Many cats who weren't handled as young cats tend to be aloof with people. I had a cat who didn't like to be touched or petted. She liked being around me and would even go on walks with the dogs and me, I mean two mile walks. She lived with me for 16 years and never did cuddle. Then sometimes a cat will see the other cats loving pets so much they get into it. Hang in there.

I have been, and pretty much still am, in the same boat. I had an absolutely stunning stray show up here in the summer of '04. Annabelle looks to be a blue point Ragdoll. She arrived with about 1/2 of her total coat matted into a single, huge, felted mat stretching along her backbone and halfway down her sides from shoulder to tail. She was nursing a litter, but the litter was nowhere to be found (I live more than a mile through the woods to my nearest neighbor).

She was perfectly tame when she arrived, and for about two weeks she was increasingly affectionate. Only then did I realize that she was coming back into heat and would have been affectionate toward a lamp post! LOL!

At any rate, after spaying and after getting all of her other veterinary maintenance handled, Annabelle's affections dramatically cooled toward me. Like your boy, she was not at all mean or moody, she'd just rather not be bothered.

It's just been in the last few months that Annabelle has made any attempt to be affectionate with me, and those attempts are still rare and fleeting. Still, she has made some progress. There have been a couple of occasions when she has jumped on the couch with me and tolerated a few precious moments of petting before scooting off again. She has also started occasionally coming into the bathroom and wrapping herself around my legs while I am otherwise indisposed.

Given Annabelle's miserable condition when she arrived, I suspect she wasn't handled much earlier in her life, so perhaps that explains her aloof attitude. It really doesn't matter at this point. Annabelle is a queen, and queens do what they darn well please. I am her loyal subject, and I will be happy with whatever crumbs of affection she tosses my way.

What else is a lowly human to do?

Lilac, please read my post when you have a chance: http://ths.gardenweb.com/forums/load/pets/msg0419032117666.html

The cat I adopted was from a ragdoll rescue and they totally lied about him being a ragdoll. Apparently she just labels any cat a ragdoll because she likes ragdolls. What color is yours? mine was a seal point. One of the indicators for me that he was not a ragdoll was the matting of his fur. I had to get his tummy shaved because of matts and even when I brushed him everyday he would get matts. I have a registered ragdoll to compare him to, and there was simply no similarity between the two. I've researched it and believe that I was given a himalayan. They can look exactly like ragdolls, but don't have the nice coat or disposition. What I found really interesting is that I have read a number of stories online from people describing their himalayan as "always hiding". Since you don't have any medical problems with him and he gets along with your other cats, that's a great start. I would just start putting him on the sofa next to you daily, even if he just walks off everytime. I think you are doing everything right and that long-term he will bond with you.

He was a shelter cat, and was actually listed as a Birmin, but he has every attribute of a Ragdoll. His soft fur, his markings, even that Ragdoll "chirp." He may not be full blood, although I think he is.

I have another cat, from the same shelter, that I believe is a Ragdoll mix. He's one of the friendliest cats I've ever had. He has Ragdoll markings but with tabby stripes instead of solid color, and his fur isn't quite as long as Patches' is, but I'd lay bets that he's predominantly Ragdoll. He'll even climb up onto my shoulder, flop against my neck, and go limp and purr.

Patches, my aloof one, at least doesn't cringe when I touch him, like he did at first. I think he came from a possibly abusive home.

Oddly enough, when I first got him and put him in my larger bathroom to settle in, he'd be happy to see me whenever I came in to visit him. He'd sit on my lap and purr.

Then he caught a cold, and I had to medicate him AND my four other cats. Nobody liked me much that week.

I'm hoping that he will eventually come around. I once had a little black cat who did not want humans around her at all. She wouldn't be mean, but she'd get all huffy. It took YEARS before she came around, but she actually became a very loving cat.

Of course, divorcing Dipstick in the meantime may have had something to do with it, too. :-)

Playing with cats help make them bond, a string with something at the end works wonders.

Sherry, not all Ragdolls have the silky coat. I have two Ragdolls from the same breeder with the same father, different mothers. The Seal Mitted is silky, but the Lilac Bi-Color has more of a cottony coat and needs to be brushed daily. They are both registered, full-breed Ragdolls.

All three of my Ragsdolls (another cream mitted from a different breeder) have different personalities; they all cuddle, but on their own terms. One will not stand to be picked up. One won't sit on anyone's lap but mine, and that is only if I am at the computer, no other chair will do. One loves to be slung over my shoulder and carried around like a sack of potatoes. This one also loves car rides, the other two hate the car.

All cats have different personalities. Ragdolls usually do have a more laid back personality, but it also stems from how they were handled from birth. If they were mistreated from day one you probably won't have much of a chance bonding now, but like Acorn said, string toys can work wonders.

Let's talk cats in general, apart from breeds. When I met my husband he had a cat that was maybe part siamese, kinda blue looking who knows what. He actually aquired the cat because his previous roomate needed to move out and owed him over a months rent. Rick did not want him leaving with the cat because he was worried for his safety. I spent the first few years of our marriage being pissed off at that cat. He wasn't my cat and no one was taking proper care of the litter. He was not overly friendly to me, and I made no attempt to be friendly with him. After I had my second child I became a stay at home mom. At some point in time over the next few years I realized I had a shadow. It was that cat. Where I went, he went. He totally bonded with me, without me even knowing it was happening. He knew that I was the one to feed him and clean his litter. He became my cat! Every night my daughter would drag him to bed with her, and every night he would come out ten minutes later and sit by my feet. He was not "needy" or whiny, he just accompanied me. If I was out in the yard working, he was always a few feet from me (I didn't know then that cats really shouldn't go outside). When he died at 18 years old, I still thought I saw him everywhere. He really was my cat and I really loved him and I still miss him. My point is that at the time you may not see progress, but I really think long-term your cat will recognize you as the one who cares for him and he will bond with you.

I hope that's true, although for the most part I think I just bother him when I pet him or talk to him. He just gets up and goes somewhere else. I thought maybe when he saw the other cats enjoy getting petted he'd change his thinking, but I guess not. Very often, the other cats will shadow me around the house. If I'm in the den, that's where they gravitate. If I go up to the office, they follow me. When I go to bed, they all follow me into the bedroom and at least a couple will sack out with me. Sometimes Patches will follow and settle himself in the same room I am, but I'm not sure if that's because I'm there or because the other cats are there and he wants to hang out with them.

I guess he's a cat's cat rather than a people cat. Where he lived before, the people apparently didn't treat him very well, but he did have a feline companion. So I guess that's the pattern he lived by. Stay away from people, but it's okay to hang with the other cats.

He's so adorable, though, that sometimes I can't help but hold him and cuddle him.

Facially that cat is a Birman - ragdolls have a white T on the front. But Birmans do not matt and all of them have the really soft cashmere type fur. I would also guess a Himilayan - does it have white feet? I couldn't tell from the picture. I've had Himalayans and some are very independent, maybe it's a mix?

Ragdolls come in 3 different patterns, Mitted (dark face with a white chin, white toes on the front and socks on the back), Pointed (dark face) and bi-colour (upside down white V on the face). I know what you mean about the coat. I have a retired breeder Ragdoll who has the cottony coat and I really have to keep up on top of it or she will matt. My other two have a silky coat that doesn't matt at all.
Give your cat time. I have had the retired breeder for 5 years now and she is coming around. She will never be one to jump on my lap to be petted but she is starting to follow me around the house and she does sleep wrapped around my head or at the very least, on the pillow next to my head. This cat was never abused, on the contrary, she was spoiled rotten. The only thing is that I believe that the only humans she saw were the breeder and her husband so it was quite a shock to her to land in a different household with 3 new humans. The trip from the breeder to my house was a nightmare and I am sure that didn't help either. (If the breeder had shipped her up via air instead of making one of my friends get her, it would have been a lot better but there was no talking to the woman.) Long story short is that she is doing fine, seems happy as she spends most of the day lounging on the furniture, her cat stand and the bed. When it is feeding time, she demands her share and overall, she rules the roost here in spite of there being 2 other cats, 3 dogs and a couple of rabbits. Here she is lounging on the floor.

Danni

I think many cat owners can relate to this! I adopted a cat who was taken away from her mother too young, at just a couple of weeks old. You would think she'd bond quickly, but I really think this early trauma made her elusive and suspicious all her life. Anyway, Elaine lived as a prima dona with me for 20 years--she passed away this last summer. Only in her old age did she start to warm up to me somewhat, and actually ask to sit on my lap at times. Otherwise, she tolerated me and enjoyed being spoiled on her own terms. I loved her to pieces and I miss her everyday!!

Bluesbarby, here is a good link to see pictures of Ragdolls, the white chest is fairly predominant in this breed. All three of mine have a white chest.

Here is a link that might be useful: Ragdoll Connection

Cocoa looks like the one in the upper left with a tabby face, but Cocoa has a little more white on his lower face. Patches, my prima donna, looks like the other Ragdoll with tabby markings, but Patches looks to be a solid chocolate or seal point. Both of mine are definitely Ragdolls. Cocoa NEVER mats. Patches used to when he was new, although he does less so now.

Patches doesn't even want eye contact for the most part. The other cats will look me straight in the eye all the time. Patches rarely does.

If he lived in a house where his food bowl filled and his litter box emptied automatically, he'd be perfectly happy to hang with the other cats and never need a human. At least that's the impression he gives.

All my cats have bonded and are mostly affectionate..some more than others. However I must agree that the sooner a cat is away from it's mother , the less friendly it will be. I have one now who's a 7 year old Tortie. She's a runt who was found wandering the streets of a large city when she was two weeks old. She's hissy little thing and hates everyone. She's affectionate to people and not scared of strangers but hisses when she passes another cat in the house but doesn't fight with them. Years and years ago I raised another tortie who looked just like this one, which was the reason I picked this one, and she too was always weird. Her mother was killed and she was found two days later in a tree and was less than a week old. Mother had the litter there or took them up there. One would think after being bottle fed by a human and that being the only "mother" she had, she would be affectionate, but she was aloof all her life.

Never underestimate the power of love.

I got my lab mix dog, Brandy, nearly 4 years ago, when she was about 3, rescued from a ghetto street. She was very headshy, occasionally nippy, and not a cuddler or "kisser" at all. 4 years of love and a little "raise with praise" training later, she never nips, has gotten over nearly all of the headshyness, loves her back rubs and gives me an occasional lick. I'm amazed at how she has changed! I never expected her to be a gregarious dog, and she still isn't, but she's become polite with people who approach her and gentle/tolerant with children. It seems to me that all I did was love her.

Yes, cats and dogs are different, but I've seen amazing transformations with cats, too, just with love and decent care. You can't ask them to be someone they aren't, but consistent love will bring out the most that they have to offer. I've seen that with cats I've owned and cats belonging to others. So she won't cuddle - give her time and she'll give you everything that she's capable of. How many humans would fill that bill?

Aloha to you and Kitty

Lilacs, give it time, and it may be a long time, but he will have to be the one to give in. Just always be there for him and you will be giving him the affection he requires. My oldest girl is the sweetest kitty I have ever met, loves to be petted but will only sit on my lap and only when I am at the computer, no where else will do. She is superaffectionate when we are in position, but otherwise I, too, am only a food and water dispenser. Don't take it personally, even though I know you are disappointed.

The few times Patches has purred for me and consented to be petted has been in my home office. Nowhere else. That room isn't really any different from any other room in my house, but for some reason he seems to feel more secure there.

When I come home, the other cats will greet me at the door or soon after I come in. Patches will get up and trot in the other direction.

Lilac -- just be happy you have other cats that want attention from you. When I got my cat last summer (he was 4 months) -- within a few months I thought I had made a huge mistake. He just wasn't much of an attention seeker. What really disappointed me was my agreement with Dh was only one cat so I was stuck with him. My dreams of having a cat curled up on my lap were not ringing true.

That was 10 months ago and we have made a lot of progress. He will lay on me now (though mostly only in my bed without my young kids around). He seems to prefer me most when I am comatosed at 5:30am. He isn't quite as loving as I wish but I do have many things to be thankful for (he is extremely tolerant of my young kids, doesn't have a mean bone in his body, has good manners, etc...). I play with him A LOT and shower him with treats (he actually begs at the cupboard where the treats are). Cats have to learn that all good things in life come from you. That is the best you can do.

I do wonder with all the other cats in you house, if he feels like he really "needs" you.

I've thought about that. He has food, water, litterbox, and companionship. What does he need a human for? Except for my alpha cat, he gets along very well with the other cats.

Sometimes, some animals simply aren't demonstrative. I think this is more common in cats than dogs, and more common when there are several animals than when they are the only one.

Just the way some people aren't very touchy, some cats simply aren't the lap-sitting type. My Siamese is like that. He doesn't lap sit, you can't pick him up, he only purrs a little in the morning, and he doesn't tolerate a lot of petting at any time before he feels the need to bite.

For all that, he's a sweet guy, very playful and lively, and affectionate in his own way. I enjoy our "conversations" and pet him when he presents himself. And I try to appreciate when he wakes me up at 5:30 am to play and purr and pet. Still working on that....

Such beautiful cats.
However, I take exception to someone's comment that Himalayans aren't too friendly. We had a silver girl named Misty, and you are right about her at least...she only loved my oldest daughter, and that was that. The rest of us were allowed..... Then there was my sealpoint Himalayan named Pizza Pie. He was the sweetest, most loving boy in the world....we would say "Kiss, Pizza" and he would, sometimes most reluctantly, lick the tip of your nose. Oh, he was precious. I guess we can't generalize...right now I have a rescue Calico, who is a little touchy sometimes. She is gradually warming up to me but it may take a while and who knows what we will wind up with. I love them, as do you, all the same.

My alpha cat, Dusty, is a big Maine Coon. He's very sweet and playful and can be very affectionate. I adopted him because in the shelter I sat on the floor and put him in my lap. He actually *hugged* me, with one paw on each side of my neck, and nuzzled and kissed my throat.

But when I got him home, I found out that you never pick him up. EVER! He will spit and growl until you let him down, and if you don't let go of him he'll smack you in the face.

But other than that he's a sweetie. He'll get on the bed and stretch out beside my pillow and meow until I pet him.

He's a big cat, and he loves to play chase. Patches and Piper don't understand it's a game apparently, and they're afraid of him.