My heart goes out to you. I've been in this situation twice and it so hard. I've never cried so much in my life. I'm glad the doctor relieved you of some of the burden. Sounds like your dad will receive great care there, but the fact that you can visit daily or often will really make it the best solution for everyone. Your dad is very lucky that you have been able to care for him up to this point. Just enjoy your Christmas decorations while they are out and worry about them later.
Frou

We've talked already, Karen...but just a note of "hugs to you!" You are in good thought & prayer ...& know that you & DDad will do whatever is necessary & best for both of you. Try to get some rest & happy that you've found time to come here (yes, good therapy!) Jeanne S.

(((Karen))) My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry that you've had to live with such a tremendous physical and emotional strain lately. I can only imagine how hard this decision is for you. It's good to have your father's doctor tell you -flat out- that this will be better for you and for your dad. Although I know that it still isn't an easy decision, it's the right one for you both, I think. Don't beat yourself up about this, as you need to take care of Karen before Karen ends up needing major medical care, too.
Lynn

(((((Karen)))))) so many emotions go through me as I read your struggle in dealing with your dad's care. It was exactly a year ago this week that my sister and I dealt with these same issues with our Mom as she was needing more and more hands on care. Thankfully I did have help close by along with the hospice team so we did keep her home but it drained all of us. Hopefully your Dad will heal more quickly in a full time care facility and be back with you again but if not please rest assured you did all a loving daughter could do to care for him. Your love for him shows in every post you make about him - even though we cannot help physically we are all here to help you in any way we can emotionally .....

Lynne

Karen, my heart is breaking for you and the stress you are having to go through right now. It has been four years since my Dm was in the same situation, and like you I felt like I should be able to take care of her at home. She had cared for my GM. her sister and my dad, but when she became so sick, there was nothing I could do. Her Dr. finally just said, Janet, I know you want your mom home, but here we have 11 people on her hall 27/7 to care for her and anyway you and your sister try, you are going to come up about 10 short for every shift., besides the fact that the blood thinner she has to be on would make it extremely difficult to care for her out of a full care facility." It didn't make leaving her in a nursing facility an easier decision, but it helped me realize that part of the reason I wanted her home was not for her benifit, but mine, I needed to feel like I was doing something, more than just showing up at mealtimes to feed her and sit with her. Life can sure be hard sometimes. Take care of yourself, with that fibro devil you are fighting, you have your plate full without any other stress. We have all missed you, and please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. Hugs to you, Janet

Its amazing how strong the love and caring and prayers come thru here in printed words, its as if I can FEEL your hugs and the warmth!
I know so many of you have gone thru this! And are going thru it too right now. My prayers stay with you all.

Lynne I remember your posts on your Mom and trying to care for her. I was so touched by so many emotions at what you
were going thru. It helped me even then, knowing I was facing a similar thing. Thank you so much.

Lynn (NM), thank you for checking up on me. I know how hard things have been on you and am glad you are still with us. I sure miss seeing your lovely home decorated and hope you can do so again soon.

Jeanne, you are a dear friend. Thank you.

Yesterday when I was feeling pretty down and out, the mailman brought me a surprise. From our special ChristmasCandy. SWEET as could be! She sent me a tiny kitchen Santa figurine, he's holding a little chalkboard for a menu and she'd written HUGS on it. What a delightful
treasure. I think it might have to stay here on my computer desk for awhile.

from my heart, hugs to all of you,
Karen

All that I can say has been said above. I, too, have been in your shoes. And like Frou, the tears just silently flowed like a faucet. Getting your Dad the help you can't possibly provide in your home is the best thing for him. You know how we all feel about you here on the Forum. Do try and get some sleep and know that this is the right thing.

Karen, I am sorry this all had to happen for you at such a stressful time of year. I am glad the Dr. helped ease the decision, but as has already been said, you are only 1 person and he needs more help than you can physically give him, so you are doing the best possible thing for both of you.
Because your Dad has come to depend on you so much, he doesn't understand how much extra work is required to care for him. Please know you are doing what is best for both of you.
The fact that he will be close enough that you can see him daily will help.

Please be sure that you take care of yourself first, because you can't help him if you are down.

Bless you and all of your family,
Candy

Karen...I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been going through and about the decision of your Dad's care. I can totally relate to all that you said, with feeling so relieved that it was the Doctor who made this decision for
'both of you', having just gone through this with my Dad. As hard as it might be to accept this decision, overall, it's the 'right one'. Dad will receive the Best of Care - you will be able to visit him Daily, in a better frame of mind - both mentally and physically. My Dad...who is THE MOST Difficult and Independent 'Oldster' out there, has accepted that being cared for, by professionals - round the clock - was the best decision. Every now and then he 'riles up' not being able to get 'Back To Things'...but down deep he knows this is best. His facility is just 6 miles between me and his Own House, which makes it so much easier to zip over to both places, for any reason. As heartbreaking as it may be that this is taking place, in time, you will accept that it was a good decision.
Heck, I told DH, should my time come for this type of care, I would be only too happy to be cared for in such a wonderful place...and your Dad's place sounds like a great place too. Years from now, you will find comfort in knowing you did ALL and EVERYTHING for your Dad that you possibly could. He's lucky to have such a loving - giving and caring daughter as you.
(((((Hugs)))))) & Prayers are with you and your Dad..

jane

Start each day with a quiet minute just for yourself. Take comfort in the fact that you have done your best for your Dad and listened to the best advice. Now when you go visit him you can pour yourself and your love into that visit,free from the worry of being tired, having demands on your time, worried about what else needs to be done...The doctor has given you a gift...the gift of being able to enjoy your Dad.

It is so sad, and yes, I have been there too. It is for the best, and he will adjust, but I know your heart aches. I will pray for both of you!

((Karen)), I'm so very sorry for what you are going through with your Dad. I feel as though I have come to know all of you here. This has been a comforting place for me to be this past year, Please try not to feel guilty, this is the right thing to do right now. Your Dad is lucky to have such a wonderful caring daughter. You have enriched his life beyond measure.
Having him so close to home will be comforting and lessen the stress on you.
I lost both of my parents in 1981 my Mom was ill and bedridden for a long time. She and my Dad lived with us during her last year. My Dad died 7 months later.
Get some rest, things will look better when you aren't so tired.
NanaKaren

Karen, I'm in tears for you after reading all this. The perfect words are hard to find. Like everyone else has already said, take care of yourself and you will enjoy him, as he does you when you visit.

Sending more hugs and prayers for all of you.

Love, Punk

Karen,

My hugs and prayers are coming your way, for you and your dad. Seems like we've all been through this and I guess it doesn't get any easier. This decision WILL relieve some stress on you and a happier Karen will mean a happier dad, wherever he is.

Take care of yourself.

- Magpie

Awwww Karen...
Love you girl and your Dad will probably see the reasoning...being a man, it may take him a while to admit that he understands! My thoughts and prayers will be with you and with him....that he will know peace and comfort in this move. Please take good care of you too!
J

Karen, Big (((((((HUGS))))))) And prayers and thoughts being sent your way...

At my Mothers bed side as she was slipping away, the nurse told me to say what I needed to say to my Mother. I told her, I had a life time to say what I wanted to say to my Mother and she just looked at me as if I was crazy...

You have already gotten a lot of wonderful advice...But, like every one told me, and it is true, you have to take care of your self first. Then you can look back when you feel better and say, you have done everything that you should have done for your Dad...

I just lost my Mother and now I am taking care of my Daddy. Yes, it is hard, and I am tired. But, as with Mama, when it is all said and done, I can truthfully say, I really did my best and have no regrets.

Everyone here has been a great comfort to me. And I appreciate each and everyone.. So, keep us posted..

It sounds like you have found the perfect place. You can visit anytime and then go home and rest.. Great set up!

Please take care of yourself.. Sending love and prayers to you and yours.

Creek

Karen, I answered your email over the weekend, hope you got it.

Thinking of you alot this week & hoping it won't be too bad for you or your dad. Like I said in my email "it was the hardest thing I had to do".

Sad times here too, our neighbor just lost her husband to diabetes, only in his 60's, so kind of a shock to all of us and their family.

Dearest Karen~

I know just how hard that decision was...been there three times now, but trust me when I say you did the right thing...not only for your Dad, but for yourself. Wearing yourself completely to a frazzle isn't good for anyone and your Dad will adjust...it will take him a while and be prepared for him to guilt you to no end, but he WILL adjust. Just keep reminding yourself that this is in his best interest and will allow you time to rest and heal yourself so that you can help guide his care.

God Bless you my friend...this has been a very long road for you! Continuing to send prayers and tight hugs your way!

~M