How long have you been married? Compromise is what it's all about. My husband gives me complete rein on decorating EXCEPT when he chooses to have an opinion, then it completely throws me for a loop. WHY NOW, all of a sudden does he interject his opinion? Well, that's just the way it is. They are not really asleep. They are aware of what's happening around them and they should be given an opportunity to interject their opinions. Decorate around those things that are important to him. Over time you both might agree that some of those things can go. It's his home too. Believe me, after 38 years of marriage, those quirky things of his will be a pleasure to you (and, really, nobody is judging your decorations).
Just try to blend and have fun with it.
Annie1971

Annie1971,

I totally agree with you :) And yes, after 38 years for us too, it's so much easier to compromise and why shouldn't they have some input? I think it is the "surprise" of the opinion when normally he has none :)

Sometimes I have found if i quiz him about his objections or love of an object, I can get to the real issue and accomodate his needs. You have the real issue with his lamp. He wants one with huge light output. So your challenge it to find one that meets the bill, that still is asthetically pleasing. Live with what you have, but always keep an eye open for its replacement. Someday, voila! There it will be, on sale less! Problem solved.

My compromise is a black leather recliner in the living room - I hate it!

I like to give options so dh will feel like he has had his say. Such as "Which one these three bowls do you like best?"
It helps to prevent the question of "Why do we need another bowl on the table?"
Naturally all options are carefully chosen by me and I could live with any of them.
I always take into consideration what he wants out of the home which is usually functionality then aesthetics.
I rarely tell him the price of anything.

My compromise is an ugly butcher block table and chairs in the kitchen. They are the only pieces of furniture he was allowed to keep from his first marriage. If this table and chair set is rejected by two wives it must be bad, right? Anyway I'm secretly saving for a new set and will figure out a way to sweet talk him into getting rid of his prize when I get a little closer to my $ goal.

EVERY decision for DH & I is a compromise down to the soap holders in the bathrooms and hot pads in the kitchen. I have always envied those of you who have DH's that only occassionly have an opinion.

Too funny. On Sunday we gave our piano to our son, so now we have a huge space to fill in the living room. Hub was excited about getting "the right thing" to fill the space; we talked about what that perfect thing might be. I couldn't figure out his enthusiasm, but, hey, wow, after 40 years he had an interest in the house! We went shopping Monday. After ONE store, he said he was shopped-out, can we have some dinner now?

Today is Thursday. I've been to several stores, brought home suggestions and dimensions, and we still have a big hole in the living room. Horror of horrors, last night he said he kinda likes the extra space, makes the room feel larger! I'm gonna wring his neck!

justmeinsd- Oh my, that would drive me crazy! I do feel lucky. Your husband is probably a lot of help around the house then.
artlover- Good luck saving money. You have a good plan.
dainaadele- I even tried the 100 watt light bulb in my new lamp and he still thought it did not light up the room enough. I appreciate his concern and I am living with his light b/c he is always so patient with letting me decorate the way I like. He is a good sport! He knows how much I love to decorate. He is always very helpful in decision making.

try some of the new brighter low heat bulb in your new floor lamp, you might be surprised that you can eek out a little more light ..safer and prettier too

When we 1st bought our house I tried hard to accomodate DH's aesthetics (or rather, lack of it haha..) & I was so miserable w/ the end result. Now I let him have his ways where I don't really care (which outdoor grill or which TV to buy) and he let me have my way in all decorative aspects of the house. I choose all the furniture, the fabric, etc & he chooses all of our electronic gadgets. It works out great! :-) He doesn't care which style which fabric as long as it looks nice & is comfortable.

If he really hates my choice he would say, "buy what you love but those things are fugly" ;-D

I would hate being married to somebody who has very exact sense of style. In one way, it's good because you have somebody to bounce ideas off, but it would be hell if he likes MCM and you like Shabby Chic.

I do the same thing Bella. I have little to no opinion about our tvs, and the big items, the cars. I don't even go with him when we get new cars and have decided to not overly care.

Get your DH a desk lamp that will light his computer area directly and he won't need a bright halogen unsafe floor lamp.

Since the add-on and the beginning of the remodel, I've mostly had free rein, except for HIS tv and HIS recliner. Oh, and I let him pick out the rock for the mantle, and he did a good job! I would have chosen something different, but it makes him sooo happy I just didn't have the heart to argue.

The way I see it, the lamp is in the bedroom, a room that most people won't see, and light IS important, so I'd let him have the ugly thing until you can find something with equal light. lol. I'm also a stickler for good lighting.

After living with my DH for 18 years, I've realized a few things:

1. I need to "pick my battles." If I want several things that I know he won't approve of, I need to decide which one I really want. I'm not a spender, so it usually works out OK.

2. In general, DH doesn't care what I do with the rooms he never uses.

3. If I can make him think that it's his idea, not mine, he'll go along with it. For example, when we first talked about remodeling our kitchen, DH wanted to make the cabinets. I didn't want him to for several good reasons, even though he was capable of making them. After a couple months, he finally realized that he couldn't make them the way I wanted or didn't want to take the time or something. We ended up getting cabinets from a reputable cabinetmaker. Once he thought it was his idea, he was totally willing to pay someone to do it.

4. He doesn't like striped sofas, pastel colors, and flowered fabrics, so I just don't use them.

5. Our home will always be filled with electronics of all types. I've learned to just deal with it.

6. It's better if I ask for his opinion early in the process, rather than getting my heart set on something only to have him say no. But often I can change his opinion (see number 3 above).

and, most importantly,

7. If it wasn't for my husband, I wouldn't be living in this beautiful home. If he wanted to decorate and furnish it entirely his way, that would be fine with me. It's just stuff.

Boy do I know what you are talking about!!! We just tiled the main bath with the tiles HE picked out. They are really nice , but are charcol in color. That might not seem so bad, probably isn't except my vision was bright and white. Now I can't figure out what to do with it. He says I can pick the color now. Would you believe the paint chips I have in there include shades of pink, blue, green, lilac,and gray. I just can't pin it down. On the other hand he is handy to have around and very good at carpentry and odd jobs. He even says that maybe he can save on the cabinets by doing it himself so we can have a granite counter.

My relationship is more like justinme's except that I enjoy the give and take. I think we have a better overall decor because he and I both have very strong opinions about what works for us. When we met we both had established households and distint opinions as to hat we both like. Here's the fun part...I like soft victorian to eclectic antique. He likes high style italian LOL What a mix. So to make us both happy, we've had to adjust our styles a bit or perhaps learn to like aspects of each others styles and find a way to blend them. We're now pretty eclectic with a push towards art deco and I quite love it.

I'd hate it if I worked my arse to make the room beautiful and he just said "it's ok" or showed a similar disinterest.

This is my husband's first house. Prior to this, he lived in apartments with little say in the decor, and since his last apartment was in Manhattan, even less furniture. He thought he'd take a crack at decorating the inside of this house, so I "gave him" his office and the family room to begin with. Let's just say that was the last time he has offered any decorating input to the inside of the house. He did a decent job in his office on the paint color, wood blinds, his desk and the side table to hold all his electronics. The family room was another story. We had picked out the furniture together down in NC several years prior, so that wasn't a problem. The paint color is baaaaad. It showed up pink at certain times of the day for about two years. It has finally mellowed to the creamy tan color it should be in a all light, but after that fiasco he never tried again. I added all accessories to the room.

Hubby and I began our kitchen remodel after being married for 8 months. We quickly learned that we have a fairly definite pattern on most things. First stage, we find something that we both love almost immediately. However, it always turns out the be way, way beyond our budget. This is followed by many agonizing days/weeks/months as we try to come up with something else that we both like.

It makes it more frustrating because Hubby is VERY opinionated and has all these "rules" about what should and shouldn't be done. It's not been easy at all. Even worse is that we still have the rest of the house to tackle.

Uxorial, your post reminded me of the moment in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" when Lanie Kazan said, "The man is the head of the household, but the woman is the neck." I thought that was hilarious.
We've been married 27 years, and were well into our 30's when we met, so we had some experience on our own, and our own taste. My DH has great color sense and absolutely no idea how to plan in 3 dimensions, which he readily admits. I don't know how many times I have said gently (usually...), "Well, if we put it there, you won't be able to get into the room, will you?" His surroundings are very important to him, and he leaves most of it to me, but in consultation, and he often comes up with a good idea.
We have different tastes but with a really big area of overlap. I prevent him from getting too rectangular and shiny, and he pulls me away from things with the paint falling off. Our deal is, at a certain price point, we have to agree, and we both have veto power if we really hate something the other wants to choose. I think it works for us because we have the same general ideas about quality and proportion and lack of too much clutter.

My husband and I have similar taste, except for his natural draw to items from the 1980's (rugs, furniture etc.) I have found that I have to 'waredown' my husband since he always has an opinion about the decor and will gladly voice it. I find that it is necessary to drag him to EVERY possible furniture, fabric, and decor store I can find (and I mean every one within a 2 hour radius of our home). He will almost always veto my inital pick, so I show him my picks near the end of the shopping session. This way, he realizes his 'dream' choice isn't out there he usually settles for my pick (or 'discovers' it himself when we walk in the store). Sometimes, it may take weeks of looking for him to be willing to settle. On the rare occassion that he dislikes my pick after all of the looking around, I punt and try to find something else.

We are currently picking out cabinetry hardware. I have known for a week what I want, but I hadn't shown it to him. Instead, every time we go near a store with hardware I drag him though the hardware. Finally, the other day after he said he didn't care anymore, I showed him my pick. He said, "order it."