Judithn - I'm about to graduate from law school in May at age 50, so I can certainly relate.

I've been in an evening program, where students tends to be a little older vs. the day program, where most of them are right out of undergrad. But I've been quite active in various organizations and have had lots of interaction with students of all ages.

The most important thing is to let go of the feeling of being different because it will inhibit you and set you apart from the others, even if it's just on a subconscious level. It's a fine line that I walk, but the bottom line is that I'm just myself. First, don't try to be one of them - even though I feel young, in that I like younger people, enjoy "their" music, etc., I don't try to pretend that I get everything about them or that I'm their BFF forever.On the other extreme, don't act like you know it all simply because you have more life experience - there are some older students who talk down to the younger ones simply based on age and it's got to be a real turn off.

Recognize that in a sense, grad school can be like high school all over again, and not everyone is going to like you. Nor will you like everyone else. You'll be able to tell the students who were raised to interact well with others because they'll look past your age and treat you like any other student. And, some won't give you the time of day. There are a few students who look right through me, but I write that off as insecurity on their part.

Asking questions is obviously fine and those of us who are older tend to do that because as you say, we want to get our money's worth, and we're not afraid to talk. But also be aware of going overboard and being a "gunner," as it's called in law school, where a student (of any age) monopolizes the class asking questions. You can always talk to the prof afterward. School is so different today because many students spend class surfing the net on their laptops. If you take smaller, seminar type classes in your program, you'll find those much more interactive.

Also, having a sense of humor about the age difference shows that you're comfortable in your own skin and can laugh about it. In fact, I'll joke about it to friends and they'll get mad at me for insinuating that I'm old!

Participate in activities and go up to people and say hello one-on-one. Ask them questions about themselves - comment on someone's cute shoes! Once you do that, you become a known entity rather than the woman who's different. Show them that you can relate to them in other ways than age.

Going back to school has been a fantastic, life-changing experience that I know you're going to love. Fee free to email me through Gweb if you want to chat!

First of all, congratulations on making this fantastic decision! Few things are more "youthifying" than going to grad school, engaging your brain again all for yourself, reading great books, and making new friends. What is your field?

Yes, I have been through it, although at a slightly younger age. I was 33 when I went back to school for a teaching certificate, and 37 when I went for my M.A. Took me six years to get it. During that time I received a teaching assistantship and so taught foreign language classes. As a teacher I had students who ranged from 18 to literally in their seventies. As a student all my classmates and some of my professors were younger than I.

Here are some things that I did:

Take a personal interest in everyone, depending on your time. Not for keeping up with their interests or fads, but for getting to know more people. Find study partners in various classes - the younger the better, as they have great powers of memory. My favorite study partner was a young guy from Saudi Arabia, whose wife made thermoses of Arabic coffee for us to share when we met in the library (I am Jewish, with strong ties to Israel, lol). We pushed each other through some tough courses in Middle East history.

If you are invited to parties (I am thinking of grad school here, not undergrad parties), especially if teachers in the department will be there, GO. I did this with great trepidation, enjoyed myself, and eventually had the courage to give some parties myself.

Keep relatively quiet in class. Ask questions for which you must have the answer, but don't appear to be showing off. Ask the other students after class if they have an answer. Then go to see the professor. Get to know your profs! They will like having a mature adult in their office rather than some youngster who is worried about being pregnant, or coming off a drinking binge, or worried about money (I contended with all of these problems when I was teaching). It's a nice change of pace for them.

If you have time, go to any extra guest lectures or other departmental events. If you can, spend time studying in the library and in your favorite on-campus cafeteria and/or coffee shop. It's a matter of putting yourself back into the world in a friendly way. For me, it was important to disengage somewhat from my home life so that I could concentrate on what I had to do, just as one would do in a regular job.

Train yourself to ignore any age differences. When you are all facing an exam together, age does not matter. OTOH, I did change my hairstyle and began having it frosted, and also had my ears pierced. So be nice to yourself!

Have you taken the Graduate Record Exam yet? If not, I'd suggest getting the study guide and beginning to prepare. It's fairly tough.

Good luck!

golden girl and sable ca, thank you! What wonderful advice. I should have come online here and asked a long time ago. I feel so stupid! I think I have been too noisy in class and have to tone it down. I'm just going to sit there and keep my mouth shut from now on. I have to work on my grocery list every time the professor asks a question and NOT raise my hand! I think I've been gunning. I'm cringing now! Poor professor.

I'm studying urban planning, it's a hybrid of government, architecture, real estate, and even group psychology. I had no idea the field existed. Informally, I've been doing some planning as a volunteer in my town for almost 10 years! It's not the same as professional experience of course. It still shocks me to think that I am actually doing this program because it's completely different from my first career, which was in advertising and communications. People in this field are much quieter and introverted, more 'engineering' types than the fast talking, reactive, really extroverted types I'm used to and gravitate to. So aside from the age difference there's that. A whole different culture/world!

If I take a few classes and do well upfront I don't have to take the GRE. It's a special "loop hole" in this program, it's a new-ish department in the university and I suspect it's a short-lived loop hole. As the program grows they'll probably go back to demanding the GRE.

goldengirl, I especially relate to what you say about not feeling old. I feel like I have tons of energy and much more focus than I did in my 20's or 30's. It probably has something to do with the sense of not having "forever." Plus when I was that age I had so many things on my mind! Relationship things. Money things. Fast-forward 20 years and I KNOW how all those things worked out -- marriage, children, finances, etc. (the things I remember thinking about at that age. I'm not worrying about them.

As a college student, I enjoyed the older classmates because they were different: fresh ideas & attitudes, and they got into the best discussions with the professors. My son said the same thing about his college classes in NYC, that the old alums who sat in were interesting to talk with. One guy was in his 80s, and my son liked to talk with him about his WWII experiences.

College is for opening up one's mind & broadening one's experiences. Think of the good you can bring to the class for these kids who have limited interaction with adults other than parents & teachers.

Good for you. I think that's absolutely wonderful to return for an advanced degree.

Do you remember what you thought of the 'older' students in your classes when you were in college? I didn't have many in my undergrad years but there were quite a few in my Master's program - Information Sciences. There were a number of 'Mom' types who were getting their librarian degrees.

Goldgirl and Sable gave perfect advice that will help you integrate and feel more comfortable. For some odd reason I distinctly remember how I felt when a few of the returning older students 'hogged' class time with questions and/or answers. It was almost like being in elementary school when a student was showing off or trying to ingratiate himself with the teacher.

There were also older students who seemed to enjoy interacting with the rest of the young adults. They were friendly without appearing to be desperately trying to make friends. They would casually chat with students before class, in the labs or coffee shop.

I still remember one of the Moms in my program who asked if I wanted to get a coffee and we became quite friendly. It turned out that both of us were commuting to class and we started to get together once a week for lunch. As a 20 year old I found it interesting to hear about her life's experience when I was just really beginning mine.

I'm sure you'll be fine, just be yourself.

PS - my neighbor is an urban planer and loves the diversity of his field.

My dtr is a psychology professor (allow me a moment to brag; she just got her full professorship this year!) She loves her "non-traditional" students because they are serious, motivated, bring a lot to the classroom. At 39, she is still young herself...well, from my perspective! At first she was intimidated by students older than herself, but not any more. She welcomes them. Your attitude is exactly what she loves in her non-trads.

Have fun!

Judith... I haven't had time to read all the replies, just want to say congratulations for taking the step. and please don't back out. Keep on, i think it will get easier.
I am older than you by a few years. and that is one huge regret I have, not finishing college. I had so many excuses, not enough time, blah blah blah.
OH HOW I WISH I had followed through. I really applaude you for doing so.

i am taking a couple of cooking classes this semester at our local CC in their culinary arts program. it is sortof different being back at school with all of these young kids young enough to be my own kids! all the kids who are in these classes want to be chefs of different types, so the makeup of the class is different than if i were taking math classes or something... but, i have noticed too that the students are quite quiet overall and don't ask alot of questions...

but, i think you will notice a huge difference once you're in grad school!! i graduated with a master's almost 23 yrs ago and i know at that time there was more of a mix in ages than there was in undergrad, so you very well may not feel such an age difference...and i too liked the age mix. plus, overall i think grad programs are much more dynamic than undergrad classes--many of the students have more experience, have worked at least some in the field, and discussions were awesome and inspiring lots of time! so, hang in there through the prereqs---grad school probably will have quite a different feel!

I got my BA at age 43. It took me six years to complete, going part time while also working part time. In addition, I also had my youngest son still at home. How did I ever do that??

I found that the kids (and at age 18 - 21, they were kids!), were just great. Once they discovered that I took great notes, never missed class and paid attention, they loved me! I was a good resource for them. Usually I would find at least one other non-traditional student and buddy up with that person.

I never felt comfortable enough to monopolize a class. I still hated being called on! However, since I knew most of the answers, I made an effort not to always be the one waving my hand in the air.

Of course I was living in my own home, not a dorm so I really didn't care if I was different. I went to class, did my work and went home to my other life. In some ways it was easier for me to study because I wasn't tempted by that crazy college social life, which is what did me in when I went to college right out of high school.

I wish I had gone on for a Master's, but I was pretty burned out by the time I got my Bachelor's.

When I went for my Masters In Social Work at 26, the program had many much older students. I became friends with a woman over 20 years older. It didn't occur to me not to!
Everyone has given you good advise. Interesting that the students are now quieter. Is it because of the new technology, that they can easily et the answers on their own later? Hopefully you will get to experience more interactive classes as time goes on.
Congratulations!

Congrats on going back for Urban Planning!

I'm a college professor, just lowly Asst Prof here, and, of course, we love all our non-traditional students. They do very well with the other students because everyone has their own perspective. We also have smaller class sizes (30 would be the most), so that helps because they all get to know each other pretty well.

It's definitely a skill to get them to open up in class. Some topics lend themselves more to discussion, of course.

I meant to add that there will be moments when you do feel your age. I remember feeling absolutely ancient when no one in my class understood a reference to the show MASH, and on another occasion, when I had to Google a slang term a classmate used because I didn't know what it meant. But often it comes from professors, who will make comments during class like, "You're all too young to remember . . . ." If it happens once or twice, I let it go, but if a prof continued, I'd discuss it with him/her privately. It makes those of us who are older feel invisible.

And please don't feel like you have to be totally silent. In some of my classes, professors will "bump" end of year grades up a notch (e.g. from an A- to an A) for meaningful class participation. Don't know if that happens in your program, but if it does, take advantage of it. Just find a balance between participating and monopolizing.

Non-trads are generally great students because they truly want to be in school and are used to multi-tasking. On the other hand, it can be tough because you do have a life outside of school. I often wish I'd done this when I were younger and had the freedom to relocate and be totally immersed in school. But then I think that perhaps it was meant to happen now.

What's really odd is feeling like you're in a totally different place from other people the same age. But at the same time, it's amazing doing something that many wouldn't think of doing.

Another three cheers for you going back to school at this stage of life!

I'm finishing up my master's right now, at age 45. I was in grad school (different program) when I was 22, too, so I've seen that age difference from both ends.When I was young I was very friendly with two of the women in my program who were in their 40's, so maybe that made it easier for me to see myself in that role.

I don't feel self-conscious about it. I feel sympathy for the youngsters who are so concerned about boyfriends, planning weddings, trying to figure out when to have kids, etc. that I never have to think about again :)

I do have anxiety about finding a job competing against younger applicants with the same degree, but that is another subject.

Oh, and I am bitterly jealous of their hair. When I was 22 I wore a buzz cut--such a cool punk rocker-- and these girls all have long beautiful hair. It's like a casting call for a shampoo commercial.

Oh, you all have such smart advice! It is very helpful to hear everyone's later-in-life school experiences. I am going to print out everyone's comments and mull them over.

leafy02, I do wonder how I'll ever compete against much younger people in the work force. The only advantage I might have is 20+ years of experience in communications. I guess melding my "old" field with this new interest might be the way. There is lots of communication in urban planning.

I'm trying to not obsess over the career prospects but one way of looking at it is that within 10 years after graduating with my B.A. I started a family and went into what I call the Mommy lockdown years. So I had about a decade to capitalize on my undergraduate education. Over the past 20 years at home with kids, I worked on and off but didn't do anything too impressive. Well barring any serious health or family problems, I think I'll get more than 10 years of professional usage out of this degree.

Maybe that's a weird way of looking at it.

Judith - you are studying urban planning? A very fine field. DS2 is a planner. Did his B.Sc. in geography, with some math, physics and econ. Was hired as an intern for the city, went on to an M.Sc. in planning, with some architecture and environmental studies. He enjoys the actual work he does, although finds the bureaucracy very frustrating. He is also - as you noted - an introvert, with a love for technical details and working by himself in design - similar to an engineer, which my first DH, his dad, was. There is a lot of satisfaction, though, in facilitating change for the better while respecting the heritage of the past.

I understand your concerns about future employment. Think, though, about the positives you'll bring - stability and a proven sense of responsibility and reliability. Meanwhile you can work on your network - of those with whom you've already worked (as a volunteer?) and the new people, especially the profs, whom you'll meet in school. Be genuinely friendly with them, and be meticulous in the work you hand in, going the extra mile on assignments if you have the time. What you do on paper and the computer matters. This is not "b.s.ing", it's showing what you can do.

sable_ca, It's called Community and Regional Planning but yes, it's urban planning. It will take a couple years to complete. Your DS if right, planning and change do proceed at a glacier's pace due partly to bureacracy. Decisions involve many different groups with overlapping authority. My fav subject is land-use and local zoning but it's a really broad and eclectic field so it's hard to say where I'll find myself perched.