I would be frustrated too! Hopefully he will remember that he wasn't interested when he had the chance to provide input. Or realize that the guest bedroom will be plenty big after it is done and the furniture is in.

My old master was that size with 2 nightstands and a dresser. It will be okay. Sorry it was a rough one. You are already to sheet rock before the first argument - that is sort of a win, lol. Seriously though I know what you mean on hands off when you inquire and then all of a sudden an opinion when the ship has sailed. Argh.

Autumn,

you nailed it. I have spent countless hours with tape measures. Up at night, not sleeping. I said do you have plans for your parents to move in with us?

and the kicker is---I expect us to only live in this home at the most for 2-3 years.

Last year while his parents were visiting, his dad fell and broke his hip. They ended up staying with us for 6 weeks. And now his parents are coming in two weeks because his mother needs me to take care of her since she is having surgery.

Anyway--he knows he is in the doghouse. He is booking us a weekend trip for Labor Day right now. He always makes up with me by giving me something.

13' x 12.5' is the exact dimension of our master bedroom. I designed it purposely that size. In my opinion it's the perfect size for a king size bed flanked by dressers as night stands. You did well. He'll get over it. Any in-law who complains about that bedroom isn't one id want to visit very often.

And rooms look smaller, to me at least, during this stage of construction.

Just tell him to shut up about the bedroom size or he can take care of his mother by himself.

I was just thinking that I would consider it a win that you got all the way to drywall without an argument.

We argued regularly throughout the year of creating the floor plan. Fortunately no arguments through construction; we had already hashed everything thing out I guess.

He told me he doesn't plan on going back until we get the keys. We have been married for 14 years so I expected him to have a meltdown. I know what got him going....the mess left by the workers. Drywall mess not cleaned up and coke cans lined up on fireplace inset. He hates messes. Even more-so left by someone else on his stuff.

He just told me is an idiot and he is sorry.

However, I am still wanting to karate chop him.

Zorro--you will love this. His mom didn't ask, she just assumed she could come stay with his DAd (who needs three salt-free meals a day). So when husband told me...I said are you planning to take sick time? He had this complete blank look and said," why would I do that? What am I supposed to do?"

"However, I am still wanting to karate chop him". LOL! Very nicely said gw.

Ah, the building process, it brings out the best in all of us doesn't it?. Wish we'd have duked it all out during design like benje but nah, we had plenty more to keep us going up until the end. I always wondered why the saying went "if you can make it through a build you can make it through anything". Thankfully building is short term in the scheme of things and it's just a building (or so I told myself plenty of times when things were less than stellar). 17 years here in a couple of weeks.

This morning, I am not near as upset. I just wish he hadn't said anything because I get obsessive about stuff!

That is the size of my master bedroom! My, upgraded, larger MB! They'll be fine!

Can you tell me why you wold go through the stress and expense of building a new home if it is only for 2-3 years? I am trying to understand this. thanks,

He always makes up with me by giving me something.

And that should be an apology. I'm glad he gave you that, too.

Now, maybe he can arrange to have someone there to help with his mom. If you are working (and overseeing the house construction) maybe he can hire a nurse? There are plenty of agencies out there to choose from....and that might be even better than the vacation :)

Mine didn't even want to see pictures...he wanted to be surprised like on the tv shows. That was impossible. But yes, when he finally did really look he started wanting changes made. Too late, I said.

The in laws came quite early and offered all their criticisms. I gave them an in law Suite but they didn't like it. Bathroom was too small I guess. I have a feeling they are not coming back any time soon...so much for my 3 room in law suite!!!

I was thinking that it wasn't about the bedroom at all, and then you mentioned the mess left behind. He didn't have that responsible party to yell at, so the bedroom was "convenient" and you were a handy trash can to dump into. Awful. (And who knows what else, like guilt over not being more involved? Stress over costs? Worry about his mom?)

Have a good holiday weekend, sounds like he knows he was a doofus. And look into a caregiver to come in the mornings to help MIL get going for the day. See if Medicare or other insurance will help with it.

The guest bedroom size is just fine, and will be so inviting when it's finished. Rooms are so hard to judge when they're unfinished and even undecorated.

That is a good sized guest room. Frankly, guests mostly just sleep in them, maybe watch a little TV. This doesn't require any moving-around. While mine will be a little larger, that's because I want yet another wall to house my book collection, selfish on my part. I went to a hotel in Scotland about 20 years ago and I was told I'd hate it because it was SMALL. Frankly, when I'm away, I'm only in the bedroom to SLEEP. Cozy was perfect, and cozy was definitely smaller than you describe. I would not worry.

Heh. Weekly occurrence on this end.

We're fortunate to have the opportunity to build such a great home, but I'll certainly be ready to have this process complete and go back to "living" again!

Death, divorce, job change, retirement, major illness, new baby...where's building a house in this list of stresses on a marriage?

As a newlywed, I complimented a friend on her DH's interest in all things 'home'. She rolled her eyes and wanted to trade for my hands-off DH.

Right now I am thinking that your DH has been hands-off because he knows he is OCD about 'stuff'. Are you really surprised? Do you want to watch his meltdown by forcing him to deal with His Mother? (Do your parents 'visit'?)

Yes, my parents visit more than his. He doesn't deal with his parents. I do. I can promise the guest room I am offering is a zillion times better than what his parents offer. The other thing is my husband is HUGE. He is 6'4 and shoulders are just about 40inches wide. He will never go into guest room.

To answer another question. We are building because we move a lot. I know weird to say. But his company buys our homes. So they are based off of relocation appraisal. You get a better number for. New home vs something 15 years old. Plus I do not want to deal with a 15 year old house.

Okay so, as far as inlaws go. They are completely different in thinking than I am. I plan. They don't. FIL loves me. And feels comfortable with me. I have brought up the nurse. Yes their insurance pays for it. However, I do not think they see themselves as a burden. MIL thinks she will have a 1 week recovery. They are the type you cannot convince of anything that is NOT their own opinion.

Say after me....I have a job, I am building a house, I have many obligations.

You need a nurse. You are welcome to stay with us, but you must arrange your own care.

or....you can always find another place to recover. We'd love to help out, but our time is very limited. We have many obligations (such as house, job) that cannot be rearranged....and other "professional nursing help" is available :)

ETA...if you don't set limits now, you will NEVER have any limits/boundaries in this relationship. Do you think they'll ever need to live with you? Would they want to eventually? Think about that.....

So...you are forever 'building'. I'd be like your DH -- it's your thing, not his. I'm sure he really regrets opening his mouth.

Sorry to go on a tangent here but I am intrigued and have to know - do you build something completely different each time or have you stumbled on something you love and you repeat it (well obviously not this time)? I can't imagine moving and building frequently but I know a lot of people do it. I am curious.

I agree wholeheartedly with autumn.4 all through this post! Including the last about are they all the same... builds, I mean... we know the DH are. Mine has done much of the same. He says I will love everything you pick... decide then after months of brainstorming by me he wants some change... too late, that is already decided... well, if I don't like the idea it is anyway... haha

I do mostly agree that it should not be taken for granted you wish to care for parents... yours or his for that matter. It is a big responsibility and may not be something you can always do. It takes many people, many hours to care for one person around the clock even in an efficient care facility with people that really know what to do when whatever happens... don't set yourself up for the long haul. Actually those you might care for are better off with established caretakers... hard one to swallow, but it is very true!

You sound a little like me in that an disagreement/argument can upset you for too long... while (they who flared up) go right along just fine shortly after. It's a good thing, or not, we love them and understand them...

Take a deep breath.... :) (so you can be fit for the next go around)

I really want to respond to everyone. I truly appreciate all of your input and kindness. :) I certainly didn't mean to turn the build forum into my in laws! HA! I am good at getting off topic.

I didn't mean to mislead y'all. This is my first from paper to ground build. We have lived in many areas with new builds already build and I just walked into a brand new house and it was done. This is very popular in Atlanta. I have lived there three times and it's always been walk in and buy a brand new house. We have owned two homes older than 10 years. I have realized we move too much to remodel. Because as everyone knows. It is not just the cosmetics of a remodel. It is new roofs, new a/c. And changing our carpet and so forth. All soooo expensive.

We decided to build in Florida because there has NOT been much built since the market fell. So something at 2006. Is already 10 years old. Add the 2-3 years I will live here and I am buying new a/c and so on.

As far as inlaws go. I do agree. So very much. I realize I can't explain all the dymnamics online... Too much history to go into. But, I did tell my husband this is setting a precedence. My husband has a brother with a stay at home wife (I am home also). They have a large home to accommodate inlaws. But it wasn't discussed. I did find out my husband's aunt is looking for a place for them to rent. But honestly even with them renting. That is a circus. They can't do what all snow birds do and sign a 6 month lease. No. It is for 1 month and then back in January or two months. They are just the type to over complicate everything. And yet they believe they are no trouble. Seriously though, what kind of BIG B would I be if I said...sorry they found cancer....but I am too busy to help you. That would really hurt my husband's feelings. Even though he is kind of an idiot at times. I love my husband. This isn't a problem for my husband. My husband travels for work. I have always handled everything. I am a very strong person. So yes there is an expectation that I can do all. Also, because of how quickly I think and my personality....people love to do things for me. I can get anyone to help me because I am nice and kind to people. It is a completely foreign concept for my inlaws. They are from deep Appalachia. ....very to themselves. So my southern personality is a surprise for them. When everything happened with FIL last year. My MIL was astounded at how quickly I could get a ball rolling. But again I don't take things day by day. But plan! And execute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway---I need to run to email the cabinet guy.

Truly, I do appreciate everyone's concern. I don't know if I could be blunt with inlaws like some of you suggested. I almost have it as a disrespecting my elders thing in my brain.

And as far as my husband goes. My husband says he doesn't like to make decisions at home. He loves my taste and how I do things. He says he makes decisions at work all day. :). It usually works fabulous for us, because I do not like being told what to do. HA!

It's none of my business and some of this may have been said in jest, but I would be disappointed in my 'SO' if I saw them post online about our differences while using adjectives like idiot, doofus, etc. to describe me (situational or not) while building themselves up to strangers. Adults, especially married adults should have more respect for each other. I'm young and probably in the minority here, so...feel free to ignore me.

I didn't take any of OP comments as being disrespectful... obviously she loves him, my guess is we ALL have those moments, perhaps voicing that to peeps that you don't encounter in person is better than a friend... we don't get so involved. At any rate I am sure it was cathartic to put on paper so to say. It was also helpful to me to know I am not alone in those same moments... and perhaps others.

I do think it is essential for OP to remember herself as VERY important and she is the one to decide IF she needs help, not someone else. She sounds much like myself and better to have more help that can be dismissed than need it and not have it... whether it be for health reasons or support for anyone concerned.

It's forgotten now...

Back to your kitchen... I am sure it is well thought out and will be wonderful. Posting here makes me feel a little more comfortable in thinking you all will help me to not forget any little details. Please post some pictures... would love to see it! Perhaps you have, will try to see if I can find anything you already posted. I have posted a little moving towards my kitchen remodel, and have thought to try to put a link to any old discussions on any new ones...

You know what? At first I thought seriously?!! Then I remembered something that happened when I was first married.

A lady in bunko had three children. Gorgeous home. Her husband wouldn't let her decorate it all at once. When she did have something done. It was gorgeous and expensive. Well, she bashed her husband every single time the group got together. It was horrible. Going as far to say...she wanted to have an affair with her builder. And she knew builder was interested in her. After several times of this. I looked at her and said, if you hate your husband that much, why don't you get a divorce? She was astounded and came back with I would understand after I had kids.

Because of this, I have never spoken bad about my husband to friends or family. I do appreciate the remainder that the Internet is not anonymous.

The idiot comment would not hurt my husband's feelings. . But it would upset him to know I shared about his parents. I should have kept that to myself. I do love my husband. We still love each other after 8 moves, a job change, a child with special needs, two miscarriages and three kids. (Especially the toddler years). And building this house. My husband and my family are my whole world. I do know how blessed I am have my husband.

Too bad we can't down vote certain comments. Building and moving are up there on the list of stressors. Most GW posters understand that and sympathize.

Thanks for clarifying. I thought aha - the ideal house plan for you must have been achieved if you were able to tweak it every time. :) My parents stay in a downstairs bedroom that is unfinished at the moment. There is a remnant piece of carpet there and a bed for now. It all takes time.

gw-eek on your story bunko story. I cannot imagine. :(

I am really not a cynic but I have thought if there is anyone out there that gets through a build kids or no, full time job or no, diy or no, winter of all winters or no and never had an idiot doofus (we preferred dork) moment or 10 between them - well they are lying! Or maybe it's true and I just cannot relate to that whatsoever. :D

While we were building and DIYing we had made up names for each other that we used when we were doing work, real names like Phil and Rick. When working as subs on our own house we assumed those names. I am not sure where that came from but it was kind of comical so it stuck. Sometimes Phil and Rick didn't work together well at all and there some tense less than loving moments and harsh words shared. But when they left for the day the husband and wife behind those assumed names were back and could carry on and talk about Phil and Rick this or that in 3rd person. And - we can still talk about and laugh about the time that Rick and or Phil did this or that. I suspect when it's kitchen backsplash installation time Phil and Rick will be back to work. But now I can't remember who is Phil and who is Rick but I must be Phil and it must be short for Phillis.......I dunno. Ya do what you do to make it all work and come out on the other side as close to normal and healthy as you can.

Oh, dear, in our house "doofus" is a way of saying "silly old bear", affectionate way to show you understand what they meant but that you think they could have done differently. I certainly didn't mean otherwise. I need to watch my language more, or risk being a "doofus" myself.

Autumn! Love this story! I laughed!!

oh I was not asked back to bunko after that. I was okay with it! :)

yes! Moving is stressful!

Of course there are stress catalysts during home construction. That's not what I was referring to. I simply feel that if my 'SO' was airing our grievances online while using certain words to describe me, we would be having a conversation about it (and vice versa). I realize every family dynamic is different, so take the comment in passing. GWLake said her peace so I am not trying to open another can of worms, only clarifying.

You can consider my comments down voted if it makes you feel better. I will acknowledge it.

To be fair. My husband did call himself an idiot first. Lol!

I do think it is a good reminder to remember the Internet isn't private.

I also think the longer you are together and have life events....and know your spouse in a way no one else will ever know them....and you certainly can't explain it on the Internet....you develop a thicker skin. :)

I didn't mean to talk down about his parents. I will completely admit my frustration about the circumstance got the best of me. Although, I am glad I got it off my chest so to speak. It's going to be a stressful few weeks.

I haven't read the whole thing but this reminded me of inlaws issues. We designated a bedroom as the inlaws bedroom and both sets of parents stay there. Nice size, comfy, etc. But imagine my consternation when we go visit them at their house by the sea and we are expected to sleep on the floor. When I nicely commented that if I slept on the floor the pain the next day would be unbearable, MIL looked at me blankly and said, "your DH slept on that very floor when he was a kid and we came here". LOL. I was stunned. We were lucky that we rented a motel that night and from then on and the issue was not addressed ever again. I put extra effort in making the In-laws room comfortable when they came. Might have been too subtle a statement, lol. Another odd thing is that they used to think of our house as their branch house in Houston. One time MIL got upset with me b/c she called and asked if her friends, WHOM WE"VE NEVER MET, could stay at our house while they visited Houston. I said I wasn't comfortable entertaining people I've never met. She didn't like that one bit but respected my wishes. You know this went in the "bad DIL" column.

Sorry to hijack thread. Your room sounds like a good one, Husband might have overreacted and taken it out on you when there's more behind it. Go ahead, karate chop him, AFTER he gives you something, then claim it was an "accident".