Does the vet think the incontinence is due to the 'stroke'? Did he test for bladder or urinary tract infection? Any chance of trying some of the meds on the market for incontinence......just in case it's not all neurological?
In your first post you mentioned she was using the litterbox but it appears that since she's been on the steroid she's becoming more incontinent. It's possible the steroid is part of the cause since it makes them thirsty, which leads to more urination. Is the steroid, Prednisone?

I can understand your frustration.........I've been there as have others here, but I would investigate all possible treatments for the incontinence before giving up.
In the meantime, to make life easier for yourself, do you have a room she likes that you can keep her in.........maybe one with vinyl floors? Or, you could purchase a kitty condo and have her stay in it for most of the time. They're large enough for the cat to move around and also hold food, water and litterbox.

There's also the little diapers made for pets......don't know if she'd tolerate them, but it may be worth a try. Be sure to keep her bottom clean since she could suffer urine burns.

she's still capable of sitting in the sun and enjoying the light. She'll still purr when i pet her and buck my head with her own.

Those are good signs.

Did the vet give you any indication of how much pain she may be in? If so, did he offer any meds for pain relief?

It hard to know when is the right time. And its hard to deal with the incontinence.

I would say, if you have doubts, then its probably not time yet.

I think when the time is right, you will have no doubts.

I discovered two years ago, that this is a very individual experience.

I had a dog that was 14 when I lost her. She had three health issues, but just would not give up. We were so close. During the last 4-5 years of her life, I consulted numerous times with a true "country" vet, who also used to be a city vet.

The first words out of her mouth when ever I called her, were "is the situation life threatening" followed by "is the dog able to do "dog things". After we got past these two statements, we talked further about what to do.

Because Tara was a large dog, 14 was considered extremely old for a healthy dog, but for one with her health issues, I really do feel that I was blessed having her for the last 3 years. She wasn't in any pain, and aged gracefully, loving to walk until her last day.

You alone must decide if your cat is doing all of the things a cat does, needs to do, and wants to do. For me, living with dignity is priority. I could have put my dog through things to extend her life, but it would have been traumatic for her and me.

The ultimate decision is excruciating. I did and do take huge amounts of comfort in knowing that I made the right decision, unfortunately, the right decision is not always easy to make.

Good luck!

SG

I'm sorry.

I don't think you can balance good days against bad days *if the bad days are unbearable*.

If bad days, or hours, or minutes, are just excruciating for her, then it's time to let her go back to the earth & the universe.

If hobbling is due to arthritis, that's pain.
If it's neurological damage, it probably is not.

No, I wouldn't put an animal to sleep due to housekeeping concerns.

I once had a puppy whose favorite teething toy was sheetrock.

Had I pitched him outside or given him away, I'd have felt very guilty & very disappointed in myself.

(He grew into a very nice dog.)

I do think that you'll never forgive yourself if you don't at least try to contain/control/manage the litterbox agenda:

& you can manage urine smells, or at least cope with them, people do it all the time when they have a baby or a failing elder in their homes.

Oxygen-based cleaning products are very good, & you can re-arrange her environment so that everything in it is washable, just like you would do with a baby's nursery or an elderly person's room.

If someone else, mother, father, or husband, had ever bullied me into euthanizing a pet, I never would have forgiven that person;
my feelings & my *respect* for that person would have been diminished, tainted, for the rest of my life.

A bully is a bully is a bully, & bullying someone into euthanizing a beloved pet is unforgivable.

If you feel that way, too, you might tell your husband.

If you can't bear to see her fail, as we all eventually fail, the only alternative is to let her go, & there's a case to be made for that decision, too:

Animals don't understand the concept of staying here or ceasing to exist, & they don't understand aging & failing.

She has lived far longer than most cats, & she's had a good life because of the love & care you've given her.

In order to continue your obligation to her in that respect, you're the one who has to decide if & when her quality of life is no longer good enough to keep her here.

If her quality of life is less than you can accept for her, or if you can't maintain her quality of life at an acceptable level, then it's time to let her go.

sending good thoughts for strength, clear thinking, & peace to both of you.

I wish you the best.

I agree with the others. It is a VERY personal experience and will vary for each of us. My decision was easy. My girl Zoe (14 year old Samoyed) showed no signs of pain or suffering until two days before we put her down. Which might seem like an odd statement, but when we took her to the vet, there really was no question. She very well may have passed on her own before the morning. Sparing the details, she had an advanced cancer that was rapidly moving throughout her body. Done. No choice.

Does she have to be in "constant pain" .. no. But I think severe pain and discomfort is a different story. And it's always so hard to tell as they hide it so well. It comes down to her quality of life and your peace of mind, and finding that balance.

Joepyeweed states "I think when the time is right, you will have no doubts." I totally agree. However, you have to distinguish between what is DOUBT, and what is FEAR or SADNESS. No doubt you will be upset if and when you make that decision. It doesn't mean that it's doubt.

You should always find peace in knowing that you gave her a happy and loving home for a long and love-filled life. We're all here for you.

PS...As for the urine, I've learned through the years that Nature's Miracle is my best friend.

I'm no kitty authority so I'll leave you in the good hands of others here, but I wanted to express my sympathy for your position. I've been through that a lot with my dogs, as I usually have 4-5 dogs at a time and have for years.

I absolutely hate being in the position you're in, where every day you're wondering, dreading, is this the day? I just went through that again a few weeks ago and I have another old dog here who tried to give up when her sister died... but I wouldn't let her. Anyway, yours is a very, very tough decision to make. It would be so much easier if we could just ask them!

I think what it's come down to for me is three things. One, if the animal is in pain it's time. Two, if the animal seems to have given up on life and lost his/her personality it's time. They will stop eating and drinking, and just stop participating, pretty much being a limp dishrag. There isn't any doubt when they do that, they're ready to go. Three is the hardest... once in a while it's just too much for us to cope with any more, as in too much pee/poo in the house, unable to carry a big dog up and down stairs, or whatever -- we just can't do it any more. We DO have a right to opt out at that point IF the animal is old and has no future but a downhill slide. We need to forgive ourselves for that and let them go with some dignity.

I hope this helps a little. I'm thinking of you and sending you strength to get through this tough part.

Personal decision, oh yes.. TOUGH.. OH YES! I was in that situation 5 months ago for the first time with my 12 year old cat and could not make the decision in time. He passed away just a few hours before the scheduled euthanasia, and it was NOT peaceful, after spending the whole night in my lap.

We are now dealing with a cat with advanced CRF condition and A BAD leg .. this is why I am curious about your cat.
Our cat started limping almost a year ago!! (left hind leg), quickly went to a plantigrade walk, and never recovered from that. He has NO feeling in that leg, and no muscles left either. It was heartbreaking to see him 'hobble along' as you say, and still is, but he manages to get around.. jump in his basket.. etc. He still can jump to about 1 foot (a little more, maybe). We have set up many special places in the house just for him. I also think it started with some calcification in his spine (next to tail) that pinched a nerve, hence the loss of his leg. I also suspect vaccinations as he limped badly from that leg a year before it all started (after a rabies shot). Anyway, more recent X-rays showed a growth in his pelvic area-osteosarcoma (vet diagnosis)

And there have been days when there would be nothing at all in the litter box, and i realized how odd it is for me to be delighted to have pee or poop to scoop. I've been taking her little "accidents" ... boy, I can so relate to that!!
Two things I might suggest.
1. Don't know what cat sand you use, but I replaced the clay dusty one (Cat's Pride) by a paper one: first just shredded newspaper, then yesterday's news and he seems to prefer that. It is much more absorbent and probably softer to him. He has had VERY, very few accidents since. I have also placed them closer to where he likes to spend time, so he does not have to go too far when he has an urge. Due to his kidney condition, he does urinate a lot and often. If your cat has FLUTI, he might prefer a softer litter box..
2. Laxatone does not do much for constipation. Lactulose might be more effective. Sub-Q fluids would also help a lot.

I hope your cat drinks a lot, especially if he is on prednisolone (hope it is not prednisone), otherwise he would be really dehydrated. Has your vet tested his urine?.. very easy and inexpensive test.

Please, please.. keep us posted. My heart goes to you and to your very special feline friend.

Anne-Marie

Just another thought... Stay away from METACAM oral, a pain reliever..I am no vet, but I strongly believe this is not a safe drug for cats (from many readings, and my personal experience)..
Anne-Marie

Thank you all so much for your compassion and support. It really does mean the world to me. And how you all unraveled my frantic note and responded with such calm is really a wonderment ...

An update: Physically, Holiday had what i would call a "better day" yesterday, in that she ate her high-fat vet food with gusto and actually peed once in the litter box. Although she continued to struggle physically in ways previously mentioned, behaviorally, she was still quite alert and responsive to nuzzles and pets.

However, something in my gut is telling me the time is near. As of late last night, she is now "in hiding." She's under the bed where she goes when strangers come to visit. Her "safe spot." Although she's had her "spaced out" moments, this is the first really strong BEHAVIORAL symptom i've seen from her. Mind you, i've shed some tears about her situation, but i've done it away from her, so as not to upset her. Our interactions have remained positive and consistent. So this withdrawal is really striking to me, and i have to wonder if she's doing it because for perhaps the first time, SHE'S really feeling her decline?

Does this mean she's in pain?

However, something in my gut is telling me the time is near. As of late last night, she is now "in hiding." She's under the bed where she goes when strangers come to visit. Her "safe spot." ..Does this mean she's in pain?

My sick cat I mentioned above used to do this last summer when, on a regular basis, he would throw up, refuse all food & water for an entire day--and yes, I believe he was in pain then and mostly did not want to deal with our other 2 cats-- but he doesn't do it anymore. However, he does have his 'SAFE spot' (an igloo type of bed, with a small hole. Once he is in there, it is hard to get him out, and he knows it...). That's where he goes when he is tired of being given meds... It is his 'safe place'. I do not think it is because he is in pain. It is nothing like last summer. But of course, you know your cat and should be able to read into this withdrawal.

Please keep us posted, and, my best thoughts to the both of you,
Anne-Marie

estreya, only you know her and only you will know when it time to let her go. She lived a long 17 year life and God Bless her for it, and bless you for being her Mommy.

estreya, others have posted quite eloquently. I have been through the same thing twice before, and am going through it now. What has helped me is to start saying goodbye when I first see the signs that the end is near. With one of my cats that was about six months, with another about a year. I think that allowed me to clear the cobwebs of inconvenience (meds, extra cleaning, etc.) from my head and really focus on the cat's quality of life. And when the time came, it wasn't an emergency, it just suddenly became top priority. I felt sadness, but peaceful closure both times.

Holiday sounds like he is still giving and receiving love. Spend as much focused quality time with him as you can. He will probably tell you when it is time.

I am going thru the same thing with my 19 year old cat. But he is still using the litter box and eating and drinking. He walks slowly and unsteadily but still can jump to the kitchen island. I give him extra food and he always eats. He is much thinner than he used to be, altho he was never a big cat..never was above 8 or 9 pounds and he's probably 7 or a little less now. He had a seizure a week ago and recovered from that. He had had one a year ago and we took him to the vet. He said he'd maybe have more. Louie also has senior moments when he looks like he doesn't know where to go. I think you'll know when it's time. I know you hope he dies peacefully in his sleep in his home. It's what we all want when our pets are very old and not well. Some times it happens but mostly it doesn't. You'll make the right decision.