He was a handsome boy and I know how quiet your house feels right now. It's one of the most painful things we go through, and it just takes time. I don't know why we blame ourselves for not doing more when we did all we could, but I have read that that's a common reaction. We lost our kitty two years ago to heart and kidney disease after trying so hard to keep him around for just a little while longer. We were told in January that he might live another year on heart meds. I asked whoever is "up there" to just give him one more summer to nap in the sun on our deck, but he only made it until April. One thing that helped me was that the vet said that our pets don't know anything about the quantity of life, they only know about the quality of life. I have to admit it took about a year for me to let go of the thought that we could have done things differently, and one of those things was to let him go instead of trying to keep him around for us.

I know it's hard to think about adopting now, but it does help the pain. We got another cat about four months after Toby died, and we just adopted a kitten in December. I've enjoyed having young and healthy animals in the house again.

You did the right thing for Diesel. It's easy to see how happy he was, and you have nothing to regret.

This is very sad. He was beautiful, and I love the name. I know how hard it is and we always blame ourselves. I could tell you loved him very much. I am sure he was very happy with you. He looks so happy in the picture. I wish more pet owners were like you.
I lost my dog after 15 years, I had to put her down. She was my friend, that was 3 years ago. I know have a black lab that looks just like Diesel. I also have a german/shepherd. They are both rescues.

I am not telling you to get another one, only you know when you will be ready. Just know that what you are going through is normal. I know how you feel.

I'm sorry for your loss and your pain. Don't load yourself down with guilt because I'm sure Diesel didn't believe you were guilty of anything but loving him to the fullest. I've been in your position many times during my years and I can empathize. Hold the good memories close, cry the tears that we all know you have, and then say "Good morning" and "Good night" each day to Diesel as you pass by where you will lay him to rest.

((((emerald1951))))

diesel was a handsome boy and he will always be in your heart. you did all you could for him and i'm sure he knew it. staying with him as he crossed the bridge is something you will always treasure. i know it doesn't seem like that right now but in time, you will realize how important that one thing was for you to do.

i've been where you are, too many times to count, as have many of us been here. some day, i hope you will be able to open your heart to another pup. think of it as a way to honor diesel's memory. he would want you to be happy.

i hope it's ok to post this link...it is a thread in the gardenweb grieving forum that took on a life of its own when the original poster, kate, lost her heart dog. it's a long read but you will see you aren't alone...

http://ths.gardenweb.com/forums/load/grieving/msg0700365811297.html?97

(((((((hugs))))))) we know your pain, sweetie!

(((HUGS)))

It is never easy. Your boy knew how loved he was, and how well cared for he was.

I wish you peace as you mourn his passing.

"...I just feel as if I didn't do my job....that Diesel trusted me, and I failed him."

You didn't give Diesel cancer, you gave him a long life and were with him to the end, spared him as much suffering as was in your power and loved him. You will be feeling loss and grief, but please do not entertain feelings of guilt for something over which you had no control to fix or prevent. Do not feel guilty for helping him leave with dignity and without pain. He trusted you to do the right thing, and you did the very best you knew how to do. That is all any human can do. I'm sorry for your loss. One day you will think of him and smile. I promise.

Hi..............I thank you all with all my heart...........
.............I know you all understand and care..................
..............................linda...................................................

What a wonderful Mom you were to him, I wish more dogs had a Mom so loving as you. My thoughts & prayers are with you, it does get better, take your time grieving.The Rainbowbridge.com has some good support.
Christine

Oh what a beauty Diesel was. You did not fail him. Treasure the memories.

Sorry to hear about your loss. You were a good mom.

Wow, he was one handsome boy!! I know you miss him terribly. People live longer than pets, so almost everyone here knows the heartache you are experiencing. Give it time, you will feel better. In the meantime, make a little photo album of the pictures you have, plant a bush in his memory, or try to do something to remember him. So sorry.

Hi Linda, My Megan was a Lab cross. I'll put her picture below. With those prick ears and long silky hair, I always shake my head and laugh a bit how every vet who ever saw her called her a lab at first sight! Megan came to us when she was maybe a year and a half old. Her Daddy was my neighbor's son. He had just that week retired from his job on a loading dock at Ford Motor Company. He was a bit of an odd guy, I guess. Maybe he was a touch mentally ill or maybe he had Asperger's, but he did not like people too much, and he did not see his family much at all. But he must have arranged to see someone from work, and when he did not show, they came looking for him. He did not answer the door, but Megan was there, barking. The coworker knew that that he never went anywhere without his dog, so he called the police. Megan even went to work with him each day! Turns out he was dead, he had died of a heart attack four days earlier. Megan was so well trained that she had not gone to the bathroom in the house! Well, the sheriff took the dog while they tracked down family for the dead man. After the funeral, the son went to the animal shelter and claimed the dog. But when he brought his dad's dog home, his own dog, who was prone to seizures, went into seizures and they knew Megan could not stay.

That is where I came in. His grandmother knew that I was wanting a good dog after an experience with a rescue dog with fear-biting problems. She pretty much insisted, and Megan was very sweet, so that is how I got the best, most well-behaved dog I ever knew. Megan was so good that we could walk away from a sandwich left on the coffee table and come back and she would not have touched it. She never considered getting on furniture. You could not entice her to get on the couch with you. She was trained to ring a bell to go out in one day.

Megan died of cancer when she was nine, too. My father-in-law called me at work and told me that she had come into his room, crying, and was having trouble walking. I went home, tried to call my husband, tried to call our vet, and waited for someone to get back to me. Toby, our younger dog, was at the vet that day having surgery to make sure his fatty deposits were nothing more than fat. The vet was likely in surgery. Later, I learned that my husband was in the gym. Finally, my husband got home and we loaded Megan in the car. By then, she could not walk. She weighed almost 70 lbs, and I could not carry her myself. We used a halter and a sling to hoist her into the dog bed in the car.

The vet thought that she had internal bleeding, but his blood testing machine was not working well, and we could not get a count, so we opted to take our other dog home, and take Megan to the ER. We walked into the ER and the vet saw Megan. Our vet had called ahead, so he knew what to expect. Before he even examined her, he said, "it is probably cancer. She probably has tumors, one is bleeding and when I do surgery I am going to find that it is not just one tumor, but she is full of tumors. If the primary tumor is the liver, I will anesthetize her right there during surgery." When I asked how he knew this without even examining her, he said, "she is a lab."

We visited Megan in the oxygen pen before we left. I knew from the demeanor of the vet that she did not really have a chance. At 1 am we got the call. She was full of liver cancer. I drove back to sit with her still body a while. I got some clippings of her fur and took deep breaths of her distinctive scent.

Looking back, we could see that she was uncomfortable. We thought it was anxiety. It looked like anxiety to us, but I am a social worker, and husband has anxiety problems. It was pain. It was discomfort. She had to have rawhide to chew every night not because of habit or anxiety, but because it distracted her from the pain. Now that I know what that looks like, no dog of mine will suffer like that again. So sorry Megan. That husky who gave you those prick ears and long fur and the love of romping and wrestling gave you some special skills. You could talk and say "no-oooo," "Mama," "right now!" but you could not say, "it hurts so bad!"

Here is a link that might be useful: Megan and all the rest of our dogs

Oh, may...nearly all of us have struggled with these feelings before. I lost my dear kitty girl to cancer last May. She'd had a check-up a few months earlier (take my elderly cats in twice a year) and she checked out okay. Her decline happened swiftly, thankfully.

Cancer is tough...and there's really no good way to treat it in animals. You gave Diesel such a great life. Please try to focus on the good times you had with him.

It takes a while to recover from the loss of our friends...give yourself some time.

nancy, Megan was such a beauty...so sorry.