Hi,
First off, let me say that you are one impressive woman! You have accomplished a HUGE undertaking and have benefited your entire family in so many ways, a beautiful new home, all that saved money which translates into more equity and less debt, and you have aquired a ton of new skills and knowledge. It sounds like you have a driven personality and that you need a goal to sustain you. Many of *us* are like that (see how I said that, I have been right where you are!) and once we are through with a major achievement there is satisfaction and then an anticlimax. It was not just the end result sustaining you, it was the challenge and excitement of the process. The fact that you are home with the children and it is summer when it is easy to 'drift' may not be helping. It also sounds like you need the company of other adults who share similar interests. If a part time job is not an option perhaps you could volunteer on a basis that would work with your family's schedule. If you have any other knowledge or passions you could put them to use, or use your construction knowledge with an organization like Habitat for Humanity. I know there are alot of prospective Owner-Builders out there who would surely love to hear your story and benefit from your experience. Perhaps you could also think about your next challenge, where you would like to focus all that energy next. Congratulations on your achievment, it is incredible and you should be very proud. If you need an email buddy to talk to, I would be honored.

Right now, I can't imagine being anything except absolutely relieved that I am finished with the day-to-day grind of building a house!!! But seriously, you should be very proud of yourself. Just being a mom to 3 children is an adventure, but being their full-time teacher too...amazing. I think that the biggest thing that I took away from your post is the fact that you are missing the adult interaction. I love the above posters suggestion of doing something with Habitat. How about a "Homeschooling Moms" group that comes together to do a volunteer project once a month? You could start with Habitat since you have so much hands-on experience. I'm sure that the other moms who do this are also craving more adult interaction!
This way you could have your goal (starting a group, finding projects, etc) and your need for interaction too.

"I don't think he was too thrilled with the idea as he doesn't want to play Mr. Mom while I am gone."

It's called being a FATHER. Would he rather have an unhappy, depressed wife than take care of his own kids? I'm speechless. Where do you live? 1970?

You are obviously an intelligent, hard working woman. Maybe you could build a spec home. Any chance you could get financing to do it? How is the market in your area?

You are an impressive person. I don't even know you and am proud of you!! Listen, sister, I have 4 kids myself, but wouldn't even consider home schooling them. I am truly in awe. I have been extremely active with our build, at the house every day (for which my builder thanks me, I can answer questions on the fly and there is no delay in work) and our gc says I should be a project manager since I've handled every aspect of ours that I could. I think he is just being kind. I think luckymom23's idea of habitat for humanity is SPOT ON. No joke, it is volunteer, you can use the skills you have obtained to help people, and what better way to involve your homeschooled children in helping their community?

There is not a thing wrong with wanting to be challenged. There is no shame in boredom with the everyday mundane chores of raising children, I'm sitting right next to you on that bus. My youngest is 2, and as of this August I have been changing diapers for 10 years straight. As my husband often says, if I'm happy, so are they. He is wonderful in more ways than I can count, and I am very blessed. Saying that, I can relate to your Mr. Mom statement. He steps up to the plate on a regular basis and is incredible. But there will be a time down the road when I can pursue something else, it just isn't now. I'm happy with that. If I wasn't happy with that I would do something about it. If you need a challenge, please find one that works with your life, I'm sure you can do it!

Good luck,

Amy

Can you take some classes in things that interest you? We are only starting this build but it has already consumed a whole year and we have a year left, I honestly can't remember what I did before with my free time. I am setting another goal for myself for after the build, I plan to get my master gardener's. Maybe you could think about what aspects of the build you truly enjoyed the most and take some classes related to that part. I also think the Habitat idea was fabulous!

How about contacting your local school or college and offering a class/seminar on owner-building. I would have loved to find a class that talked about some of the basics including finding land, choosing a home plan, putting in utility services, choosing contractors, contracts, materials and methods, budgeting and bookkeeping, finding out about local codes, etc. I would not expect a class to have all the answers but it would have been so valueable to me to have someone point me in the right direction and meet others who are looking at doing the same thing. I see it as an information class not a credit class. It could be a single class or maybe once a week for several weeks (your husband would probably be fine with once a week or you could hire a sitter). You could plan topics for each week or just make it an open discussion (as many will have the same questions).

I know exactly where you are coming from. We didn't build our house, but spent about a year doing a massive unplanned repair job on our leaky stucco/roofing. You can read all about it here.

During the process I spent hours doing research every day and I learned enough (thanks to this and other sites with lots of super helpful people) to quote building code to our township's code officer - to the point where he gave me informtaion on becoming a code officer myself since he said I ought to put all my newfound knowledge to good use. There's a whole added component here of being a woman, which I think makes it twice as hard to earn the respect of a lot of men in this field. So you and I have something to be very proud of.

Anyhow, it did seem that while the worst of our project was going on (dealing with contractors every day, researching how I wanted things flashed, picking paint colors and trim details, etc.) I was too busy to be sad, but as soon as all the craziness stopped, I was hit hard by depression and years later, still haven't shaken it. I think it was combination of a few things - money issues since the repairs cost well over $100K and were not covered by insurance, a feeling of "why us", and probably some pre-existing depressive tendencies that I had been fighting for a while. I still have the lawsuit to keep me occupied, but that's been dragging out and is such a pain in the butt I don't even have the energy to deal with it anymmore.

I, like you, am a stay at home mother who left a very successful career to do raise my kids. And while I love my kids and truly believe that SAH was the right decision for our family, I will be the first to admit that most days are so boring and repetitive I just want to scream.

But anyhow, here it is two years later and I just filled a prescription for my 3rd anti-depressant yesterday...I've tried two so far, and while they do help my dark mood, I don't like some of the other ways they make me feel. Here's hoping 3x is the charm!

Anyhow, feel free to email me at the link on my page if you want a commisseration partner who is in the same place you are (with the exception of homeschooling - I bow at your feet for that one!). Have you considered becoming a code enforcement officer? All you have to do is pass a couple tests and they honestly don't look that hard (no offense to any code enforcement guys out there). Or perhaps a home inspector? Both are probably safer options than spec building in today's RE market.

alymarie, this house project has been your "baby" for six years. You have loved your project, carefully nurtured it, and protected it, and perhaps what you are feeling right now is grief. It's almost like someone who has been a big part of your life has just gone away, never to come back. Brides who spend years planning a wedding are also often depressed when the whole thing is suddenly just over. You may need to get busy again and give it some time.

I have come to think that there are career opportunities out there for something called "home building consultant." It's like a wedding planner. She is the middleman between the GC and the homeowner. She brings samples to your house, gives you pricing on your thousands of choices, gives general advice, communicates with various places of business, verifies details, checks your site daily, etc. A consultant like this would be especially helpful for someone who is super-busy or building out of town. With your expertise, maybe you could start hiring yourself out in this capacity. You obviously love this type of work and lots of people would love someone to be a total advocate for them during their build process. It's also something that would have flexible hours so you could be with your children when you need to.

With your drive and energy, you could do anything you set your mind to! Good luck to you.

Did you consider getting involved with Habitat for Humanity. Its volunteer but They are always looking for people to help and someone with knoweldge would be very valuable.

First, congratulations on your new home! As a former homeschooling mom (my kids are about to graduate from college), I am impressed that you were able to do both important jobs at once.

I empathize with your feelings. I miss our building experience, although my involvement was no where near yours as we hired a custom builder for the last house (the previous ones were by production builders.) Just the design and planning was a big project, as dh did not participate at all, but it was a huge help in coping with the empty nest blues.

Others may have had different experiences, but in my case, Habitat did not want any kids under 16 on site (they said it was due to insurance requirements.) Once ds was 16, we were told several times that they had more volunteers than they could use and would prefer to take advantage of the adults with construction experience instead of being slowed down by inexperienced kids. So much for that.

I love Liketolearn's suggestion of teaching a class. Our local community colleges, as well as one of the private universities, offer non-credit classes for adults in the evening and on weekends. Maybe yours do, too. The ones here range from a single two or three hour class to 12 - 14 weeks of 1 or 2 hr. meetings. Perhaps your dh would be receptive to such a light schedule. If he's not always available, maybe you could trade childcare with another homeschooling mom once a week. Even if whatever you're paid goes to pay for a sitter, it's worth it!

Do your children attend any regularly scheduled workshops, classes or labs at museums, science centers or private schools? When we homeschooled (K - 12), mine usually attended at least one group weekly (drama, horseback riding, science lab, homeschool PE at the Y, etc.) Perhaps you could use that time to work on qualifying for the sort of jobs that lkplatow suggested, and meeting with potential mentors in those fields.

Whatever you do, please *please* be sure to communicate with your dh how important this is for your mental and emotional health. If that means marriage therapy, then so be it. Over 20 yrs. ago, I left a challenging and stimulating career to be a SAHM. I now have medical problems that make it highly unlikely that I could return to work without significant accommodations. My dh will retire in four years (sooner if his company is bought out - which is somewhat likely) so I am in limbo until that happens.

My kids are glad we homeschooled, and they've earned all sorts of academic awards, honors and scholarships in college. However, the same can be said of kids who attended institutional schools. In retrospect, I think my kids would have thrived even if we had chosen to send them to school.

My dh is glad that we homeschooled, because it enabled us to travel with him on his numerous business trips. However, because of his travel and uncertain (but always heavy) schedule, I never felt able to claim time for my own interests. I wish now that I had been more emphatic about expressing my needs and wants to dh and had been less self-sacrificing. Martyrs generally aren't appreciated until centuries after their death. ;-)

I hope you can find a solution. Best wishes!

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I am sitting here bawling as I read your responses and really appreciate your understanding and advice. My daughter just came in the room and threw her arms around me and said “Life doesn’t last forever mom. You need to enjoy it.” Ah, the words of wisdom of a 9 year old. She is right though and so are all of you. I need to find a healthy balance of pursuing things that challenge me and meeting the needs of my husband and kids. Ultimately that is what is best for them too. My mother was a SAHM with six kids and always put the needs of her kids and my dad above everything and never did or demanded anything for herself. My dad has run a decent sized trucking business forever (still does at age 74) and seems to thrive on the challenges and stress that he faces on a daily basis. I think I have both of their personalities in me and it causes a lot of inner conflict.

My husband is seeing the light and seems to be open to me doing something. He said he would be willing to try watching the kids two evenings a week while I work part time, volunteer or take a class. I like the idea of teaching a class but I was so incredibly shy growing up that it gives me butterflies just thinking about it. I am not that shy now but still do better one on one or in small groups.

Habitat for Humanity has a couple of local offices and I am going to look into that. Hopefully they have opportunities available in the evenings or weekends. My kids are too young (3, 7 & 9) to volunteer but seeing me do it would still be good inspiration for them and as they get older who knows. I would love to build a house with them when they are teenagers. What a great learning experience that would be for them and if they were any good at it they could make a little extra money for college:)

I am very entrepreneurial by nature and would love to start a business that has to do with home construction in some way shape or form but I don’t think that is financially feasible right now. We saved a lot by doing things ourselves but we still spent a lot and right now are kind of asset rich/cash poor. We kept our old home as a rental property. If time and money weren’t an issue I’d fix up other homes to either sell or keep as rentals or I’d build another house in a heartbeat but I think I will have to save that dream for later. I’m only 33 so I have to remind myself sometimes that I don’t have to do it all right now.

It is good to hear I’m not crazy and I’m not a bad mom/wife for feeling this way. Thanks again for the advice. It has given me a lot to think about.

Alymarie,
I think you can count it as a blessing that, at the young age of 33, you discovered a passion that will nurture you for life.
As the mother of a very wonderful and independent 23-year old daughter, I KNOW how restricted you are with children so young.
BUT they do grow up and as they do, you will have increasing amounts of time to pursue your passion.
When my daughter was 12, I remodelled my kitchen and a bath with the help of a designer/contractor. I so fell in love with the process that I went back to school part-time to study interior design and in the process, became very proficient at CAD.
A few years later, I started working as a CAD drafter(daughter now in college) for a high-end residential architect. She was one scary b**** but I persevered and got the experience I needed.
Now I work for a wonderful kitchen & bath designer/contractor. He is very supportive and I am in the process of achieving certification as an NKBA Kitchen and Bath designer and the future looks wide open with great challenges and interests...and a grown daughter who has a mom as an example of someone who is a successful and happy working woman.
It may look bleak from this little moment but you got a taste of your passion so it's all up from here...particularly with a sensitive spouse and children.
You go girl!!

almarie, so sorry to hear of your depression. I find that what you are feeling is actually fairly common among our clients, so much so that we call it "post-build-em" depression. First and foremost is to do what you are doing, communicate to those around you what you are feeling. Everything else will fall into place after that, including therapy and medication if that's what you need. Depression runs strong in my family, and I must admit that my work (I'm a remodeling contractor) helps me with my "keep busy" approach. My sister, who gave up a nursing career to home-school her six kids, has had very bad depression, and essentially uses her religion as therapy. I say, whatever works. One key she and I have learned is to not tie your happiness to any "thing," such as a job or a remodel or whatever -- "If only I had a (fill in the blank), I'd be so much happier" thinking. Happiness comes from within, only.

One other possible choice for you is to become a buyer. HfH and other groups, as well as contractors, buy a tremendous of material, and need someone who does the research, keeps up on new technologies, etc., and either recommends what to buy or does the actual purchasing. I've worked with a woman who has done this on and off for about 20 years, and unfortunately (for me) she is retiring and moving to Hawaii. The less time I spend buying, the more time I can spend building my business. You might want to call the contractors you worked with and see if they might need administrative/purchasing help.

Best of luck to you.

YOU ARE ON OVERWHELM. After going thru the trials and tribulations of putting a houseplan together, doing the actual build, and then the finality of it all, you become burnt out. You want to take a breath and relax, but you can't really relax because you've been in high gear for so long~SIX years! Your mind spins with things you need to do, but yet can't make a decision to save your life, or even feel you have the energy to do so. How do *I* know these things? Because i've been there.

Medication is a good thing! If you need it, take it~it will definitely clear your 'brain'. As for getting a job~hey, you're doing the most important job in the world, being a Mom! You are very fortunate you have the option to say home in this day and age. My 5 kids are all grown, and I feel so blessed that I was able to stay home. We're very close today, and I think it's because I was home raising them.

You DO need a little slice of life for yourself~it's called staying sane.LOL I took so many classes when my kids were little~ceramics and painting mostly~JR colleges offer a lot of fun classes. I also took excerices classes to help keep my body AND mind in shape. DH was good about staying home with the kids in the evening for a few hours.

When my youngest was in 1st grade, I finally went out and got a job. It was *only* in retail, but I loved being around people, and eventually became an assistant buyer, as well as a personal shopper at a very well know, upscale department store. I only say this because I was 'never more than a Mom', but I had developed patience, as well as an outgoing personailty by particiapting in all kinds of things when my kids were in school. Both are real assets in the retail industry.

Believe it or not, Mothering is a learing expereince, as well as a job~don't ever forget that. The patiience, tolerance, budgeting time,etc., will one day serve you in other areas of your life. More than anything else, you'll be rewarded with unconditional love. ;o)

patty_cakes

alymarie-

My take on this is totally different than most of the other posters cuz I am not a SAHM, never have been and have frankly never had any interest in it. It's OK to give yourself permission to not be supermom and wife and not be a carbon copy of your mom, you are you, not your mom and if your gut is telling you to do something different then do it. Sending the kids to school/daycare and getting a job or going back to school is not a cop-out or a dereliction of your "duties", it's a choice that you can make. Yes, it will be an adjustment for your family but families are there to support each other and if you treat it as a matter of fact event (and not you abandoning them) they will respond thusly. They will take their cue from you about how to handle the change in your status and, no, it won't be stress and problem free, but what is? Honestly, you sound pretty stressed out right now, which is bound to be difficult on your kids. I agree with sue36, your DH needs a dose of reality, taking care of his own children is not babysitting, it's his responsibility as their father. It sounds to me as if you really have 4 children and that the oldest one is going to be your biggest problem.

If my math is right you had your first child in your mid 20's (very young IMO) and from the sound of it you threw yourself into living for your children and put your own needs on the back burner. There's nothing wrong with that but not every woman is meant to stay home and raise and homeschool (!) kids. There are women who like working outside the home, would make the same choice again and are still close to their children.

Your DD is right, life does not last forever, so have fun and pursue your dreams.

Good luck-

sandyponder

I AM, but it's more because it won't stop raining here. We're on the 22nd or 23rd consecutive day of rain, and the seven day forecast shows seven more straight. Oh, and as I posted separately, it's affecting my hardwood floors.

Alymarie, sandyponder is right~an unhappy Mother cannot be an effective, good Mother. We've all heard the saying', 'if Momma ain't happy, nobody's happy', and I believe that to be true. Your DH has to face reality and if it means your wanting to get a job, even partime, he should back you up because that's what a good husband does. Taking care of the children is *his* obligation also.

I chose to have 5 kids(wanted 6!!)and WANTED to stay home, but started to get 'the itch' when the youngest was 6. She turned out to be the one with the most/biggest problems, and I sometimes wonder if it was because I chose to work. Things do have a way of working out, and they did~she's 30 now, and we're closer than I ever thought we would be.

I think if children grow up with Mom working, it becomes an expectation that Mom won't be able to do certain things, and they adjust. When Mom suddenly leaves after being at home for years there is a possibility the children/child may go thru a tough time and the opposite might be true, which indeed was the case with my youngest DD.

Your little girl is very perceptive~life is short, and it's meant to be enjoyed even by Mommies. ;o)

patty_cakes

You all have good and valid points. I am probably suffering from "post-build-em" depression and time will likely heal that to some extent. I know the highs and lows of home building can be intoxicating and some people feel a let down after coming off of that. However I also know myself well enough to know that there is more to it than that and I need (thrive) on being mentally challenged and adult interaction is important to me. I can become kind of reclusive if I’m not careful and having this project has forced me to interact with all sorts of people. I told my husband not to take this the wrong way but I miss the guys who worked on our home - I miss talking to men. My friends are all SAHM’s and I love them dearly but it always nice to have a conversation with someone that has a different perspective on life whether its because they are older, younger, male, working woman, whatever...The world is full of interesting people who are not middle class, white females between the ages of 30 and 40 with young children. No offense to them - I am one - but hopefully you get my point. I appreciate those friends and my family more when I have other adult interaction in my life just as I am less stressed by my kids and DH when I have other stresses in my life. It is the Ying and the Yang as my oriental acupuncturist would say.

I just need to come up with something that provides a healthy balance for the kids and me. (and yes dh too) I am passionate about homeschooling and wouldn’t trade that for anything so giving that up isn’t an option to me. However, I was able to keep up with their schoolwork while the house was being built (except for the few weeks I spent painting and was having personal problems with DH that were unrelated to the build) and they were none the worse for wear. I worried at first that having me so busy would be hard on them but they didn’t mind at all because I was happy and still able to spend loads of time with them. I guess one perk of homeschooling them is that we are around each other so much that even if I spend a few hours away from home or working on the computer they still get so much time with me. I don’t need much down time other than an occasional cup of tea, handful of dark chocolate and a bubble bath and I have a great tub for that now :) My hubby on the other hand needs a fair amount of down time either flipping channels on the TV, surfing the net, or napping and reconciling his needs with my activeness has always been a point of contention with us especially with a demanding toddler in the house. The toddler years are so brief though (and really the sweetest years IMO) and I know that I have to enjoy them.

Thanks again for everyone’s words of wisdom. It helps a lot to “talk” about this and read others thoughts. I used to claim that I didn’t mind giving up my career to be with my kids because I was a corporate accountant/CPA and knew that wasn’t the life for me. No offense to my fellow accountants reading this but I found the work meaningless, unfulfilling, and have no desire to return to that career unless financial hardships forced me to. The company I worked for was great as were my coworkers but that is all I miss. Home building was for me though and my DH admits that I was in my element and happier than he has ever seen me. Being a GC for others though is a totally different experience from building for oneself so I don’t know for sure where that puts me career wise. And any career, business, volunteer work or whatever I decide to pursue has to be part time and flexible because my kids are my first priority and spending time with them is very important to me - not just to them.

I think building is exciting because there's so much potential during the process. As completion nears, even when you are loving the results, there is less and less potential. Focus narrows down, potential ends and you have actuality. That aspect of building is unrelated to parenting. My kids were in college before we built a completely custom home, and I am thrilled with our result each and every day, but I feel like it would be great to build another house or design another kitchen and deal with all the visionary aspects of building all over again. I wish I could afford to do all the houses I create in my head, but I have too many other foci for time and money.

I really think you should consider the class idea more!

You know so much that you will be surprised to find how easy it is to talk in front of a group. I'm not thrilled with public speaking but if I know the subject well it's so easy and exciting to talk about it. Besides after 1 or 2 classes they will be your new friends! And our local college also has a day-care service were faculty and students can leave their kids while they are in class (your husband should like that!).

And if you decide to make it a business it's the perfect way to start your business! Listing that you taught a course on building your own home will be a great business reference. Even working with one or more of the students in a non-paying capacity as an advisor would be a great reference and give you an idea of how you want to set-up the business (consulting hourly or flat-rate, contracts, how much involvement your willing to do, etc). Plus it's quite likely that one of the students could be your first client!

You should do this ... it's a perfect fit for you and you'll love doing it!

Have you considered that what you are experiencing is not depression... but grief? While it is true that grief "recruits" depression, they are not the same thing. From reading your account, it certainly sounds like you experienced a loss... a loss of something important to you. And now, perhaps, you are grieving this loss.

I see this confusion a great deal in my practice and it is important to be able to distinguish one from the other. The medical system defaults to depression because they have a pill for it; there is none for grief. Sorry to disagree with the pharmaceutical cheerleader above but all medications are not "good" - Fen-phen, Prempro, and Vioxx come readily to mind. I worked in psychiatric medicine for 15 years and certainly give psychotropic medications their due. But in my mind the first-line response is always to apply non-pharmacological interventions first. If someone is grieving, it is frequently not a good idea to suppress it with anti-depressants. Often the result is an increase in anxiety because the natural process of integrating the loss has been displaced.

Here is another way to look at this. In Chinese medicine, grief settles into the Lungs. If it is properly handled, releasing it is straightforward in part because the Lungs are an organ of elimination (i.e. they release "waste" such as carbon dioxide). If the grief is not handled properly or suppressed, it settles deeper into the body, penetrating into the Ming Men - the "root of life" roughly equivalent to the adrenal glands. It is then much harder to address.

When people are grieving, they tap into a different set of resources then when they are depressed. For example, they have more of a sense that it will pass, that relying on family and friends makes sense, that connecting with one's spirituality can be helpful. When people are depressed, they can tend to feel like they could be a burden to their loved ones, that there is something wrong with them, that it might never end. I didn't want you to end up in that trap simply because the wrong label was applied.

There are many good suggestions here. I just wanted to add my voice to the messages of encouragement and respect for your potential.

Exercise, preferably in the fresh air and sunshine.

Better than any med, and the side effects are all positive.

The stakes of homebuilding are so high, its hard not to get obsessed, which easily slides into depression. During the process we're hurried and harried, but afterwards there's a void, and no adreniline generator.

Taking a 30 minute [minimum] vacation every day is priceless. Make it strenous enough to keep your attention. Listen to your IPOD or radio, but the instant anything building related pops in your head, change the subject of your internal conversation.

I seriously think I'd need hospitalization at this point without my beloved bike!

I know what you're going through. We have just started our second building project. We built our first house when the first three kids were very little. I too enjoyed the adult conversations again that I hadn't really had in several years but it encouraged me to spend more time with my kids. My oldest daughter and I are best friends now. She's in college 13 hours away but she calls 5 to 6 times a day just to chat. We are now building our second house to accomodate 7 kids, 2 harps, grand piano, 8 guitars and accessories, shoe storage for 9, and last but definitely not least is school books (homeschool) for 5( oldest in college and baby is 4).

You could also check in to 4-H. Around here we have a really big homeschool group and would love to have a mom who could help and instruct with your kind of knowledge. (4-H isn't just about animals)

I was just wondering if the same thing will happen to me after our build is done. I am also GC and some days I am interacting with 20 people. Prior to this, I was lucky to talk to one person a day. We live rural, after living overseas for 10 years and while I love the peace and living in nature, I do often miss the hub-bub of city life. I wonder what I will do with myself once this is done, who will I talk to, what will my day be like, etc. I think it is just a part of being involved with a big project. Someone mentioned grief and I believe they are right on the money. You can't help but be lonesome and depressed after working so hard and accomplishing so much. I guess I don't have any words of advice, nothing to help you with, other than to let you know that I feel I will be in the same boat. If you want someone to talk to, let me know.

-Teresa

Here is a link that might be useful: My house building blog

alymarie-

Just read this thread for the first time, though I see that it originated a couple of months ago.

Hope that all is well...

It is funny. I haven’t checked this thread in several weeks and went today to search for it and there were new postings.

Things are improving. I think the previous posters who mentioned that I am probably experiencing grief vs true depression are right. I still feel a sense of loss and miss the building adventure but it is definitely becoming more manageable as time goes on. I haven’t cried in a week whereas for a while there I was sobbing several hours a day. (I’m not typically such a bah bah) I haven’t taken any medication as I didn’t see this as being a long term problem and didn’t want to start something that might be hard to get off.

In the short term reconnecting with old friends has really helped. I sent out emails and reestablished my friendships with friends who aren’t SAHM’s. We’ve had a lot of lunch and dinner dates and it has helped to satisfy my need for adult conversation with those whose lives don’t revolve around kids. And my DH finally agreed to take a dance class with me. That exercise and time together laughing was a great mood lifter. I’m thinking of taking another class this fall. I’m a terrible artist (designing a house was easier - its just a bunch of squares put together with a few angles for character - but my husband and kids are quite talented and they think an art class would be a good creative outlet for me so I’m considering that if I can get over my “mental block”.

I guess my advice to anyone reading this post is to be aware of the potential for "post-build-em" depression. I worried beforehand that I would miss my project but never thought it would hit me as hard as it did. I think anyone who becomes passionately involved in their build has the possibility of that occurring but for those of us who aren’t working outside the home and live fairly quiet lives the risks are all the greater. In hindsight I think it would have been valuable to have something planned ahead of time to start once the house was completed. I initially thought I’d relax over the summer, spend quiet time with the kids, and get settled. Now I see that was too extreme of a shift in activities and my mind couldn’t switch gears like that. Smoothtalker - I see you’ve had a similar experience. Hope your new build goes smoothly. All I can say is wow - you make my home life seem pretty simple! I was actually thinking of checking into 4-H as my kids are aspiring “farmers”.

I still miss the project management and stress of building but I know I will revisit that experience again someday either building new or remodeling, for resale or to keep as rentals, and next time I will be better prepared for the aftermath!! Teresa - I worry that you will someday be in the same boat. Going from talking to (or arguing!) with several people a day to just talking to family and the check out clerk is a hard transition to make. Being in a rural setting might make it even harder for you since you will probably stay at home more often. If I were you I would come up with plans now for something you could do to fill the void. Are you close to a town or city that might offer something? Are you near family and friends? If not, make some, although it looks like from your blog that you know several people or are they all construction workers? It is weird sometimes to think of all the shallow friendships that are formed during a build that disappear once the house is done. I look around my house at the trim, tile, framing, etc. and think what a great job these guys did, how nice they were to talk to and how their “art” is now part of my home and I will probably never see them again. That makes me sad. How nuts is that?? Oh well, tis the joy of home building.

Thanks again to everyone who took the time to respond. It helped a lot to gab on here and also to know that there are complete strangers out there who are kind enough to take a few minutes to write words of encouragement or advice. This forum has been a great help both during and after the build.

>

Oh so true! I didn't check the date on your original post and I am glad to hear that you are doing well. Your bits of advice to me are welcome and I will keep them in mind. Living rural does have its drawbacks and loneliness might be one of them after such an exciting time. Thank you.

Here is a link that might be useful: My house building blog