How old are the kids...how close in age....can they share rooms? I hope I don't offend anyone, but I personally think that many parents go way overboard providing each child with his/her own large room. I think this is a totally unnecessary waste of space. Kids can share rooms (under some conditions) and the space does not have to be huge. Make kids rooms smaller, and have a common area for homework, computers, or playing. Leave out a formal living room. Get rid of the formal dining room. DO make a space for parents to retreat to (since the kids will be spending less time in their own rooms). Some day the kids will be grown and move away, and you will be stuck with a lot of empty rooms. My last house was too big. The new one is my forever home and it has only two bedrooms and two baths (kids are grown and moved out). My usable living space is designed to be expandable. I have a 14' x 47' sunroom for socializing. I can heat this room if I chose to (for parties, family dinners, etc), but don't have the huge utility bill that goes along with unused rooms. When it's unused, it's not heated or cooled. I am so much happier with the new house.

We built a 3,200 sf home plus 900 sf finished in the bnasement and are happy. The neighbor to the left of us (4 kids) felt like you ---they built a 6,000 sf home (they were down sizing from 10,000 sf) and have already down sized again and moved on to a 4,000 sf home. The neighbor across the street from us (2 kids) feels like that too--they built 4,800 sf and are trying to sell--or I should say they have been trying to sell for almost two years. I feel especially sorry for the people across the street because their house would have been ok if they hadn't finished off their entire basement. They didn't want to finish off the whole basement but the builder talked them into it. I also know people without kids who love their big houses, so it really is a personal thing.

It is very much a personal decision. Just as when you were planning your present house, there is a lot more to decide than choosing colors. Everything from present-to-future finances, to "living green", to the space taken by great-granny's antique furniture has to be considered; and the right answer for one person could be the wrong answer for another.

I went from about 3500 to 1700, mostly because it dawned on me that there was more to life than keeping clean all those extra square feet. If I had it to do again, I would have changed about 3 years sooner! I'm holding the new house to about 1200... there will be just two of us, and I've learned a lot about what is important to ME -- and while part of that means not having umpty bathrooms to clean, lol, most of the downsizing will reflect having learned the importance of having nothing that I don't appreciate and some really good storage methods.

As far as the kids are concerned, they will take on your attitude. If you feel that room-sharing is SOP, then it will be; and in reverse, if you feel that you are depriving them of something, then they will feel deprived. While I personally prefer each child to have space that is his/her own [caring for it is one way to teach self-responsibility], I would find it difficult to justify a separate room for a high schooler who will soon be involved in a new life at college. If you often have overnight company, it's nice to have one guest room adapted; but not too many of us need more than that on a regular basis.

And sideways to the subject... are you really sure you want to go through the building experience again??!

Since I also have a large family I will chime in on this one.
We are gong from 2200 sq. ft to 6100 sq. ft. I often wonder if it will seem way to big, then I get my sense's back and recall the very tight squeeze we are in now.
While I totally agree that many of us can make do in much smaller space than we think, I will be very glad to spread my wings so to speak.

Now in new house the only 2 children of the nine still at home , that have their own rooms are the 14yr old girl & 15 yr. old boy. This is because they are different sex and are each other's age mates and obviously they are not going to share. Everyone else share's. Personally, for me having separate bedrooms for each child is a big waste.

We do not have overly huge bedrooms, but we have lots of public space. We don't watch much tv so have no entertainment room but have large great room w/ breakfast room. Also have formal dining & living rms. We spend a lot of time together as I don't want my children hiding out in their rooms, so we made sure new house has ample room to sit & do school work, read, do puzzles, play games, & entertain. We entertain large groups of people often.

So while I think we might do it on less space I am happy to be getting 6100 sq. ft. I do know it will be extra work, but children do help and we all work together.
It is just one of those personal choices you need to make and feel comfortable
with.
We also could very well have elderly parents living with us at some point so wanted to make sure we had a large guest suite with separate entry. I still have 2 grandparents living & both DH & I have all parents living. Just wanted to plan for the likelihood of extended family in our home without being on top of each other.

One other very real possibility with the way things are going we could easily have adult children living with us. definitely through college but maybe beyond. You just don't know these days so I guess I can say we are prepared for whatever.

Thanks for the responses. In our family we believe in sharing rooms too and the kids like it (for the most part). We have 3 bedrooms upstairs and two are very large with a corner nook and huge walk in closets. I don't like them to do homework upstairs, so the nook is a waste. The closets could hold mine and dh's clothes too. So, not at all necessary.

In addition we have a "formal" den that houses only toys since I use the computer and pay bills etc at my kitchen desk. We have a huge formal dining room, kitchen nook as big and an island that seats 6-8 easily. We put two half baths on the main floor. One for our family daily use and one guest ready/perfect at all times. The great room is really nice and big (almost too big too be cozy).

The older two boys do help clean and do chores, but with 5 bathrooms and tons of wood floor, it really is a lot to keep clean.

We weren't trying to build too big, it just all looked like it had a purpose on the plans. All areas do have a totally thought out great idea and purpose, I just think now that I have it....mmmm, does it make me happy? Does the mortgage make me happy....NO? Sometimes I feel uncomfortable when others are over, like we are trying to be "showy" or something. The boys' friends always are like "WOW, our house is little and ugly compared to yours".

We did GC this build and did a lot of sweat equity. It was stressful at times, but yeah dh and I both would do it again.

I'm working on a new floorplan and changes for us that I have drawn thus far...

-not to have a den/office
-take out one 1/2 bath on main floor
-not to have kitchen nook area
-slightly decease great room
-decrease kitchen size
-decrease size of kids' rooms and closets
-add homework/computer area off kitchen, near mudroom

Would love more ideas on things you would or have changed if you built again. Thank you!

While I agree that kids don't need big bedrooms, big bedrooms are sure nice when they grow up and come home to visit with their own kids. Having grown up in a 1,200 sf home, we designed big bedrooms for the kids primarily because we view them as future guest rooms for the kids and their families. The only complaint my brothers and I had about my parents' house was the small bedrooms that we had to fit our families in when we all came back to visit and stayed at the house. Also, although our new house is about 600sf bigger than our old house, our new house is MUCH easier to keep clean than our old house because it has one less room (we don't have a family room in our new house), large closets and an open floor plan--the number of rooms, closet size and room layout make a big difference in ease of cleaing--IMO.

Just a differing opinion...I firmly believe that if you can afford it, then children should each have a room of their own. The development of independence, the lesson that their privacy is to be treasured (not a right but a privilege) and how to be respectful of others' privacy, and individual responsibility is as important (more so, IMO) as learning how to share...which really they should have already learned as toddlers on a playground.

Anyway, off my soapbox...I agree with meldy- there is no way to say if something is too big. Our house is almost 4500 sq/ft and there are 3 of us. I don't think it's too big...in fact, if I had to do it over...the garage and the laundry would be 3x larger. It's all about how you live. If you feel the house is too large, too expensive, too anything...then you either adapt to it or you change it.

I think this is entirely up to your age and your health....as well as your bank account and job security.
I am "getting up there" and have a disability.....and when we built this house 7 years ago, we over-built so much that now at our ages, are going to have to down-size and I am looking forward to having a much smaller place....but not the building. It is only DH and I and this house is about 4,000 SF....he is an architect and just kept "drawing and adding"....the extras are nice, but just more for me to clean and we only use some of the house 2-3 times year when the kids come home...not really worth it.....an rent them a motel easier~~

We are a family of four. The kids are both teens. Our house is 2500 sf with a 1500 sf unfinished basement. Their bedrooms are big and there is a huge finished bonus room over the garage.

We were planning on finishing the basement once we moved in.

NOT now. 2500 sf is a lot of space to clean. I have no desire to add another 1500 sf just so we can have a 3rd living area. No way, no how.

My husband doesn't want it finished now either. We like all of that unfinished space and we never thought we would.

Our house is 2 stories, we never feel cramped. Sometimes we're actually too far apart. A finished basement would only make the seperation worse.

Thanks for the thougts & yeah we need to do what makes us happy and financially comfortable. I really believe more land and an extra 5 car garage to house all dh and the boys' toys would do the trick:)

Working on the floorplan I'm around 3000 sq feet and about 1600 finished in the basement. I think we would still have plenty of space, and all useful. Not having empty/unused rooms like we have now.

I know there will always be debates on if kids should share rooms or not. I do believe they should each have their own room and be able to be alone when needed. I come from a large family and never had my own room. My fondest memories are of sharing a room with my sisters. Oh we had our fights over it too, but having a friend to talk to and play with and get into trouble with made us so close.

We plan to make the basement with a large "extra" bedroom for the future if one of the kids (as an adult) would need or want to live down there alone or with their own family. Otherwise, I'm not too worried about them all coming home with their future families. I could be wrong, but highly doubt they would all be living so far away. If they do, we would make the room. The bedrooms, etc would not be that small.

Phoggie, I do hope your new home will be easier for you. I too am thinking I want to get this "right" because I want to be settled and not to move again. I've realized I need the family room/dining areas to be large enough for the future. My parents and many of my aunts have added a new/larger room onto their homes later in life. With 5 kids and 13 grandkids we could not all visit comfortably in one space. Now they can fit 2 sofas and lots of chairs in the space for all of us to spend Christmas, etc. together.

I love reading all your thoughts and ideas...

If downsizing....what would you delete from the floorplan this time?

Thank you!

Based on the home I grew up in....

1st thing to go would be formal living room
2nd thing would be dining room (as all meals, even big ones, ended up in kitchen)
3rd thing would be spare bedroom (since guests could easily take one of children's bedrooms). In our house the spare room was a "catch all" for things that no one wanted to put in its rightful place :)

I'm pretty pleased that the house we are building truly has no wasted space- every inch will be put into use from day 1.

edit from above----I feel like the kids should share rooms----I accidentally typed they each should have their own room and meant should be able to have their own space when needed.

Well, we are trying to "upsize"!LOL! We currently live in a very charming 60+ year old home. Probably around 2400 sq. feet...being generous. It's charming from the outside but...H E double hockey sticks from the inside!!

Formal living room is used as a gym. It is painful, but in the winter, there is no where else for them to play,esp. 4 boys.

Kitchen is soo small and no breakfast nook is painful! Our small breakfast bar is not what I pictured for family meals.

Dining room is also too small for our family, but we squeeze in there...around all the school projects.

1 very small powder room is a pain in the buttocks, esp. since our house is small and therefore it is centrally located...poor houseguests with stomachaches...then poor rest of the guests!

Only 3 bedrooms and no closet space. When you open someone's closet door back away quickly or you will need medical care. We are bursting at the seams!!

NO mudroom for 4/5 boys...It is an awful mess everywhere! Coats, boots, mud...sigh...

Our laundry room is in the very small, dark basement. We have a cute play area with tv built under the steps trying to efficiently utilize the space. Yeah, that's not workin' anymore.

Not having an office out of the way from kitchen/family room noise is difficult. DH has had to apologize many times to clients calling late evenings about the boxing matches in the background.

Family room is the catch all. Very small but has lovely windows. That's the only plus. We can only fit a sofa and a chair in there. Coffee table is constantly in the way and the one end table you have to walk around carefully or you will have a bruise on your thigh if you hit it just the right way.

2 car garage does fit my SUV...but that's it. And I'm the only one that can pull it in, making sure both of my mirrors are pulled in. Taking groceries into the house is so much fun...I have dropped many a bag trying to get around my vehicle, (and no I cannot downsize on the SUV, what on earth would we drive 'cause last time I checked boys don't get smaller!) Other side has DH's tractor, ladders, workbench, boys toys. Had to store kids quads and the like in neighbors garage. Sigh...

I share one full bath with these creatures...I'm barely hanging on people!! I can't take much more!

So moral of the story...yes downsize if you wish, esp. for your finances, but do so armed with a great plan. Don't cut out any storage or downsize in closets. Plan for elbow room as best you can. Really think about your lifestyle, which I'm sure you are doing. You know what's best for your family.

BTW, if you live near me, when is your house going up for sale?? LOL!!

Mommyto4boys the thing you said about feeling uncomfortable or trying to be "showy" really hit home for me. I was just thinking about that the other night. ItÂs kind of hard to put into words, but I know exactly what you mean. The house I grew up in, which my parents built, was bigger and nicer than most of my friends homes. Sometimes I had a feeling of being both kind of proud and kind of embarrassed, like I didnÂt want people to think I thought I was better than them.

Now that IÂm planning my own home, IÂve been spending so much time thinking about what I want in my house and dreaming about it and looking at all the magazine pictures of beautiful finishes that I havenÂt given much thought to those old feelings. And then just the other night it occurred to me that if we actually pull off the house we want to build, it will be bigger and nicer than pretty much anyone I knowÂs house (that IÂve been to.) We also would have to put in a lot of sweat equity and my dh and I both love beautiful well designed houses, but suddenly IÂm wondering how I will feel about it if we do build it.

Our little 1400 sq foot 1950s house feels just about right for our modest incomes and casual attitudes. ItÂs nice enough that IÂm proud of it, but not so much that I ever think people would think weÂre trying to be "showy." If it werenÂt for the few things that it wouldnÂt be possible or worth it to change about it, weÂd stay. But since weÂre planning to build, my dh thinks bigger is better. IÂm trying to downsize the plans as much as possible before we build for all the practical reasons  donÂt want to have to clean and heat space I donÂt need  but also because I donÂt think IÂd feel comfortable in a mansion. I already have nixed the formal dining and living room and am planning only 2.5 baths with our 4 bedrooms. But trying to get dh on board with the downsized house is hard.

IÂm just glad someone else understands my semi-uncomfortableness with the bigger/nicer-than-usual house thing.

Our kids are grown, and my future home, just like our present home, will absolutely have at least two good-sized guest rooms for them, and other guests, to stay in.

My parents-in-law built a home with one tiny spare room, that can barely fit a double/full bed (double beds are only good for one person, imo), with no room for our luggage, clothes, shoes, etc; and then they're hurt when we choose to stay at a motel, instead of there.

I'm not advocating building bigger or spending more than you can afford, but if you normally have guests, including grown kids and their families, stay with you, AND you like it, then try to make it comfortable for them - have a room or rooms that are big enough for at least a queen bed, and room for their luggage. And as for cleaning, if the rooms are just used for guests - then only clean just before the guests come. Sure the dust accumulates, but what is it hurting? Or - you might multi-purpose the room. One of my guest rooms is also my sewing room. When guests come I put my sewing machine and supplies away and the sewing cabinet becomes a nice surface for their stuff.

This whole thread makes me think about one of my favorite books- "The Millionaire Next Door." Some of the opinions of the previous notes reflect many of the things I read in that book. It helped me shed some light on how personal issues are manifested in how we spend/not spend money...

Contrary to appearances, the overwhelming majority of millionaires don't drive luxury cars and don't live in huge houses (not that there's anything wrong with that for those that do). They don't have big mortgages, either.

For me it's a bit of a dichotomy- sometimes wanting a bigger house vs. adopting a more frugal lifestyle. Displaying "success" to the world vs. not (and having increased wealth)...have to stop before it sounds like I'm preaching but this is something that is on my mind frequently and I appreciate the discussion & opinions posted here.

We have been in our house for almost 5 years and just this past year we have been noticing that it is too much also. Our home is 2600 sq ft, 750 sq ft finished in basement. Our home is in contract to be sold contingent if they sell their home. As with someone else posted (There is more to life than a big home). We are down sizing to about 1500 sq ft. I built our present home that we are in. So the equity I have in this home ( at the agreed purchase price ) will pay for my new home( that I build). We are just trying to get debt free. But yes It is to big for our family of three.

Each to his own.

But with four kids and lots of day and overnight guests in 4,200 sf plus finished basement and 5 1/2 baths on a city lot, we're definitely cramped.

If it weren't for the kids, who we wanted to raise in a multi-ethnic community, we'd be on country acreage in a home twice the size.

In this neighbourhood, it's hardly a matter of "showing off". Indeed, the kids are constantly noting how their friends have tennis courts and pools, indoor and out. "Why don't we?"

Hmm, on second thought, maybe we should downsize so they can really learn some life lessons. The closest they've come are their mother's stories of her childhood in the West Indies filling her empty stomach with water to fight hunger pangs. And mine of my father pilfering potatoes off trains during WWI in Europe to survive. (Yes, WWI, the War to End All Wars.)

I am completely with arisonn and mommyto4boys on the self-awareness of having a house that others may perceive to be "showy." I struggle with it and go back and forth between thinking that I shouldn't care what others think and being self-conscious. We're planning to build a rather large house, and sometimes I find myself apologizing for it. I've gone over the plan many many times, and there is nothing I want to cut out. Since this is it for us, I want to just get it right and have no regrets.

I agree that the size of your home is a personal thing. We have very active boys and long winters where we are trapped inside for months. We need the space to run around and spread out. We don't have any unnecessary rooms, but the rooms we do have are very spacious. I think that it's one thing if you are building large just for the sake of building large and another if you build a thoughtful house and it turns out to be large. We've thought about this house for years and years. We've read articles and scanned hundreds of magazines. We've given a lot of thought to how we'd use each space and how it would relate to each other, and our house ended up being what it is. In some ways, I think it's unfortunate when people hear about the plans for your house and make the knee jerk assumption that you are materialistic and showy simply bc you have a large house. There are definitely homes that are built to be showy and built with little thought, but not every large house is meant to serve as some kind of status symbol, and for us, that is not how we arrived at the plan for our house. As much as I am self-conscious, I also am a little hurt and offended that some people make that assumption about us simply based on the size of our house and nothing more. It is clear that those people do not know us and don't realize that we are not as shallow as they assume us to be. I feel like there would be a lot less animosity in this world if people would give others the benefit of the doubt and not make such blanket judgments on so little.

I also share mdev's interest in the topics in The Millionaire Next Door. I don't think it's inconsistent to have a nice and/or large house and also live a frugal lifestyle. I grew up in a very nice house, but my family was very frugal in every other regard. The home was a great backdrop for our lives, and it turned out to be one of my parents' best investments.

arison- I certainly do understand! It does give one a lot to think about. Like you as a child, I'm proud of the home at times and other times I feel embarrassed of having too much. I want to find that happy for me place in the middle.

eventhecatisaboy- yes we have five boys and the dog is a boy too. I certainly understand your want for space for your boys. There are things in our home I love and would not give up. I have a mudroom that is 16 feet long and each family member has a unit that holds backpacks, soccer balls, boots, gloves, and everything else in between. I have an awesome laundry room 10X10 with a door that closes! It is a seperate room and nobody has to walk through it to get anywhere:) My island is large enough for the whole gang and then some. LOVE those things! Would not change them. It is some of the other stuff! Best wishes on your plans!

When we designed this home we did so trying to envision everything that we thought we had to have to make everyone comfortable at all times. Now living in it we realize so much of it is not necessary. My dad (should have listened) warned us on overbuilding. We lived out west prior and never had a basement & really didn't realize the enormous amount of space that gives. On paper it all seemed perfect, but in real life so BIG. It is all beautiful, but expensive and large. I think I'd rather some of the spaces to be more cozy. My kitchen and great room open to each other and span a length of 50 feet. That does not include the breakfast nook or formal dining. I've drawn out a new floorplan and will post it asap and see what you all think! I'm going for rooms that we use to be big enough for a larger family, but not too big to not have a cozy feel. I want to get rid of the rooms we don't use. I want our family to be most the time, but be able to run around in the basement, etc. Again, I've enjoyed your feedback and look forward to comments about the new floorplan!

This is a great thread. Just wanted to add another perspective. There are sometimes other reasons not apparent at first as to why people build larger homes. Example: my husband is a doctor. In our state, a person's home is excluded as an asset that can be taken in the case of a malpractice lawsuit against him. Sad to say, but there are many, many frivolous lawsuits filed these days, and we have to be aware of the world in which we live. Putting our money into a home, instead of having it parked in stocks, CD's, etc, is an extra layer of protection. I suspect that is part of the reason for the "bigger house" for many people.

just don't forget to give yourself enough closet space as you tackle this new plan :)

mommyto4-- I totally agree that more land makes a huge difference. Our new large home sits on 22 acres. I do think I could have done a smaller home just because of the acreage, however what's done is done. I was coming from such a small home I wanted to make sure I wasn't going to feel cramped.
Our boys (I am mom to 10 of them , have one girl in the middle) love having the farm and I am sure when we move in, the outdoors will be their place. I don't foresee them spending their summer's indoors.

With that said, they have plenty of space to be alone & I love to hear them whisper & giggle at night as they drift off to sleep in their shared bedrooms. There is plenty of time for grown up life. While they are in our home they get to be kids.

Mommy of 11 (Wow!) makes a very good point about the multi-generational accomodation that large homes provide, especially for the "sandwich" generation. My stepson struck out on his own, struck out and is now back--just a week before I was to turn his basement suite into my office. (Brought back his leased car, too, that he couldn't make payments on.)

At 2300 plus 1200 finished in the basement, I feel pretty content. At one time this past year we had myself, wife, son of 15, son of 1, daughter of 20, grandson of 1, my mom and my father-in-law all living here. It's amazing, but on the weekends you could still find a quiet little corner if you needed.
If I were to build again, I'd start with an enormous mud/canning/storage room and add onto it. One thing we'd never get rid of is our dining room. It's the only eating area in the house and is integrated with the kitchen (all told about 13x30).

At least having built once before, you have better perspective going in again.

We downsized but not really because we had too much space in our last house which was a little over 2600 sq ft. and had a huge attic over an oversized 2 car garage. When our kids were teenagers we wished we had a basement so they could hang out with friends (I always wanted kids to come watch movies and hang out at our house instead of going elsewhere), but with 4 bedrooms and an office we had places to go watch tv or be on the computer while they were in the family room.

Our downsize occurred because a little over a year ago while driving around I found a house on my "dream" street. It's on the water and has very few homes on it surrounded by fields and it's a dead end! I've lived in the area my whole life except for college so I always said if something came up in the area we would jump on it, so we did. The house is only 2200 sq ft, 3 bedrooms, no office and 2 full baths. We had grand plans to tear the roof off and go up a second story, to take advantage of the views and to add space. Because we weren't really sure what our plan was it has taken us almost 2 years to figure out what we want, and in the meantime we have decided to not really add any square footage but to rework what we have. We are gutting the kitchen, removing 2 walls separating the living and dining rooms and expanded windows to maximize the views. What we found while living here was that we didn't really need all that space, but then again our kids are older (1 a senior in college and another a junior in high school).

What I miss about my old house is:
1. my huge walk in pantry
2. powder room always nice for anyone stopping by
3. mudroom (our garage door opens onto the living room, bleck!)
4. attic storage (this house is truss roof and not attic trusses!)
5. separate office space
6. His/Hers walk in closets and separate vanity area.

What I don't miss:
1. Formal living room that we called the "museum for fine furniture." We converted our current formal living room into a media room and just bought a very nice cabinet that hides the tv when not in use.

After we moved in here and out of our old neighborhood into a more rural setting a friend asked "do you like your new house better than your old one?" Standing among boxes full of things I had no place to put, living 8 miles from the nearest place to buy milk, and having clothes crammed in to the same closet as my husband, I simply smiled and said "a bad day here is better than my best day at my old house!"

It takes some getting used to living in less than you're used to but before you know it you forget what you don't have. As long as you have what YOU need you'll feel great wherever.

About feeling flashy, I had a friend growing up who lived in a very nice home, one of several that they owned. They even owned an island in the Caribbean and I have to say that though I admired their house and thought it was lovely, I never thought of them as showy or pretentious. They were warm welcoming people and never made you feel like they had more or were better than anyone else. So maybe it's more in your mind than it was in your friends. I recently went back to my best friends parent's house for a Christmas cookie swap and realized that there house was very small, much smaller than I remembered. I loved their house growing up, so I guess perceptions are different when you are young!

The only thing I would tell you to do before you downsize is to really look at the financial aspect before you make a move. Look at the closing costs, impact fees, permit fees, property taxes and the actual cost of moving. All costs related to moving and building to see if you really will be saving money by downsizing. Often times the money you would have to put out to move would be equal to if not more the differences in mortgage payments and it could take you years to recoup those costs even with a smaller mortgage. If having that available cash each month is important than it's worth it, but just make sure you look at the big picture before leaving your current situation.

Best of luck!

Kat :)