. Needless to say after the "negotiations" he decided he was better off taking what he could get. It required a major piece of equipment, a 40ft logging chain and a convienent large oak to pull the house back to plumb before we could finish installing the trusses and put the sheating back on.
Besides these shining examples there have been numerous guys stop by looking for work. Without fail everyone of them told me that what I had done was wrong in one way or another. I finally decided that the only way to get it right was to do it myself and havent hired anyone to do anything else to the house other than have the roofing shingles installed.
I have a 70 x 24 foot house that is less than 1/8 inch out of square. My walls are true, my windows and doors went in effortlessly. I designed it, and there isnt a piece of wood in the place that I didnt handle in one way or the other. I am just to the dried in stage and since Im doing most of the work myself it will be a long process but I have learned to know what Im doing before I attempt it and once I am sure not to back down to guys that look at me, see a woman they think they can run roughshod over and who think they can make a quick dollar.

Sheila

Sheila in Tennessee, this is Arlene in Tennessee. We seem to know some of the same people.