I think you're doing an amazing job. Many truly feral cats simply can't be tamed at all, but your guy now wants to love you. Is he neutered? That would help. And you're right, no aggressive dominance.

We're now living with a middle aged cat who probably never lived in a house before. He is affectionate but if he doesn't feel like being touched will growl, hiss, and hit. It takes a lot of patience. I try to pet him when he's sleepy or asleep. Just keep working at it gently. He may never make it all the way, but that doesn't really matter.

Lisa,

I am so moved by your post here! So few people adopt ferals because of the time and work involved trying to calm them.

I think you are doing everything right. It takes time. I have a friend who specialized in caring for ferals brought inside, so if you email me, I will send her your email address. In the meantime, I am sending her your message.

Lisa,

It is such a delight to know that there are other people out there who give ferals a chance to develop their loving sides. These are such special cats, and it breaks my heart that there seems to be a widespread belief that they can't learn to live happily with humans. In my admittedly somewhat limited experience with ferals, this hasn't been the case at all. With enough time, patience, understanding, and love, ferals can make wonderful companions.

You're doing beautifully in the way you've adjusted to your boy's quirks. I understand, though, your concern about being able to handle him if a veterinary emergency should arise. The good news, if there is such thing as good news under the circumstances, is that cats who are ill or injured are usually easier to handle than when they are feeling strong and healthy. Cats seem to have an instinctive willingness to be helped when they are ill or injured ... even the ferals.

But in order to make things easier and less stressful for you and your boy, you might try convincing him that the cat carrier is a grand little hidey hole for him. Place the carrier someplace where he hangs out naturally, and leave its door open. Put a fluffy towel inside it to make it more inviting, and toss a catnip toy in the very back of the carrier or sprinkle loose catnip leaves over the top of the towel. Feed him his meals directly in front of the open carrier door. After a few days (or however long it takes him to get comfortable eating in front of the carrier), move his food bowl just inside the carrier so that he can still eat while remaining outside of the carrier. Little by little, move the bowl back into the carrier. Eventually, you should be able to put his food at the very back of the carrier to that he gets used to entering the carrier whenever he wants to eat.

In this way, you will teach your boy that the carrier is a safe place with benefits. This should come in very handy in a veterinary emergency if you have to transport him to a clinic. At least he won't be so stressed by being put in the carrier.

As far as being handled by your hands is concerned, it sounds like you're making good progress there, as well. You might try putting socks over your hands and rubbing catnip leaves into them to mask the scent of your hands. Also (in case you're not already doing this), sit on the floor to pet him. It may not be your hands that are spooking him as much as the sensation of having you leaning over him for petting.

Thank you for your compassion toward your little man.

Laurie

Lisa..Kudos to you for giving a feral a chance. I did that with two sisters many years ago. Their mother dumped 4 of them on my porch..I witnessed this and they all scattered but one. It took me 4 weeks to capture her . I tried live trap and nothing worked. Once night her mother who was was relatively tame appeared and the kitten ran out to see her and I captured her.She lived in my bathroom for weeks and finally loved ME and absolutely no one else. ..A few months later one other sibling was hit by a car. so she was easy to catch. I somehow got them neutered and shots but that was it. They lived in my house freaky as they were till they died. Emma, the first one, died of renal failure and i was able to get her to the vet where she remained for testing three days. I pitied her so much since she was so afraid of other people but I did what I could. Their brains are wired differently w/o socialization w/ humans at a young age. That's why two years ago I captured two kittens from a feral mom and the one I kept is a big fat lover.. .friendly to all. Bit I got him sooner. Poor Emma sat on my lap every night but I could not pick her up nor pet her when she wasn't on my lap. Husband never touched her till she was at the vet before she died.

Wow, thanks for all your stories. It's encouraging to know that you're all out there. I've worked in many shelters and have been directly involved with feral "rehab". They definitely all work on their own schedule. I'm thrilled with Tobi's progress, admittedly, and I hope one day he thinks of me as his friend. I'm pretty experienced with reading the little beasties, and I can see how much he wants to be petted. When our other boy is on the couch with us getting stroked, Tobi will pace in front of us, with his eyes half closed, watching me pet Tootles, and he'll actually purr like it's his fur being stroked.

The socks and catnip idea is intriging. I may try that. And I have to admit, I gave up on the carrier as a hidey hole long ago when he just wasn't fooled. We trapped him that way the first time, and apparently he has a long memory!! :D It was then that he was neutered and had major dental surgery to remove most of his rotten bleeding teeth. Gee, I can't imagine why he doesn't trust us!!! lol!!

As for the kudos for taking him in, thank you, but if you're able to get to the link of his picture I've attached, I think most of you will understand.....I simply had no choice!! Such a face!!! He's like a punch drunk boxer.....and all he wants is some good lovin'......

I'll continue giving him a wide berth for now, and I'll look for new opportunities to challenge him. His purr is worth every minute of the work!!

Here is a link that might be useful: tobi's sweet face

What a handsome guy Tobi is! I couldn't resist him either. Then again, I've never been able to resist any animal in need.

Even if Tobi can't be lured into the carrier again, it'd be a good idea to leave it out near a favorite spot of his just so he can get used to its presence and learn that it is a harmless part of his living environment. At least that way he won't be able to continue to associate it only with the trauma of that first vet visit. If he sees it just sitting there every day, it'll lose its "suspicion factor" eventually.

Laurie

He's a cutie...They DO have good memories about bad experiences..

Tobi is gorgeous and bless you for caring for a feral...Ferals get a bad name but if more people just took the time they discover what precious creatures they really are....
For years we've had a mother and 2 of her siblings living part time on our porch...At 1st it was just the mother and then she brought her kids..After much patience, sitting quietly and soft talking, the mother would let us pet her...Now I'm able to even pick her up for a minute or 2...Her daughter will only let me pet her but her son, a huge black beauty, wants held, petted and just basically loved...The 2 females each brought us a litter and after they were weaned and before the mommas took them off to the woods, we were able to bring them inside and get them adopted into good homes..We have a local organization, where vets donate their time, doing neutering/spaying on ferals and we were able to get all 3 taken care of...Now they are living a great life...All 3 have their favorite chairs on our porch, they know, when it's time for breakfast, lunch and dinner and they are even getting a little choosey in their choice of canned foods...I would love to be able to bring them inside, but I honestly think, they are content to live outside...I worry about them in the winter but we do keep their shelter nice and warm....We also have 4 inside cats and 3 were born feral and to this day, if you open the door, they run the other way.....Ferals are special, they have a huge place in my heart.....

I know what you mean....not all ferals need to come in. There's a big difference between a feral and a stray kitty, and many public feral colonies to prove it. I honestly believe that while Tobi still bolts out of nervousness, he really does want to be part of our family. We used to have an outdoor fort for him in the winter that we had heated a bit to keep him safe and close. But now that he's made himself at home here, it's a real treat to see him look at the open cat door in the winter, turn around, find his favourite cozy bed, have a bath, and pass out with that smile on his furry little face.

If he never lets me cuddle him close, I'll still love him forever. He's taught me so much about kitty behaviour. And apparently I'm not the only one out there getting an education. :)