It's fairly common knowledge that child molesters often troll for women with young children, so it wouldn't surprise me if Harry is doing exactly what you fear. I've known a few people in my life who were discovered doing equally horrifying things as your former friend, and I had the same shock as you.

But, to answer your question, no. I don't think you can ever really know another human being, and I'm not really sure we can really know ourselves, until we're tested, and even then, it's an incomplete knowledge. But we still build relationships on faith and belief that we CAN know others, because otherwise the loneliness would overwhelm us.
Dee

For crying out loud - what's there to know??? The guy pleaded guilty to child abuse. Why aren't you sitting at the police station right now with a screen shot of his Facebook posting asking the police for help in notifying the father of those children?

It doesn't sound like it's that simple. Presumably, from what's been told here, the guy was charged with "child abuse" and served a sentence of some sort. Once that's done - and he's not a registered sex offender - I would imagine there's nothing the police can do, since the matter of the "crime" was discharged through the court system.

I cannot conceive of a woman allowing a man who admitted to "child abuse" to come anywhere near her child. How do you know with certainty that this woman knows his history?

How about a woman who has a 3yr old who was molested by the child's drugged out dad during a visitation. He has no memory of the event, so he says. Mom moves on and marries a guy who is divorced with three kids who he does not have custody of. After they marry he tells her that "oh, by the way, I molested my three kids. That is why I don't see them. And I cannot be alone with kids as I am a registered sex offender." So this 3yr old girl, who can easily be victimized, is being raised by a step father who was convicted of molesting his own children! How can that woman sleep in the same bed as that guy.

Oh, forgot to mention. The mom is actually my dh's ex. They did not have any kids together. My dh cannot believe she would live like this.

So, no you never really know anyone. I do wonder, like auntjen, how much this lady really knows. Or what he told her.

The part I don't understand is this.....any halfway computer-literate person can bring up his court records and learn his background in about 2 seconds. The girlfriend can do this as well as her ex-husband. Apparently they choose not to? These are educated professionals who should know these things. Listen to me...I sound like some nosy ole woman who digs in other people's business!! But if I can learn these things via online with my pea brain, it doesn't take a rocket scientist!

me I would look at the bigger picture. You know sue, is she the sort of person who could be this vindictive? There have been cases where men were sent to prison for child abuse that never happened, simply because their wives/ex wives were this vindictive towards them. I think we all have a radar, we can sense when something is off about a person, do you get that vibe from sue or from harry?

What I do not understand is that "exposing himself", so walking around naked in your own house can get you charged as child molester???

punamytsike, apparently so if your children see you, crazy, huh? trancegemini, I've known several men whose wives were that vindictive and these men lost everything. It is more common than many of us think, and very very sad. Many times a step-child who doesn't get their way will create a story and ultimately a decent stepfather can have their whole life leveled. Got another friend going through this right now...he let the neighbor girl come over to swim and he put sunscreen on her and later she told her parents. Now he's been charged and has lost his job of 30 yrs.

Watch out, if you bath your kids, you are child molester, if you do not, then you are neglecting parent, so you cannot win either way. No wonder our court system is so boggled down.

I just cannot imagine someone being so bitter/mean, I do not have even word, to do something like that to another human being. And this does not just affect the person accused and their life ruined, it affects the children involved as well, in so many levels.

Sad

This is somewhat OT, but I am reminded of the time my mom and I took my niece, who was just a baby at the time, a little over a year old, to have her photos made at one of those places in the mall where they dress the kids up in various "cutesy" costumes. We wanted a picture of her in the little bucket bathtub, surrounded by old-fashioned soap products, but the photographer asked, "Is she over a year old? We can't take the photo if she's over a year old because she has to be nude from the waist up." Wha??? She was a baby, for crying out loud! And she suddenly, magically, became a few months younger so that we could get the shot we wanted of her (which turned out adorable, by the way).

I am all for protecting the innocence of children, but it seems like in some cases, common sense on how to do that just flies out the window.

Is he registered? Even that doesn't really mean anything. I know someone that got busted with pot in their house; plea bargained to what he thought was a lessor charge; was equal to having Playboy magazines in the house- he's been registered for 17 years & can't get off. He was originally supposed to be registered for 15 years. He told me that he should have served the jail time for the pot because this messed his life up.

I know of someone that was accused of sexually abusing their year old daughter. There was never anything found; nor do I think this person ever did this; but it's stopped them from seeing their child.

You never know who is telling the truth & who isn't.

Re the vindictive angle, I know someone who found himself in that very situation. It started with his own bad judgment, but he now has a label he cannot shake. He was married, and had an affair. The girlfriend gave an ultimatum -- leave her and be with me, or I'll have my 13-year-old niece say you molested her. He didn't leave his wife (eventually divorced, anyway), and he got charged with sexual abuse. He lost his job, had to resign from the National Guard. Although there was no real evidence, and the girl no-showed twice for court, his decision at the time was to plead to the sexual abuse and get probation rather than chance a trial in the era where everyone was sex offender crazy.

So now he wears that label. It controls where he can live, where he can work, what kind of work he can do. So, it happens.

No, we don't ever really know someone.

The child molester I knew wouldn't have been detected by anyone other than the children he tried to molest. Thank God I got away.

Think about Religious leaders who violate trust all the time. It used to be common for them to be sent to another church for more unsuspecting and trusting adults to serve up their children.

I dont think anyone doubts for a minute that there are some really sick and twisted people out there who do prey on children. The problem with this type of allegation though is that it's very hard to give someone the benefit of the doubt, what if you're wrong? so once an allegation has been made the person (usually a man) is branded and everyone will assume he is guilty and it can take everything from them even if they are innocent. But on the flip side there are women who do this, what better way to punish a man than to see his world crumble, to lose visitation to his kids, and to have everyone think he is scum.

I think there is a bias in society and the legal system that feels if the allegation is made it must be true, but there needs to be much more scrutiny of these allegations and everyone involved (not just the accused) to try and weed out the false claims from real victims, and there have been studies done that show young children especially are very open to suggestion and an idea or an event can be planted in their heads and they will recount the incident with total belief that it happened, that's how suggestable they are and some people use children as pawns to make these type of allegations when they never happened.

If a man is truly guilty of child abuse I'll be the first to suggest they should string him up and cut off his privates, but a small number of woman do use this as a way to get back at someone or punish them for other things and that is the really sad part about it. I mean, when did putting sunscreen on a child become sexual abuse? when did it become a crime for a man to hug his daughter, or his neice, or the child of a good friend, it's all so screwed up