Interesting thoughts. . . . in our household, I do the laundry although hubby will iron. I also do the cooking. I don't mind because I do those things better just like he does a better job at mowing the yard, maintaining the vehicles, general maintenance and repairs, etc. As for cleaning the house, we both do that. We both take care of the pup's needs. We like to do things for ourselves rather than hire things out. My hubby is very handy and somewhat of a perfectionist, so most things he actually does as good or better a job than someone we would hire. I, too, am somewhat particular about how things are done around the house and I really don't care to have someone going through our things. Luckily our parents taught all 3 of us (2 girls, 1 boy) how to cook, do laundry, etc.

I'll ditto what HH said - our division works for us. I don't see it as sexist.

MagdalenaLee, is it that your DS is in that young-adult "I don't care about superficial things" stage? My DH was like that initially prior to starting his career. Once he began working in a professional environment, he had to care more about his appearance, and things changed. Shirts were ironed, shoes were polished, and so on.

But work environments are generally more casual today...

I do the laundry, no big deal, one of the easiest chores I find, with todays washers and dryers. lf we were going back to the olden days of hand washing or even washing machines with wringers, both of us would be doing it!

Lol, Beagles, your DH must be very modest to pass up the opportunity to have it done by someone else.

Sugar-Plum: interesting reply! Your kids clearly know who will do the best job :-)

Lazygardens, good for you to teach those young men how to do laundry and iron.

We are lucky to have our laundry done as well, mtn, and its also the last thing I would give up. I do find myself doing laundry generated by sick dogs, guests (towels used once) and other situations, but usually no clothing. Our kids are all terrible at laundry. I taught them, HK taught them, and two out of three iron for themselves. One doesn't care at all how he looks and the one easily able to afford drycleaning is too stingy to pay for it!

Hhireno....MILs....btdt!

"....isn't exactly the labor intensive chore it was in days before appliances." Too true, funnygirl, but it is one of those relentless chores that is never really done. And if not kept up with, can easily ruin two days in a row. Agree that younger children can be taught to help with laundry, although none of mine can fold worth a damn!

Ken, one of life's greatest moments is getting into a bed of clean, freshly ironed sheets! Logical consequences does teach the best lessons, I agree.

Bbstx, I wear a lot of linen as well. Our HK has ironing down to a fine art. I like having her do it because the buttons are not pressed.... that thingie they use at the dry cleaners' really weakens buttons and sometimes they just fall apart.

rgps, that is hilarious! I know someone whose mother used to drive up to visit him at college (a two hour drive) for the sole purpose of doing his laundry. That is crazy....no one else's mother did that, he finally twigged that it was socially unacceptable, lol.

Annied and rgps, lol....one businesswoman told me never to admit I could type....same principle. And I'm with dbarron, I would rather be whipped than unload the dishwasher! I timed it once and it took less than five minutes, but for some reason I still hate it.

" If he's uncertain about a piece of my clothing, he doesn't wash it and saves it for me to do." That's the key to success for anyone, paid or not, doing another person's laundry!!

Tishtosh, the solution to that problem is to buy more underwear :-) Good for you to "pay" your older child in computer time to help his younger sibs!

Lynn, I was never taught to do any of that stuff and had to figure it out as an adult as well. None of our kids is very domestic; I don't know how their household chores will be divided if they are ever married.

Amj0517, I had to laugh at your wondering how at sahm would let her husband leave the house looking that way, it's easy to judge until you're the one with too many things to do and not enough hands to do them! BTDT, too.

Suero, good for you and gibby, your story sounds very familiar, husband willing but results don't warrant delegating that task to him. Magda, I used to have a sign with laundry instructions on it taped to the washing machine. Our kids had their laundry done for them, but when they needed/wanted something out of sync with the laundry schedule they did it themselves. One child completely ignored the instructions and could turn a white garment into a gray one without even trying.

TinaM, people do usually gravitate towards the chores they like better or are better at than their partner.

Whether or not it's sexist..... just as an interesting note, of the 21 unique female replies posted by GWers who mentioned spouses or significant others: although many men do their own laundry, only 4, or 19%, do their spouse's laundry. Men ironing (only that, no laundry) for their female spouse is only 2, or less than one percent. Not a large enough sample from which to draw conclusions, obviously, but interesting nonetheless!

Interesting topic, so many variations of this daily chore in our households!

We are a household of 3 now: husband, adult daughter and me. Each of us does our own personal laundry and my husband does all the household laundry (towels, bed linens etc). Well, my daughter and I will do our bedding but if we leave it in front of the machine for any length of time, husband bundles it into the wash pretty quickly.

He can't fold fitted sheets but otherwise, he takes care of all of the laundry needs.

I iron my own clothes, he doesn't have anything he wears that needs ironing and my daughter does her thing too.

Works for all of us. I will add that when my kids were young I did laundry for the household--can remember my schedule clearly: Wednesdays (it was early dismissal day at school so more time in afternoon) and Sundays. I don't miss all that folding and putting away, that's for sure!

MagdalenaLee----I have one of those too!

DS (26) generally looks decent for work, but his undershirts are all dingy gray.....Me: You could throw a little bleach in when you wash your undershirts...Him: No one sees my undershirts so why does it matter? He throws everything in together. Not sure if he ever irons.

I can't even begin to describe the condition of his college apartment! He's such a slob and I always say: How can you be like that? You were raised in a clean home with clean clothes! I even used to have to tell him to please go shower! Boys! (Although DD's room was a mess when she was a teenager...I think she keeps her own apartment looking decent).

Mag and Joanie, there is hope for your DSs. I really think they will eventually fall in line, like our DS did. Our son was not a slob in his appearance. Far from it. But his room at home left a lot to be desired, and when he went to college there were other things that were more important than housekeeping. It was bad.

He and his buddy started a part-time lawn service, which kept them busy but also provided a pretty lucrative income, especially in the summer. He definitely didn't need to tap into the bank of Dad and Mom very often for spending cash as a result. But instead of washing socks grimy from grass, he would just go buy a new 12-pack. Once he married, it was a different story. Even with 3 kids and all the chaos that brings, their house looks great.

I do the laundry. I love the smell of the laundry room (now that I don't have kids in sports anymore). Fresh scents of newly dried towels and starch on white collars. Almost everything hangs up when almost dry- It's not onerous to me at all, except when I have a full house of guests using extra towels, sheets, etc.
As far as gender-divided duties go, I find that some of the traditional Western categories suit our lifestyle very well. When I worked full time, he did a lot more in the housework category- so, I think flexibility on both sides is key to sharing a workload.

I do the laundry at our house. My husband can do it, but I've asked him not to. You know that saying about knowing the rules before you can break them? My husband has a tenuous grasp on the rules of doing laundry well, so when they need to be broken, which is often, he doesn't do that very successfully.

Additionally, since he isn't the kids' primary caregiver, he doesn't have the same intimate knowledge of their daily routines and their wardrobes that I have. He doesn't know who came home with marker on her skirt, or which clothing is new and whether or not we can trust it be colorfast, or who forgot to wear deodorant on PE day and now has a super stinky shirt, or who has been carrying around a lip balm and has probably left it in the pocket of her jeans.

Frankly, it's just better if I do it.

Edit to add: I don't iron or steam anything, so my husband does steam his own clothes if he wants them wrinkle-free.

This post was edited by TheRedHouse on Wed, Sep 17, 14 at 15:22

RedHouse: so, so true that the day-to-day caregiver just knows what and when to look for those kinds of things! I was nodding my head and chuckling as I read your post.
Lynn

I do most of it. Dh does his own work clothes, he doesn't trust me (I'm ok with that!)
He prefers steaming but I usually iron my things. I have an ironing board set up permanently in the master closet.
But it's the dog and dad who produce a tremendous amount of dirty laundry.

This post was edited by Bumblebeez on Wed, Sep 17, 14 at 18:20

LOL -- the marker, the lipbalm etc etc.

Those kinds of details are the things that make Mom #1 at all household chores (luckily or not). But, if you have the same help for many years (12 years before we moved), and they are really in tuned to your family, they catch all of that, and sometimes things you don't even think of. And when they don't, and something does get ruined, I tend to think my "freedom" was worth the loss (except for the time they threw away my wedding bouquet - the 'right' wedding - no doubt thinking the dusty dead thing in a vase on top of a bookcase was trash ... sigh)

Chief of everything, laundry being one of the easiest.

With the exception of underwear and towels, everything is taken to the cleaners by either him or me. I do the underwear and towels. It's not about gender. I happen to like to do it and it only takes a few minutes.

lynneofnewmexico, my early life was much like yours except my parents were children of the depression. Even though we had help, they "tried" to teach us to take care of ourselves. I was too busy to pay attention and got my wake up call the first week living away at college (all of 5 miles from home). I still can't cook! (I also lived by myself until my late 50's).

I probably do about 70 percent of laundry, but only b/c DH travels so much for work. The kids wouldn't have clean clothes if I left it to him! Overall the house work split is probably just about 50/50, plus we have regular cleaning help.

DH does all the ironing though, I never, never iron.

My sons, now 15 and 13, have been doing their own laundry for four years. When they were 9 and 11 I explained it wasnt rocket science, etc...
On the cons side(maybe) I have had to learn to not care if the clothes in their drawers is not folded 'my way'. We lose shirts to stains that get deeply set in.
On the plus side, I revel in the pride they take ensuring that white football pants are pristine for game days, that they co-operate in supporting each others laundry needs,and that they say, "Mom I am doing a load of whites do you have anything." Honestly, my heart goes pit-a-pat.
My DH is not allowed near my laundry we have separate baskets. he does his. I do mine.
My 'mommy' is coming for her annual visit in a few weeks-she adores doing laundry, and I am excited that someone will wash, dry, fold my clothes for me!! And, I have a huge mending pile for her as well. Gosh, I love my mom!!!!

I had a friend whose husband was a total jerk. They were both professionals who worked at challenging jobs. However, he expected her to do all the domestic chores. Finally, one day she told him he was going to do his own laundry. Being the jerk he was, he sent it all out to be dry cleaned. She said the bill was a choker, but she laughed and laughed at the sight of his tighty-whiteys hung from coat hangers.

My husband and I each do our own laundry. I don't like my clothes shrunken by being dried on high heat so that works for me. If I am doing a not quite full load, I'll ask him if there is anything he want to throw in.

My father is 76 years old, has been legally blind since age 15. HE does his own laundry. Doesn't buy clothes that are hard to wash, and only white or black socks LOL.

Growing up, brother and I had to do our own laundry from about 4th or 5 grade on. I thought that is how everyone grew up.

I did the same things with my kids. You have to just let them do it. Shout Color Catcher Sheets are amazing. You can use one and wash whites and colors together. Saves on doing 2 loads.

Now kids are on their own. DH does his, I do mine. We share the sheets and towels. DH starting using the wrinkle free dress shirts about 5 years ago. Those things are brilliant. Saves a ton of money since we used to send out the dress shirts to the cleaners, as DH wears shirt and tie at work.

I have a friend whose brilliant son was at college in Pre Med. She was worried sick that he wouldn't be able to do his laundry. Pa-Lease!!!!! He's a literal genius. He can read directions. Nope. She let him pay to have it sent out. Not because his time was too valuable to do the laundry (which I would actually consider valid, given the cost of tuition, etc.) but because it stressed her out so much that he couldn't do it.

When it comes to ironing, DH does his on a regular basis and has his ironed clothes at the ready. Me, I put clothes away un ironed and will press them before I wear them as I figure they'll get wrinkled in the closet or drawers anyway.

I was a SAHM for many years, and did the family laundry. Our housekeeper did the towels and bedding, and still does. Once the kids were about middle school age, I taught them to do their own laundry and they became responsible for it. So, my sons as well as my daughter know how to do laundry. They are all young adults now.

I now work outside the home and DH does all of our laundry except the towels and bedding. He also grocery shops, does all heavy yard work, pays the bills, and helps with the cooking. I love it.

I hate doing laundry... Except I love laundry done right. I grew up overseas with servants to do the household chores and then went to a boarding school with no laundry service. I learned pretty quickly but I think I must have become a little nuts about it. I have different detergents for different types of fabrics and I even have a front loader and a top loader. I do all our laundry, but not our grown kids' laundry--I taught them all. My husband does his own laundry when he travels and can do laundry when he's home but tends to do other things around the house.

Funny, my father teasingly called me "a dreadful wife" when he found out I didn't iron my husband's shirts, but when he and my mom retired, he did all the laundry! Of course, he loved everything ironed, so he got himself a mangle. And he had just put on his freshly ironed shirt and pants before he collapsed from his final chemo treatment.

My kids say my tombstone will read, "She's finally done the laundry"!

Is laundry one of the last sexist hurdles? Not so much here. We each do our own clothes and DH does most of the rest.
How about cleaning the bathroom? DH will swish a brush around (without any sort of cleaning product) in the toilet bowl. But clean the rest of the bathroom (or the rest of the toilet for that matter)? Doesn't even occur to him that it needs to be done.

that would work for me, texajana! I would iron my husband's shirt if we had to go to a wedding or something, and he was otherwise busy....thankfully that happens like once every ten years. We are both able to dress casually for our daily lives ,THANK GOD. How did people ever live through the "Mad Men" days. Guys used to wear suits at baseball games!

oh good lord, I do not think my husband would have any idea how to clean the toilet. But I am actually strangely elated that I am not the only woman that does her own laundry and NOT her husband's/partner's... My husband also will launder towels, sheets, and it's totally his job to give the dogs baths.

We have machines that do the laundry. We both put stuff in and take it out and that happens every day so it doesn't really accumulate. We iron our own stuff as needed or iron for each other if one of us is ironing and we both need something ironed.

It really seems like a non-chore that people over-complicate to me. The people I know who really hate laundry will let it accumulate for Weeks, and then of course it's a PITA. Same with people who hate doing dishes because they let dirty dishes pile up. If you just clean it when it gets dirty it's almost as effortless as breathing. And I work a full time job and have a couple part time jobs and waste a lot of time on here, so it's not like I am a compulsive chore-doer with plenty of time on my hands.

We both do it. He does his work shirts and undershirts. Van Heusen wrinkle free really work great if you take them out of the dryer immediately.

We will often wash dark clothes together, but I have to be around to take out my stuff that doesn't go in the dryer. Otherwise, I will just leave him stuff that can go in the dryer.

Towels either one of us will do. Bedding usually me.

He will do the bathrooms. I vacuum.

I had an former boyfriend in the 90's who was an amazing ironer, so he ironed everything.

I usually do all the laundry at my house. Currently, I'm a SAHM, so it's fine, although I detest folding socks! (When I worked DH helped out more, he can do it, just usually doesn't.) At his previous job everything had to be pressed. I usually did it, but only on one condition. I had to have a chilled bottle of Asti ready to go. I actually began to look forward to Sunday afternoons, retreating to my room by myself, listening to music, sipping Asti, and ironing his weeks clothing. Pop open some Asti and ironing's not all that bad!

Nowadays, DH works from home and only needs clothes ironed when he travels, which he does himself at the hotel, I offer but he says they just get re-wrinkled in the suitcase. Works for me!

I recall my SIL (who worked full time out of the house) telling me that each of her teenage sons did his own laundry, which stuck with me as a brilliant idea. So, I took a lesson from her and have had my teenagers do their own laundry for years. I planned a laundry room near their bedrooms in our new house strictly for their use. I don't enter it. It has an iron and ironing board, too.

Our housekeeper does our household laundry as well as most personal laundry for DH and I, but he or I will start a load ourselves now and then and typically line dry most garments.

Sometimes I treat my kids to surprise laundry service by the housekeeper, but only as an incentive for them to keep working hard so they might be able to choose that luxury for themselves in the future. It most certainly is a luxury, and I wanted them to understand that. Our daughter is away at college now, but really, our kids have had so few household chores during their teen years. Laundry is a great task for both of them. We have an exchange student living with us for the school year, and he also does his own laundry, which is a new experience for him.

Pal,
It's not a chore for 2 adults. It is a chore for a young family. Each of my kids wears four outfits a day. A school uniform, a sports uniform, something to hang out in at home after school, and pajamas. It really adds up. Especially if you add in searching for stains, treating them, emptying pockets, looking for mending, etc. Then folding and putting away in a far flung corners of the house.

Interesting video I just saw on my fb newsfeed:

Here is a link that might be useful: Study Shows That When Dads Do 'Women's Work' Around The House, Daughters Choose Better Careers

I'm not working, so I do most of the laundry, but my husband will do a load when he needs something washed right away, and when I'm out of town he has no problem doing the laundry. He has always done his own ironing, since we were first married and I put more creases in his dress shirt than were there originally. He is much pickier about wrinkled clothes than I am and irons before work every day. I don't mind ironing occasionally, but I usually throw stuff back in the dryer to get the wrinkles out instead of ironing if I can get away with it.

As far as my kids go, I was a SAHM for years and went to work when my daughter was 13 and my son was 11. When summer break started I told them that they were in charge of their own laundry for the summer. When school started again in the fall I offered to take over their laundry again, but they insisted on doing it themselves. They liked knowing exactly where their clothes were in the cycle of clean to dirty to clean.

My son now is the pickiest at his laundry. He separates everything into different loads and washes many of his clothes on "delicate" and hangs them to dry.

Yes, Mtn, my kids go through 2-3x the clothes that I do. There are also more sheets and towels to launder, as well.

Jujubean, interesting link! There were many conventional roles in my family when I was younger, but I can recall all the men (my father, grandfathers, uncles and brothers) doing domestic chores. I think many women-men/mothers-fathers fall into certain roles out of convenience and preference as needed, as we've noted in this thread. But overall, many families have had roles that overlapped because a productive family requires everyone contribute,

When our kids were at home, I usually did the laundry, mainly because it gave me some time on my own! They always put away their own things. They were also all taught how to do it themselves, so as they got older, if they needed something they did it themselves.

I've always had many hampers in the laundry room for each type of laundry-grubby (work) clothes, nicer or delicates, linens, whites, and towels. Everyone brought their laundry basket or the hampers from the bathrooms and sorted clothes into the hampers. That way if there was a pair of jeans or a sports uniform that needed washed, they could pull out corresponding things from the hampers to make a full load.

I primarily did linens and delicates-we seldom have clothing that needs ironing, but if we do, I do it. I LOVE to iron!

Now that the kids are gone, we still have the same system-but DH does a lot more laundry since he works from home. He also does all the throw rugs-he's obsessed with washing them frequently.

Both my DD's share household chores with their husbands, including laundry. Our kids were raised that there were no gender specific chores-everyone had to do dishes, empty garbage, mow lawns and scrub bathrooms. My stepson once griped that washing dishes was a girls job and my DD's nearly came unglued!

My son taught his girlfriend how to sew a ripped seam and my DD taught her boyfriend how to change the spark plugs on his car!

With DH and I, we have preferred chores-he does cat boxes and I take care of the dishwasher. We both grocery shop and cook (but I'm better than him at cooking). Yard work, hot tub maintenance, or washing windows-interchangeable. Some things he does-like get on the roof and haul the garbage cans to the curb, but only because I can't do those things anymore. He agrees that since we BOTH contribute to the messes, we both need to be responsible for taking care of them.

Great link, Jujubean! Now I wish someone would do a study on how kids turn out with parents who do very little domestic work.

Our children did not do much in the way of chores growing up. They made their beds in the morning and when they were a bit older they did clear up after dinner, putting dishes in dishwasher and wiping off counters and the table. They knew how to do laundry because of the taped instructions on the machines, but they did it when they needed something turned around ahead of schedule. They went to fairly rigorous schools and were each involved in a sport or activity that took up a great deal of time. And to be honest, I was happier to see them them reading a book than folding laundry. As a result of this, they are not sexist but they are all very, very untidy. In their mid twenties, two have already hired cleaners for their apts. If left up to them the work would not get done. However, I don't think it is because they don't know how to clean, or don't like living in a clean home. They just don't place a high enough value on it that they would give up some other activity. It's baffling to me, because although I never cleaned at thing at home as a kid, I learned to do it for myself when I had to.

DH did little or no work of any kind at home, inside or out, but his hours also made that all but impossible. He did the occasional grocery run, usually with a happy child in tow who knew that Count Chocula or some other banned foodstuff would be the result of the outing. He played tennis with them and again I felt that was time better spent than in domestic labor.

There was far less maintenance when we lived in an apartment in Manhattan as we were renters, and I still sometimes think of how easy it was to call the management office to send someone up to fix something. I once called down to the lobby in a panic when our Thanksgiving turkey caught on fire in the oven and the doorman came up with a fire extinguisher and put it out! I was happier with a smaller place with fewer responsibilities, but as we moved it was always to larger homes that seemed like time sucking black holes.

Kswl,
Your stories about making better use of time reminded me of a family expression about hiring someone else to do one of our tasks: it's not one of my core competencies so I outsourced it.

"DH did little or no work of any kind at home, inside or out, but his hours also made that all but impossible. He did the occasional grocery run, usually with a happy child in tow who knew that Count Chocula or some other banned foodstuff would be the result of the outing. He played tennis with them and again I felt that was time better spent than in domestic labor."

Kswl, unfortunately it sounds like there's your answer as to why your kids aren't inclined to do household chores...they are following dad's example not mom's.

If their role model was daddy who wasn't around much and didn't have to do any of the boring not-fun chores, and the exception was going occasionally to the grocery store to buy junk food or going out to play it's really not surprising how their views evolved.

Ann

KSWL, You are absolutely right. I don't mean to sound flippant about the considerable costs involved, but it isn't just cost because many people who can afford all sorts of help do not hire out. We got in the habit of subcontracting as many chores as we could when we both worked, and when we retired my first inclination was to pull back on that. Then I thought about it, and I was like, wait, I gave up interesting rewarding work to stay home and do laundry and wash floors? No, I didn't. So we continue to have cleaning help, gardening help and a woman who helps with kid logistics, as well as cooking for us 4nts and grocery shopping. It's costly. But it gives us such precious leisure time. DH and I are both involved in our own clubs and charities and avocations and very involved in our kid's schools, and we serve on boards, etc. I still have a hand in my career. We might spend an hour or two on a sunny day on the dock fishing. A lot of that would not be possible if we did not have so much help. Not only that, but professionals do a better job that I would, and I appreciate that.

OTOH, I do wonder about the impact on my kids. We give them token chores and they know how to do some things. Neither DH nor I grew up with any help at all, and in graduate school I cleaned offices for a time, and DH has cleaning cred as well (he did janitorial work to save up for his first car). They all seem interested in working, but nowadays kids' summer schedules are filled with so many "resume builders", you have to kick something aside to find time for them to have a job. Still, I hope that when they are old enough they find a job with some physical labor; I think that can be a very important experience.

My husband, step-son (who lived with us full time until going to college this month) and I all do our own laundry, including any ironing. Step-son has done his own since he was 10. Doing it ourselves means that everything is done just how we want it done.

Growing up, my mom did all the laundry for a family of 7 kids. I didn't know how to do it myself until I went to college. My mom had to give me a crash course and even gave me some pre-measured and individually bagged scoops of powdered laundry detergent to take to college - crazy woman!

That's true, Ann, but it is also true that he wasn't their only role model. He didn't, and doesn't, cook, and when they were very young, I did most of that. Now two of three are fairly good cooks! And we did not consider tennis play, but exercise, which we as parents place a higher value on than housekeeping. I would still have thought that just the experience of growing up in a clean house would count for something, though, and they would want that for themselves. When their rooms were really awful they would have to tidy them before I would allow the Hk in.

Mtn, my DD was very keen to work and and we allowed her to get a job as a bagger at a grocery store for about six months when she was a freshman in high school (before she went away to boarding school). She was fifteen and could only work a few hours per week on a special permit. She couldn't drive, so I was picking her up from school and driving her to the job. Then in December of that year she qualified for a world competition and had to train many extra hours a week, so she quit the job. It was an interesting and valuable experience for her, but she is a highly motivated individual regardless of that experience. Without our knowledge in college she paid $150 of her own money to become certified in life guarding by Ellis and Associates, a credential required for university aquatic centers, and started working 10 hours per week. She did not need the money but wanted the experience, and by the time she graduated she was a head lifeguard.

Our youngest child wanted to get a job in the summer when he was a teen, but our local economy was so bad at the time we did not want him to take a job away from a youth who truly needed the money and he volunteered instead.

The summer job situation can be trickier than it appears to people outside the family.

DH and I married when he was 50 and I was 38. He had been married before and was the custodial parent for his two boys. He taught himself to cook (ex-wife was a great cook) and is an especially good baker (I have a few extra pounds to prove it!) We both do the laundry, he does the grocery shopping and cooking. I do the lion's share of the cleaning and maintenance. It works for us!

Once I was reading a book, and I truly wish I could remember which it was, where the author noted in a country in South America, the culture felt that if you could afford to pay someone to do something, you should. Doing so spread the wealth and gave someone meaningful employment and the opportunity to take care of their own. This runs very counter to our everybody is middle-class, DIY culture but it is something I try to remember. I do not have the means to hire out housework and no desire to let anybody else in my garden, but there are times when I have to ask myself if i am depriving somebody else of a chance to support themselves. All that to say I think it is great that those have the means give somebody else the opportunity.

I actually also remembered that there was a time I would try ironing DH's clothes for the week. I got all 5 shirts done and some khakis. At some point in the week I was woken up to the sound of the ironing borad being pulled out. He did not want to wear what was ironed so I decided that he could choose his own clothes and iron them too.

"It's not one of my core competencies so I outsourced it."
Hhireno, I'm definitely going to be using that!

My DH has one of those jobs that never really stops.
Then, there's all the stuff he takes care of at home.
When I started listing it, it sounded unbelievable and impossible.
Now I realize he may be an alien; no human could do what he does.

It would be ridiculous for him to be responsible for laundry or cooking.
For us, it has nothing to do with sexism, and everything to do with expediency, efficiency, and common sense.

But he CAN cook and do laundry, and what little sewing/mending gets done around here, he does it.

I do the laundry and most of the cleaning and cooking.

"For us, it has nothing to do with sexism, and everything to do with expediency, efficiency, and common sense."
Same here.

Of course, our children will be taught and have certain responsibilities as they get older.

Oh, I know when there are more people and kids it's tougher. But I think it's mostly tougher if you iron. When I was growing up we had a cleaning lady who cleaned one day and ironed one day.

My dad wore, on average, 14 shirts a week. He carried 7 handkerchiefs. The shirts got starched and ironed, the hankies got ironed. The pillowcases got ironed. For a while the top sheets got ironed. At least one tablecloth a week got dampened and ironed. So did our school uniform shirts.

Between my dad and the three kids 29 shirts a week got ironed. My uniform pants got ironed.

If my dad took a shirt out of the closet and it had a wrinkle or mark on it he put it in the laundry without wearing it. I remember a big to-do because my mother threw out a shirt he liked, because it had been through the laundry four times and he had never actually worn it. It had a mark on it that wouldn't come out.

My mother did laundry, the cleaning lady did laundry, my mother ironed, the cleaning lady ironed. My sisters ironed, eventually I learned to iron. My mother also had a part time job and did a lot of volunteer work, so I remember a period of several years where the ironing board was up all the time and it was used practically every day. My mother ironed while she watched TV at night, she never sat down and watched TV.

My dad is 90 and still wears ironed shirts. His neighbor does it for him.

If most of my parents clothes had not been dry clean only, we probably would have had to hire a laundress. Hauling all this stuff back and forth to the dry cleaners was another ordeal.

This is such an interesting thread. Laundry is such a personal thing, but it is rarely discussed I think. I often say you never know what happens in a marriage and this is one example that sticks out.

DH and I both do laundry depending on schedule. I do my "dressier" work clothes and handle the dry cleaning. I do 90% of the ironing because it is mine. He will iron his own things should they need it. I tried to make the kids do their own laundry but my OCD about the whole thing was causing me more stress than it did to just do it all. We're all tall, (and the older generation overweight) so we hang a LOT of our laundry to dry. I do a load every day. We hang and fold it as often as schedules will allow. DD said she had to teach lots of kids how to do laundry when she went to college,and she does her own now in her new apartment, but boy, it wasn't a priority when she was here. This weekend DH and I are going to Martha's Vineyard for several days and leaving DS alone. I'm wondering what will happen with his laundry when we're gone. My guess is he does it all and well. :)

Chore-wise we try to help each other in every department. He's better at outside chopping etc duties. We usually hire someone to rake just in the fall. We hired someone to mow the lawn, and he and DS do the fertilizing. He takes care of the pool, but I help when needed. So far, we've been a pretty good team, but I think a little more professional help is needed. Our yard took a hard hit this year because we were both way too busy to keep up with the weeding and planting. We have a full acre of lawn, and lots of beds that need tending. Next year we're hoping to hire someone for about 20 hours or so to help with yard stuff and painting around the house. Mostly once DS goes to college, DH wants to downsize, moving to NH and renting here on Cape Cod in the Summer. He keeps waving "we could do a Summer on the Vineyard, a Summer in PTown..." sort of things in front of me. We shall see....

Beth

One thing I am particularly struck by, and which is so nice .... We all have different approaches, but everybody seems happy with and appreciative of their spouses.

It's just kind of refreshing to see that , when in popular culture it's always so common to depict the sexes as at battle and spouses as disgruntled.

Cheers to all the nice DH's and DWs we've snagged.

Nevermind.

This post was edited by peony4 on Thu, Sep 18, 14 at 23:14

Laundry has always been something we both did on the weekend whilst completing our other tasks (kitchen, dusting, vacuuming, sweeping for me; bathrooms, mopping for DH). But now DH is working from home with the washer and dryer one door away from his office. It's super easy for him to just run the laundry during a weekday so we're not bogged down on the weekend. He's not big on folding, though. He'll get everything out of the dryer and lay it flat in piles and then I'll fold that night. It seems to work out great.

As for ironing, he used to do all his own ironing when he had an office job. Now that he works from home it's a t-shirt, cargo shorts and sandals -- not much call for ironing!

DH does the laundry, and puts away his own.

I fold the linens and put them away, as well as my own things.

His whole family used to do the laundry together, so he was well prepared for marriage!

IMO when men do not want to help out, they either pretend to be ignorant of how, or bungle the job horribly so they will be excused in the future.

The only cure for that is a no-excuse policy, and a credit card THEY will have to pay off to purchase replacement clothing for the mess-ups.