You are right.

I have to admit, though (and I am not kidding), that I skimmed that, but I got the gist of it.

It does occur to me how crazy that is. : )

Annie,

I came across that story last spring (here maybe?) and pasted the saying above my desk in my classroom. Right next to it is one that says something like, "it's not how much you do, but how you do it."

I had to take it down when they painted my classroom and I just found it this weekend and put it back up. I'm glad you posted this again. It really helped me to change (a little bit anyways) the rush rush I had been getting accustomed to and I hope others seeing it can also realize "busy busy fast fast" isn't always the best way to get things done and give themselves permission to smell the roses.

I have a theory, completely unsupported by science afaik, that smart phones have been a contributing factor to the rapid increase in ADD and ADHD diagnoses. We train our brains when we pursue repeated activities. So our constant barrage of distractions is training our brains that concentrating on a single activity is insufficient and it becomes uncomfortable.

I was with GF's daughter for a bit and she left her phone on the table. It pinged about once or twice a minute. How can anyone get anything done with that kind of interruption?

So true. I feel like I've been on a rat wheel for months....busy. Always busy yet I feel like not a lot gets accomplished. Always rushing. I hate that feeling. Some things I've been meaning to get to still sit untouched. I had what I call 'final thing' tonight and once that's totally wrapped up, I'm done scheduling. I need a break and I need to manage my time better. My days run into each other and I've been neglecting to spend the quality time where it needs to be.

The whole world is that way and it does create an ADD environment. I read a couple years ago that all this multi-tasking employers seek is actually less productive. No surprise here.

This reminds me of something surprising my husband said to me on a recent vacation. We were driving in unfamiliar surroundings (southern France), trying to get from point A to point B. He said "We have time to get lost".

Not so goal-oriented, just enjoy the journey. A great concept.

As the John Lennon songs says, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

seagrass, I just copied your husband's quote on a post- it.

Good topic, Annie.

Right now my house is tore up. Replacing windows, new Sheetrock in the family room (taping, texturing, sanding, oh my!). We are selling a trailer and motorcycle (people are coming to look and we actually have a couple serious offers).

I am researching Health insurance for our business in order to notify and meet the Oct. 1 deadline. My meeting with our Health Insurance agent was fruitless on Friday so I'm taking each employees insurance policy and comparing them to offerings in the Market Place. I'm leaning toward letting go of our group plan as I think we can get far better insurance for the same money in the Market Place. Its interesting. Though not eligible for subsidy, for $22. more per month, I can have the Platnum plan. Goodbye $45. Co pay, 45% ownership of possible hospital bill; $2,000 deductible and generics only Rx. We are moving up in the world in Healthcare. Our employees might actually start caring for themselves.

Also important is choosing stain and finish for our new $1,600 Mahogany entry door that has arrived but not yet installed. (Another thing out of place.) We want to test stains before slapping it on the door. After looking all over town for a piece of Mahogany, we were sent 35 miles away to a store who specializes in hard woods. We purchased a piece of trim for $3.00 but it took us 25 minutes to remove the carseat so we could lay down the seat to accommodate the wood that was closest in color to our door...

Meanwhile there were at least 60 Turkey Vultures flying around below us. Robert counted them. Why were there so many and what were they doing? On the way to get the Mahogany sample, I read about Turkey Vultures to Robert as he drove. They are bald and urinate on themselves for good reason! We decided they were looking to roost there verses feed. On the way back, we planned our 30 year Anniversary get away. A redo of our honey moon. That is in two weeks.

My favorite sister is coming to town from Georgia tomorrow. The sisters are trying to get together. I'm sharing a car with Aimee temporarily and babysitting my great grandbaby two days a week. The only day that is good for the other sisters to meet is on one of my days with Spenser. He is so active that he can make all 12 kids at the park seem like slugs. I managed to trade days so I can actually visit.

I can easily live like this. I make time for my life even if not everything gets done. If the floor doesn't get vacuumed or dinner cooked, it is because we are doing something else. The important thing is not to stress and makmilage miserable. It's still important to read the paper and connect in a good way to everyone. ("can I make you a frozen waffle, honey?" LOL!)

Turkey Vultures is an interesting topic and I think Gel Stain has more possibilities than just my entry door. Need to pick up paint samples for the soon to be finished family room.

Meanwhile, I have to remember to check to make sure the painter removed the caulking he put around one section of the window trim so the bats living in the walls can come and go at will. After all, the bats have lived in my house longer than I have.

Had a great conversation with Derek, BTW. He is working and going to AA. He asked me to help his father locate another lost sibling. We talked about what it was like for him to be around his own DNA. Very interesting. We have a decent relationship with the help of distance. He says his "first Dad" is proud of him and brags about him being his second oldest son to everyone he meets. Maybe that is what Derek needs. It's impossible for me to do that.

Oh! Can't forget all those meetings I have been trying for me, regarding Derek.

I think the thing my Sandy and I have most in common is patience. Her life isn't easy at all with Daniel, her very sick son, who likely won't be around that many more years. We both know our limits and are OK living within them. Sometimes everything can not get done but the most important things will get done.

On another thread I repeated one of our family mottoes, "Slow down, we're in a hurry!" I believe it is important to do ones best to get things right the first time. Someone in an all-fired hurry to finish will make mistakes that cost both time and money to do over. Slowing down enough to get it right, rather than get it done, is not a popular attitude in a culture of "let's do this" and "get it done and move on." I hate both those phrases, they usually mean speed over accuracy!

I think children's television shows like Sesame Street bear a lot of blame for shortening kids' attention spans. Concepts and pictures and conversations are thrown at a child at a much faster rate than anything they would experience IRL.

(A patient aside to golddust...we used sikkens on our mahogany door as everyone said it was the best...it's a marine finish. It is wonderful and has held up so well to the weather, I wouldn't recommend anything else.)

Carry on...

This post was edited by AnnieDeighnaugh on Mon, Sep 30, 13 at 10:22

Annie, what brand and color is that beautiful door?

It has become a badge of honour to say "I'm just so busy".

I'm not busy, busy. I never bought into that. I do take the time to smell the roses. I no longer call friends for dinner or coffee because the reaction I get when I ask "how are you?" is "Well, I'm really busy". And my reaction has become "Well I won't keep you then."

I recognize that life goes in stages. Starting a career, starting a family, setting up a home - I have a bunch of nieces who are doing this and they are busy - but it's a real busy and not a pretend busy. I think many people portray a pretend busy because that is what is the in thing these days.

I don't know if that makes sense or not. Anyway - time for a coffee and the paper.

Seems everyone is "busy" on the phone talking and texting everywhere you go---car, grocery, work.

Along the lines of seagrass---DH and I were out and about a few weeks ago...no time frame....I chided him for making a wrong turn and he said "no big deal, it's an adventure."

Oh gosh I needed this thread. Shee - I so hear you! I am feeling the same way. I DON'T EVEN HAVE CHILDREN!!! But I have a 96 yr. old grandmother I'm responsible for and a widowed dad that sometimes needs my help. Of course my own home/family. WORK. Church. Activities. etc., etc., etc.

I am seriously thinking of retiring. There. I said it. Well at least I wrote it.

tina

(golddust, I'll meet you on the discussions side to talk about the door....)

I believe that for some people, being "busy" is an ego thing....that they are somehow less important if they are doing less than 14 things at a time...amassing things to do just as you can amass friends on facebook. I'm very busy = I matter. As someone once said, "Ever notice how busy people are never too busy to tell you how busy they are?"

But what is it they are afraid of? Are they pursuing all they are out of fear of not doing? Fear of losing value, purpose, love, meaning? Or are they doing because they know who they are, they don't need activities to define them and give themselves perceived value, and are doing them by choice?

Workaholism....using work as a distraction. Using work to make sure we don't have time to let who we are catch up with us....so we don't feel what we're feeling. As Gary Zukav said, the first step to solving addiction is to admit you have an addiction. The second is to stop using your addiction to avoid your feelings and feel what your feeling. Do your inner work.

I'm not saying that we aren't incredibly busy at some points in our lives, but at any point in time, of the 10 things to do on our plates, there are probably only 2 or 3 that really matter. Besides, we can realistically only do 1 thing at a time, maybe 2, but then neither is getting done well. Beyond that, it is our responsibility to keep what's important important, and keep our priorities straight.

I couldn't help myself the other day...we were at a stop light in the left lane...a woman in a car in the right lane was busy texting away, with her 2 kids in their car seats in the back. I couldn't help myself...I yelled at her out the window, "Lady, you have 2 kids in the car!" Which did she prefer? That she survived knowing that her texting killed her kids? Or that her kids grew up motherless? That is definitely an example of not keeping your priorities straight.

"I believe it is important to do ones best to get things right the first time. Someone in an all-fired hurry to finish will make mistakes that cost both time and money to do over. Slowing down enough to get it right, rather than get it done, is not a popular attitude in a culture of "let's do this" and "get it done and move on." I hate both those phrases, they usually mean speed over accuracy! "

kswl, this is so true. It has been so for a very, very long time, probably much worse now. There is always enough time to do things over but never enough time to get it right the "first" time. There is 80% re-work out there. I guess it keeps people "busy".

I really dislike how people are always so darn busy. Just too busy for the moment, for other people, to take time on things, because they are on to and thinking about the next thing, the next buck. It's terribly counter-productive and impersonal.

We really do live in an ADD society. It's kind of a sorry state of affairs and sad way of life.

This post was edited by snookums2 on Mon, Sep 30, 13 at 21:22

"Lady, you have 2 kids in the car!" - to follow up on that comment - yes, it's dangerous to be texting instead of driving, but not only that, why isn't she talking to her kids instead of texting?

I cringe when I see people pushing strollers and talking on their phones instead of talking to their kids. You can't put your phone down for 30 mins and interact with your kids? Nope, obviously you're too busy and too important to do that. (snarkiness intended)

Oh and full disclosure - I don't have a cell phone because I don;t want to be interrupted when I'm out and about. I know that I'm not that important that I can't be out of touch for a couple of hours.

I want to know what in the world they're talking about that they need to be connected at all times. Such a state of urgency.

I don't know what they're talking about most of the time, but I've been on enough airplanes and you can't help but overhear half the conversation, which typically runs something like:

"Yeah, we just landed...I have to get my luggage down...

"No, they haven't opened the door yet...

"They're starting to move up ahead. Hopefully I'll get down the aisle soon....

And other really crucial info like that.

"And other really crucial info like that."

LOL!

It's annoying when you're stuck on a train and someone is filling the space up with some cell phone conversation. Sometimes I see them walking through the grocery store all geared up with a headset and mic, looking like they are talking to themselves until you get closer.

I feel like I could have written a lot of what Annie and snookums , bl, joanie and kswl wrote...you took the words right out of my mouth !

joanie...love your DH...I have used that phrase SO many times the past couple decades. It first started on trail runs when my friend Mark and I would get "lost"..urh...well we didn't know where we were LOL ! We would look at each other and say " it's an adventure !". DH and I still do it to this day when we are hiking or on our bikes and "don't know where we are ". Gets a smile every time.

Annie...I have loved many of your posts but I must say I have never felt more kinship with you than at this very moment. Thank you for sharing your thoughts here in such a succinct and truthful way. They mirror mine.

bl...I have called out "put your phone down" a few times when on my bike and there is a near miss by a driver on their phone...whew...glad they didn't get me !

snookums and kswl..I couldn't agree more.

I don't regularly carry a cell phone with me. The kids think it is crazy ..."Mom why have one then if you are leaving it at home ???" . Well I don't need it ...only time I have it with me is when I am babysitting grandson....DIL insists and rightly so. We have no TV and have't had for years. We do listen to a limited amount of NPR in the AM. Other than that we are very disconnected and slow at our house.

I know folks like my DH's brother and his wife think we are old foagies. But we lead the life that gives us simple pleasures and helps us feel grounded and sane. When they come to visit they always criticize the less than "active " lifestyle we lead LOL. Well we ride round trip to the gym 3x a week , that's 22 miles and work out and we do all our own lawn care and ....boring :)

Fortunately we only have ourselves to please. I can't change anyone else but myself. I can show family members what I think is a helpful alternative to the way they are doing things but in the end it must be their choice.

This is a most special topic and close to my heart. Thank you Annie and all of you who voiced your opinions. c

I am a mean person, and every time I hear someone on the phone in a public ladies' room stall, I say quite loudly, "Could you pass some toilet paper, please?"

Just trying to do my bit to keep the cell phone out of at least ONE place :-) No one is that busy.

Sending you hugs TR!
:)

I used to work out a lot at the gym and always enjoyed talking to other people while there ... now no one talks to anyone ... they are all plugged into their ipods.

When my sister and adult nieces visited, they were texting constantly, even to each other in the house! Now that I think about it they were probably "texting behind our backs" i.e. making comments about my mother and me when we nagged them about their texting!

My pet peeve is people in newer nice cars who didn't get the hands free option or can't figure out how to use it. Holding a cell phone while driving is illegal in my state. Why wouldn't they get or use the hands free Bluetooth option?

Though handhelds are illegal in our state while driving, the evidence suggests that you are just as distracted with hands free. If I have to call someone who is driving at the time, or if someone calls me when I'm driving, I have them wait until I can safely pull to the side and stop before I start talking to them...that is if I answer the phone at all.

"I realized this week that I cannot do it all. So I will choose to do what I can, fabulously."

-- Clinton Kelly

Speaking of smart phones, why Louis CK won't let his kids have one....

Here is a link that might be useful: Louis CK on smart phones

Another short video comment on phones and being in the moment....

Here is a link that might be useful: I forgot my phone...

{{gwi:1521920}}

Annie - That should be a very large poster and hung at the front of all checkout stands where I do my grocery shopping. Talking on the phone while you're paying for your groceries and the clerk is trying to talk to you is just rude. The clerk has just rung through your groceries, packed them up, asked for your coupons and you couldn't be bothered to be polite and say thank-you because you're yakking on your phone.

It's tough to yak on your phone through self-checkout so why do it when a real person is trying to help you - talking about being rude.

My favorite blog.

Read a few of her selections.

You wont regret the time you use.

Here is a link that might be useful: Hands Free Mama

This post was edited by red_lover on Tue, Oct 1, 13 at 12:55

One of my favorites.

Here is a link that might be useful: Link

I've also been seeing people drive and text lately which is something I've never noticed in the past. I just don't get it.

I make a point to stay off my phone in public and turn it off for appointments. My husband always calls me when he gets off work and we touch base for a few min. We've always done that and probably always will. So there have been a few times while I've been out and about and have been on the phone but I try and be a considerate cell phone user. (not in the bathroom, check out, not talking loudly, etc.) We also didn't get text and email on our phones on purpose so we're not wrapped up in that. I dislike how much our society is wrapped up in their phones and themselves.

While on vacation recently, we took a walk to do some shopping and on the way back there were two older teenage girls totally blocking the sidewalk, heads down, messing with their phones. The one girl saw us coming (with the stroller). We actually had to stop and I said,"excuse me" (I even did it nice!). They looked up, pause, and finally moved out the way while looking at us like we were the biggest pain in the.... I wanted to throw their phones in the street.

I was in my doctor's full waiting room recently and there were a couple people talking very loudly on their phones. I don't get that - I would be totally embarrassed to have strangers listening to my personal phone call. Then, there was another lady watching a movie on her iPad with the volume very loud - no ear buds!

Anyway, I felt like my senses were being assaulted so I sent a text to DH describing the scene around me, referring to my fellow waiting roomies as "morons." Well, he texted me back and I had, at some point, inadvertently turned up the volume on my text tone so when the text came thru a very very loud Bruno Mars song starts playing. I was mortified even though no one seemed to care. . .

Haven't had a chance to look at hands free mama yet...but redlover, that article brought tears to my eyes. Thanks.

I haven't said it but feel I live it since retiring several years ago. I tell people every day is a weekend, and days of the week become insignificant except tax day, important appointments, and when I have a plane to catch.

As for the cell phone, it has infiltrated society causing even more rudeness. I sometimes long for the simplicity of the old days, but then quickly remember how nice on line shopping is.

Not in a car, of course, but I'd rather sit next to someone who is texting than talking on the phone. Except for maybe an alert sound, you don't hear anything.

Last week on vacation with a group of friends, I looked like the girl in the video Annie posted at 7:34. Everyone was constantly checking their smart phones, checking in on Facebook, and doing who-knows-what, particularly at meal times. They would look at the phone for a few minutes, put it back on the table face down, pick it back up 5 minutes later, etc. It's hard to believe everything they were doing with their phones during dinner was crucial. But maybe many catastrophies were avoided thanks to their connectivity to the wider world. (I was not dining with Obama, in case you were wondering.)

I have an old flip phone that I mostly use to send a brief text along the lines of we're meeting here at such and such a time. I don't like to talk on the phone, I don't have kids to be micromanaged from 800 miles away, I don't care what's happening on Facebook. I'm trying to live in the moment and enjoy the company of those around me, when I can get their attention.

There is a time and a place for electronics. If there wasn't, that hands free blog would never be read. I'm on my iPad now because I'm home alone. I'm not using it instead of interacting with humans that are in the same room.

Through choice and luck and happenstance, I don't have to overbook my life and run around stressed out about everything I have to do. There are periods in life when that is hard to avoid, but fortunately, that is not my life. I am grateful every day for that.

Red lover, you're right...Hands free mama is terrific. Thank you.

Thanks for the link to Hands Free Mama RedLover. I forwarded the post about yelling to a young relative I recently spent time with who completely shocked me by screaming at her kids when she talked to them. They were very well behaved and didn't cower from her or anything, but she's a single mom with 3 kids and a jerk for an ex husband. She's stressed beyond belief trying to work to support them and provide a life for them all. But I never heard any interaction with the kids that wasn't short or raised voice. No one seemed very happy. Not her, not the kids.

I sent it to her as a blind cc with a message to "all my friends doing the difficult job of raising children..." although she is the only recipient, so she didn't feel targeted or shamed. I hope she reads it and hears the message.

Annie--I love Rachel's blog. I don't miss it..ever. She is so much younger than I am but I have learned a lot from her.

OlyChick--I have done my best to become a reformed yeller. Rachel is a former special ed teacher and her words of wisdom come in really handy on a daily basis. I hope these words and her daily blog will help your young relative. You said that neither she or her kids seemed very happy. Here is a link to a post that covered that topic that really made me think. I think you did the right thing by emailing her. It sounds like she needs support.

Here is a link that might be useful: Link

When my grandmother on my father's side died, Mom told me afterward that at the wake, she saw my uncle go up to the casket and looked at his mother's remains and say, "You can't yell at me any more mama."

Sad legacy. Not one I want to leave.

When my kids were young and I needed them to do something the only thing they ever "heard" was me yelling - yelling happened after I asked them twice. One time I said that I wasn't going to be asking anymore instead I was going to just simply go straight to yelling. I explained why and suggested that it would simply save me time. After two days they asked me to stop and they would pay more and better attention and they were pretty true to their word - with the odd lapse on both our parts. But i seldom yelled at accidents.