Go with what YOU love. Follow the basic principals of design, but choose what makes you happy. :)

Do be open to new ideas. I found that my KD would suggest something and I would automatically poo-poo it but after the meeting I would walk around the kitchen and the rest of my "entertaining" space and realize that maybe she had a point. There is absolutely no shame in going back and saying that maybe we should talk about this or that a little more, and there should be no guilt about saying no to something that she has suggested.
Don't be afraid to ask for further explanations or to have her repeat or re-explain things.
I have a poor eye for colour and had to learn to rely on her for that aspect of things and don't be afraid to recognize your weaknesses and accept her strengths. Yes, you have a vision but within that there are probably a lot of variations and wiggle room.
Make it clear to her how you and your family operate as a family unit and as an entertaining unit. Look at how people flow in your house - when we did that our design made a complete turnabout.
No kidding about it, this is going to be stressful but it is fun and I actually miss it.

it's a process. take her ideas home with you and 'walk the kitchen'. i would pretend i was standing in front of the sink and then turn to be sure i liked that the fridge was on the side of the L there. i used to mime opening drawers. make a list of your most important ideas and needs (e.g., I make homemade pasta 5 times a week and must have a kitchen aid mixer and my pasta maker near each other on the counter.)
my kd had a few good points. at one point, she and i went through the drawers - i had taken her drawing home, made copies, and marked on the drawing what would go where - to be sure i had the right balance of drawers vs. shelves. it took me three actual visits and lots of tweaking and more than a few phone calls and TONS of advice from here to settle. are there a few things i now recognize that i would do differently? yes. but the truth is, not too much. mostly, all the thinking it through made quite a difference. and let one choice inform the next.

So I have to tell her that we hang with the computers and TV, but we want room for a tiny bistro set if we can squeeze it in. No barstools - too high for me. Our entertaining consists of pizza for kids in the tv room, or my parents in the dining room, or coffee in the parlor. We need a big counter for making bread and cookies. I love the separate prep sink idea. I love dramatic color and old world carving. DH cooks like a real chef when he feels good, I cook like a crazed housewife (3 mins on high!) and teen daughter is like me.

The hard part to get is that while my husband pictures himself the chef of the house, I am the analyst, planner and visionary. He would build a kitchen with an extra two foot of counter space and not rethink anything else. I'm warning him not to announce that I don't cook, because that is party why the architect didn't listen to me.

So we shall see how it goes. They are professionals, I am the newbie here.

What everyone has said above is very good advice...but...

One caution...not everyone who calls him/herself a "Kitchen Designer" is a good KD. There have been many instances here of poorly designed kitchens from KDs. Sometimes it's b/c the poster has overridden the KD, but more often it's just plain poor design. Things like inadequate seating counter overhangs, too narrow or too wide aisles, barrier islands, unprotected range/cooktop & Cooking Zone, poor workflow, counterspace where it's useless, etc.

Additionally, there are many KDs out there who think the customer should be quiet and let him/her dictate the design...whether or not they've taken into account the customer's needs/wants.

So, my advice to you BEFORE you see the KD is to do the following: FIRST, take the Sweeby Test from the "Read Me" thread
SECOND, read the "Layout Help" section in the the "Read Me" thread and answer the questions (I suggest you write them down so you don't forget anything)

Take the information with you from above when you see the KD.

While meeting, observe the KD. Does s/he really listen to you? Is s/he writing down what you tell him/her? How does s/he react if you disagree with him/her?

When you receive the design, did s/he take into account everything you told him/her? If not, why not? It might be not everything was possible or it might be s/he didn't pay attention or care and just wanted to design the kitchen s/he wanted to design...not what you wanted. (We had one like that!)

If there are any "red flags" or if you feel uneasy about the KD, give him/her another chance, but be wary.

Remember too that your KD will most likely be on his/her "best behavior" right now...b/f you pay him/her and b/f you place a cabinet/project order. So, if you don't like how s/he is acting now (not returning phone calls, hostile to your ideas that contradict his/hers, etc.), it will NOT get better later, it will get worse.

I also suggest you post your design here for a critique once you get it...sort of a "second opinion"

As to your architect...if s/he was attempting to design the kitchen, you're better off without him/her for that aspect. Architects are notoriously poor kitchen designers. The majority seem unable to design a functional + aesthetically pleasing kitchen. They're usually very good with architectural interest, but poor when it comes to function. I think I've only seen one kitchen design from an architect in the 3+ years I've been here that was any good.

Good luck today!

Here is a link that might be useful: Read Me If You're New To GW Kitchens!

The one thing I would do differently in my renovation would be to have interviewed many designers and find the right fit. I was so anxious to get started - and not very comfortable with telling people no, I won't be using you, thank you anyway - that I went with the wrong designer and I have been paying for it (literally) every since.

So my advice is to look at their previous work and see if it is in tune with your style. How important is function vs. look for you? My first KD just wanted to put storage in every inch of my small space...I hated it. When I tried to make changes he became insulted and then couldn't really adapt to my vision.

Just talk to lots of KDs and ask lots of questions!!

Thanks for all your great advice! I totally would have flubbed that meeting without this forum. It went very well - I think I have learned the language. She totally understands my big baking/prep area under the window, and the dish sink against the inner wall, and the upstairs breakfast bar. She did more listening and scribbling than anything else. DH was quiet too, which was wonderful for a beginning, but I wonder if he is going to reawaken with drastically different input later on.

The fuzziest part is the difference between accessibility and wheelchair access. We are planning for bad knees, backs and eyes, so lots of light, lots of grab bars, and some things raised, but this house is a long $$$ way from wheelchair friendly. In the clear light of morning I am thinking that wheelchair access is going to cost me floor space that cripples the design. Hmm. I did say that we weren't ready for wheelchair planning, but I bet that bit got lost or at least muddied.