It's always scary when deciding to paint over wood. I won't vote either way, but have you showed him inspiration pictures to show him the look you're going for?

We can't mediate your marital disagreements, but I am in support of painting the panelling if you are ready for a change -- the only exception would be if you were willing to take it all out and find it a loving new home, replacing it with happy light-colored drywall instead. That might or might not make your husband feel better...

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Painting would totally change the look. But I understand your husband's concern. Maybe you can lighten the room with furniture, lighting, and a rug. Go for white or linen colors with pops of color in pillows etc . Here is one from online - I'd skip the zebras and go for a white shag:

i'm great with painting woodwork in bedrooms; good paneling in a den, not so much. there are many ways to brighten a space as diane suggests, and dens, to me, are 'guy gets to pick' sorts of rooms. keep it unpainted, and then he owes you.

if my husband told me he was going to mess with my kitchen, i'd really be irate. or the living room, or the dining room, or the library.... he gets to do whatever he wants to in our den.

Diane, your picture looks like my den and I would love to go with light rug and furniture but my two German Shepherds make it too impractical. I could try to train them to stay off the couches but it isn't going to happen!

Yes, a nice paneled study is probably too nice to paint - also look at lighter colored window treatments, and wall art - like a light tapestry or framed art in lighter colors.