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Fear of disappointment?

14 years ago

Construction has begun, and although the kitchen portion of our project is still a few weeks away, I am having palpitations that it won't look as I dreamed it would! I have looked at thousands of kitchen pictures over the past few years, and I just can't imagine that mine will ever look that good. Anyone else going through pre-construction anxiety, now that the time has finally come?

Comments (26)

  • 14 years ago

    ME! Oh my gosh, I have second guessed my choices a hundred times in the last two weeks of ordering the cabinets. I even had a dream I called the cabinet guy and changed my colors and he laughed and said "too late". I am sure it will be great, but until we see it in person, it is so hard to do this!

  • 14 years ago

    They started tearing off the garage of my never-yet-lived in house today, and kitchen will be next. It is scary because for the next x period of time the house will be worth less than what I paid for it, and unless I keep pouring in money I stand to lose even more. _That_ scares me. Please hold my hand.

    I'm not as worried about the look of the eventual kitchen because it's not a dream thing with me and it will be a definite improvement over the old one.

  • 14 years ago

    I felt the same anxiety when we began our build. I love my completed kitchen, but I would advise you to be prepared for some feelings of "letdown" during the process and possibly even right after it's done. Lots of people IRL and on this forum admit to experiencing this, and I did, too.

    When the process is ongoing there are often glitches and delays that take the air out of the balloon. And while you will celebrate little successes, you probably won't get the "Ta Da" feeling each time. You may even begin to second-guess your choices...

    But take heart. I'm guessing that when it is finally complete and you have had an opportunity to add your personal finishing touches you will be delighted with your kitchen. Good luck and keep us posted!

  • 14 years ago

    amck: Word. I felt letdown, disappointment, the air being sucked out, second-guessing, already composing my "what I'd do different" post. And I didn't even have an unrealistic fantasy dream kitchen that nothing can live up to. I hated EVERYTHING, with the exception of my pulls. Yippee!!!! The one thing that was reasonably easy to change I actually liked out of the gate.

    I rallied and pretty much got over it. Would I do things differently if I got a chance. Yeah, probably. But the choices I made were the best at the time. Nothing ever stays the same. I like my new kitchen. I learned that I'm more resistant to change than I'd realized.

  • 14 years ago

    if you looked at "thousands of pics for a few years" you will be fine. trust your gut.

    i thought the same thing, that mine would never look as good as all the kitchens on here, and it probably doesn't.
    its not as big, i have no island, no prep sink... but its mine, its brand new and i picked out everything that i love.

    the one saying that kept me going was "this to shall pass". i repeated this often amidst drywall dust, temp kitchen, grill cooking which got old, lots of sandwiches for dinner, running up and down steps to the frig etc.
    and now they are distant memories and well worth all the stress, aggravation and decision making.
    just keep repeating "this too shall pass" "this too shall pass"!!!!

    again, relax, take a deep breath and enjoy the ride.
    i am sure it will be beautiful and just what you wanted!!!

  • 14 years ago

    When finished, If it says "you" all over it. (fits you, and suits you). Then it was a success.
    There are different styles for different people.
    Our kitchen screams..."Come On In and Touch me!!!!"
    Definately not a "show kitchen".

  • 14 years ago

    Oh this is me! Every day I bother my husband with details we decided on already ten times.

    Right now its my fridge. We went with a 36" SXS because I love SXS and hate FD. But I'm worried I am going to hate it and its going to be too small and we chose wrong....

  • 14 years ago

    I felt just like this. It's hard to maintain that balance-- you have to try as hard as you can to make the best, balanced decisions, and then you have to let go of the result because it is out of your hands in some cosmic sense.

    Reminds me of the moment about a week before our wedding when I realized-- this is about a church service and a party, and no service or party ever went perfectly, and I have done all I can, and it is now out of my hands. And it wasn't perfect but it was great. Our kitchen is the same way.

  • 14 years ago

    Yes. YES. I was up for nights at a time, after everything had already been decided upon. Second guessing EVERYTHING! BUT, we are at the tail end of our kitchen/mudroom remodel and It has all come together, almost exactly the way it looked in my head, many months ago.

    I agree, it does loose the Ta-Da moment a bit, because I have been living (with my husband and 3 kids under the age of 7) in this house during the process. So I saw every little thing being put in along the way. I saw the few (and lucky for us, minor) mistakes that were made and needed to be fixed as they happened. If I had been living elsewhere for the last 6 weeks, my contractor may have even caught them and fixed them without me realizing.

    BUT, we are just waiting our backsplash and stools now, and I am thrilled with it all.

    Take a breath...what you are experiencing is totally normal and part of the process.

  • 14 years ago

    Yes, I have it. I couldn't get what I wanted and I didn't think I had champagne taste or was asking for the equivalent of a 2 carat diamond. . . I wanted a DW which I don't have now and a 30 inch farm sink cab. I ended up with an 18 DW, not yet hooked up, and a 27 in sink cab and a 24 in FR. I have a small kitchen but was determined to make it the best it could be while getting more function out of it. It was suggested, here I might add, that I stick with a 30 inch fridge and find 6 inches elsewhere . . . no, I had to get the 24 in fridge since that was all the space I had after adding the small DW . . I haven't had the FR but 48 hours and feel it it too small. I know there is an adjustment period here since I traded down from a 33 in FR but it was always empty. The footprint of the 24 in FR definitely fits the room.

    And, I was up last night at 2 am reviewing the layout documents and feel I should have forced the issue with the KD to change out some cabs but it is too late now. So now since I didn't get what I wanted, I have already started cutting out things from the overall plan. . . radiant heat, new flooring, changing out the window because I really just don't have my heart in it and would rather save the $$.

    And this was after 2 years of intensive research . . . Internet, magazines, kitchen stores, grilling people on their new kitchens etc. and what seemed like 501 layouts. Somehow I feel like I "rushed into it". DH says I'm crazy and it will be fine. I can only hope I can pull this together and be able to embrace it when I am finished.

    Thanks for the post and good luck with your project.

  • 14 years ago

    For me, fear of disappointment makes me slow to finish a project once it is underway. That is, if I am doing the work. But I can also relate to this fear when others are doing the work. I'm living it now as the second floor of our house was recently REMOVED & they are starting to reframe it now.

    It is scary. So much money & so much time & the nagging knowledge that even with all of this ... it won't be perfect. But you know what I keep saying? When I am all done, if someone says, "Eiwww, I can't believe you - or anyone - could stand to live here!" then I would have to judge them to be more shallow than the worst combination of Paris Hilton and Snooki (from Jersey Shore).

    For me the fear is of being judged - not so much that it won't be perfect but that OTHER PEOPLE will know how imperfect it is. I'm working on getting over that.

    But your feelings are very, very normal. It's not a sign that you are making a huge mistake - it's a sign that you are a careful person.

  • 14 years ago

    I had a dream the other night that I was searching and searching for my old kitchen, and when I found it, I knew I was finally home. I strolled around barefoot on the tacky linoleum floor, embracing chipped, stained formica counters. I woke up feeling out of sorts and home sick.

    Doesn't take a rocket scientist to read between the lines - the uncertainty of change, fear of making bad choices, and weeks of living in chaos with no real assurance if all of this will come together good enough makes me long for what's gone - despite how much it bordered on insufferable.

    I'm getting the impression that (some of :-) this is common. Makes sense to me!

  • 14 years ago

    I had a few disapointments with our kitchen due to budgets, not knowing before hand how things would look when all put together and bad workmenship by a couple trades. In the end I am very very happy after a few changes being made.

    After a while the little imperfections you first saw you don't seem to notice anymore. You just see the big picture of the beautiful kitchen your family happily enjoys. :)

  • 14 years ago

    I felt that way after I had renovated our kitchen on a budget years ago, but I knew it was worth all the blood, sweat and tears when, after returning home from a little holiday, I came in the door and LOVED my kitchen!

    Sometimes you do need to step back, remove yourself from the situation for a short period and you see things through fresh eyes.

    Good luck with our reno : )

  • 14 years ago

    Definitely feeling a bit jumpy right now. Like JacquiJY, we have chosen to be away while the majority of our work is being done. I knew I would drive the guys crazy, if I was there every day second-guessing EVERY decision I had made... for the umpteenth time:-(

    Once it became obvious my "dream kitchen" was outside the budget, I began to relax and prioritize: more light, open the room, indoor charbroiler for DH, and plenty of storage. Having hit those points, I'm feeling better.

    My biggest mistake? Choosing to save money by not using a true kitchen designer (as opposed to the kitchen planner at the cabinet store). The process has been a bit like one from column A and one from column B, with no real idea of what the final "look" will be. One smaller mistake was not ordering a full-size cabinet door... hope they look like the samples!

    We would never have been able to leave, if our contractors were not good friends. We know they will not make stupid, corner-cutting decisions. The job should be almost complete by the time we get home in mid-April... the butterflies should be in full flight by then:-)

    Good luck! Any major reno is a big deal, but just remind yourself it's not life-and-death:-)

  • 14 years ago

    Every Day I have a fear of disappointment in my project. This one is a new build and the site supervisor really doesn't fall for my sad eyes when I hear something can't be done....

    I can't imagine that this:

    Will be a kitchen someday

  • 14 years ago

    These words of wisdom really touched a chord with me. I have yet to order my new kitchen, although my old kitchen has been taken out and given to someone else. I am still questioning my choices and finding myself at a standstill. I have never experienced this level of indecision before in my life and I'm in my fifth decade. I just can't understand it although some of the responses here have given me some insight.
    We won't move into the house until the middle of May but the pressure is on to make decisions.

  • 14 years ago

    Wow...I'm so glad I'm not the only one who needs a kitchen renovation support group :)

    I guess it is the combination of the cost, the vast number of decisions, and the stress of having your home ripped apart that makes this such a difficult process. I want it to be fun, but with so much money on the line and the fact that this is a one-time-only project, the pressure is so great to get it right. I know it is just a kitchen, and it will get done, and it's not a life and death matter, and I'm fortunate to have the financial resources to do it, but it's still a huge undertaking filled with anxiety!

    Good luck to all of us, and we will get through it and have great kitchens at the end!

  • 14 years ago

    After a lot of planning, we DID have a perfect wedding. Now I am terrified that karma will catch up with us and that this renovation will go particularly badly!

    Yet I WANT IT TO START. Still waiting for permits...

  • 14 years ago

    I can see the finished product in my mind and am pretty confident it will be what we envisioned. I totally trust the GC who is doing the work, we are in good hands and for that I am grateful.

    I know that there may be small some issues along the way, even though we've done so much planning and testing of the site to ensure little surprises don't envelope us, I still worry, some decisions still to make, a lot of money being spent and most important, short term family life disruption.

    I want my family to be happy and comfortable throughout this process, but am realistic that stress has and will be a companion in the coming couple of months.

  • 14 years ago

    Good thread, thanks for starting it. I feel a little bit of everything stated here plus I'm afraid I'll be sick of what I pick by the time we move in there, that I'll have thought it to death so much that it won't be 'AWESOME' when it's finished.

    Kind of like cooking Thanksgiving dinner. By the time it's on the table I'm so sick of tasting it that I don't even want to eat it.

    But...

    Good luck on your remodel, OP!

  • 14 years ago

    catlover5? What's an FR?

    I'm lucky, I guess.
    I have to do things so slowly and with such innovation I have time to appreciate many little things. I'll get a cabinet door up and sit and stare at it for weeks. It makes such a huge difference in the chaos of full, doorless cabinets.

    I have learned, though, that those little things that go wrong? Often the worker doesn't realize it's wrong (read: not the way I want it) or because it's how they've always done it doesn't make it the way I want it. I don't dare leave. And really, I'm usually just painting, working online or watching the Boob Tube before I go to work. But I'm here every step of the way.

    No let down for me, but a lot of gratitude for when I have made and saved enough money to do the next thing.

    I just hope no one comes in and opens some of the cabinet doors. I have yet to paint lots of the insides....

  • 14 years ago

    It is so funny that you posted this. We are building next month and my biggest stress is the layout of my kitchen. I have also looked at hundreds of kitchens and know the look I want, but am really stressing about drawers vs doors, the sizes of each (do I want 3 24 inch or 2 36 inch and should they be symmetrical or can I have different sizes on each side of my stove....) and even the choices of range hood fans. I have already changed my kitchen plan twice with the store and am not even close to ordering it :(
    It is just such a big expense, and I don't want to have any regrets. AAGGHH.. At least I know the color I want LOl.

  • 14 years ago

    Boy did I ever need to see this post. I have to tell you I am thrilled I'm not the only one verging on anxiety issues. I have never had an issue making decisions in my life; the last four months??? Pure decision making hell and second guessing myself constantly.

    Thankfully, I've kept my inspiration picture close, pretty much stuck to my budget and my kitchen is coming along in spite of me.

    Thanks so much for all of your sharing...I think this is the post that has helped me the most :)

  • 14 years ago

    Well, I didn't feel that way until you mentioned it...

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